Friendzone question ?

[AlexTheGreat]

Hi, I'm new here ..... hehehe great first post hein ? lol


Well, I just wanted to know something ....

I've been friendzoned by this girl at school that I really like. She told me once that she did have a high interest in me. I know that I ****ed it up by being too present, too available, too pushover, too nice --- too AFC/nice guy . Anyways, she knows I like her, and sometimes it seems like she might be a little interested.

I will start tomorrow the DJ Bootcamp, to get rid of my AFC-ness, get more confidence, and let the Man hiding in me transpire over this Nice Guy that I am right now.

So, the question is .... As she was interested in me when I wasn't paying a lot of attention to her (at the beginning, I didn't put her on any pedestal or whatever ... Just when I started to get to know her, when my feelings for her started growing, that I put her higher than me), and that she lost most of that interest when she saw my AFC-ness and lack of confidence, could I make her regain that interest with a change of attitude ? I mean, summer vacation is coming soon, so I'll have more time to practice the DJ skills and get rid of the AFC in me. Could the change of attitude, plus the DJ skills, plus the 2 months of absence, make her change me from the friend to the real zone ?

 

[NRM]

Well typically, when you hit the friend zone, there's no turning back. If you believe in the romantic interest level and stuff, then that's when she went under 49% and there's no return. And usually when they say that they once had high interest in you, it could mean that they used to feel a certain way about you, but are open about it now because they don't feel that way at all anymore. When that happens, it's probably decreasing your chances of ever getting a real chance.

The only advice I have for you is to not worry about her, once you give up being an AFC and change your way of life, you'll have girls flock to you by the dozens. But if you still remain interested in her, then just see how she sees you then and give it a go. Don't let her be your only reason for changing.

Good luck.

AIM: TheRealNRM
If you want some theory.

 

[AlexTheGreat]

Originally posted by NRM
Well typically, when you hit the friend zone, there's no turning back. If you believe in the romantic interest level and stuff, then that's when she went under 49% and there's no return. And usually when they say that they once had high interest in you, it could mean that they used to feel a certain way about you, but are open about it now because they don't feel that way at all anymore. When that happens, it's probably decreasing your chances of ever getting a real chance.

Well she didn't openly say it, I had to get it out of her. I mean, even her answer was sketchy at best, but I know by the way she was acting that she did, so what she said kindda confirmed my hypothesis.

Thanks for the quick reply !

 

[AFK Protector]

Alex, man . . . the bootcamp is hard. Turning from a nice guy to a full fledged DJ/MAN is even harder. Hell, I still keep going back and forth a little although I've kept it to a more DJish level. The key thing is never to give up.

I know you're concerned about this girl, and it may be classified as oneitis (do a search on this if you dnno what it is), but after bootcamp, you'll have so many girls you won't even think about her.

Good luck and welcome.

 

[assassin]

I hate to contradict everyone but you can get out of the friendzone. I've done it. It might depend on the chick, but if you think theirs a chance go with it.

 

[AFK Protector]

Originally posted by assassin
I hate to contradict everyone but you can get out of the friendzone. I've done it. It might depend on the chick, but if you think theirs a chance go with it.

I'm with you. Care to explain what happened?

 

[assassin]

I've liked this girl (Jennifer), still kind of do, for about two years. She knew her game well and played it well, while I an afc had no idea a game even existed. I was quite clueless but once I found this site it all made sense. When I found this site I had already had enough of her crap and had been ignoring her for about 2 weeks. Then I learned the moves and learned to be a man about things and this set her off. I was WAY into the friendzone with this chick. Now I got her hanging all over me. Literally.

While most of it was raising her interest level, I have to give some credit to jealousy. She has a close friend that I met who isn't too bad her self (Kelly). They're both about an 8 in case your wondering. Well the three of us were hangin out together and Kelly set her purse down next to me. Without question I grabbed it and took her ID. I kept it in my pocket and all day she was on me trying to get it from me. She then put her hand on my hip and asked if this made me uncomfortable. I looked her in the eyes and asked why should it. She kept her hand on my hip and asked which pocket it was in. I told her she's going to have to find that out for her self. She reached into the wrong pocket . She then reached into the other one and got it. This is while Jennifer was holding my arms to "stop" me from stopping Kelly. This made Jennifer extremely jealous and really raised the interest level of Kelly. I had been slipping into the friendzone with Kelly also.

So pretty much raising their interest and creating a little drama for these chicks got me out of the friendzone.

 

[AlexTheGreat]

How did you increase her interest level ?

 

[Porky]

Did you hook up with either of those two girls, Assassin?

Alex, I suggest that you be polite and nice to this girl, but don't spend any time with her. Above all else, don't be rude.

 

[LikRetsam]

Click on search and type up "Escaping the friendzone" by Senor Fingers or Mr Fings(or Fingers). It will be a fun experience.

I too have left the friendzone with my old best friend and we have been dating exclusively since.

 

[DB9]

that was a hilarious but insightful read on fingz expirience but it really is a great post

 

[SemperFi719]

Ive had it happen to me before, falling into the friend zone. Happened to me the otherday but I don't think that I want to work that hard for something that isn't that valuable to me. It's true that you CAN get out of the friends zone, but you have to question if its something that you really want to do. You say yourself that you have some AFC tendencies and such. You also say that you are going to start bootcamp and try to get rid of your AFC-ness. This is good, trust me you won't regret it. But let me tell you that when you go on that journey and start to see a change in yourself, you start to look at things differently. You start to see the truth of "the game" and you can see that with the AFC in your gone, more doors open. Good luck in your quest, and as far as being her friend... I offer this advice. Becoming too available messed you up before... if you want to get with this girl you have to become less available, start going to the gym, let her see you with other girls clinging to you. All of this will make her see you in a different light. Still be nice to her, be a gentleman and don't succumb to the AFC tendencies. Don't cater to all her whims. Believe me, inside you might think "she'll be mad at me if I don't help her" but trust me, she will see that you aren't a pushover. Good luck my friend... may the force be with you.

