From Highly Interested,to Being Cold and Dump me.

[shamrockd13]

Hi to all, been reading the forums for a long time,I just found an excuse to post and hear your insights about my story.

So,

I approached a random girl outside my school (btw I am 28 she is 24) ,there was an instant connection.She was the one who searched me on Facebook,we had 2-3 great flirting chats also there,and she seemed very interested.We arranged a date,everything went well and fun and during the second date (after 3-4 days) I went for the kiss and everything seemed great and smooth.She was also seemed very into me that night.
Since then and for the next 2-3 weeks we kept a daily contact with texting only (how was your day,flirty texts etc casual stuff).Initiation was mutual.
In these 2-3 weeks we only got out only 3 more times,kissing,having a great time,laughing and so on.However during the 3rd week,I noticed signs of her being cold,distant and aloof in our communication,she didn't seem to want to make time to see me and the classic stuff you heard again for sure.
When once I tried to make plans with her for the weekend,I received a message that I pressure her sometimes,that I rush into things and that she is very independent person to be all the time with me etc...I didn't say anything I tried to be patient,we went out next night,everything were great again.In person she and everything between us seemed wonderful,but while we were away she was getting colder and colder.Two days after that,she sends me that something does not work for her from her side,we can meet and talk.I meet her we talk for an hour,I am telling her we can end it,no hard feelings but she says she is not sure,she wants to make this work and tells me to keep going on but not being pushy.
After that,the next week,I distance myself from the texting,and she sends me something like I don't care anymore.. (craziness).And after one day she sends me the same thing,that it still doesn't work for her even though she didn't want that.
To be honest I got pissed off there and wanted to figure what was going on with her,instead of just accepting it with a simple answer,and got into a long chatting conversation,my mistake.She wanted my friendship,I rejected politely and got upset that we are going to ignore each other. Since the end (it was before 1 week) I am in no contact with her.However after 4 days we had a common class when we usually sat together.I was already sitting in the room and she came near me (instead of sitting anywhere else in the big hall) and told me that she will sit 2-3 sits away in a playful way,I told her I don't care,if she want she can also sit next to me.She tells me she knew she would see me and it would be weird,I didn't say anything.We were 80% both indifferent to each other during class.That's it till now.

So, I know what most you will say as advice,MOVE ON.
I know,I just want to talk a little bit about this in order to figure out what happened as a lesson for future circumstances.

Where is my issue: Until now,in my past relationships we always both took 2-3 months to figure out each other if we are compatible and want to proceed.For the first time I saw this happen in 3-4 dates!Is that possible? At least in the space of 2-3 months or even less I would know where I was wrong,If I came needy or clingy and it was enough to see if you match.Here I am as sure as I can be that I was normal with the communication and the dates themselves.All happened out of a sudden,not gradually.

In the last talk she seemed very honest even though she contradicted herself much.I know women are based on emotions and not logic,but again this change of attitude so quickly between 2 weeks is not normal.She told me that I was great,she wanted me in her life,she liked me as a man,she was attracted and I was the first one she was so open.However she said we rushed things,instead of knowing each other more before we get in relation and in the end she didn't feel the necessary motivaton/spark to keep going on with me and that she was confused.She didn't know what was the problem,something between timing,compatibility and relation with me and she didn't know if that feeling would pass but she did not want to wait.She wanted to keep being friends in order to know me better she said and maybe life brings it differently again..

I knew I was wrong towards the end that I accepted her distant weird behavior,I shouldn't,I should dump her in the first place and not give her time to figure out things,I gave her power over me.But my issue is how we got there since I am sure that I wasn't an AFC during this period.To be honest, indeed I was not a big challenge,but I wasn't an afc also.

-Maybe sometimes is indeed a matter of chemistry and compatibility and you should just accept that?
-If I wanted to challenge a little bit myself with her you think no contact could spark interest since there was for sure at the beginning or because we weren't bonded at all it won't do anything?
-And what do you think about her behavior in the class?She wanted to test me/was waiting for attention?

Thank you in advance

 

[Meisterman]

It sounds like you texted her way too much. She liked texting you because she craved the validation and acceptance. In other words she wanted you to like her. But once it was obvious you did, there was no more challenge, it got boring, there was no excitement or that initial 'spark' anymore.

This coupled with the fact you said your communication was soley through text. This is a huge mistake. You should keep texting as limited as possible, and texting has ONE goal: to arrange dates & meet ups. From there you can communicate in person and sexually escalate, which is what will keep her attracted to you. So basically less texting, more sexing.

And also as far as you two "rushing it" when you were texting for 3 weeks and all you did was kiss her? Don't buy that BS. You should always try to escalate as fast as possible when meeting a girl. The longer you wait to make a move, the higher chance she is to drop you.

 

[marmel75]

You didn't escaltate to sex and came off way too needy and much too willing to text with her like one of her girlfriends..

Too scared to do anything other than kiss her means she lost interest and figured she needed to find someone else man enough to bang her senseless...my guess is she already did, hence her loss of interest

 

[GS750]

Likely another guy. Back off, do your thing.

 

[Anargyros]

I think there are many ways to screw up - but you never know if it was really something you did or didn't do what screwed you up. I think it's kind of narcissistic.. "if I had done everything by the book, I would have had her begging for being my sex slave". Just my two cents.

 

[astrn]

Next her! Its over for her POV. Dont chase, dont persist. You lost the window of sex with her. If you didnt slept its over. Look for another chick... Dont waste your time!

 

[hudpes]

A woman gets the impression that a man is a man, or THE man, while he's making a series of right steps, just like warm-cold game, you always have to step toward the warm. Being a woman, she knew you were into her, your neediness made it perfectly clear, so she was on top of the game, her moves provoked your responses and she made her judgement from those. If you have a clear direction set in your head and don't stray from in, you are unmovable and unswayed by anything she does, then she can only be playing with herself. And eventhough she knows you like her, from time to time she's just not sure and she comes closer, you are only interested in making steps hello->date->kiss->sex. Any fluff between that, you don't want to get dragged in it. That's the way. You won't make it with all women, but even if you don't end up in bed, it won't be a failure.

 

[shamrockd13]

Thank you for your answers.I just wanted to say at least from my experiences not every situation is the same.Even if you do things right,there may be something else each time.

Sex:
Guys,whenever I tried to escalate she backed off and felt pressure,she needed time etc and unfortunately I don't know her background,if she had anything else before that ended recently or sth. She avoided to go there "so early".

Texting:
I had many relationships but never an issue with that.I never text much, and in this one I tried to text only if it was a mutual thing.Never pressured or texted more and no long conversations more than 10 minutes.You think I should play games,and disappear a little to intrigue her for example? Once I did she got pissed off..

Other guy:
That would be a logical explanation.However I don't think she would be that a ***** since she offered to spend time together as friends and "see where this takes us if we get to know each other better ".

The only thing I regret of my behavior is that she surely understood that I was much into her from our dates,and now I guess more than her..

Any insights about the encounter in the class?She wanted attention you believe or to test me,or something else?
And how should I interact when I bump into her,or in class again? Indifferent,normal,apply ****y and funny again?

 

[hudpes]

Act like she's a HB4, pursue others.