Fuming with anger (kind of) - Friend disappeared in the middle of the conversation

[GetFit66]

This isn't specifically about this one person as it happens with anyone and everyone and perhaps I am a bit old school in my thinking. However I need some advice as this happens to me often, maybe I am asking for something that just doesn't happen these days, idk. But my current response to this has left me with little friends.

Here is what happens: Me and a friend will be chatting & having a conversation over texts for 30 minutes or more, and they just disappear. I can’t stand this because it pisses me off like no other, I find it rude and normally I will move on from the person as this to me indicates they have lack common mannerisms.

I don't say or make anything about it, sometimes I get an apology ... but I can't do anything with an apology... it doesn't change the time I wasted, it doesn't change the fact that I went to bed pissed because I could have hung out with friends or watched a movie, instead I choose to talk to you: a person who flies off to the moon.

FVCK.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Read the DJ. Find yourself.

 

[Yewki]

The entire point of texting is that so you can multitask. Why are you banking your night on just a text conversation? Do other things.

 

[LiveYourDream]

If you require or expect a person's continuous and undivided attention, than either call them or see them in person. Do not expect a person's continuous attention through texting. That is not the common culture of how it is used.

 

[GetFit66]

I agree with both of you, however she lives at home. I use texting/IM as an easy and fun way for me to fall asleep and wake up happy, otherwise I end up thinking about anything and everything including aliens for 2 hours.

I would be more lenient had the texting dynamic not been changed; talking daily and texting back and forth right away for 45+ minutes makes it more like IM and a conversation to me, and thus I expect the etiquette that goes with it.

I don't really mind if you multitask or don't respond right away but disappearing for the night/leaving me hanging, irks me.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I would be more lenient had the texting dynamic not been changed; talking daily and texting back and forth right away for 45+ minutes makes it more like IM and a conversation to me, and thus I expect the etiquette that goes with it.

You can use a wrench as a hammer once in a while in a bind. Just because it has worked before does not make it the best tool for the job. If you want the results of a hammer, use a hammer. If you want continuous conversation, use the phone or meet in person, that is the right tool for the job. You are expecting an ingrained culture of text use, to adapt just to you, so your feelings are not hurt. You want the wrench to become a hammer. Get over yourself here. This isn't personal like you are making it. If you were on the phone and she was randomly hanging up on you than you'd have a valid issue here.

I use texting/IM as an easy and fun way for me to fall asleep and wake up happy, otherwise I end up thinking about anything and everything including aliens for 2 hours.

The issue here is not even really about texting as suggested. That is just a symptom of the root issue. Your neediness and dependency is the real issue. For your own well-being address those. Certainly take responsibility and learn to fall asleep and wake up happy on your own.

 

[kronreiff]

Don't rely on anyone for your happiness or validation. Look within and you'll have your answer!

 

[zinc4]

Geeeeeeez.....why do u need to text that much???? He probably got bored. I would have.

 

[zinc4]

Guys...no such thing as female friends...only women who u bang and women who u don't bang.

 

[GetFit66]

Brah. Helps me fall asleep. I'm 24 I think I know what works best for me to fall asleep.

Either way issue is resolved, some of you guys are too black and white and text book, the rage, although not at her, nor her, fault subsided and I resolved it. Would've thought 8 different dudes thinking about an issue could have come up with something better than bitching and whining. And "follow the rules man!" Fvck the rules and fvck you.

She is a strange one sex is just sex, almost like a man.

And as humans we are social creatures and beyond dependent on socialization... you can keep preaching be independent etc etc there's a line to where you can take it without becoming a creeper or isolated. There's also a reason some of you continually pull **** even though it is 8 and 9 in looks.

Women are idiots just like you and me, they just have hormonal issues more often.

When I was younger I always talked to my parents before sleeping so this is why it's the easiest way for me to sleep. And I'm not one of those lucky ones who can fall asleep 15 minutes after lying down.

Too text book. Nor do I have confidence or value issues lol. I just get angry easily these days, having some health issues, and I'm not the best at thinking when I'm being hot headed.

Guys...no such thing as female friends...only women who u bang and women who u don't bang.

What do you do if you bang men too? I have no friends? The fvck ?

 

[Xeon21]

Sometimes I write back and forth with some people for over an hour via IM, but these are people I have known for few years. A lot of times though, one of us will just simply disappear for whatever reason without notifying the other (go to bed, go eat something, etc). Sometimes we'll tell the other where we went the next day but not always. Never found it to be a big deal.

I guess if it was something important that you needed an answer to, yeah I could understand the frustration, but then you should probably be using a different platform of communication for that, i.e. phone call or in person. Otherwise, I wouldn't really worry about it.

 

[Tictac]

Would've thought 8 different dudes thinking about an issue could have come up with something better than *****ing and whining. And "follow the rules man!" Fvck the rules and fvck you.

When you whine like a little girl, don't be surprised when people talk to you like one.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Helps me fall asleep. I'm 24 I think I know what works best for me to fall asleep.

When I was younger I always talked to my parents before sleeping so this is why it's the easiest way for me to sleep. And I'm not one of those lucky ones who can fall asleep 15 minutes after lying down.

Too text book.

The intent is not to judge you. The intent here is to help you set yourself free. Even if you have gone to sleep with the aid of another person for 24 years you can still retrain your mind and body and rewire your brain so you can fall asleep well on your own. The point isn't to make some big issue out of what you do. The point is that this habit has you dependent on having a woman in your life to help you handle an every day basic life function, when you could actually change that. You are choosing to remain dependent. You do not have to.

