From Rabbit to Nun, what happened?

[logicallefty]

Well, we got into another fight and she went to her parent's for the night. Then she came back today. Asked if she could still stay here but we just slow it down a knotch.. I said no she can move back to her parents and we can slow it down, but not if she stays here. She said they said they dont want her back either, and I said "well sorry to put you in such a jam, but thats the way it is" She took only some bare essentials, left the rest of her stuff here, and went back to their house anyway.

Lots of great advice here guys, much appreciated..

 

[NewMan]

We have been dating only about 5.5 months

Thats Mistake Number 1. You've only known here for 5.5 months. thats 22 weeks. You said you saw her 2-3 times a week. I'll be generous and assume 3 times - which means you've been on 22*3 = 66 dates. You have sex once a week (one encounter a week) = 22 times in total give or take.

You don't know her well enough to live with her in what will be a husband wife relationship (or as good as).

We moved in together because it just worked out that she was finishing up college and was moving back to our home area.

Mistake # 2 - Moving in together "just because it worked out that way" is never, never, ever a good idea. You don't know her - don't know how she acts under a host of situations and are putting yourself in a very difficult situation.

every intention of proposing if she lived here 5-6-7 months and all went well

Mistake # 3 - and your out of here. know a woman before you marry her. I suggest at a minimum 18 months.


Piece of advice.

Never give ultimatums - they seldom if ever work out

Never put up with BS excuses of reasons why she's not putting out. It doesn't matter what the excuse - the end result is the same - she turns you down - and it only get's easier for her after the first time

When a woman is fvcking you, then stops - there's a fundemental reason. But it's not your job to figure it out. Your young, it'll only get worse - go find another piece of a## - cause a woman is never worth the pain she'll put you through.

This should prove as a warning to you, that you don't know someone after 5 months - at this time you should be dating and fvcking - not living together and dealing with each others issues.

Well, we got into another fight and she went to her parent's for the night. Then she came back today. Asked if she could still stay here but we just slow it down a knotch.. I said no she can move back to her parents and we can slow it down, but not if she stays here. She said they said they dont want her back either, and I said "well sorry to put you in such a jam, but thats the way it is" She took only some bare essentials, left the rest of her stuff here, and went back to their house anyway.

This si a huge red flag.

She's 28 and her parents are controlling her life - I would seriously consider the implications this has on any possible future between the 2 of you.

Apart from that - good move of getting rid of her. Prepare for the tears and the fact that she'll want to make up with you for a place to live.

I suggest you help her find a roommate or place to live.

 

[logicallefty]

So the dust is settling... She went home, both agreeing to slow things down but still date exclusively..

What would be my safest move to make now? I was thinking either wait 1 week and if i dont hear from her, send her a text message to see whats up. Or, if i dont hear from her in 2 weeks, call her and tell her i want to completely end it... I actually did try to completely end it in our arguement yesterday, thinking it was inevidable, but she said "no no no i dont want to end it i just want to slow WAYY down. ". I dont want to end it either, but i also dont want to get sha*ted, and if someone is gonna end it, if the end is inevidable, i want it to me me, not her.

 

[WestCoaster]

Logicallefty, how old are you? If you're under 25, no freaking way should you be dating anyone exclusively, unless a Marilyn Monroe with a Ph.d. and a certificate from a fine culinary institutue is showing interest.

Otherwise, spin plates.

Like me, sadly you guys take women, relationships, and everything so serious in your 20's.

There's a term everyone uses, "Are you SERIOUS with her?"

Serious means just that: not fun.

You should be playing the field, but I've come to understand that this board and all boards in the DJ forum are mostly for guys wanting to be serious, guys wanting to get back with their ex's, or how to find one person to date. Few understand the benefits of dating many.

 

[Desdinova]

She took only some bare essentials, left the rest of her stuff here, and went back to their house anyway.

I hope to hell you're giving her a time limit to get her 5hit out of your place. If not, have a garage sale.

I actually did try to completely end it in our arguement yesterday, thinking it was inevidable, but she said "no no no i dont want to end it i just want to slow WAYY down. ".

She's getting scared. She has the power in the relationship, and now she's scared that you're going to take your power back.

"Slow down" = having things on her terms = no sex

Your complaint was her not wanting sex. How is that going to change if the two of you "slow down"?

Answer: It's not going to change for the better. Your chance of having sex with her decreases even more because you're "taking things slow."

I'd say it's time to ditch her and find yourself a nice non-xtian girl.

 

[logicallefty]

I'm 32 actually, but consider me 20 when it comes to dating. I was with my X-wife for 12 years, and have been single, really, for only the last 2 years, high school and grade school not counted.. Getting better, mainly from this site, but still have much to learn.

I'm willing to give it a little time at this slowing down thing, but I dont want to dilly dally around too long, that's the thing..

 

[wayword]

All those are BS excuses she gave you. Who knows what her real reason is - but it's obviously something not so nice that she has to hide it.

Maybe she was just sexing you up to be able to move in with you? Maybe she's got another guy on the side? Who knows? But it's probably something relatively simple but "bad."

ANYWAYS, therein lies the problem with "real" LTRs like living together or, god forbid, marriage. You give TONS of your power away and are left with no leverage. AND SHE KNOWS THAT. Which then allows her to drop all her acts and shyt all over you if she wants.

 

[WestCoaster]

Logicallefty, I think since you were married for so long and got married at a young age, you haven't yet played the field. You're still relatively young, and I think you should opt for that route.

Honestly -- and few people believe me on this theory since the world is AFC -- you need to date 50 women MINIMUM in your lifetime to find out what you really want. The exceptions to the rule is when you click with one of those 50 and realize you're not going to upgrade from that, even then there are no guarantees, people change.

