from hookup to LJBF... mind games and mixed signals galore: HELP!

[thecurtainfalls]

Hey all

Well I really need some advice this time. I don't know what the f!ck happened to this one. I posted a thread not too long ago about an HB 8.6 (I consider that really hot... this is why this situation is ****ing with me so much) who had a boyfriend in my classes at college, yet she flirted with me all the time, etc. When they broke up, I made my intentions known, and she was mostly receptive but had a little bit of anti-slut-defense due to how recently she had broken up with the boyfriend. So we continued to hang out, with nothing physical happening, but with a lot of constant sexual tension occurring.

We talked about "us" a few times, and she made it known that she really likes me... a lot. She's super attracted to me, but she thinks that if we were to f!ck or do anything it would be really ****ed up considering that she just got out of a 9 month relationship with one of our classmates that we see pretty much every day at school.

Well, this all culminated while I was away on a trip for winter vacation. She texted and called me about 10 times a day. I knew I was pretty much in... it seemed like while I was gone she had made up her mind. The night I got back, she called me after midnight and asked if she could come over... but mentioned that she doesn't like driving home really late. I smoothly told her that she could spend the night if she wanted, and she said she would.

When she got to my place, we locked ourselves in my room and talked for a while, then it was getting late so we climbed into bed. She started talking a bit about how she felt really nervous and she wasn't sure if any of this was a good idea. I did a little bit of freezeout and it worked pretty well, because pretty soon she snuggled up against me and grabbed my hand. She kept saying that she didn't think it was a good idea for us to hook up that night, but look at the discrepancy between her actions and her words!! This girl has been giving me mixed signals since the very beginning, by the way.

Finally, something I said must have really worked, because she sat up and took off her shirt and bra, then basically started raping me... which felt f!ckin' great, by the way. Except we were just making out with some tit play. But after about 20 minutes of that she got off of me, went back to laying next to me, and said that she couldn't go any further and that she was going to sleep.

In the morning, **** was cool... we hung out and got breakfast and everything seemed fine. We had plans to meet the next night and she made it sound like that was when I'd finally get to bang her.

Except I got a phone call the next day basically saying that she'd been doing a lot of thinking and she thinks we're moving way too fast. She says she feels really wrong because it's so soon after her old boyfriend. She said she thinks that I want a serious relationship with her (which I do... but believe me I would settle for a random bang or two from this VERY hot girl) and that she can't give me that right now. She said that if I can handle it, we can just be friends for now. Then she was like "have a good week, I'll talk to you later". Have a good week?? What the hell, this girl was calling me 10 times a day and driving to my pad after midnight to spend the night with me!!

Guys... I'm really confused. And I'm torn up over this one, because (yeah yeah I know) I really like this girl. She's way hotter than most of the girls I've gotten and also WAY cooler. Definite LTR material. So what do I do now as far as damage control? At least it's clear that she does want me on some level, but all this bull**** is holding us back. Do I give it time? Be aggressive and try to fight for this?? I'm totally lost, gents. Please help! Thanks for reading all this.

:rockon:

 

[omgwtfm8]

You give her the "Whatever, You gotta do what you gotta do." feeling.

She obviously still is talking to her ex. That's the only way her feelings could change so quick.

It usually goes like this:
He calls her on the phone, he begs for her back and asks her if she has moved on. She gets emotional and was like no, don't worry. Then calls you up, feeds you the bullsh!t.

happens all the time.

Just put her on the back burner and talk to as many other chicks as possible.

You might hurt your emotional state more if you try to be aggressive and she just ignores your calls or doesn't respond to txt/etc.

Give it time, she isn't going anywhere.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

omgwtfm8, I think you are absolutely on to something... everything you said makes a lot of sense. I think you're right, but it feels so weird to just give it time when I thought I had this one in the bag... do you think that down the road this situation could end up actually working out in my favor?

 

[gherald]

ignore for sometime...

show her that you can live without her and you don't need her.

like wht the other guy said..you're going nowhere with her...

 

[Desdinova]

First of all, women on the rebound should NEVER be taken seriously. They still have feelings for their ex, and they're having feelings for you. Their emotions are in conflict, so they're going to be flakey as hell. She'll be absent when she feels for her ex, but she'll be around when she feels for you.

but she thinks that if we were to f!ck or do anything it would be really ****ed up considering that she just got out of a 9 month relationship with one of our classmates that we see pretty much every day at school.

Why are you two talking so much about her last relationship? All you're doing is getting her to think about her ex, and she's going to feel what she felt for HIM, not you. If a woman starts talking about her ex, just let her know that you don't wanna hear about her past relationship problems, and that she's here now with YOU.

She started talking a bit about how she felt really nervous and she wasn't sure if any of this was a good idea.

That's when you give her a massage to calm her down.

But after about 20 minutes of that she got off of me, went back to laying next to me, and said that she couldn't go any further and that she was going to sleep.

This is when you do the freeze out, when she stops acting sexual and starts talking about how what she's doing is wrong. Punish her for stopping half way into sex.

