Friends with an ALPHA

[Ragin_Asian]

I have a best friend who is a real alpha and I find it hard sometimes living under his shadow as I am a lil wee bit AFC. Me and him are always in healthy competition with each other, eg sports, class etc.

The problem is I always seem to be second best to him and dont get me wrong, he is a true friend of mine and wouldn't do anything wrong by me. He is always in control of his sh*t and got his sh*t together when it comes to women and the real world. I, for a fact, always have girl troubles and always ask for advice especially from him. He has a sh*tload of experience over me and gives advice on girls which I am very skeptical about whether I'm being naive or he could be wrong.

I dont know whether to take his advice on this girl who i still like bigtime. If I take his advice that means I'll never be able to call my own shots which means I'll always be reliant on someone else. If I decide to go against his advice I may get hurt bigtime over this girl or may get her (current oneitis).

Has anyone been in this situation where their alpha friend has a big influence on decisions. It seems like you are going against the grain as their advice comes from experience vs against your long term knowldge of the girl (AFC - could I be so naive after all this time???) It kinda eats you up he could be right but you want to go your own way even if you get hurt.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian

Has anyone been in this situation where their alpha friend has a big influence on decisions.

He wouldn't be "Alpha" to you if he didn't.

As for the girl...what advice did he give you? And why does it put you out of control of your own decisions?

 

[Aztec]

Don't look at him as competition. Treat him as a tool in improving your game.


I also have a buddy of mine from the army whom I still get in touch with especially with handling women. I've seen him grow too, from nothing to becoming a lawyer. So I have big respect for this dude. He is the type man who don't discuss his past escapade with women unless you ask him. Even though he knows his sh1t about women, he has his priorities in line.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

Im still kinda getting involved emotionally with my ex and has feelings for her. its been nearly a year since we were going out together. Im hoping to see her this week to sort things out but its been rocky. (its a long distance thing)

The thing is that we've been keeping in contact for the past year eg fighting, sorting issues out, making up with each other. She tells me she will never get involved with another man and I kinda believed her (she is HB9) even though I've said I'm cool with it if she has been with another man but she insists that theres been no one else. (I was her first ever real BF she connected with) Now all of a sudden she tells me shes seeing another man but I think she is just testing me or shes pretending so I could spill my side of the story to her. But now I've travelled very far to see her and I just don't wanna get ditched so bad if she does indeed have a BF. My friend insists that she has one for real but he doesnt know her well at all. He is just speaking from expereince and working from the little info about her. Now I dont know if Im being naive but Im thinking she doesnt really have one. ( me and her have a habit of making things up to see each others reaction) I really dont know if she has one for real and I dont really want to be a dumb ass for being a hopeful sucker.

Could someone like her be honest about not having another man in her life because she could still be hung up on me or was she using me as rebound guy but wouldnt tell me if she has been with another guy. It really means a lot to me if the girl is "pure" and not tainted or been with others...( I still have old values and beliefs ) You could say Im a bit of an AFC for thinking shes different and believe sh*t that she says. Im trying to keep it uncomplicated as possible in case i overeact with this and stuff things up and f*cked myself up like usual.

 

[squirrels]

She says, she says, she says....

Women's words aren't worth the air that carries them or the paper they're printed on. Look at what she DOES.

Is she making an effort to see you? Or is she making you chase HER? Is she giving you anything in return for your attention, or does she assume that you're "sold" on her and give you just enough to keep you believing what you want to believe??

What has she done to deserve you travelling "very far to see her"? Your time is valuable...has she given you any reason to give it to her? Besides some wonderfully "rocky" times?

 

[Ragin_Asian]

Oh the main question - Should I take his advice or should I go against it.

1. If take his advice then I'll always be reliant on him and won't grow my own "DJ" wings. He has a lot of experience so he knows his sh*t so there is a big possibility that he is right.

-vs-

2. I go against his advice and go with my own gut instincts. If things go wrong I could f*ck myself up pretty bad. Making my own call now seems so hard but it makes future decisions better and easier right?

By the way I dont compete seriously with him and try win against him. Its just your everyday friendly competition which is a challenge sometimes. He's mostly right most of the time thats why I'm a bit weary of going against is advice. But then again you gotta loss to win sometimes right?

 

[willo]

stuff her

So when are you going to contact me to head out and tune or are you waiting for the mate to make that decision for you?

Are you still in Brissy?

 

[squirrels]

What advice did he give you?

He just told you he thought your ex had a new boyfriend.

You're focusing on the wrong thing here. You shouldn't be concerned with whether or not she has a boyfriend. You shoudl be concerned with whether or not she wants anything to do with you romantically any more. Which you're COMPLETELY overlooking.

You're assuming you're IN as long as there's no one else. What indication has she given you of this?

 

[Ragin_Asian]

OH willo mate have I got a big story for you or what lol. Im in redneck rockhampton stuck for nearly a week cos of rip off merchants when my car broke down last week. AAARGH my mates in brissy have been teasing me with the promise of wine, women and weed but working flat out to get my car fixed without getting ripped off. LOL I shoulda got a kingswood instead of japcrap.

By the way this girl is my current oneitis. Ive got other girls on the line as well (threeitis maybe lol) Every guy always has his own favourite one on top of the shelf.

But yeah willo I should b in brissy one wed and prolly have to cruise home on the saturday. f*ck...so much for my 2 week roadtrip from hell lol

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian

By the way this girl is my current oneitis. Ive got other girls on the line as well (threeitis maybe lol) Every guy always has his own favourite one on top of the shelf.

The question, though, was: "What has she done to DESERVE the top shelf??"