I think it's a numbers game and the more you date, the more you find out what you want in a woman. There's an interesting article on the front page of sosuave.com saying "date them all" ... young, older, fat, skinny, etc. I TOTALLY agree with this.

Most men I know just zero in on one woman, or meet one, decide to get married because it's time, but they've set no parameters of what they want in a woman. Their parameters were: "She likes me, she's shown interest, we've had sex, hmmm, seems good to me."

Heck, those were my parameters until I found this site. Also, I've noticed men who were married and get divorced are dying to get back into the serious game and don't know how to be single.

This gal has put up more red flags than the Kremlin. I'd focus on dating many women as in plural, women not one woman.

... Then again I've been harping on this for so long and 90 percent of the guys on this site still are "soul mate" hunting and not utilzing their options.

Trust me, the more options you have, the better off you are.

 

[grinder]

Religion and parents: Do not go there, do not try to agrue against them. It would be easy to say "just go out and find others that are willing..." but, unforutnatley, she is in YOUR house.

No need to overstate: listen to Rollo, Westcoaster, and Desdinova.

Awfull to say but: Did you turn into a capitulating WUSS when she moved in? Is that the REAL reason she ****blocks you?

Even worse: No matter what you do: GET HER THE HELL OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! THEN figure out where to go. You are jammed and hamstrung with her underfoot.

 

[whistler]

Logical Lefty,

If you're the logical one, she's the crafty one. Something stinks like bvllsh1t here.

You might continue to date her -- but I wouldn't. No point in guaranteeing future misery.

 

[WestCoaster]

Here's a fallback plan if you're hell-bent in not taking our advice. Date many others and put this gal on the back burner. If the other gals you date aren't better or as good, you can go back to your house of misery.

But you can't get another perspective on women until you date others.

Hey, a Triple-A minor league pitcher is usually pretty darn good, 90 mph fastball, great slider, etc. ... but compared to Roger Clemens he's chopped liver.

Get the idea?

 

[Sinistar]

Yo Lefty,

Stop a minute and listen and think.

Your mouth (ie words, words, words,...) are just digging the hole deeper and deeper with her. With each conversation she appears to be gaining control and you appear to be supplicating. Whether she actually cares for you or not, the supplicating will finish you off.

So stop talking to her for a bit and especially avoid talking to her on "her terms".

At this point dude its going to be your actions that determine your fate.

You can serve her a dish of cold limp supplicant to which she'll accept it and see how much more you've got in you.

Or...

You can pull way back, get quiet and mysterious. Let things settle down. No more words. Find your alpha. Define your relationship with her in your mind on your own terms (ex or FB or GF or whatever). Then live it. Just don't tell her. Show her through your actions. When she has to start filling in the blanks and sees your doing your thing she'll either dissappear or come back. And at that point it will be your choice not hers. Anything less and you are going to come out of this knocked down to nothing and for no good reason.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Don't quit her 'til you hit her in the sh!ter. :moon: :cheer:

 

[Phyzzle]

Please don't bother staying loyal to this girl. "I want to take it slow" = "I'm not interested, and I'm dumping you, but I need a place to stay".

You see, back in my uber-AFC days, I let a girl stay in my house for a month. IMMEDIATELY after moving her stuff in, she lost affection and interest, saying she just got out of a verbally abusive relationship should slow down and be friends "for a while". After a few weeks, whom do find hanging out with her in my living room? Her abusive ex! As the night went on, I asked where he was staying (he was from out of town.) Apparrently, she told him he could stay at MY house indefinitely! :box:

Well, I said no, and they both ended up sleeping in a tent outside somewhere. She was furious! She still thinks I was in the wrong to this day. Bizzare.

Anyway, back when your girl' interest level was high - like when she was with other guys - did she have all these religious problems with sex? HELL NO! She developed them, coincidentally, right after you stopped being attractive to her. Probably when you stopped being a challenge.

So if she needs "space" to "slow down" then oblige her: slow down to a stop and stop dealing with her.
rAFC
Phyzzle

 

[dietzcoi]

This is an outstanding thread with all the correct advice we need posted in one place... now will Lefty take it?

Grinders quote: "You are jammed and hamstrung with her underfoot." should be carved in granite and taught at every high school world-wide!

Dietzcoi

 

[logicallefty]

This has been an outstanding thread and I can't thank you guys enough.

It was tough but I finally told her Wednesday that we are totally done, and she is coming to get the rest of her stuff this weekend. Her response was "I really thought we could work it out, but ok whatever." Her mom sent me a nastygram email basically saying that she was just trying to wait until marriage and I should have been more patient with her. She did finally tell her mom that she had slept with me, but other than that her mom thinks I am the first and only one. Before all of this her parents thought she was still a v and didnt know about the other guys before me. She wanted to perserve that good girl image with them, see.

I have met other people in my life just like these people; they think God wants them to be a certain way, but they really dont want to be that way at all, but think they have to. They are all some of the most confused and unhappy people I know. i should have seen this in her much sooner.

Anyway, hurts a little bit now but i think in the end i will be better off..

 

[WestCoaster]

The key now is to bounce back with MANY women, not one. You haven't played the field enough.

A steak at a greasy spoon only tastes good because you haven't had one at a nice steakhouse. It's all about perspective and the only way to get that is to date many women.

Oneitis is the worst affliction to the modern man.

 

[Desdinova]

Her mom sent me a nastygram email basically saying that she was just trying to wait until marriage and I should have been more patient with her.

I would have responded with, "Well, you're married, so why don't you and me get it on?"

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

At the end of our lives it will be our virtues we regret more than our vices.

 

[flava]

well just prepare yourself bro for the "why havent you called me i know were over but dont you even care about me still?" phone call,basically shes gonna came crawling back to you within a month or 2 just do give in bro stay strong!