Friends who are 'whipped' or Beta males in comparison to yourself. Tough one.

[Metacomet]

I know it's somewhat lame to 'gossip' but I think we can all relate to this ****. Friends who are pvssy-whipped, 'too nice', etc. with girlfriends. Painful to watch.

Friends who are so Beta that their girlfriend eyes YOU and wants to talk to YOU instead. Dangerous waters.

Familiar to anyone?


I've had this friend since middle school. He's had a handful of girlfriends and none of them respected him. They all used him for gifts/money and everyone knew it. Once he dropped out of HS and started banging loose girls (slvts) he was walking around with his head high, acting like the ****. Literally bragging to me.

Well I have no idea how he ended up with his current girlfriend... but she's a complete b1tch with a big wandering eye. :nono: And because he is not exactly 'alpha' his 'beta' nature is causing some sh1t.

She has completely mastered his Beta nature and has him under her thumb and he STILL talks like he is the man in the relationship. It's amazing to witness. Men in denial are a pitiful sight.

The first time I met this girl she came up to my room to get me so that I could sit and talk with them. She wanted to meet me. The first thing I notice is that this girl wanted to stand in my room alone with me and talk rather than go back to my friends room where he was waiting.... I had to literally lead her out of my room and back to my friends room. Awkward.
The attraction in her eyes made me nervous.

I'm not trying to be an ass but I am much taller than my friend, better hair, better dressed... I am slightly more confident. I can't hide these things, I can't hide my voice or my personality but I almost WANTED to at this point. I don't care if that sounds ****y or like bullsh1t... any guy in my situation will understand what I'm talking about.

So she sat down and ignored him and kept talking to me. Asking me questions about myself. You should have seen the look in his eyes when she asked what I 'do besides the usual.'

I play music. I sing, write songs, play guitar... my friend is actually really supportive (which is why this sucks.) He shows everyone who comes by my music and is proud to be my friend etc. It's really nice guys...

But can you see what's coming here?

He told everyone in the world except his girlfriend that I am a singer songwriter. EVERYONE. And she knew that I existed, knew my name, knew plenty about me... except the main thing I'm known for?

I don't have to spell it out for anyone here. He didn't want his girlfriend chasing after me.


"Oh yeah, I didn't tell you? He is like... amazing on guitar and can sing." The way he said it made me cringe seriously :crackup: He's a fvcking great friend that's all I can say.

I could see the fear in his eyes, guys. I honestly felt BAD. I said "Thanks alot man." And genuinely thanked him ... I really do like his support. But in this situation I could practically see him grab onto her wrist and say 'please don't fall for him.' So now it's obvious that he thinks me being a musician is a big deal...

The whole time she is asking more and more questions, giving me doe -eyes etc. The tension was really bad and I started feeling BAD for my friend.

I purposefully changed my posture, stopped replying with detail, stopped giving her attention. Eventually I managed to sneak out of the room Beyond her constant questioning she would b1tch with my friend, argue, make rude comments, and generally portray her sh1t personality. I did not like this girl.

What bothers me is that I would NEVER fvck my friends girlfriend. But SHE WOULD. At that very sitting she told my friend to his face that he is 'too nice' and a 'wimp.' It's almost like she was testing him in front of me... it was sad to watch.

One time, he was in the kitchen and we were sitting in his room and he sneezed. She heard it and told me 'that sounded like a girl sneezing.' *sigh*

I get it. You're boyfriend is a pvssy, you don't respect him, you want someone elses ****... please stop.

It's painful watching your bros in these situations. You want to snap them awake and give them some pointers on HOW TO BE A MAN. Tell them their woman is putting on the WRONG kind of show.

But whenever he's confronted about anything he says 'I'm just too nice. I'm a nice guy.' In reality, he is kind of a hateful little fvcker with a sharp cynicism and wit !!! The truth is that he is a PVSSY.

I can't say anything else. My friend will always be a chump and I will always have to watch myself around him. In public I am aware of the Alpha and Beta relationship... I don't WANT it to be that way.

It almost makes me feel guilty. Now his girlfriend has highlighted all of this and it's just ****in awkward. :nervous: It's not a big deal though.

I don't need advice. He's probably going to marry this b1tch and pretend his in love etc. They're already going this route and he's told me they're moving in together. :crackup:

 

[chinwaggler]

I'm not giving you advice, but I'm asking you, if you notice all this 'Beta' behaviour. Why don't you tell him and help him out. That's what a friend should do. Or at least re-assure him in the fact that you're not interested in his girls.

Also, this sounds like an ego-trip

 

[Evzone]

I know exactly what you're talking about. One of my good friends from back in the day had a really crappy girlfriend for about a year. He'd always say things like "man, girls are so confusing!" or "relationships stress me out", clearly signs that he wasn't happy in this relationship. I'd straight up ask him sometimes why he stayed in it, and he's come up with some BS answer that he "likes the companionship" or something.

Since then he's been single and quite honestly pretty AFC. I went to a club with him once, 2 weeks before he shipped off to A-School for the Coast Guard and right before I went back to college, and he was basically just standing on the wall doing nothing. I wonder if now military training has gotten him back into shape.

It is hard to watch. But, honestly in my experience, you can't help someone out that doesn't want to be helped. Of course, leave the door open, but you can't make them walk through. There are actually at times that he displays a great amount of confidence in situations that he is comfortable in, like the church we go to where he knows everyone. I told him to just act like that all the time, but then he says something like "well, that's different" or some other kind of excuse. I'm not really sure what to do.

 

[cw92]

I completely understand, I actually have a very good story that goes with this topic.

