Fvcking....women...

[backbreaker]

Whatever you say, man... Your rants tell me otherwise, let alone the fact that you're seeing a shrink about all this!



Yet you claim there are no underlying problems between the two of you? Mmmkay...

yeah you are probably right lol. i like to think we have a normal relationship but we clearly don't

 

[Die Hard]

But what you're doing now is good, you're setting clear boundaries. You would want to have a normal relationship with her, but not at any cost. That's a good thing....

If she makes it impossible to have a normal relationship with her, you should give up on your wish to have a normal relationship with her. That's probably a difficult thing to do, but it eventually is better for you, it will be like a burden taken off your shoulders, you can finally stop trying and stop wasting your energy on it.

 

[backbreaker]

yeah we are going to mae the best of it. me and joe went to pick out a christmas tree today.. i grew up with fake christmas trees and that's what i went and bought lol, so we put that togethyer and ofdecorated tree today and put all our presents under there, we had a ****load of presents, and invited a few friends over for christmas dinner that afternoon. should be fun stuff. will be my first christmas with my faqmily.

 

[Atom Smasher]

There's always hope. My mother and I never got along until very recently. She was always very unstable and rageful.

But nowadays, on the phone, she calls me by my childhood nickname (that my father used to call me) and just the other day she said "You know you're still my little boy".

This after a lifetime of conflict with her. I am very grateful for the turnaraound, and I never would have predicted it knowing how she was when I was growing up. It seems to me that you've got to be firm in your convictions while always leaving the door open for reconciliation. It happened to me, and it could happen to you or any of us here. She was definitley at fault, but just leave the door open, bro.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

BB; I respect you brotha -- you are desiring to just get along with your mom and not need this religion bullsh!t.

Maybe the best thing you can learn to do is just not let it get to you. I know that's way easier said than done, and I didn't read this entire thread -- but religion was a point of contention in my family growing up -- the best thing I can do is just let my mom believe whatever it is that she wants. I can't expect her to give up her religion, and she can't convert me.

I mean really if you think about it -- not everyone has the same strength in mind. It may be easy for you to look at it and say, 'fuk this', but clearly for your mother, it is a necessary point to hinge her reality around. If she didn't have religion, she may have lost her mind long ago (I know for a fact my mother cannot handle the idea of emptiness or endless infinity or these large concepts).

Maybe your mindset, is just slightly above her 'carrying capacity' if that makes sense?

I'm not calling your mother dumb by any means -- am just saying -- maybe just accept this thing of hers for what it is, she clearly loves you and loves the grandkid -- probably will make her entire next few months just getting to see you both.

You are on a good track BB. You don't have to prove anything metaphysical to her or anyone else. Keep doing your thing. Try to divert her religion talks and avoid the flak -- don't even go into battle over it -- stay in the trenches.

PS -- as far as 'normal' relationships go, I don't quite know what those are. Every family, because they are composed of individuals, have their issues. Best thing to find is some functionality in there! And love! Stay on course man parents, at least for myself, are better at driving me to madness than most others! I'm probably not alone there! Just stay on your course!

 

[Warrior74]

History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it.
- Robert Heinlein

Telling a black woman you ain't going to church is like telling a republican he's going to have to confess about his rent boy. Nobody involved is going to be happy about this.

 

[backbreaker]

BB; I respect you brotha -- you are desiring to just get along with your mom and not need this religion bullsh!t.

Maybe the best thing you can learn to do is just not let it get to you. I know that's way easier said than done, and I didn't read this entire thread -- but religion was a point of contention in my family growing up -- the best thing I can do is just let my mom believe whatever it is that she wants. I can't expect her to give up her religion, and she can't convert me.

I mean really if you think about it -- not everyone has the same strength in mind. It may be easy for you to look at it and say, 'fuk this', but clearly for your mother, it is a necessary point to hinge her reality around. If she didn't have religion, she may have lost her mind long ago (I know for a fact my mother cannot handle the idea of emptiness or endless infinity or these large concepts).

