Frustration, I'd like some help.

[Gripped]

So since I signed up to the forum my self-confidence has improved
and my neediness reduced, I've quit the constant fapping and I'm feeling good about myself and happy for the first time in a while. I think what Lefty was saying about organisation and work ethic is vital, this is about self-respect.
Anyway here is the problem, the relationship with my friends has improved and I'm elated with that, however I'm having a real issue with the other guys.

I go to a unisex school and I would describe it as having 2 tiers
1- The popular guys
2- The rest of us

When it comes to the rest of us I am certainly well respected and I have a good relationship with some of the popular boys, but I find it difficult to connect with them. Maybe this is because I primarily want to use them as a tool (to meet girls not necessarily **** them) for my outcome. Either way this is my sticking point.

The same-sex effect

In an area dominated by same sex schools it is only those in the higher social circles who can meet the hot girls (it's not quite this simple but it affects the odds). Anyway I've seen these guys at eighteenth birthday parties in the past week and the girls they are accompanied by are usually more attractive than 99% of girls I've ever had a conversation with. it seems the only way for me to break in to the circle is through those guys in the "top tier" at my school as they almost guard these girls. How on earth do I do this with such a rigid structure that's been around for about 4 years?

I feel I'm plateauing, any ideas whatsoever would be appreciated

Thank you

 

[Nino-Tk]

Damn! I'm so glad these "popular guys" thing don't matter much in South Africa man, popular or not, down here, its all about your game.

I'd say for girls man, never mind the "popular" dudes, once they see you ballin with the beautiful girls, its instant respect.
Don't know what to tell you man...I'm glad cliques aren't powerful around here.

 

[Gripped]

Damn! I'm so glad these "popular guys" thing don't matter much in South Africa man, popular or not, down here, its all about your game.

I'd say for girls man, never mind the "popular" dudes, once they see you ballin with the beautiful girls, its instant respect.
Don't know what to tell you man...I'm glad cliques aren't powerful around here.

that's a good point, the issue is getting the chance to talk to them though.

It's nice to know how much better it is down their, thanks :cheer:

 

[alxrose04]

I don't know if this is the case but from what I'm getting from it.........guys don't like new guys impeding on their girls. Primal thing I suppose. One way to go about it would be to want nothing with the girls (at first). You say you're well respected with the guys, so get in good within their social circle via sports, clubs, similar interest, anything in common basically. When the girls come around, pay no mind to them and show your loyalty to the guys. The girls will see you as this mysterious new guy and the new guy always has this "shiny new toy" appeal that girls can't help falling in love with.

 

[Gripped]

I don't know if this is the case but from what I'm getting from it.........guys don't like new guys impeding on their girls. Primal thing I suppose. One way to go about it would be to want nothing with the girls (at first). You say you're well respected with the guys, so get in good within their social circle via sports, clubs, similar interest, anything in common basically. When the girls come around, pay no mind to them and show your loyalty to the guys. The girls will see you as this mysterious new guy and the new guy always has this "shiny new toy" appeal that girls can't help falling in love with.

As long as my level of self esteem stays the same, I see little issue in appealing to girls. My problem is, as you've stated, getting into their social circle. I'm not brilliant at the common sports, particularly Rugby so through clubs is an issue. Then again the problem is if I don't see these guys out of school then all they see me as is a school mate rather than a friend, I'm finding difficulty in furthering that relationship because of lack in common interest.

 

[LearningSlowly]

You're really going to need something that makes you stand out, while still having commonalities with these people.

That means, if they play rugby, you play rugby, even if you're not the best. That's commonality. Then if you are lead singer or guitar in a band, or you have something else that makes you special, they are more likely to give you credit. This will increase how other people view you.

(This is the suck-up approach. Be careful to avoid that feel. Sometimes the best course of action is to cold approach hot girls, go on a couple dates, then bring them around parties as your hook up. That increases social status without needing to go through the guys.)

 

[AlexLefty]

You will not solve this problem 'cause you're not ready yet.

Hit me up on fb...

But basically, you'll know you're ready once you have enough confidence to know they you're cool enough to hang with those guys...in fact, you'll realize that you in fact dislike most of them because you'll find that you ARE better. Once you have confidence, making friends will be easy!

 

[Gripped]

You will not solve this problem 'cause you're not ready yet.

Hit me up on fb...

But basically, you'll know you're ready once you have enough confidence to know they you're cool enough to hang with those guys...in fact, you'll realize that you in fact dislike most of them because you'll find that you ARE better. Once you have confidence, making friends will be easy!

I agree with you, the trouble is getting confidence. The problem is the time zones, I'll be online until about 2pm your time most evenings

 

[AlexLefty]

I agree with you, the trouble is getting confidence. The problem is the time zones, I'll be online until about 2pm your time most evenings

Took me years...and as far as I know, it never stops. It's like 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Repeated mental masturbation and action will help.

 

[cococrispy]

I went to an all-guys school but it really hurt my development.
I'd recommend you try to get your driver's license as soon as you can though, I have declined a lot of people to do things because I couldn't drive.

Here at college (I have a journal- still a work in progress) everyone loves me, but at my high school it seemed like guys were just too much into cliques. I felt absolutely horrible because it felt like I couldn't make friends. I have way more friends at college because I don't need to drive anywhere and people actually give a ****. I didn't play any sports in high school (I love sports, but it took too much time) which probably contributed to not belonging.

I wish I had more experience, but in my situation I just couldn't (my college life is in my journal).

 

[Gripped]

I went to an all-guys school but it really hurt my development.
I'd recommend you try to get your driver's license as soon as you can though, I have declined a lot of people to do things because I couldn't drive.

Here at college (I have a journal- still a work in progress) everyone loves me, but at my high school it seemed like guys were just too much into cliques. I felt absolutely horrible because it felt like I couldn't make friends. I have way more friends at college because I don't need to drive anywhere and people actually give a ****. I didn't play any sports in high school (I love sports, but it took too much time) which probably contributed to not belonging.

I wish I had more experience, but in my situation I just couldn't (my college life is in my journal).

I beginning to find it hard to believe that I will be able to involve myself within the top "cliques" before next June (when I leave school).