Except I got a phone call the next day basically saying that she'd been doing a lot of thinking and she thinks we're moving way too fast.

The anti-slvt defense is in full effect. You let her behave badly, and now the legs open to opportunity have closed. It's doubtful that you can recover from this. You're best option is to NEXT her.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Curtain,


It seems to me that what you have here is a woman in FLUX. Her emotions are running wild. She’s on an emotional rollercoaster that you shouldn’t be riding WITH her. As it stands, it sounds like what’s been going on is that she’ll holla at you as she goes by in order to grab a quick attention fix from you.

Like OMGWTFM8 just said, I think her boyfriend is dipping in and out of her life---fukking with her head. Which in turn, inspires HER to fukk with yours. Whether she’s doing it on purpose or doing it accidentally due to the emotional tug of war she’s involved in, DOES NOT MATTER. And for dam sure, your mission is NOT to wrack your brain trying to figure it out.

No Soldier. Trying to concisely figure out what a woman is thinking and feeling from one moment to the next is a suicide mission. It’s like entering Dante’s Inferno wearing gasoline draws---“Ye who are about to enter here, abandon ALL hope.” LOL

Now having said that, this is what I see:

1. You have made yourself too available for her.
2. You have listened too much to her problems.
3. You have allowed yourself to get too into this girl too soon.
4. You have what this site likes to call ONEitis, and SHE suspects that you might have it too. Which is why she hit you with the “I think YOU want a serious relationship, I’m not ready yet, so let’s just be friends speech”.
5. You don’t have enough other WORTHY babe options RIGHT NOW.

It looks bad right now, but all may not be lost at this point. Here are your marching orders:

1. Cut off all extracurricular contact with her. If you see her at the usual places, be friendly, but keep it SHORT. Don’t make yourself available to her for ANYTHING except for serious romantic interest. Anything else, and you will be permanently placed in the friendzone.

She will think of you as her emotional tampon to be used while she sad or in need of attention ONLY. Then, when she feels better, she will discard her negative emotions AND YOU with the same nonchalance that she’d throw away a real tampon.

ANd if you ever do get another crack at her alone in your apartment, don't engage her in any extended convo about that other guy. Instead just nod and agree and CONTINUE to escalate the seduction with deep vocal tone and plenty of kino.

Don't ask her to do SH!T. You be the MAN and lead her decisively and she will usually follow if she's genuinely interested in you. Again, I'm not talking about taking a RAPE CHARGE here, I'm talking about leading her past her last minute resistance to where SHE wants to go too. Some girls feel better when they can just tell themselves AND their friends "...it just happened." LOL

2. You MUST go out and find you some more WORTHY women. This site loves to preach SPIN MORE PLATES. Which is fine, but this slogan alone does a disservice to the specifics of what you REALLY need to do. More plates simply means MORE OPTIONS. But you need more than just more options, you need options of equal or preferably BETTER quality to get over a ONEitis-type chick.

And I cannot stress ENOUGH that more options does not simply mean WOMEN. More options mean other things that make you excited and get your juices flowing, such as your goals, your dreams, your hobbies, etc..

Read the above sentence again.

Now, again back to those options being "WOMEN". You will find that the more women you meet, the more selective you will become in what you want in a woman. This may be hard for you to believe AT THIS MOMENT, but there are many more women out there that you can meet that will eclipse this woman in looks, attitude, behavior, and intelligence.

But you’ll never find one of them if you let THIS one put your life on PAUSE. So get out there and find a worthy woman RIGHT NOW!

And as you go about this mission, soldier, it’s perfectly all right for this particular woman to know about it. In fact, it's PREFERRABLE. LOL And with women, it’s always better to SHOW than tell.

No, don’t TELL her you’re not looking for something serious with her, don’t TELL her you’re not interested in listening to her bullsh!t BF problems, and don’t TELL her you are SO over her that you’ve decided to move on.

Instead, let her SEE you with other women. Let her SEE that you ain’t running up behind her like an attentive puppy dog salivating for whatever scraps of intimacy she chooses to throw you off her table. Let her SEE you actively and ENTHUSIASTICALLY dating other, and BETTER LOOKING (this fact is VERY important) CHICKS.

Biitches are fine when THEY are the ones with the winning hand dealing out REJECTIONS (LJBFs) to guys. But their Asses can’t take it when it happens the other way around. Remember, the opposite of Love is not Hate, it’s INDIFFERENCE. Nothing fukks with a hot babes' head like realizing that there's a guy who could care less that she's alive on earth right now. lol

IF this chick has ANY real feelings for you, this is the ONLY chance I can see that you have of making her flakey Ass get off the fence and choose you DECISIVELY. And of course, the BEST thing that can happen is if by the time this chick buys herself a six-pack of “ACT RIGHT”, your happy ass will be too busy with a BETTER chick to even care. lol

In closing, remember these two pieces of Intel, soldier:

Doc Love says: “Rejection DOUBLES interest level.” So use this fact to your advantage---if you can.