Needing a woman to support you in this way, will diminish your sense of freedom to break-up with her, or to hold the highest standard till you find a new one, when you are broken up. You won't be evaluating a woman on all she offers, you'll be reacting to fill a desperation, for help for a daily function, whether you admit it or not. Understand this is not about judgement here. I am advocate of freedom. I am not advocate of independence to avoid being with others. I am advocate of self responsibility so that one can freely choose to enter or leave a relationship, rather than be stuck within one because they are dependent. Recognize that you are leading a life of dependence by choice. Freedom is a whole different life and is yours for the choosing. Take offense if you want. None is intended here.

 

[Xeon21]

@LiveYourDream I had a problem with that for some time. I was so used to having someone close to me when I'd go to sleep that for quite awhile I didn't sleep alone well at all unless I was so overly tired it didn't matter.

I developed such a heavy dependency on that talking and intimacy at night from those relationships that when they ended I didn't do too good for over a year. That combined with my bouts of insomnia did not make for a pleasant combination. There were many a night where I'd only get two or three hours of sleep and many not at all or I'd wake up multiple times. While I still have the insomnia at times, I managed to get rid of the feelings of loneliness and dependency of having someone next to me always. Once I did that, I was a lot happier and the depression left.

 

[GetFit66]

The intent is not to judge you. The intent here is to help you set yourself free. Even if you have gone to sleep with the aid of another person for 24 years you can still retrain your mind and body and rewire your brain so you can fall asleep well on your own. The point isn't to make some big issue out of what you do. The point is that this habit has you dependent on having a woman in your life to help you handle an every day basic life function, when you could actually change that. You are choosing to remain dependent. You do not have to.

Needing a woman to support you in this way, will diminish your sense of freedom to break-up with her, or to hold the highest standard till you find a new one, when you are broken up. You won't be evaluating a woman on all she offers, you'll be reacting to fill a desperation, for help for a daily function, whether you admit it or not. Understand this is not about judgement here. I am advocate of freedom. I am not advocate of independence to avoid being with others. I am advocate of self responsibility so that one can freely choose to enter or leave a relationship, rather than be stuck within one because they are dependent. Recognize that you are leading a life of dependence by choice. Freedom is a whole different life and is yours for the choosing. Take offense if you want. None is intended here.

I agree with everything you said, I was just replying to some of the other posters.

@Xeon21 yeah I am starting to feel a bit of that and I hate it, although it's definitely easier for me to fall asleep while talking to someone, I hate that dependency. So I will be backing off.

@LiveYourDream I definitely would love to find a way to sleep as easily and as well by myself, don't get me wrong I do get good sleep even when I am not talking to anyone and it can come easily but it's never as well as when I talk to someone who makes me laugh and I have a good time with.

Dependent... not really I was over reacting this morning, health is pretty bad currently, I over react often ... and easily.

Anyway all, thank you for the posts! And advice! Enjoy you day/night.

 

[WanderingMan]

If you're an adult male, you should not be dependent on other people in order to go to sleep. This could very well be your parents fault for coddling you too much. What would happen if say, you joined the military and went to boot camp? Would you be allowed to use your phone to text someone in order to be able to comfortably go to sleep? If a woman needed to text me on a nightly basis in order for her to go to sleep, that would annoy the **** out of me....but maybe that's just me. True, I like to have some type of wind down period before going to sleep, but a book or some other form of reading usually takes care of that pretty effectively.

 

[Asmodeus]

The OP is pointless, and almost sounds like a tantrum. Getting mad over such minuscule things shows weakness. Get a grip man, it is pointless in the scheme of things. You will meet many women, so one that is flaky or is inconsistent amounts to as much as a small drop of water in the ocean.
Get a grip.

 

[Reykhel]

This isn't specifically about this one person as it happens with anyone and everyone and perhaps I am a bit old school in my thinking. However I need some advice as this happens to me often, maybe I am asking for something that just doesn't happen these days, idk. But my current response to this has left me with little friends.

Here is what happens: Me and a friend will be chatting & having a conversation over texts for 30 minutes or more, and they just disappear. I can’t stand this because it pisses me off like no other, I find it rude and normally I will move on from the person as this to me indicates they have lack common mannerisms.

I don't say or make anything about it, sometimes I get an apology ... but I can't do anything with an apology... it doesn't change the time I wasted, it doesn't change the fact that I went to bed pissed because I could have hung out with friends or watched a movie, instead I choose to talk to you: a person who flies off to the moon.

FVCK.

Such a delicate flower being abused by those mean people not texting you back....

Is your anger justified? Are you right to move on from these people? Is this a futile, losing battle?

what is the definition of rudeness? I like this definition that I read in an intercultural communication book .........(note the word communication here...)...

"The perception of rudeness appears when there is a disparity between expected behavior and
received behavior."

You cannot change other people. It's out of your control. Changing yourself is within your control.
Changing your faulty perceptions.....your faulty view....is within your control....

One path leads to anger and frustration....and probably not many friends...

One path leads to a sense of calm and inner peace...

I wonder which path you'll choose...

 

[Lozboss]

OP.

Without judging you- you need to get control of your emotions. If this is how you act with people trying to provide advice- I'd hate to see how passive aggressive you are with your text buddies.

You are making a mountain out of a mole hill.