gal & confusion

[mrmoe]

Hey everyone,

This is my first post here. BTW, I think this site is really good and there is alot of good information here. I've been stopping by for the past few days with much interest. Hopefully you won't be too harsh on me. Anyway, here is my situation...

There's this girl who I have developed a bit of feelings towards at work. The one problem is she has a boyfriend, so nothing has materialized. I'm not the type that would step in and initiate anything just out of respect. Anyway, we seem to flirt it up pretty well. I've tested certain things (sitting close, brief touch) on her to see if she was receptive to my flirting, and she has been. She plays back on occasion with hair flipping, sits when the opportunity is there, giggles at my retarded jokes, etc., so I don't think I'm seeing things. She's not a flirty attention *****, if you are curious about that.

This is where the confusion comes in. Lately, it seems she'll always bring up her boyfriend into conversations ("i got him this", "that's what 'my boyfriend' said", "that's how 'my boyfriend' acts", etc. etc.). She'll ALWAYS pop those things in when we talk even at times when there was no need for mention. It doesn't seem like it's to steer me away but now I'm not sure since I notice it a hell of a lot more. Usually when she talks about him, I won't act too interested. I'll say a word or two but that's it. I've been conscious not to fall into her friend zone but it's starting to make me wonder: Does she just see me as a friend who it's safe to talk to about the bf? Or is she trying to see some kind of reaction out of me?

 

[Slickster]

She's not a flirty attention *****, if you are curious about that.

I think you're too close to this situation to see things clearly. This is exactly what she is doing. Flirting, teasing, etc. with you while she has a boyfriend.

When a woman is interested in you. I mean really interested, then she'll find a way to make herself available and make sure you know it. If she really wanted you then her bf would be a non-issue. Out of the picture. Instead she brings him up as a reminder to you that she isn't available. She is a big attention wh0re.

If you want to know for sure try completely ignoring her for a week or so. My bet is she'll be showing you more signs of interest to get you right back to where she needs you. Giving her attention.

Don't feel too badly. You'll be less likely to fall for this little game in the future which is a step forward.

Good luck

 

[Go West]

The dreaded friend zone. I've been there many times and it's never fun and very dangerous to your ego once you have feelings for her. Were you being the nice guy when talking with her? Listening to her vent etc...? Pass on that cr*p.

Well, you ended up there alright. I agree with the above statement that you are going to have to ignore her for a week. That's the best chance you have - stay way, be gone, then her need for attention will arise.

You really need to be focusing on yourself though. Get another one in your head. Regardless, any woman that tells you she has a boyfriend several times is clearly saying that she is not interested in you. Maybe she was at first but think back on how you acted when that newness was developing? AFC?

When you see her, look at her with a sly devilish grin, give the "what's up" head nod and keep on walking. Do this until she calls you over and then its on.

You might want to keep your options open because this one needs some work and you may just end up being buddies listening to her boyfriend problems. I'd move on or at least start having that mentality.

Good luck to ya.

 

[mrmoe]

Thanks for your kind responses.

Although I love the advice about avoiding her, it is almost impossible to. The thing is, we work in such close proximity. It's literally a small room confined to two people, so avoidance is difficult when we work together. I can't really just turn my chair away and not say a word to her the entire night. Well, I can but not sure if that'll go over too well, haha.

Truthfully, she's never really vented about him to me. Other than those passing blurbs I desribed, that's about all I know of her relationship. She doesn't discuss relationship problems, which is why I was wondering if I was in the friend zone. I've noticed a few times she's been in a lousy mood (cuz the bf) but she's never vented openly to me about it. The reason I know that there were problems is cuz I'll hear her on the phone talking to her gf's or whoever.

I definitely agree with you guys though. I'm trying to focus more on myself these days. I still have my eyes open for other girls, that's for sure. I don't want this girl to consume any significant part of me. If it is some sort of game she's playing, I'd rather have no part of it!

 

[Good_ol_boy]

Looks like you're "that guy at work"!

She probably has never thought of you in "relationship" terms.

 

[mrmoe]

The more I think about it, the more that last point makes sense. Anyway, I'm gonna try not to overanalyze this anymore. Always more fish in the sea, right?