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backbreaker

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Is it just me, it very well might be, but the better I do in life in general, the more my friends, my real freinds, or at least I thought guys who I thought were my real friends, resent me more and more?

I mean, it's a hard balance between trying to stay friends with guys you have known your whole life.. and you honestly, or at least I honestly want to continue being friends, as they for the most part have always been there for me.. but more and more I have noticed they seem to resent me in a way.

They do alot more things without me. 2 years ago, you coudln't go out and see one of us without seeing the other two. Now, people call me asking where was I the other night, they saw my two friends and didn't see me, and I didn't even know they were going out.

They never come by my house anymore, whereas it was a time when both had keys to my house and I couldn't keep them away if I wanted to.

I make time for my friends, or at least try to.. last weekend I swung by their house (they live together now too) to chill for a mintue and both seemed to be "busy" with other things, one was talking on the phone with his GF for like an hour, and the other was trying to get his GF to come over, so I just left, as I didn't necessarly feel like I was wanted

Don't pick up the phone when I call, etc... and it's not like they are overlly busy, one doesn' thave a job and the other talks all day on the telephone at his job.

Anyway, although I am the youngest, I have always been considered to be the more mature out of all of us, but it'sl ike I am on a totally different plato in life then they are. But when I look at them, I don't look at how sucessful they are or anything like that, and i don't want them to look at me like that either.. i want them to look at me like they have their entire lifes


anyway, anyone else seem to have this problem with people in general?

One of the things I need to get out there and improve on in general is, I really don't have alot of friends. As a matter of fact, I would venture to say that these two guys are my only two real friends. I know people, but guys I would consider friends... Either I don't trust certain people, or people don't seem to bring alot to the table as far as friendship is concerned. I'm pickier with friends then with women.

I just don't want friends for the sake of saying I have x many friends, I need people who add some type of value to my life.. rather it be encourgement, or a guy that is real good with women and i can relate too, or has a good business mind, not just fat slobs who play PS2 all day long.


But back to my question at hand.. anyone else have problems like this?
 

t_champ

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Yeah mate that happens, as soon as people (your friends) see that your starting to make your way up in the world they will do what ever they can to drag you down to their level. It's in our nature as human beings. I just accept it and move on, meet new people and expand my network.

Cheers..
 

RedPill

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As the saying goes... it's lonely at the top.

When we're young, people are friends more due to commonalities like going to the same schools, living nearby, coming from similar household environments, etc. As we grow into adults though, it's more based on similar values, attitudes, and life visions. Backbreaker, I'm having some of the same issues with old friends who are resenting my improvement and success. The less successful among us tend to dislike change, and resent and envy when you appear to be happy or are doing better than them. It's all fine with me though. I don't tolerate negative people in my life.
 

STR8UP

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Sorry to say, but it doesn't get any better. It isn't necessarily a bad thing....it just happens when you advance and others stay behind.

I started outgrowing most of my old friends awhile ago, and I'm almost at a point where I can't even be around them anymore since our lives are so much different.

My business partner has a high school buddy who is our age (mid 30's), unemployed, no money, plays middle school type relationship games with his girlfriend, and mooches off people.

This guy even comes down from time to time and expects to crash on his couch (in his $600,000 townhouse), eats his food, drinks his booze, and expects to tag along at the clubs when he barely has gas money to make it back home. I told him he's gonna have to put an end to that sh!t, I don't care HOW long they have known each other.
 

Doctormad

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I have always been very picky of the friends I choose. I would rather have one or two quality friends, then 5 or 6 single serving friends. In the end, the only person I am looking out for is myself and I constantly evaluate my relationships with the people I know, and ask myself if they are helping me towards my goals or hindering me. If they are hindering me, then I end up dropping them, or at least start hanging out with them less.

I think a lot of people suffer from just plain old envy sometimes. Lets face it, when one of your friends suddenly becomes very successful, or lucky then its natural to feel a bit of envy. Some people unfortunately let it consume them, and they start to resent the success of the person. Some may even go so far as to secretly plot the downfall of the successful/lucky person.

