Fvck this whole game, I'm finished

[jafyk]

Ok, here's something you might have done wrong. You gave her too much too soon especially that first time. From being on this site I usually read that once you meet a girl and you start interacting and it's going well. You should find an excuse to get away because by doing so it leaves her wanting more of you and wondering why you weren't too eager to stick around Increasing mystery and building anticipation). Sticking around for as long as possible may also make you come across as needy even if you are not...Ok, forget my response. I've re-read what you posted and I can't really see anything you did wrong specifically. Something must have changed between the last time you saw her and now. Maybe her feelings changed. I know it sucks but I guess that's why we are told to spin plates and have other interests so that this doesn't affect us like this. The other thing is also getting to the point where you don't take rejections so personally. I am in the same kind of a situation with a girl I really like right now. 2 weeks Friday ago she came to my place. I made dinner we cuddled and watched a movie, I kino-ed, teased her and she even said I was funny etc but she wouldn't let me kiss her (she just recently got divorced) I texted and called her a few days later. She responded. The following Thursday I went to watch her fencing. So, what's the problem in my situation? Well, she doesn't initiate any contact. I find it frustrating because I feel like maybe she doesn't like me. That makes me question myself. That makes me wonder what the point is and why I even bother. I've just decided not to contact her again (maybe for a while) maybe nothing will come from me not contacting her.So, trust me it's frustrating and there are times I say I'm not gonna even try again but as one of the posters above said this desire is a part of us and we can't run away from it, lol. That's the part that sucks most. I'm just getting out of class now and within 15 mins of the first day of the semester I've already gotten this girl's # What will happen with her? no idea...
Anyway, not trying to hijack this thread (it just wouldn't make sense starting a new thread to ask a question no one might even answer) but can anyone tell me if this question means anything. So, the girl I met in class while we were talking asked me if I lived on campus? Does this mean something?

 

[mrRuckus]

Great, more girls for me.

On a serious note, I think one of the flaws of this forum is that it holds men to an unrealistic standard of manhood and masculinity while completely absolving girls of any responsibilty for their behaviour.
.

What forum do you read?

 

[terran2k]

maybe she's fvcked in the head, or has a boyfriend, maybe she's dead, who the fvck cares. Just keep on going, you did pretty good, you got to make out with a chic, almost had sex with her. look at the things you did, there's dudes on this board who havent even had a kiss yet. keep improving dude. I've been there before, wanted to give up, but I worked thru it.

 

[Igetit!]

I don't like overanalyzing things to death (neither do I see the point since it's over with her),

The point is to learn something from this so you won't have to repeat the same mistake over and over again. No one calls themself "last straw" and says that they're done with women over ONE girl.


So if you named yourself that and make threads talking about being done with girls,then you must have a history of running into situations like this. So the point is to figure out why this keeps happening so you can STOP IT.

Basically there's the summary of our interactions since I met her.

Went out to chill at a bar for my cousin's bday celebrations a couple of weeks ago. My cousin introduces me to a few of her friends (kinda like "hey, this is so and so"). But she goes out of her way to make sure I meet this one girl (Ashley). Me and ash are talking, she's asking me about myself and can't believe I'm as old as I say (I'm in my mid twenties but look like I'm in my early twenties). She goes off to find a few of her friends but tells me she'll be back (I use the time to find a few ppl I knew that I ran into earlier). Found her on the patio with her friends later and grabbed her hand and took her on the dancefloor. We're grinding, she kisses me on the cheek and I go for the lips, make out. We leave the dancefloor to try and find my cousin (in reality it's just an excuse to make out in dark corners of the club, lol). I get her number, we kiss a few more times and I leave.

So not even three hours after you met this girl,you were already making out with her. Hmm. That might not be a bad thing if the goal is a one night stand,but if you're looking for something more long term such as a relationship,that's probably not the way to go.


It really depends on what it is you're after.