And Victory Unlimited, in times of war like THESE, says:

If you want someone to love you, open your heart. But if you want someone to become OBSESSED with having you…CLOSE IT.

March on, soldier!

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Victory Unlimited,

A million thanks for that well thought out and inspirational post. You are the MAN. I printed that out to re-read any time I feel like I'm losing sight of the mission. It seems way obvious now that I've completely stopped being a challenge or anything like that... I have definitely made myself way too available... I felt like once our cards were on the table that the "seduction" phase was sort of over in a way and I stopped trying as hard. I know I've made a bunch of mistakes in this particular scenario, but I'm going to follow your advice to the T as I feel it is my best chance of salvaging this mess.

Once again... I can't thank you enough for taking the time to write all that. Cheers!!

:rockon:

 

[Victory Unlimited]

No problem friend. lol


Oh, and one other thing to remember is this:

Always remember to stay ABOVE the girl AND the relationship too. What I mean by that is this: If you keep elevating yourself as THE PRIZE, you can maintain some sort of objectivity. This helps you maintain enough of an emotional distance at the outset of a new POSSIBLE relationship until you are relatively sure that the woman feels the same.

A woman has to prove herself---her true true high interest in you OVER TIME. She has to act consistently good towards you for a couple or three months AND ask YOU for a relationship first before you can begin CONSIDERING relaxing your DJ grip "a little".

Always protect your heart, my brother. It's your most valuable and vulnerable part. Why do I say this? Because I've been there myself, and am seeing a friend of mine who is in his 40's who is right now DEVASTATED because a woman he was involved with just callously rejected him.

How was she able to do this? Because, unfortunately, he let his guard down too much, and PREMATURELY. He didn't remember to protect his heart until it was TOO LATE.

So let this be a lesson to you:

ALWAYS KEEP YOUR PIMP HAND STRONG!!!!! lol



Peace...one day.

 

[realsmoothie]

I'm no expert but the way that night went, combined with the fact that she has an ex still in the picture....

...means that she was using you as a self-esteem band-aid. She needed to feel wanted and sexy, without the actual sex.

It sounds like you could have had sex with her, as the other more experienced guys have said. But you sound like you NEED more, a relationship (don't give me this "I could handle being an FB with her", think to yourself how you would feel if you did bang her and then she was like "I'm going back with my boyfriend". Jealous?). In this case, you're really screwed. She doesn't sound ready at all.

Trust me, I have recent experience with a rebound girl. All hot-to-trot... but flakier than all hell.

 

[da_hunter]

what exactly about this girl puts her the extra .1 points above an HB8.5?

 

[ryannath]

^^^da hunter, I was wondering the same thing. And, the "it just happened" line. I actually got that line after sex once. After it was over she said, "this tonight, it just...happened" lol and she was laughing when she said it. By the way, how does rejection double attraction?

 

[lookyoung]

I think she wanted to have sex with you but u did something wrong. Maybe you were not aggressive enough. Maybe you were nervous. Maybe u didn't kiss her right. I don't know.......

It is rare for a girl to take off her top like that and not have sex with a guy. I think you are giving this girl too much credit... You said that she said she thinks it maybe too soon to have sex. This is BS girls are always ready for sex with the right guy..

U screwed up your best bet is to just wait it out. She may call and may not but, if you try to pursue it your game will be ruined.

Best of luck bro.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

I'm not looking for any input from keyboard jockeys or thread pissers, thanks.

As an update for anyone who cares or might be able to learn from this situation, I have been busy spinning other plates over the last week and it seems to be working like a charm. Not only am I way less obsessed over this one girl, but I think I actually may like this new girl even more... no games, no drama, no bull****. While I was out with this new girl last night, I got a phone call from the HB that this thread was originally about. She left a voicemail (I didn't pick up... f!ck that) saying that she wants to see me before she leaves on this weeklong trip and that she's been thinking about me and all this sh!t.

All I know is, I'm gonna be real suspicious in my dealings with this girl from now on, especially with the perspective I've gained from using other hot girls as a way out of oneitis. If I am elevating myself as the prize, there is no reason for me to get so apesh!t over one girl and turn into an AFC just because I have a chance with her.

So far it looks like Victory Unlimited's gameplan for me is working out pretty well... I will update this thread as developments occur, but it's a nice feeling knowing I'm in pretty good shape either way.

:rockon:

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Curtain,


That's good news Bruh. Keep your wits about you, remain above the situation, maintain some objectivity and you'll be COOL. Make all these girls have to qualify themselves to YOU-----not the other way around.

Oh, and Ryannath,

What is meant by REJECTION DOUBLES INTEREST LEVEL is this:

Most people who suddenly discover that their SURE THING has rejected THEM, are unable to handle it. Why? Not because they have suddenly realized YOU were "secretly" the love of their life.

No. They mostly react so badly to it because your rejection of them is a HUGE blow to their EGO. This works to a certain degree on ANY hot babe, but it works especially well on Attention Whhores. lol

Here's an example of it here:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1077626#post1077626



March on.