Although I have done my share of friend-dropping, I have also had people drop me as friends as well for the same reason. I hold no resentment towards them, and I usually use that as my motivation to change. In the end, if they are my good friends, they will come around
 

At this point you probably have a woman (or multiple women) chasing you around, calling you all the time, wanting to be with you. So let's talk about how to KEEP a woman interested in you once you have her. This is BIG! There is nothing worse than getting dumped by a woman that you really, really like.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

backbreaker

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I am starting to learn that all I really have to look after me is myself. That's a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

I mean all though high school, I was KNOWN, but the only reason I was really popular, even though I was on the basketball team, was my two best friends were the two most popular guys in school. One was an all state shooting guard and the other was an All metro Small Foward, and a very talented musican.. so I always bowed to them as far as rep durning school.

Even though i was always considered pretty good looking, girls I really liked would sometimes pass me up for one of them, simply becasue of their popularirty, espically in the 12th grade when I quit playing basketball to concentrate on computers.

The thing about it is, I don't want my friends to come around just when they want something.. as tough as I can be, if either of them really needed something, they know I will be there. When my GF of a year was basically living with me, one of them needed a place to stay because his GF was in town for 2 months and he didn't want to have to stay at home.. who do you think he stayed with? Didn't even have to ask. Yet this is the same guy who I call, just to see what's going on in the next couple of days, and i can't get him to pick up the phone.

I think I started to realllly notice what was going on about 2 months ago, I made a post about it. We were out, for the first time in ages, and out of the blue one of them starts to talk about my EX, about how she wasn't cute, when I know for a fact he had a thing for her, which is not the point, but even if you didn't think she was cute, and she is fine as hell, why make it public? We are grown men now.

Even know, when I go out, I usually do it with a good female friend of mine, or I go alone.

But as everyone knows, you can't play high school basketball your entire lives, and both have graudated college with good GPA's.

Even when they come over my house, whenever they please, without calling, and eat whatever I have cooked and take my liquor, I don't mind in the least bit, I really don't (hell at times when I go over their house the first thing I do is head for the fridge and see what I can scavange.. it's kinda like a running joke, don't leave anything around you don't want to be eaten)

Oh well, it's hard to find people that you have anything in common with. Most kids my age are in college and are dealing with their preppy relationships and are so busy being in "love" that they are too busy to smell life, or our drop outs that smoke weed all day long.
 

Cruise

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It's crazy how the real world seems to really expose the true nature of people's character. And sometimes, it's usually the ugly that gets seen most.

I just found out that 2 of my close high school friends are now serving 25 year bids in state penitentiary for murder. Sad. Yes. But ultimately, as a man, you reap what you sow.

This is why I have this itching feeling that I no longer entrust my definition of success by the quality of relationships I have with others... because I've come to find out that I can't even entrust people to have a good relationship with themselves. So it's no longer about living for me and my friends, family, peers, etc. Hmmm...
 

Microphone Fiend

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perhaps you have outgrown your friends? Are they the same people as when you met them? Because based on your Courage post you seemed to have turned things around in your life alot. Because you (think you've) lost your two old friends doesnt mean that you should live a life of solitude. Find new people to become friends with, start becoming closer to people in your everyday life
 

Julian

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you know what bro?

Fvck them.


I can say with all my heart that i only have 1 true friend right now. The other went AWOL and get some dumb ***** pregnant and lives 3 hours away doing his own thing. Even though me and him had a great friendship...you know what? Fvck him. I try and call him and see what he's up to...he doesnt sound to enthusiastic...he is not trying to do anything with his life. Whatever i dont need him.


I have had other friends come and go, people i THOUGHT had potential to be true friends but in the end they came up short. Which is fine by me, i figure its THEIR loss, not mine. If people arent trying to put forth the same effort into the friendship as you are, then its doomed and ur better off not wasting ur time or energy.


As us Men grow older, you will find your circle of close friends get smaller and smaller and smaller. This is because life weeds out the losers from the winners. The losers will always hang out together because they are not going anywhere, the winners are the ones moving forward...they may lose friends along the way but the true friends will still be there in the end, even if it is only 1 person.