Maybe your mindset, is just slightly above her 'carrying capacity' if that makes sense?

I'm not calling your mother dumb by any means -- am just saying -- maybe just accept this thing of hers for what it is, she clearly loves you and loves the grandkid -- probably will make her entire next few months just getting to see you both.

You are on a good track BB. You don't have to prove anything metaphysical to her or anyone else. Keep doing your thing. Try to divert her religion talks and avoid the flak -- don't even go into battle over it -- stay in the trenches.

PS -- as far as 'normal' relationships go, I don't quite know what those are. Every family, because they are composed of individuals, have their issues. Best thing to find is some functionality in there! And love! Stay on course man parents, at least for myself, are better at driving me to madness than most others! I'm probably not alone there! Just stay on your course!

I was randomly thinking the other day, just how dI can be raised in the same house as a w oman for 18 years and be so different than someone. I mean, when I see her, it's ovbious as day besides the fact that physically I'm her spitting image, we have absolutely nothing in common. I come over there and I'm working the ipad, the iphone and a laptop at the same time and she is on a 4 year old verizon cell phone. she's religious I'm not. She likes afro centric shows, I refuse to watch afro centric shows, we don't even like the same foods, she will "nit nak eat" all day long, just like snaking on raisins and bottled water and **** and I would rather just sit down and eat a good plate of chicken and rice 1 time versus eating like a rat all day long like she does.

About the only thing besides my books I get from her is my stubborn streak, which is unmistakable in both of us. Which is why I know for a fact she's not going to back down at least for a while, and it won't be becuase of me it will be becuase she wants to see her grand son. But that's going to be around the time bri goes to college which is ab out 7 years from now.

I don't hate her, at all.. we are just so different. She doesn't get me, I get her world as I grew up in it, but I don't want to be apart of it, and I don';t get her actions. Nor do I really want to honestly. I just want my momma. ;But it is what it is.

 

[azanon]

Okay, so the plan was to to fly out to little rock friday, stay there until wednesday or so. For the sole purpose of letting her see her granson. Hell my bags are already packed.

So, she calls me just to talk or what not, i let her speak to my son, and she gets on the phone and she says "you do know you are going to church right". I'm like first hold the fvck up, I'm a grown ass man. You don't tell me what i am and am not going to do. I don't' know hwo the hell you thnk you are talking to like that I'm not bri (my 11 year old sister). i didn't curse but you get my point. Secondly, we have been through this.

We have a non religious household. My wife isn't religious, I'm not religious, and we don't expose son to religion. he can make that decision for himself when he gets of age. So I say 'well no I'm not'. so she says "well if you can't go to church on Christmas, that here is no use for you to come down here so i can't see you", so I say "fvck it, bye" and hang up the phone. looks like we will be staying here.


for the love of fvcking god why can't i have a normal ass mother who is just happy to see her son and grandson on Christmas, it's not like i see her everyday. freaking relationship was going great. i even bough her a blackberry tablet thingy for Christmas.

not only that, just throws my sister under the bus. now she won't be able to see m e or her nephew or her sister in law. All for the sake of being overly religious. she can kiss my ass i'm done trying with her.

One atheist to another with religious parents in Arkansas, I'm surprised your mom even has to make the remark "you know you are going to Church".

This isn't a religious issue, it is a respect issue. She's your freakin' mom, and they went to church long before you even existed. You can't even spend an hour or two in church out of show of respect for being at their house?

You seriously denied them seeing their grandchild over this? BB, you are an a$$hole. Just calling it like I see it.

Everytime I visit my parents on a Sunday, I go to church with them. Not because I"m religious, but because I not only respect them, but because I respect myself by not acting childish. The bigger man would respect his parent's culture.

 

[backbreaker]

you are more than entitled to your opinion and i respect you as a poster, but i am content with my decision. I've tried the "just suck it up" approach for around a decade now with her and not only was I not happy, she never stopped pushing the issue. It's my decision and I'm happy with it and myself to be honest.\