Frustrated and getting depressed

[h_amati]

Guys,

I'm getting frustrated and depressed. I'm 38 and been divorced for 7 months, was married for 5 years. Reason for divorce is I didn't want kids and she did badly. Ex wife was very much in love and pursued me heavily to get married.

I'm 6 ft, 170 lbs, lean and ripped. Have all my hair and take care of myself. I have been told I look 32. I'm educated, I have a good and very interesting job that makes me very cultured. I'm good at sports. I'm good at conversation and make friends easily, especially women now. Married friends get uneasy from the attention I get from their wives. I been told I'm good looking by many women and some male friends. I'm constantly told I'm a great catch.


Since being separated I have gotten a lot of attention from females younger and older than me. I've been introduced to a couple of women by mutual friends.

I've dated these 3 women:

A 26 year old that just went on me on a coffee date and never bothered to answer after meeting me. She was hot.

A 34 year old that I met a party that gave me her number. Showed high interest, had a great first date. She is a party girl and is good looking. She loves my texts and calls and texts back every time quickly. She never seems to have time for a second date, but refuses to introduce me to some of her friends. I know she gets a lot of attention from other guys. She never ever mentioned one of them. She was at the beach last week with the guy she is f*cking (I know because of a mutual friend). She sent me pictures of her in a bikini.

A divorced 36 year old that has no kids (she is nice but not very good looking). She was introduced by a mutual friend when she ended her rebound relationship after her divorce (the guy has been jobless and treated her like sh*t, she even payed for this guy's daughters' school). She met me and showed high interest, had four dates and kissed me. She went back to this guy that treats her badly for a couple of weeks and completely went NC with me. She says she has ended it now for good and is flirting heavily with me. I told her we should just be friends for now, she didn't like it very much but now answers my texts immediately. Went with her today and a mutual male friend for breakfast after excercise, had a blast, we flirted heavily. I just know when she knows I'm interested, she will play hard to get and stop contact or at least slow it down. She is now acting like we're just friends and was surprised that today she paid for her part.

What has me frustrated is I haven't f*cked any of them and have trouble setting up dates with them, they almost always flake.

What am I doing wrong? I should be having no trouble with any of them.

 

[Spinning Spinning]

Need more info bro. Is there a common theme on these dates? Did you tell the 26yo you're not interested in children? If she wants a family what's the point? She's at the age where she'd be looking for someone to settle down with.

Do you know what the 34yo wants? Maybe she's not interested in a relationship and you are?

The 36 yo I'd fk off straight away anyway after she ran back to her ex that treats her like shight. And she's average. No point perservering there IMO.

 

[h_amati]

The common theme is we have a great time on dates, talk and flirt lots. Take them to fancy restaurants and have some drinks. They always talk about seeing me again and always text me after the date to thank me and tell me they had a great time. After that it all goes downhill, they don't call or text if I don't do it first.

I didn't tell the 26 yo I didn't want kids, but she sure understood I don't plan on getting re-married anytime soon. This has been the only one that has just plain ignored me after meeting her. Even before meeting in person she was slow to respond to texts and never picked up a call.

The 34 yo just wants to have fun. I have never told her I want a relationship. The problem with her is she is extremely flirty in a sexy way and likes that I come on to her strongly, but she doesn't make the time to see me.

The 36 yo is funny and smart, we share a common interest for cycling and is great as a friend, even more now we go dutch. And it's kind of an ego boost to know she wants me even if I flat out rejected her advances.

 

[JohnChops]

When in doubt drop all women and go ghost....

 

[PapiChulo]

That's how bad it is out there, my friend! The reality starts to set in on you. The possible culprits are probably that you are "rusty" in the game, go for women who have low interest in you, afraid to close the deal on the first/second date. It's not easy. With the western women you sometimes have to be 'manipulative' to get anywhere with them, that's why they like as$holes so much. Also restaraunts are probably not the best places to take them on dates.

 

[betheman]

The common theme is we have a great time on dates, talk and flirt lots. Take them to fancy restaurants and have some drinks. They always talk about seeing me again and always text me after the date to thank me and tell me they had a great time. After that it all goes downhill, they don't call or text if I don't do it first.

I didn't tell the 26 yo I didn't want kids, but she sure understood I don't plan on getting re-married anytime soon. This has been the only one that has just plain ignored me after meeting her. Even before meeting in person she was slow to respond to texts and never picked up a call.

The 34 yo just wants to have fun. I have never told her I want a relationship. The problem with her is she is extremely flirty in a sexy way and likes that I come on to her strongly, but she doesn't make the time to see me.

The 36 yo is funny and smart, we share a common interest for cycling and is great as a friend, even more now we go dutch. And it's kind of an ego boost to know she wants me even if I flat out rejected her advances.

do not tell them you dont want to get married or dont want kids, you are giving too much away. your ex wife didnt love you, she loved the idea of having kids with you, there is a difference! Just come across like you have an open mind and "will know when the time is right" !

as for these other women, did you try and have sex with them? you take them to restaurants and have a good time, just like....FRIENDS!!!
you have to be more sexual, a woman is fun and flirty = expecting you to go sexual with her, if she doesnt respond, dont bother with her again.