One night stands only require sexual attraction (and a little comfort),where as relationships need attraction,COMFORT,and TRUST,and the comfort and trust take TIME to build.


You move too fast. Didn't even know the girl's last name and already had your tongue down her throat,lol.

I wait a few days to call her and ask her out for the end of the next week. We plan to go to this bar, have a few drinks. Day comes, she shows up (albeit 15 mins late). We sit on the patio, order a couple of beers and some finger food. We're talking about music, movies, what we're studying at school, fun times we've had partying, etc. We're there for an hour and a half and I suggest we continue hanging at her place (she needed to go let her roommate in, and her place was close). We get there, and her roommate is leaving (apparently found her key). We smoke a joint, talk about stupid ****, make out. We go to her room to get something, I place my hands on her shoulders, turn her around and kiss her. She tells me it's too soon. I smile and kiss her again. She giggles, says no and pushes me away.

You made a mistake here. Going into her room and trying to "get it on" with the girl WITHOUT ESCALATING was bad enough,but continuing to try to have sex with her AFTER she told you that is was too soon was even worse..



To me,it seems like you made her feel like a sex object. The first time you ever met her,you were making out with the girl. Then the second time you two got together,you tried to sleep with her. So so far,EVERYTIME you have been with this girl,you were all over her.



It's A.C.S./attraction,comfort,seduction...in THAT order. You got the attraction going,but you seem to rush through the comfort stage to straight to the bedroom. You might get a one night stand that way,but that'll be about it. Most girls will avoid you afterwards because they tend to get buyer's remorse.

We kiss a few more times while she's looking for whatever then head back downstairs.

So she was "looking for WHATEVER REASON to get back downstairs".

Yeah,she was uncomfortable. Think about it.....

She was ALONE with you at her home....in her bedroom,and she had just had to push you off of her when you tried to move past just kissing to something else.

You should never have been up in her bedroom to begin with.


And now she's avoiding your calls. You have any idea why? Probably because she knows that if you two meet up,you'll be all over her again.



I don't know if you do this with all girls,but with this one,you simply moved too fast. If you do getback in touch with her,or she does call you,SLOW DOWN.



You need to chill out dude. If this is what you do with all girls,then no wonder you have problems. The girl needs to feel like a PERSON....first.
She has to feel like she has some type of value to you other than just being a place for you to put your...uh...well,you know.



This thing of you going back to her place and up to her bedroom shouldn't have happened at least up until the second or third date. The hugging,kissing,and light touching was ok,but doing it up in her bedroom while the two of you were there alone,on the FIRST DATE was just asking for trouble because I don't think she planned it that way.



When you got to her place,her roommate was on the way out,so I don't think she had planned for you two to be alone there,it just sort of happened that way,and that was BAD.


Never should have went upstairs to her bedroom,lol.

 

[Last_straw]

You made a mistake here. Going into her room and trying to "get it on" with the girl WITHOUT ESCALATING was bad enough,but continuing to try to have sex with her AFTER she told you that is was too soon was even worse..



To me,it seems like you made her feel like a sex object. The first time you ever met her,you were making out with the girl. Then the second time you two got together,you tried to sleep with her. So so far,EVERYTIME you have been with this girl,you were all over her.


So she was "looking for WHATEVER REASON to get back downstairs".

Yeah,she was uncomfortable. Think about it.....

She was ALONE with you at her home....in her bedroom,and she had just had to push you off of her when you tried to move past just kissing to something else.

You should never have been up in her bedroom to begin with.


And now she's avoiding your calls. You have any idea why? Probably because she knows that if you two meet up,you'll be all over her again.



I don't know if you do this with all girls,but with this one,you simply moved too fast. If you do getback in touch with her,or she does call you,SLOW DOWN.



You need to chill out dude. If this is what you do with all girls,then no wonder you have problems. The girl needs to feel like a PERSON....first.
She has to feel like she has some type of value to you other than just being a place for you to put your...uh...well,you know.