Ill try to keep it short.

Good friend of mine in a relationship for 3 years. No sex, just alot of oral. She had a fvking chastity ring. Anyway, 2 WEEKS AGO, that slvt breaks up with my friend, said she was needing space. Now my friend is an AFC, in fact we are pretty similar (im trying to change that). He was completely broken. She had tooled him around, making him buy her presents and expensive dinners, and such. I wont go into their relationship because it would just be painful to write.

So after the breakup, my friend is crying... Now ive never actually seen a friend of mine cry, and I felt horrible. I tried my best to help him, I even went ****ing paintballing with him. (I hate it.)

Long story short. I called him up a few days ago to see how he was doing, and guess where he is?

HE WENT TO HER HOUSE WITH FLOWERS AND BREAKFAST. I was like "NO GO HOME PLEASE!!". He then proceeded to tell me to shut the **** up and that I had "No idea what a real relationship was."

She didnt even answer the door. He then makes her LUNCH and leaves more flowers on her doorstep. I log on my facebook, and he is telling her how much he loves her and that he will change..

Then i saw the slvt at a party hooking up with some kid, and apparently they had sex. Its just a damn shame.

I tried my best, even showed him the Breakup thread on this forum but it just didnt work. If i could see it, why couldnt he? We havent really spoken, last I heard he bought her a promise ring for 500$...(spent the money me and him made working together in the summer.)

 

[C-quenced]

Tell him you value your friendship a great deal and tell him exactly what he needs to hear.

 

[Metacomet]

I'm not giving you advice, but I'm asking you, if you notice all this 'Beta' behaviour. Why don't you tell him and help him out.

I don't think it's my place to give him advice or anything. Telling him he needs to 'man up' or stop being Beta is out of the question.

He's always been the 'little guy' in school and I've always been the biggest kid. Imagine that dynamic. It's hard to explain. It's almost cruel to tell people to be bigger or stronger in certain situations.

I'd rather let him be 'happy' then tell him to dump his girl. He can try and justify to himself all the disrespect he gets.

God knows I can't justify it.

Or at least re-assure him in the fact that you're not interested in his girls.

Also, this sounds like an ego-trip

He knows I would never go after one of his girlfriends. No matter how fine she is it's always been bro's before ho's. :rockon:

Besides, I hate this b1tch so much I couldn't stay in the room with her for more than five minutes. Personality reeked like dying black death and ****. I'm not kidding. Her attitude and personality has cleared rooms many times.



About ego-tripping:

yes it will make you feel like you have a big **** when your friends woman eyes you. It also makes you ask yourself 'what do I have that he doesn't?' It's psychological.

Any man who doesn't admit this is a panty-waste. I would never touch my friends gf but the fact that she gets doe eyed is kind of a turn on... which is almost deranged considering I hate her. :crackup:


The ego is a funny thing.

 

[The Bat]

The ego is a funny thing.

It's incredibly difficult and painful to watch a close friend suffer from the symptoms of AFC. In a way, you are sort of seeing your past self in your friend and after being exposed to SS, you DESPISE your past self. So you can see how easy it is to get all worked up when you see a close friend acting very AFC.

The real paradox is that you want to help your friend, your friend wants help, yet you CAN'T help your friend because he WON'T receive your help. Call it male ego if you wish but being told that your ideas about your girlfriend/fiancee, relationships, female gender, society, culture, masculinity, and life are completely wrong, is a one way ticket to depression.

Think back to how you felt when you first discovered this site and read some articles. Think back to how you felt so conflicted that what you were reading on here couldn't possibly be true, but you knew it in your heart that it was yet your ego couldn't let go of your old belief system.

If the internal conflict that you had when you discovered this site was so great, then imagine the conflict your friend would go through if you were to sit down and tell him what a horrible AFC he is.

What I discovered works is to reveal everything pieces by pieces, and NEVER all at once. For example, you could ask your friend why his girlfriend made that comment (the comment being a sh!t test/embarrassing put down, etc.) in front of everybody. Or you could tell him that she thinks he sneezes like a girl, and you thought she was making a joke at his expense. Get what I mean?

 

[cw92]

The ego is a funny thing.

It's incredibly difficult and painful to watch a close friend suffer from the symptoms of AFC. In a way, you are sort of seeing your past self in your friend and after being exposed to SS, you DESPISE your past self. So you can see how easy it is to get all worked up when you see a close friend acting very AFC.

The real paradox is that you want to help your friend, your friend wants help, yet you CAN'T help your friend because he WON'T receive your help. Call it male ego if you wish but being told that your ideas about your girlfriend/fiancee, relationships, female gender, society, culture, masculinity, and life are completely wrong, is a one way ticket to depression.

Think back to how you felt when you first discovered this site and read some articles. Think back to how you felt so conflicted that what you were reading on here couldn't possibly be true, but you knew it in your heart that it was yet your ego couldn't let go of your old belief system.

If the internal conflict that you had when you discovered this site was so great, then imagine the conflict your friend would go through if you were to sit down and tell him what a horrible AFC he is.

What I discovered works is to reveal everything pieces by pieces, and NEVER all at once. For example, you could ask your friend why his girlfriend made that comment (the comment being a sh!t test/embarrassing put down, etc.) in front of everybody. Or you could tell him that she thinks he sneezes like a girl, and you thought she was making a joke at his expense. Get what I mean?

thanks for the advice, im trying to apply that to my friend right now. I cant let him embarass himself by giving her that ring. He plans to go to her house during dinner..tomorrow, but i know for a fact she is having friends over at that time. Ive been questioning him on how she treats him.