Fvck Playing Games

[osu13]

I got this amazing girl I have been seeing for awhile. We had really been hitting it off for a couple weeks then...... all of a sudden she goes out with her friends one of whom i hate and she starts playing games with me.... Ignoring phone call one time, wanting to hang out but then canceling. The last straw was Saturday night when she was wasted calling me being stupid then having two of her friends calling me and biching me out.... I hung up before they really said anything important.

So I said Fvck this shiit. I really really liked this girl but i wont be played like that so I havent called, texed or any of that b.s.

Monday she text me in the morning which i didnt text her back and called me in the afternoon which i didnt answer. Today she has text me so far.

I really want her obvious but when should i stop ignoring her and what should i say when she asks why i haven't called her?

 

[KontrollerX]

If she asks why you haven't call her you will say...

"In order to have a relationship with me you will respect me or you will go and find someone else that is willing to let you treat them like trash."

Then she'll probably respond with some denials or say some crap like god lighten up etc etc anything to deflect her bad behaviour and play off what she's done as some harmless joke then you'll say the second and last part of what a man says to a chick like this...

"I am hanging up now, don't call me again until you are ready to respect me."

 

[tick37]

If she asks why you haven't call her you will say...

"In order to have a relationship with me you will respect me or you will go and find someone else that is willing to let you treat them like trash."

Then she'll probably respond with some denials or say some crap like god lighten up etc etc anything to deflect her bad behaviour and play off what she's done as some harmless joke then you'll say the second and last part of what a man says to a chick like this...

"I am hanging up now, don't call me again until you are ready to respect me."

This is solid advice. It shows dignity.

 

[Dabrant29]

I agree to me it seems like she has a lot of growing up to do. These types of girls think they can get away with anything. Your doing a very smart thing by taking that advice because if she gets away with it once she will always think she can get away with it.

 

[osu13]

yea it is but when should i actually respond to her calls or text.... a few days? or just whenever i feel like

 

[KontrollerX]

Whenever you feel like really.

And if she never brings up why you stopped talking to her and she starts disrespecting you again you'll have to cut off contact for even longer the next time.

Every time a chick disrespects you the iron rule you can live by is to answer her disrespect with indifference ie no contact and make each period of it longer before you'll talk to her again until you have decided she gets no more chances.

 

[izza]

If she asks why you haven't call her you will say...

"In order to have a relationship with me you will respect me or you will go and find someone else that is willing to let you treat them like trash."

Then she'll probably respond with some denials or say some crap like god lighten up etc etc anything to deflect her bad behaviour and play off what she's done as some harmless joke then you'll say the second and last part of what a man says to a chick like this...

"I am hanging up now, don't call me again until you are ready to respect me."

LOL, KontrollerX, have you ever said either of these things to a lady? Much respect man. One thing I like about what you're doing is that you're being more direct than Osu. Osu was ignoring. In this context, that strikes me as immature and indirect.

Osu, one thing I like about what you're doing is that you KNOW you are not being treated the way you deserve to be treated by a woman. If you were treating her that way, she would deserve better. You deserve a response to your calls and texts.

You understand this perfectly. This is basic self respect many lack. That part is very mature. What I'd like to see more of is more calm and respectful expression of this, and less ignoring. Ignoring people because you're mad at them is not effective, and it's not mature. It's one thing to say I'm upset and I'd like to discuss it with you sometime. It's another to just say nothing.

KontrollerX - I like your directness. I find your exact wording over-dramatic however. You don't need to threaten things like "I will hang up on you," "you will need to find someone else." I definitely wouldn't accuse her of "treating you like trash" until you have heard HER SIDE OF THE STORY. Sh!t happens, so make sure she is ACTUALLY TRYING TO DISRESPECT YOU (and not accidentally doing so) before we make dramatic accusations like that. Let's keep things in proportion here - it makes things easier to talk about.

As for what to say, I can't exactly tell you Osu. I know I was in that position with a girl quite a number of times. What worked best was having a message like you intuitively understood - you want to tell her "I have high expectations and this doesn't meet them" - but also mix it with humor. Good lord gentlemen, you know there are other fish in the sea. So try to keep her. She sounds really great. And also, for god's sake, dating is a dance. Chicks have so many issues they are constantly fleeing. You need to laugh and you need to dance.

A few examples of what worked in this situation: I accused a girl of ignoring me because my good looks kept setting her curtains on fire. I told a girl she would owe me at least 26 odwalla juices and a kicka$$ massage if I had to call her to make plans (she'd promised to call me back). I told a girl that I would bring the whipping cream, she'll bring the strawberries. I told her meet me at the park and be on time: I was going to start eating the whipping cream at noon sharp, and if she's late she wasn't getting any.

