Friends with Benefits?

[drummer]

There aren't any direct questions with with relationship, but I am looking for advice/ comments.

Ok, at the end of school in 8th grade (summer 2005) I started going out with this girl, it ended in October of that year. For a long time, we didn't speak, which was awkward because we were in a class together and sometimes had to work together.

But anyways, in Spring of 2006 we started talking again and everything she said was that we should be friends, but everything she did indicated she liked me more than that. She convinced me to go to the party at the end of the year for 9th graders (end of Junior High) but we didn't go "together". There we spent most of the night together and talked about our future a little. I had a kiss lined up and we both started going in, but then she stopped and said "please don't". Later we slow-danced together for the two slow songs that were played.

Right after the party was over, I went to the airport to go to Germany (World Cup). I got back early on Sunday morning. On the day after I got back (Monday) I was returning her calls and she invited me to her house. I went over there and we ended up kissing a bunch. When talking about our situation she said:
"i just dont want it to be really intense.
i dont want a 'relationship'
just a friend.
with fun and adventures and all the good stuff." (read: kissing and the like and hanging out).

We are going to see each other tomorrow for a little get together at one of her friends houses and it has already been made clear that there will be plenty of "fun".

I have heard people get more hurt in these situations than in traditional going out scenerios because one always falls for the other, but since we already went out could we be over that? Please, any comments, advice, suggestions?

 

[gravstar]

your walking the tight rope here. if you want it to be like that you both have to agree to not go too far. you should keep the situations between you two quick and light, nothing too intense or thats where you'll go wrong and it could turn into something messy, have fun.

 

[LikRetsam]

Just go with the flow of things. Don't make decisions today based on how you feel when those emotions/circumstances could and will change the next day.

Keep it natural.

 

[TheVirtualMind]

Watch out though...Sometimes FWB turns into "you pay for everything and sometimes get nothing at the end of the night." That is a GREAT benefit.

 

[drummer]

I was with her today at one of her friend's house. It went really well, even though the weather was bad and we stayed inside (pretty much on the same chair the entire time). We had fun, she sat on me in an oversized chair the whole time and we made out quite a bit, but since only one other person was there for a while we didn't want to exclude her by kissing the whole time, which made it fun when she would leave the room, but the best thing was when she fell asleep and woke up to describe "a pretty intense make out session".

Then my FWB's best friend came over (with her FWB), which was funny, as she decribed our relationship not as FWB, but as a second go around. The night ended pretty badly as we had just moved to a different room, away from everyone else, and were starting up when we all got kicked out because the mom of the house had to leave to pack for a trip, so we got very cut off.

When I got home she called me and said that she would call me tomorrow because she leaves for Ireland on a school organized trip on Saturday. She also said that she would call me first thing when she got back on the 19th to set up another get together.

 

[adpreston1988]

Your situation sounds a lot more like an actual relationship than a "no strings attached summer fling". I'm kind of in the same situation as you are in, only I try to distance myself from the girl and I've been hanging out with other girls as well. It sounds like to me you two are getting really serious and you should either a) have another talk with her and decide to take things down a notch so neither one of you gets too attached or b) decide on going through with an actual relationship.

 

[drummer]

It is starting to feel more like an actual relationship, which I am fine with. Last time we "went out" was weird and awk. I hadn't yet seen all this DJ, C+F stuff and since it was both of our first kisses, she was really weird about it, but I think I have opened up pandora's box, because she isn't weird about it anymore and is constantly all over me. One question I have; she has told me to be less hesitant and indecisive (I am) and if I do something she doesn't like she will simply say stop. I read this as about our physical relationship and have been letting my hands "wander" a lot more, but am I reading this right?

 

[Christick]

Well, you're lucky that after your broke up you were still friends. But the second chance, you may not break-up as good as you did last time. I guess the decision is up to you. She may be right on saying if you do anything [not only wandering hands, because you never know, she might want it] to make her angry, she will just say stop. That way you guys end without a fight or a big arguement.

 

[AC/DC]

Let me help you.

LET THIS GIRL DECIDE WHATS GOING ON. She wants no relationship? Ok, thats fine. SHE WANTS TO HAVE FUN. So have fun with her. Its ok to be slightly attached, but dont start feeling like you NEED her. As long as you keep that in mind, juss have fun with her, and dont pressure her. She's yours, whether or not she admits it.

 

[UltimateScoundrel]

You're going into 10th grade, and your 15 years old right? Don't worry about relationships, you have plenty of time to be commited to someone later. Make it a summer fling, make everything you do a fling, until you get a little older, because believe me,you don't want to waste your time with one woman. That might sound chauvanistic and arrogant, but it's true.

You've already lived out at minimum, 1/6th of your life. It's done, and it's over. Yesterday you were 4 years old, tomorrow you will be 25 and the day after that you will be 50. All the time you're given will slip through your fingers like sand, one grain at a time, and once it's gone you won't get it back.

Do you want to be an old man and look back on your life and regret all the opportunities you missed? Regret not kissing all the girls you could have? Not ****ing their brains out? NO!

Get in there and get your game on. Practice making out, practice touching her sides, her back, her hair, squeezing here and there, doing all those things that make a woman wet and horny. Practice fingering her and eating her out. This summer, teach yourself to give a woman an orgasm in under five minutes. Take advantage of every chance you get, because tomorrow it will be too late.

 

[drummer]

Thanks for that advice, it is something that I will do... One question though, what if I go to pull off her pants or something and she doesn't want to? If I just tell her to hit the road, she would definitely tell her friends, and that could hurt my rep and chances for getting girls in the future.

 

[Muphaser]

effing hell, who cares? If you do it properly she wont refuse. If you don't you'll feel embarrased. You've already got her, now let go of our hands and walk by yourself, bro

 

[UltimateScoundrel]

Whenever I want a woman to take her close off, I just move my hands closer and closer to whatever is fastening it while we make out, i.e., the button on her jeans, stroke around it, etc. It makes her hot enough to either push my hand onto it, or take the clothes off herself.

If it's a girl you don't really know that well, just go for it, and if she stops you, she stops you, oh well. But if she's somebody you know well and are sure you can make out with many times in the future, just take it easy and go for the pants or the shirt or whatever later on.