 

[biker_gixxer]

If take his advice then I'll always be reliant on him and won't grow my own "DJ" wings. He has a lot of experience so he knows his sh*t so there is a big possibility that he is right.

You're best bet is to take his advice and learn from him. Watch how he handles himself in public and around women. You wouldn't know how to read or write unless someone taught you right? Once you start to 'get it', you'll see yourself slowly looking up to him less and less. I'm sure there are guys on here who wish they had someone they could learn from. Be smart, take advantage of it.

Now all of a sudden she tells me shes seeing another man but I think she is just testing me or shes pretending so I could spill my side of the story to her.

Or mabye she's been screwing someone for some time now and is trying to get rid of you by dropping the 'i'm seeing another man' bomb. Either way, don't waste another second of your time. Long distance relationships don't work.


She tells me she will never get involved with another man
Yeah, right.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

I was in a similar situation to this but my ex made it extremely easy for me to make a decision by bloating to 200 lbs.

Simple decision after that, really.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

Well well...I listened to my Alpha friend and learnt a lot from him. I also found that chillin with him and having a good time is much, much better than worrying about the 'ex'oneitis of now.

I simply done all I could and it was up to her to finish things off. It was up to her to make the next move. Unfortunately things didn't go too well and realised that is her problem now, not mine. I've talked the talked AND walked the walked with this girl (without overqualifying) and because of her problems and insecurities she got to missed out. She give me a big reason not to lose anymore sleep over her. We've been through thick and thin and I'm just disappointed for her to throw what we've had in exchange for the bright lights. I did lose my cool at the end though but she soon realise her loss when she starts feeling empty. And by that time things will be going great for me.

It'll take me a while to fully get over her. I've been with a few girls ever since I broke up with her well over a year ago and still think about her a lot. She would be my very first girl who I connected very deep. But now things got very messed up and I dont want to take another step backwards. We both f*cked up bigtime and It hurts to think how things got this way but life is an adventure I guess. I'm still young and plenty of fun times ahead.

But hell if she ever comes back it will be very hard for me to get back on track. I just dont know how to deal with it. I've deleted everything to do with her. MSN, fone, pics, letters, etc I kind of miss her but everytim that feeling creeps in I distract myself immediately.

 

[Double]

hey ragin did your feelings for her become lesser on your 40days40nights trip??

 

[MindOverMatter]

you need to erase this alpha sh!t from your head, man up and just start thinking for yourself. your friend is not an alpha, he's simply a guy that can think for himself and has control of his life. you can do this too. stop thinking with your emotional side of the brain, and start thinking with your balls.

learn from your mistakes, and don't make them again. that's how you get good at this little thing of ours.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

'Cept for 1 or 2 freinds I'll always got more attention from the girls.

And I never put too much importance on getting women untill a few years ago.

I hated dealing with freinds that did though and then going out with them.It always lead to them growing apart from me or them trynna leave me out.

Unfortantley I think that's almost always the route that ends up when 1 natural and one 1 wannabe become buddies.

If the wannabe is convinced he should be getting more attention.It's best to cut him loose IMO.

Chances are he'll be gone for too long anyways.

 

[ToughGuy]

Learn from Your friend!!

Hey buddy,
My opinion is that you should not leave your friend, even if you have eyes on any gal in which he is also interested would help you to "share". because i have a gut feel that he doesn't put the on pedestal and don't make them their life breath.

He will find some body else.
but if you are having that sort of guide in your life you are lucky to get the "situational" and "personalized" guidance and opinion.

So keep your buddy and change the hos "one by one"

Yours

Tuffy

 

[Life-Trainee]

The whole ALPHA concept is detrimental to self improvement. It has more to do with state of your being than others! Once you acknowlege someone as ALPHA you become the BETA.

 

[NewMan]

Plus - if you don't listen to his advice and things go south - it's not the end fo the world.

You get advice from people - then make YOUR OWN decision.

That's part of being a well rounded rugged individual.

Filter out the sh#t.

 

[Titus]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian
I have a best friend who is a real alpha and I find it hard sometimes living under his shadow as I am a lil wee bit AFC. Me and him are always in healthy competition with each other, eg sports, class etc.

The problem is I always seem to be second best to him and dont get me wrong, he is a true friend of mine and wouldn't do anything wrong by me. He is always in control of his sh*t and got his sh*t together when it comes to women and the real world. I, for a fact, always have girl troubles and always ask for advice especially from him. He has a sh*tload of experience over me and gives advice on girls which I am very skeptical about whether I'm being naive or he could be wrong.

I dont know whether to take his advice on this girl who i still like bigtime. If I take his advice that means I'll never be able to call my own shots which means I'll always be reliant on someone else. If I decide to go against his advice I may get hurt bigtime over this girl or may get her (current oneitis).

Has anyone been in this situation where their alpha friend has a big influence on decisions. It seems like you are going against the grain as their advice comes from experience vs against your long term knowldge of the girl (AFC - could I be so naive after all this time???) It kinda eats you up he could be right but you want to go your own way even if you get hurt.

Yes, it's hell when you have a buddy that is an aurical monster while you're just a mere whelp compared to him, isn't it? Been there, done that.

Well, male life is a bytch sometimes.
And what you wrote is a kindofa taboo bwtween us guys. We all have a concrete strong hiararhical ladder between ourselves -we all have lots of people around us that are our bytches while at the same time ourselves being a bytch to lots of other people.

And btw Ragin, the ladder, and with it the influences of your firend's energy on you, CANNOT in any way possibly be changed with your mind. You can think about it however much you wish, the situation will never change merely with just using your mind.

The energies we emmit don't give a damn about what we think of what we want -they control us and our emotions like puppets. They can of course be changed and influenced in many ways, but none of them requires any kind of thinking or any kind of mind work.