Basically, guys, this kind of crap happens all the time. I hate phone calls so I encounter a lot of this via email, Facebook, and text messaging. I've gotten pretty good at getting chicks to make plans with me.

It sounds like you may want to work on deep breathing, communication skills, and self-confidence before you consider too serious a relationship with anybody. You're showing some great self-confidence and I think that's something I want to see more of. FYI dramatic "treat me with respect or you're gone" does not wreak of self-confidence. It wreaks of a breakout of backne.

Izza

 

[iqqi]

^^^ Amazing post. I love you.

 

[DonJuan11]

Every time a chick disrespects you the iron rule you can live by is to answer her disrespect with indifference ie no contact and make each period of it longer before you'll talk to her again until you have decided she gets no more chances.

Amen bro.

 

[KontrollerX]

"LOL, KontrollerX, have you ever said either of these things to a lady?"

Not a lady my friend but a piece of garbage masquerading as my loving LTR girlfriend until August of last year when I dropped her sorry ass for breaking many of the rules, showing the proper respect among them.

"Much respect man. One thing I like about what you're doing is that you're being more direct than Osu. Osu was ignoring. In this context, that strikes me as immature and indirect."

Thanks for the respect bro, it is returned in kind for all you brothers here that are about becoming true DJ's and better men as a result.

As for ignoring yeah Osu can't act like that. To allow disrespect or wash it over and let it go is from AFC scarcity mentality ie you fear losing the girl so much you'll try to let her know what she did you didn't like but in an extremely weak way where the message you want her to receive she doesn't quite get due to all the mumbling and evasion the AFC guy does so she'll mumble back a bit and evade taking responsibility for her poor behaviour and ask the guy to forgive her which isn't about actually wanting forgiveness so much as it is about wanting the issue to be glossed over and quickly dropped. Then seeing what a doormat the guy is she'll eventually start back in with the disrespectful behaviour and keep doing it until she's so disgusted by the pathetic AFC not laying the law down that she will go find herself a DJ that will teach her the proper respect and in so doing make her feel like a real woman who trembles with excitement over all the power and self confidence her DJ possesses.

"KontrollerX - I like your directness. I find your exact wording over-dramatic however. You don't need to threaten things like "I will hang up on you," "you will need to find someone else."

The theatrical nature is for effect. I know a guy is likely not going to use the exact words any one of us tells him but the words we give him to say regardless must evoke that he means business. Could there be a better way to say this then what I posted? Absolutely and I'm sure Osu will find it but it has to come from a place of zero tolerance and confidence for it to be effective.

"I definitely wouldn't accuse her of "treating you like trash" until you have heard HER SIDE OF THE STORY. Sh!t happens, so make sure she is ACTUALLY TRYING TO DISRESPECT YOU (and not accidentally doing so) before we make dramatic accusations like that. Let's keep things in proportion here - it makes things easier to talk about."

You don't need to hear her side of the story to know how you feel.

Anyway from this man's opening post of her ignoring phone calls and cancelling dates with him its pretty clear he knows how he feels about things and that she's not "accidentally" disrespecting him either. No, no it looks more like active and purposeful disrespect to me and Osu.

To want to "hear her side" is just inviting excuses and not holding her accountable for bad behaviour that has hurt you. Its evasion. Passive aggressive AFC mentality. Confront your problems don't avoid them.

It doesn't mean you have to yell at a chick that disrespects you but calmly explain that she disrespected you and suggest she not do it again if she wishes to remain in a relationship with you. Having a backbone does not mean you will get "backne" it means you've still got a pair of balls dangling between your legs.

 

[osu13]

Izza,

Just want to say thanks for the great advice. I Hate ignoring her so much. Its stupid and really only makes her feel like ****. I want her to realize that I wont put up with that but i feel that their are other ways to handle it.

I think the ignoring helped a lot though because this chick is absolutely beautifully and very smart. No guy has ever done that to her

When she asks me if I was upset with her about it I think i will tell her no not really upset but I thought it was stupid and annoying and I didn't have time for it because I was having a good time at a party

 

[izza]

"LOL, KontrollerX, have you ever said either of these things to a lady?"

Not a lady my friend but a piece of garbage masquerading as my loving LTR girlfriend until August of last year when I dropped her sorry ass for breaking many of the rules, showing the proper respect among them.