 

[h_amati]

That's just what a close friend was telling me, you just have to go for it. Women that flirt that openly want to get laid and you're not acting on it. Be more aggressive.

My game is definitely rusty, I can talk and flirt just fine with them. But I always have these doubts in my mind if these women really want me to f*ck them, or I'm just imagining they want me. That's why I don't act on it.

The two that seem interested in me always talk about sex, compliment me on my looks and body, are very interested in what I do, want to go with me on trips, touch my arm when talking and generally like when I touch them. But I always seem to be left wondering...are these enough IOIs to make a move or is this b*tch just enjoying the attention?

 

[betheman]

But I always seem to be left wondering...are these enough IOIs to make a move or is this b*tch just enjoying the attention?

you shouldnt have to ask this question, you should be instigating it anyway, but yeah, there is definately enough IOI's there from what you have typed

 

[Trump]

As soon as you call a girl a bvtch, you've already lost half the battle. These girls haven't done anything to you personally, nothing is remotely serious, and you are already mad at them and they are getting into your head.

They should be doubting whether you want to have sex with them, not the other way around.

 

[st_99]

Dude, come on. You've only been single for 7 months, your 38, you've already been on some dates, you're ripped and have a good job.

Now explain to me why you're frustrated and getting depressed? Thats just dumb.

Solution is to not take this sh!t so seriously, when you're out with these girls just worry about amusing yourself and not give a sh!t about the outcome. Then, in an ironic twist they'll probably be undoing your pants for you.

 

[h_amati]

I'm trying not to take it seriously. It depressing to see that it really is that bad out there.

With all I have going for myself, I haven't got laid in 7 months. It's frustrating to see guys that are not that good looking, short and have bellies being my competition with these girls and are actually getting laid.

I don't know if I have to be more patient or work in my game or both. It was easy before I got married, I always thought it would be easier now.

 

[zekko]

Dude, come on. You've only been single for 7 months, your 38, you've already been on some dates, you're ripped and have a good job.

Now explain to me why you're frustrated and getting depressed? Thats just dumb.

Good point. Sometimes I think the downside to pickup forums is you can build unrealistic expectations. If you're not getting laid like a rock star or being treated like the king of the club you can start wondering what's wrong.

You read things like "I stopped putting women on pedestals and now they're flocking to me". You can think damn, I don't put women on pedestals, where's my flock?

 

[Gro0ver]

3 girls dated in 7 months is not many at all really, you're not giving yourself much of an opportunity to find a decent woman.

It's like in football (or "soccer" if you're a yank) - occasionally a striker will get a dry patch where he's not converting his chances, but as long as you keep creating chances for him then eventually he will score, his confidence will go up and he'll hit some good form.

Sounds like you might be not creating enough chances if these are your only options after 7 months? They all sound a mit meh tbh.

Try salsa classes, I've always found it to have great puntang a majority of which are single.

I would forget these 3 women, you can and will do better

 

[bigneil]

I've come to only expect 1-2 real women per year, with maybe 20 phone numbers and 4 that I date. For each woman you have your honeymoon phase and then she starts nagging and you feel it slip away. I think it's best to just move on after the honeymoon ends - it never comes back unless you go away for a year or so, in which case you can quite often pick up where you left off.

 

[h_amati]

Anybody else think sometimes the advice given here and in general PUA's do hurt your chances with women?

Everyday you see average and below average guys get women, it isn't a science, it is only natural. Some of the advice given here is pretty good but some make women seem harder to get than they are, and that there really is no magic formula to get them.

Most seem like guys who are absolutely afraid to talk to women or are just hideous.

Believe me, one of my best friends is just plain ugly, dresses worse than Alan Harper, lacks social skills, is far from being rich and still lives with his parents but makes up for it being genuine and making and effort. He does have his share of women and has tons of female friends.

It is a given that technology and IM give women the instant ego hit they are looking for.

I'm thinking some of us are just reading way too much into it.

 

[Sofomore]

Its sad to read this. You are pretty lazy in the dating department aren't you? I am 21, and have spent the last two years BUSTING my ass to get my life together. You know what it has gotten me? 3 new dates every two weeks. Sometimes, 3 new dates a week. Normally I would sleep with "7's or 7.5's", now that I actively set a goal to only hook up with 8+, it is a lot harder! That is the price I have accepted. If you want results, don't sit around and mope. Stop analyzing everything and meet more women. Find out what you need to get done and start working towards that goal! It will pay off eventually, trust me.

It's not going to be an easy path. You are probably afraid of rejection and need to realize that if you want to get this part of your life sorted, you are GOING to struggle.

 

[h_amati]

You know what?, you are actually right. This is the kind of advice that's worthy here. My friend is a testimony to that.

Thanks