Just keep on elevating. Thats the best thing you can do. Eventually you will meet the right people who are on the same wavelength and great friendships can grow...the others will simply be left in the past. And the past doesnt exist. Its not a reality. its dead so who cares...let em rot.
 

Skel

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Backbreaker I feel you man. My friend who recently quit his job and started simply playing poker 80 hours a week I was very happy for him. He finally was doing what he wanted to do instead of being stuck in a 9 to 5 job. When things picked up for him, like 2 months ago he took home 100k in a week and after that he exploded. He started spending money on everyone, buying drinks, food etc etc.

Needless to say, I started to resent him. I dont know why . Maybe because I felt we grew up together and now he was leaving me but anyhow I quickly had to check myself.
 

Well I'm here to tell you there is such a magic wand. Something that will make you almost completely irresistible to any woman you "point it" at. Something guaranteed to fill your life with love, romance, and excitement.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

backbreaker

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Microphone Fiend said:
perhaps you have outgrown your friends? Are they the same people as when you met them? Because based on your Courage post you seemed to have turned things around in your life alot. Because you (think you've) lost your two old friends doesnt mean that you should live a life of solitude. Find new people to become friends with, start becoming closer to people in your everyday life
are the they same people? for the most part, I would say yes.

But the situtation that is occuring has never been faced, when I am striving to better myselfs and they aren't.

I mean, when push comes to shove, no one knows me better then them.


With that said, I work to hard to let anyone hold me back in life, and if I have to distance myself I will.

But it's not like i don't want to meet new people.. I just find a hard time at least down here, finding people who want to do anything with their lives and have some things somewhat in common with me.
 

backbreaker

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Skel said:
Backbreaker I feel you man. My friend who recently quit his job and started simply playing poker 80 hours a week I was very happy for him. He finally was doing what he wanted to do instead of being stuck in a 9 to 5 job. When things picked up for him, like 2 months ago he took home 100k in a week and after that he exploded. He started spending money on everyone, buying drinks, food etc etc.

Needless to say, I started to resent him. I dont know why . Maybe because I felt we grew up together and now he was leaving me but anyhow I quickly had to check myself.
I am so glad I didn't have any quick success doing what I did, or that might have been me to a smaller extent.

It took me months just to freakin break even. I had a good day on the kentucky derby last year, straight off a hunch (made a post about it here), but the breeders cup was the first day I made a freakin killing.. I made enough that I worked spararticlly until the middle of january, and this was the last day of october.

I think I put 80% of what I had left after taxes in a CD, just so I wouldn't be tempted to do anything stupid.

Now, everything I make, because everything I have is paid for, put all but like 10% in the bank, and I use that to buy food and for my "blow fund", which is money I spend on frevious crap, but I don't feel bad because I know the real bulk of my money is safe in the bank...


Back to friends. They are both in music. If they "make it", and I think they can in all honestly, they have talent.. talk about a funny relationship. Talking with them, I already know neither of them wouldn't have the slightest idea what to do with a large amount of money, but yet theyw ouldn't want to take my advice simply because they would think I am trying to one up them in some way.

About 2 months ago, we went to a pub and there was this cute light skinned black girl there. So I chatted her up for a second, not in a hurry. I go to the bathroom, come back, and the girl seems disinterested now. I ask her what's wrong, and she told me "your friends told me you don't date black women" (I am black BTW).. for the most part, I have been known to venture outside my race, but damn.. just hate on a me like that.