Sorry to hear about the bad experience. Your posts seem really great and I have no worries about you and the ladies. I hope you won't find it disrespectful when I say it sounds like you are not done healing from this experience. Healing is really hard and years later I still have work to do from one breakup. All the best.

"Much respect man. One thing I like about what you're doing is that you're being more direct than Osu. Osu was ignoring. In this context, that strikes me as immature and indirect."

Thanks for the respect bro, it is returned in kind for all you brothers here that are about becoming true DJ's and better men as a result.

I love your attitude!! Thanks for the kind words.

The theatrical nature is for effect.

Ok, fair enough.

You don't need to hear her side of the story to know how you feel.

That's a really good point.

Anyway from this man's opening post of her ignoring phone calls and cancelling dates with him its pretty clear he knows how he feels about things and that she's not "accidentally" disrespecting him either. No, no it looks more like active and purposeful disrespect to me and Osu.

Maybe you're right. It sounds to me like we are reading differently.

To want to "hear her side" is just inviting excuses and not holding her accountable for bad behaviour that has hurt you. Its evasion. Passive aggressive AFC mentality. Confront your problems don't avoid them.

That's a good point. Maybe it comes down to a matter of style. It's true that I'm not really interested in excuses because I expect better anyway. Your style seems more threatening to me. I'm sure it works for you because I can tell that you're a direct person and the ladies respect that.

For me, I try to make it clear from the beginning that I want a chick who is amazing, and I ask women to constantly amaze me. Nobody wants to feel like they are unamazing, including myself. So this works naturally for me and for the ladies. You probably do the same thing. One thing we definitely agree on: when a lady is not impressing us, we let them know right away and calmly. And we definitely expect respect as well as all sorts of other good things.

The ladies know that not impressing me is quite naturally going to get them tossed out of my kingdom of life. I know so many wonderful people, I just don't make time for people who don't make me feel great.

All is going according to plan

Having a backbone does not mean you will get "backne" it means you've still got a pair of balls dangling between your legs.

We're on the same page on that one! I didn't mean to be flame-ish, by the way.

 

[izza]

Izza,

Just want to say thanks for the great advice. I Hate ignoring her so much. Its stupid and really only makes her feel like ****. I want her to realize that I wont put up with that but i feel that their are other ways to handle it.

You're welcome man. Thanks for letting me know that my point of view is helping. It sounds like this chick has found a catch

I think the ignoring helped a lot though because this chick is absolutely beautifully and very smart. No guy has ever done that to her

Hmm, really? I know all sorts of gorgeous chicks who are being ignored right now by various men. Anyway, perhaps this play off her insecurities has benefited you. Many women can be insecure and it's often not hard to manipulate them, if that's what you're going for. But it seems to me that she may have gotten your silent message.

When she asks me if I was upset with her about it I think i will tell her no not really upset but I thought it was stupid and annoying and I didn't have time for it because I was having a good time at a party

Please tell me you're not going to pretend you were out doing something and having fun when you weren't. If you were actually out having fun and you weren't upset, then say that. But since we're here talking, I'm just going to take a stab in the dark and say you wouldn't be telling the whole truth. And besides, women are the type of people to see the contradiction between

a.) "no not really upset" and
b.) "I thought it was stupid and annoying"

They are the type to conclude that statement B proves that statement A was a lie. Women will furthermore conclude that

c.) "I didn't have time for it because I was having a good time at a party" means you may or may not have gone and pouted at a party, all while fuming at her. And/or drank yourself senseless to forget the pain.

Look, you know you're upset, and that's what you're doing right. I think one thing you need to understand is that the weakest people are the ones who hide all their vulnerability. It's weak. Women know it's weak and it's hurtful to the relationship. The strongest ones are the ones who show it but use vulnerability to bring you closer to other people.

It seems to me that you know you're upset, and that is a huge step above many guys on this forum, who never ever want to feel an emotion again. The next step is to tell her you were upset, BUT THEN, you need to build something from that vulnerability. I can't tell you how because it's different for every relationship.

In this situation, I have said "I suppose I'll forgive you someday" (it was in an absurd situation, so the other person burst out laughing), I've said, was my singing that bad?. Oh goodness, you ever hear that long speech about "how long does it take to just make one phone call" that women give to men? I once treated a girl to that, in falsetto, accusing "women these days" of "not knowing how to treat a gentleman."

Again, the exact solution will depend on your sense of humor, personality, etc. I know you'll come up with something great. Remember: DJ's see "rejection" as just one more step in the dance. Have fun,

Izza