 

[assassin]

This is awnsering Alex and Porky's questions.

Alex, I used to be their little toy and do everything for them. I stopped being such a wuss about everything and showed some confidence and they started to pay more attention to me flirting kino etc..

Porky, no I haven't gone out with either of these two chicks yet. I have a gf right now and it goes against my religious beliefs to date multiple women. They are definate future canidates though

 

[Jerky Boi]

The Boot Camp will do you wonders :] Once you become a full-fledged DJ, you'll realize that after all, she really is only one girl. Once the AFC-ness is all gone, you'll feel soo much better. And to answer your question, I myself believe that it is possible to get out of the friends zone. You just have to play it right.

I'm in a somewhat similar situation right now. There's this girl that I tried to hook up with a while back. She showed a strong interest in me but it really didn't work out. I quit talking to her for a while. She IMs me one day and asks me if I still hated her. We end up being friends again since I really didn't care whether or not we were or not anymore. Well, after a while, her interest grew again because I made it clear that I wasn't going to give her another chance. I also used a little bit of jealousy in my favor by talking to some other girls. Anyways, don't give up hope. There's always a chance. It just depends on the girl sometimes..

 

[AlexTheGreat]

Ok .... answer me this, if it's going good or not really ....


I talked to her today, and she asked me what the problem was, I'm like "what problem", and she says that I'm drifting away, I'm not talking to her anymore, and that she doesn't like things going that way. I answered with something like "well most of your convo subjects lately aren't really good for a guy so I bounce" and something about one of her friends pissing me off ...

Anyways, did I do the right thing ? I wanna know if it is starting to work, the reconquest I mean ... Do I keep on going like this, not talking a lot to her, or what ?

 

[NRM]

Haha, in those circumstances, I would think things are going good. She wouldn't ask those kinda silly questions if she didn't want you to talk to her. Now, it depends if she sees you as her bitch or something more, where she wants more control over you.

I don't think what you said could have been the best thing. If you could have run a joke off it or something that could lead into something else like

"I've been kinda busy lately, but we can catch up on a date on Wendesday if you think we need to spend more quality time together."

Now, when she said she didn't like the way things are going, she's talking like you two are already dating. I mean, how could a friend not like the way things are going just because you haven't been talking to her recently. I think you should keep doing what you're doing, but don't tell her stuff like you don't like what she says, just tell her you've been busy and had to do other stuff.

It just makes her work for your time a little bit more, rather than looking for new subjects if she really wants to continue a conversation.

Don't give in and give her what she wants. Just do what you do, but instead of just leaving, tell her you have something to do and you might talk to her later.

Just my opinion on things.

 

[JSH]

Originally posted by AlexTheGreat
Ok .... answer me this, if it's going good or not really ....


I talked to her today, and she asked me what the problem was, I'm like "what problem", and she says that I'm drifting away, I'm not talking to her anymore, and that she doesn't like things going that way. I answered with something like "well most of your convo subjects lately aren't really good for a guy so I bounce" and something about one of her friends pissing me off ...

Anyways, did I do the right thing ? I wanna know if it is starting to work, the reconquest I mean ... Do I keep on going like this, not talking a lot to her, or what ?

yeah thats good goin, however, the same thing 'oneitis' (not necessarily a bad thing as long as it was not too unhealthy[ and dont even bother flamin me]) is what tends to happen, most kids find this board being all hung up on how to secure this one beautiful perfect girl & most have already screwed up their chances with her. Thats why most guidelines say dont bother dj ing any of your old flames etc, because you will be so radically different. Other advice tends to be once in the friends zone dont bother anymore (this is not because its impossible to get out, but because it is harder work than getting new girls). Anyway good luck with her.

It will probably make you a better person if you dont stay too unhealthily obsessed with her, have fun and enjoy life without her.


Roll with the punches

 

[AlexTheGreat]

Well, here's a little update, and another question on how I'm doing ....


I was chilling with her yesterday, and she told me how bad it was going in sciences and asked if I could help her study and understand better ... I joked it off, but basically said that I was too busy lately with my own stuff, that I couldn't help her.

Was that the good thing to do ? What would you have done in my situation ?

 

[kave]

oooooo. the horrible friendzone look man i found this site with the same prob and u know what ive learned...dont call them talk to them online at parties nuthing...(unless she comes up to u in which case u find a reason to go somewhere else)until she realizes that u dont absolutely need her to fullfill ur life and shell like that and then when u think its ready to talk to her ask her on a date.. if she doesnt start liking u more shell think ur an ass for ignoring her but i mean guys dont need girl "friends" we need girlfriends bc if ur friends with a girl they are very needy and if ur a dj they wont like u for long bc u dont everything under the sun for them...

 

[AlexTheGreat]

New update

Well, here comes my new update : one word = NEXT. At this moment I just don't give a **** about her anymore.

I did some stupid **** to her earlier this week, now she's taking that as an excuse and "wants time and space" (which I can now tell, she wanted even before I did that, but now she has an excuse as to why). So, I just realized how much of a liar or hypocrite she is, and I don't give a **** anymore. The weird thing is, at this moment I don't even feel sad or anything about our friendship, it's just .... Gone ! hehehe so yeah, my Oneitis is gone, and she's out.

TO HER : if you're reading this, thanks for illuminating my mind *****