I do alot and have alot going on in my life where i can't spend every damn night with them now like I used to, but I still would like to hang out every once in a while, but i guess the poster was right, the older you get, the more cirlces start to fade and fade.
 

insanity

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if it makes you feel better, i don't have any friends. but thats because there was no benefit to it. it always seemed that people just have to many problems alot of the time, and negativity is so contagious. negative people suck the life out of ya.

ever walk through a mall and look at people. everybody looks cranky now a days. if you truly look at the full picture, everybody is only looking out for number 1.

i have never been a man's man. but mother nature didn't intend that. that's why were always in the pursuit for the one. but just like the caveman days, it's survival of the fittest. there are people who will stab you in the back just to move ahead. people will take your credit if you don't speak up.

maybe i'm disconnected from this world or maybe i've just accepted thats how things work. either way i wake up with a smile everyday and push myself to the limit.

just like some people say on this forum you don't need a woman to be happy. i also see it as i don't need friends to validate my exsistance or happiness. just do what makes you happy.
 

SamePendo

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backbreaker said:
About 2 months ago, we went to a pub and there was this cute light skinned black girl there. So I chatted her up for a second, not in a hurry. I go to the bathroom, come back, and the girl seems disinterested now. I ask her what's wrong, and she told me "your friends told me you don't date black women" (I am black BTW).. for the most part, I have been known to venture outside my race, but damn.. just hate on a me like that.
They're no longer friends man.

I've noticed that this is a ongoing subject in this forum. I personally posted some about the same thing. I've just learned to not think about it, because it's simply how life is. That's why women rock, a woman will admire you, won't be jealous because if you succeed, SHE succeeds! will love you, and will have sex with you!

Life rocks!
 

Desdinova

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Backbreaker, it's like you're writing the story of my life.


Is it just me, it very well might be, but the better I do in life in general, the more my friends, my real freinds, or at least I thought guys who I thought were my real friends, resent me more and more?
Yeah, they do that. People in general hate change. That's why they stay in the same rut for years, and they want you to stay with them for company. They don't want to realize that someone they know is changing, and they don't want to change themselves. However, occasionally you'll find a person who is genuinely happy about the changes you've made for yourself (who are usually women).

It gets bad when these friends who resent you completely turn on you. That's when you know it's time to kick their asses out of your life. You have to remember that even though a relationship with a friend is different than a relationship with a woman, it's still just a "relationship". Many relationships will come to an end in your lifetime. Some will last longer than others. This is a fact of life that you'll have to learn to accept, and it doesn't just apply with women.

One of the things I need to get out there and improve on in general is, I really don't have alot of friends.
The thing that sucks about getting older is you don't have the social circle of school to meet new people, therefore it gets more difficult to make friends (and more difficult to find good Long Term Friends (LTF)). That's when you'll have to get out there, find and create social circles where you can meet new people.

I'm pickier with friends then with women.
You're not the only one! I've been screwed over by so many people in my life that I really have a difficult time trusting anybody. That's usually what the social circles are good for; seeing these people in action before you decide to get closer to them.

I need people who add some type of value to my life.. rather it be encourgement, or a guy that is real good with women and i can relate too, or has a good business mind,
That's one of the biggest problems. A good person with similar interests becomes as rare as the woman with good looks and personality. If you want a good friend, you'll have to make a few sacrifices when it comes to their interests. It is possible to be friends with someone who has very little in common with you, but is a nice guy. A good-hearted AFC will fit this slot very nicely.

As for guys who are good with women, that's what I use this site for. I know very few people IRL who are even mediocre at meeting and dating women.

If your lifestyle and personality have been changing at a fast rate (like it did for me when I came here), you might want to wait until your personal growth slows down a bit. Since people are used to change, you'll have a better time making and keeping friends when you reach a bit of a plateau with your personal change. Although you should never stop self-improvement, you'll get to a point where there's just a bunch of minor improvements to make to youself. If you ever start changing at a fast pace again, you'll likely lose more friends.

I am starting to learn that all I really have to look after me is myself. That's a lesson I had to learn the hard way.
You're 100% right. Nobody else is gonna fvcking do it. In times of personal crisis, you'll find that you're the only one who's there to do the work. It sucks ass, but it makes you stronger. You learn how to use other resources to help get through your problems.