This thing of you going back to her place and up to her bedroom shouldn't have happened at least up until the second or third date. The hugging,kissing,and light touching was ok,but doing it up in her bedroom while the two of you were there alone,on the FIRST DATE was just asking for trouble because I don't think she planned it that way.



When you got to her place,her roommate was on the way out,so I don't think she had planned for you two to be alone there,it just sort of happened that way,and that was BAD.


Never should have went upstairs to her bedroom,lol.

Maybe I wasn't clear, she wasn't looking for just any reason to go downstairs, she was looking for something, found it and then we went back downstairs. And she invited me up with her. And we were chilling in her room before we smoked the joint. That's all I really did to add.

I will say one thing though, your advice seems much different than what other ppl on this site are advising (which is date at your place, movie, alcohol, escalate). I wasn't even being that bad, just held her shoulders and kissed her (though maybe she thought I was gonna tear her clothes off, lol). And no, I usually play it too safe.

 

[Tazman]

You didn't do anything wrong in my opinion. What you do need to get used to is women who just aren't interested. If you find yourself putting in more effort than the other person, you aren't a "priority" and need to make yourself scarce and/or simply move on.

Women usually have multiple guys around who are trying to get into their pants and they will be picky simply because they can. She may have hit it off with another guy she was interested in who was higher up on her ladder than you. You provided some temporary entertainment until she found someone else.

On the other hand, if what you did was such a turn off to her it wouldn't have worked out anyway, I didn't see anything you did as a deal breaker. I wouldn't be so hung up on trying to do everything right, there are no absolute rules (to an extent).

 

[xdreamz]

i see something special in this poster right here... giving up is actually a huge step towards success. we need to accept the fact that we are just full of hope when it comes to these women, which can be depressing at times, but also very inspiring and encouraging. i doubt that he will actually give up otherwise he will have to spend the rest of his life alone, but it is wise to accept the fact that we know nothing..

 

[Igetit!]

Maybe I wasn't clear, she wasn't looking for just any reason to go downstairs, she was looking for something, found it and then we went back downstairs. And she invited me up with her.

So she invited you upstairs,right? Uh...WHY?

Why did she invite you to go upstairs with her? Do you know why? Because whatever the reason was,it wasn't for sex because if it was,that was the PERFECT OPPORTUNITY right there to do so.


You two had the whole house to yourselves,you were in her bedroom,and you were already close to each other,kissing and making out.


I can't see a better opportunity or more perfect timing than that...and when you made a move,she refused,saying it was too soon?



No,something's off there. And the thing that's off is this....her invitation upstairs WAS NOT for sex. I don't know,maybe she wanted you to help her look for whatever it was she was searching for or she possibly just didn't want you to be downstairs alone knowing she's be upstairs for a while,but whatever it was,it wasn't for sex.


Nevertheless,you still shouldn't rush things. That should be evident,I mean the girl HERSELF told you it was too soon for sex,meaning it was too soon for HER.

I will say one thing though, your advice seems much different than what other ppl on this site are advising (which is date at your place, movie, alcohol, escalate).

Well there's 80,000 members here,so not all of us are going to advise the same thing,but ALL OF US have the same goal,which is simply to get the girl.


Personally,I'd NEVER set up a first date at my place. I'd plan it somewhere out in public so the girl would feel safe because you have to remember...the girl doesn't yet know me,and my place would be an unfamiliar environment to her,thus raising her chances of being uncomfortable.


She might agree to go to your place because of the comfort she feels right at THAT MOMENT,but once she gets there and realizes she's alone with someone she really doesn't know,then she'll probably want to leave,and you'll have absolutely no idea why.

I wasn't even being that bad, just held her shoulders and kissed her (though maybe she thought I was gonna tear her clothes off, lol).

That probably is what she thought. Remember,she said "it's too soon". So what do you think she meant by that?


So yeah,she probably did think you were going to try to get her clothes off.