Funny, REAL ACTUAL, things that have happened to you?

[SamePendo]

I was looking at the mature forum, and there's this thread on funny stuff that has happened between you and your gf in the initial stage. Anyways, how about funny **** in GENERAL that has happened to you? This kind of stuff are much more funny than actual jokes.. well, in general.

Great for story telling!

Well, the first one I can remember .. really not very funny, but pretty disgusting.

I was on elementary school. Taking classes. All's good. I smelt something foul on the air, but didn't really notice, I was into the class. Like 2 min. later, someone yells "EEEEEEEWWW"!!!

I turn around. And this kid has this big pile of **** sliding through his bench, some of it allready on the ground. Everyone's like "eeew!" and he's all sweats looking at the teacher like if it's all right and he's paying attention to class. The teacher sent him to the bathroom. And there you had, pieces of **** sliming down to the ground.

*I go to the bathroom, was out with some friends. I was dying to go to the bathroom. This was like when I was 14. On the way to the bathroom I couldn't take it and started peeing on my pants. I got back to my friends, saying that since I was too tall, all the water from the sink spilled on me. No one believed me .

*It was easter, you know, people give chocolates to each other or a variation of some sort. Me and my brother, we were like.. 7 years old or something, came up with a ingenious plan! Our older brother had this lady friend, my brother isn't very much of a DJ, so, whatever, we decide to give him a hand! . So we go and buy some chocolates, and go to her house, and give her the chocolates, and tell her it's from his part. She's like, "oh thanks!"

Time passes, our brother goes out, to buy some ****. And guess who stops by? His lady friend! And she brings some chocolate! We're like noo wayyyy! Haha, so, we recieve them, and gladly tell her we'll make sure he gets them. Like in 5 min. Our brother comes back, and we give him the chocolates. So he's all flattered, and ashamed because he doesn't have any chocolates to give her, so we offer to go with him to buy some chocolates. So we go from store to store all over the city, until we find one where they're not out of them. Picture us giving him advice and all hahaha.

So he goes to her house, and doesn't want us around when he goes and gives her the chocolates. So we simply wait for him to go out (she lives in walking distance in the same ... condo..?..) and sneak by closely, when he goes in the house, we climb up the tree in front of her house, and see the action!

You can guess what happened. And my brother and I witnessed it.

*Didn't happen to me... this friend of my brother is so damn stupid.

Someone had stole the ... top... lid...of the (water storage thingy on top of each house)... and they asked this guy, they were roomates, to go up there to measure the top thingy so that they could go and buy one that fit it. They gave him a cardboard, and a pen, so he outlined the top, so they could.. find one that fit. So like half an hour goes by. And he's not back, and they hear some weird noises, so they go up and look for him. And he's inside the ****ing water storage thingy, locked, he couldn't go out. Instead of measuring it from the outside, he got in, and tried measuring, but he couldn't because there was no light and he couldn't outline without light.

Can't think of anymore right now...

What are your funny stories?

 

[LowPlainsDrifter]

I had a paranoid (and incredibly hot!) client who thought that her ex-husband and minions hired by her ex were breaking into her home constantly (and were never caught, by the way!), and stealing court-related documents and rearranging stuff in order to "gaslight" her.
She wasted a lot of money paying people to watch her home, guarding against phantom intruders.
We began to get to know each other socially and my visits would be sometimes business, sometimes social.
One day I was in her area, and decided to respond to a minor computer issue she had at home.
When I arrived, I could see that every ground floor window was covered with a blanket or towel.
It was cold and rainy, so I knocked and rang a bit more insistently than I usually do (frantic knocking and ringing is a peeve of mine, so I make sure not to do it myself...)
I thought I heard some shifting around , but no one came to the door.
I called her phone, heard it ring about once, and suddenly this big dude opens up the door.
Looking like a guy who failed to make an audition as an extra for the Sopranos, he had bad hair, black sweater, gold chains, and, best of all, was pointing a weapon at me, screaming "what, what, what do you want??"
The weapon? His hands - woven together to make a "gun"
"Uh, I'm a friend of XXX, I'm here to see her."
"Not tonight, you're not" he replied, and slammed the door in my face.
So I left.
She called a few days later, apologizing, explaining that she needed to leave her house for something important and this wacko was a last-minute "fill-in" house-watcher.

I have hundreds of clients, and I swear, they're overwhelmingly normal people - it's as if this woman took on all of their craziness.

Knowing this woman made my business and personal life much more interesting, but in the end, I had to say "au revoir" because what happened that night was just the tip of the iceberg...

 

[Jariel]

One of my funniest moments was my first kiss with an old girlfriend. We'd been spending time together for ages, a lot of chemistry and the tension had been building. One evening I walked her to her bus stop, raised her chin and kissed her. We were so lost in the moment and then we heard a voice "excuse me, mate".

I looked up and this homeless guy was standing right next to us and had been watching us the whole time, waiting patiently to ask if I had any spare change. It kinda ruined the moment, but I gave him some change just to get rid of him.


Another funny moment was when I was making out with my girlfriend and turned awkwardly and aggravated a pulled muscle (from weight lifting). I started groaning and pulled away, before nearly passing out. She explained to me later that she thought I was having an orgasm.