Even know, when I go out, I usually do it with a good female friend of mine, or I go alone.
That's why it's good to create social circles. Go out to a bar on the same night every week, a bar where they have something you're interested in (football game, rock band). Start conversations with people you don't know. When you show up every week at the same time, you'll see others who do the same. These become your social circle of "friends" that you see at the same place every week. It becomes your night to hang out with your social circle. That's what I do, and I've made a couple of new friends this way.
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

backbreaker

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pook said something a while back that stuck with me and I am really just now starting to grasp.. that other peoples lives can only be a success if you are a failure.. otherwise if they look at you suceed, they will have to look in the mirror.

As far as women..lol, nothing is funnier in life than looking in the eyes of a woman when she realizes, the moment it hits her, that she lost the "catch" for one reason or another.

In all hoenstly, I haven't had a girl "leave me" in about.. damn, it's been a while, at least since I was 18. My ex took me for granted and went to stay with her mom a couple of nights, but petty ****.

But before that, women who did you dirty with no regard for your feelings, and run into them later in life? That right there makes all my sacrifice worthwhile, and it's so freaking funny becuse it's like being 1 inch away from 1 million dollars.. and you are locked in a body suit and the money is though plexglass with guards around it. They have no chance to get the prize, yet it's so close.


part of the reason I want to move is to be able to expand my social circle.. I just don't think there is that much to offer down here.

I tried, but the two guys I met are so pathetic I can't stand being around them. One is about 300 pounds and lies about everything he has ever done in life.. I hate people like that. One week he was an all american Nose Guard in high school, the next day he could bench press 400 pounds, then he used to work for the police department chasing down cars in police chases, then the next week his family owns the biggest bar in the state he is from.. yet you are here making 6 dollars an hour fixing toliets in apartments and your Fiancee is every bit of 350LBS, which to each his own but dude you don't have to lie bout everything to fit in.

The other is marreid and is younger than me.. and his wife is the most unattractive creature I have ever seen in my life. He can't look people in the eye when he talks, he mubmbles, stutters, doesn't work hard, etc.

I have a little cousin that I let hang with me from time to time, and he is cool, he is just so damn woman crazy it's unreal. he works at a department store, won't go to school. he has his own house.. rather his mom has it and paid for it, and when she got remarried moved out and left it to him and his brother, the same age, all he has to do is pay for the cable, electricty and water. Can barely do that because he doesn't want to work.
 

Desdinova

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One is about 300 pounds and lies about everything he has ever done in life.. I hate people like that. One week he was an all american Nose Guard in high school, the next day he could bench press 400 pounds, then he used to work for the police department chasing down cars in police chases, then the next week his family owns the biggest bar in the state he is from.. yet you are here making 6 dollars an hour fixing toliets in apartments
I keep myself distanced from people like that. They piss me off to no end. They know everything about anything, and when you catch them in a fvcking lie, they try to patch it up with more bull5hit.

I have a total of three good friends. One is 6'2 and extremely insecure about himself, and he's dating one of my woman's single friends. He's slowly screwing that relationship up with his lack of confidence, but he's one hell of a nice guy. He'll support me all the way.

Another friend I've known for about 10 years and is more outgoing than I am (which is fairly hard to top). We have a blast when we get together. Unfortunately, he knocked up this chick and felt he had to do the right thing by marrying her. She's a royal cvntbag and has had him arrested and put a restraining order on his ass (for protecting himself against her violent attacks). He's back with her and the relationship is falling apart again. I kinda feel bad for him. He desperately wants to make things work for the sake of his child, but it's not happening.

The third is married to my woman's friend. Me and him share a lot of similar experiences from our past, and we usually have fun when we're out together. However, he is a complete AFC and his wife has the remote control to his brain. When he's out with me, she phones him constantly on his cell phone. It's quite irritating.

Two of these friends met me after I went through my intense personality change. The third one supported me through my change, and we've found much more in common. These three guys are all good people, but they're all horrible with women. I'll take the best I can find (which is rare enough).
 

ScrewIt

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i know what you mean i have a couple friends who are still like this occasionally.

i think it's just a pessimistic attitude that they feel belittled by your success (or you have things going on in your life and they dont). And it also has to do with self-esteem, in order to protect their ego they'd rather disconnect you from their lives. If anything it seems like like a self-victimization attitude.

