Friendship --> Dating (not the obvious question)

[whistler]

I've just begun dating a girl I've known for about a year and a half as a friend/colleague.

I've been chatting with her over IM in the evening on an almost daily basis for the past few weeks. (Because I've been dating other women, she's a colleague, and I was fine with having fun without expectations.)

I can cut off or drasticaly reduce the chatting, but would that really be necessary? Her interest level is high, I'm not incompetent when communicating with women, and it's not like being very available over IM has hurt her interest.

So, the broader, tactical question is:

Is it generally a good idea to keep contact with a girl to a minimum when you've started dating, regardless of your convo volume in the past?

I'd appreciate your thoughts. Thanks.

Whistler

 

[sfalexi]

Just don't run out of things to talk about.

 

[becker]

The danger to me when it comes to dating a girl exclusively is that you may run the risk of being around each other too much, and you can have too much of a good thing. When it comes to girls, it seems that this is especially dangerous because they could get tired of you, and unfortunately, this isn't something that you can do anything about, unless you're always on, which is not often the case.

Anyways, I'd say keep the contact minimal, talk to her once in a while, but not too much. Then, go out like at most on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, maybe 2/3 of those days. That should be enough. If she's interested, that won't be too little contact with her.

 

[whistler]

Thanks.

So I guess the goal is to lay off when it's possible.

 

[flexion_]

Guess you should ask yourself why you would want to talk to a female more than a few times a week - you should have other stuff going on eh?

Otherwise you'll slip down the AFC path eventually.

 

[jakeyboy]

do the talking on the date. otherwise if you carry out too many conversations on the phone or on IM, you could run out of things to say eventually.

take it from me on this one mate.

all the best

 

[DeathDealer]

I agree.
When I started dating this girl I'm going out with, she called me every single day and I would usually be the one ending the call (oh, i gotta get ready for the gym, oh I'm cooking right now - oh I'm cleaning the garage in a bit.) Yeah, She was the one being AFC. But don't be fooled into a girl being super nice and calling you all the time, this can turn against you as she'll see you as being super available for her 24/7. In other words = NO CHALLENGE.

My rule is:

Phone 5-7 min chat

IM 15-20 min chat

unless they really need to talk (someone died, they got fired, etc) I won't go over my time limit.

 

[becker]

The rule for me on the phone is just to never call. This works only if the girl has good IL in you such that she is already into you and you know it. I find it unnecessary to talk on the phone, and unless you're just really good at chit-chatting, it's better not to do that too much.

If on the other hand you're dealing with a girl whom you have high IL in but she may not be that into you, then you'll have to deal with calling her because she will have other stuff going on with other guys calling her, so if you don't call her, you'll be both sitting on your asses in a stalemate, with her getting the better deal because there are other guys calling her. Not to say that you can't have other girls too, but again, this applies to all girls, so it's sort of a cycle.

Anyways, let her call, and end the call before you talk too much. The girl I'm dating now brought up an interesting point that actually makes sense, and that is, the reason why girls tend to like the phone is because talking in person never works because you're always too busy making out or doing some other dirty deeds