Although all i've been up to lately is school and projects, my friend thinks i have a lot going on or im always hanging out. Do i tell him this stuff? no he just assumes this.
it feels dumb really, a couples weeks ago i went up to this place and had to 'give him my attention' to let him know we're cool.

if you ask me, friends with this kind of behavior are just babies. if your friend does indeed have things going on or is successful, you should be happy for em not pessimistic/angry. if you guys are really on the same page of friends, then there shouldnt be anything to assume, it's not that hard at all to be cool with each other.

But people come and go and life, its how it goes.
 

brosnake

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Interesting thread. Maybe I have low expectations of my friends, but all I ask for is someone who is a down to have a good time, to be comfortable enough to have FUN.

I have a ton of friends. If I'm alone at 8PM on a Friday night I can ALWAYS find someone to go out with me, although most of the time someone calls me beforehand and invites me out somewhere. I like it this way. By the way, if you ever want to make a new friend, try this.

If I meet someone I think is cool I'll invite them over to my place one night, just me and him. We play the Century Club game (100 shots in 100 minutes). Play some XBox. Talk about girls, sports, cars, etc. You've just made a new best friend. I've met a bunch of business contacts like this as well.

I've got one really good friend, my business partner. He's the only person that I completely trust and I know he feels the same about me. He's the only person I will take advice from. We are down for each other. Example, last week he got his dream car, a Laguna Seca Blue BMW M3. He picks it up from the dealership and drives it straight to my house. He gives me the keys and tells me I can keep it for a week. That's ACTIONS speaking louder than WORDS.

backbreaker- Maybe you are expecting too much out of your friends? Even though you don't necessary respect the accomplishments of the person you are chilling with doesn't mean you can't go out and have a good time with them. I know a bunch of people that are absolute failures in life but are cool to kick it with. Obviously we don't talk about business and **** but who cares. We'll talk about sports and cars and chicks and beer and whatever else. I have the right judge no man because I have no idea where he's been.

It sounds like your two boys from back in the day resent your success. True friends want to see the absolute best for you. They should relish in your success because what makes you stronger makes them stronger. You shouldn't cut them off and should still kick it once in a while, but just know they DO NOT want what's best for you, period.

Go out and find friendly people with similar interests. See if you guys click. Just know its going to be hard finding people as complete of a person as you are. That's why a cool dude is harder to find than a hot chick. As you know girls know this all too well.
 

backbreaker

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monrovia, CA
It's not that I am expecting too much out of them. Remember, these are guys i have known my entire lives.. I know what they are capable of, and both are very smart, both graudated College 4 years with 3.5GPA's, both were right along with me every step of the way in HS taking 4-5 AP classes a semister

but none of that really has to do with what gets to me. As a matter of fact, when I try to spend time with them, I don't like to be reminded of what I have done, or what I have accomplished.. that's the entire point of me still kicking it with them.. all thoughout, they were the ones for the most part that treated me like I was me still in Jr/Sr high school when everyone else was looking at me with some type of ill concieved intentions. It's little things.. like no matter how much money I have, when we go bowl, I always have to bowl last because "I suck".. I don't know, it's somewhat comforting to have people who understand your success, yet still treat you as you are regular ass person with no real self indused intentions. I think the most i ever did for one of them, finanically at least, was his speeding ticket, and the other one won't even take money from me..

I mean, funny you mention it, the only thing we realllly have in common anymore is our love for sports. The only time they will call me is when sportscenter is on and they see something and ask if I saw it, or what was the score to x game or something like that. Even worse.. I don't even like NBA basketball anymore.. the more I watch it, the more boring it gets. I am becoming a huge college football fan. And of course horse racing.

We can't talk about cars and ****.. it's a touchy subject when the car you want is in my garage.

Although we all have pretty good success with women, none of us are just outright AFC's, my view point on women is totally different then theirs.

I doubt I cut them off completely.. that's unresourceful. However, I will probably end up doing the same thing I did to my mom, and that is keep my emotional and physical distance.
 
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