I feel what your saying, man. I generally agree with the consensus of this post that truely dear friends are very rare, indeed. I've found this out the hard way on several occassions. Feeling ignored, ridiculed, or betrayed by a person you consider your friend hurts much more deeply than being rejected by a woman ever will.
I've come to the conclusion that most of our "friendships" are based on relatively shallow similariites; hobbies, career, school and in-common contacts. This is how we meet most of our friends, and many times the common ground between two people doesn't go very far beyond these areas. This is not to say that these relationships cannot be positive and rewarding, but when one party's expectations and commitment exceed the other's, someone is likely to end up angry and bitter.
Speaking of bitterness, some folks on this forum seem to have a VERY jaded view of the world, a view that holds that everyone is completely out for themselves, and that interpersonal relationships are somehow destined to end when one person makes a emotionless calculation that this friendhip is no longer enriching themselves. We ARE all selfish to varying degrees, but self-centered behavior in friendships is rarely rewarding for either party. Instead, positive reciprocal relationships are the ones that last and form the tightest bonds. If the reciprocal behavior comes to involve seeing how much one person can screw the other person, and vice-versa, there was probably little connection to begin with. People who seek out such relationships are of little value and shouldbe avoided.
So how do you find people who are interested in a genuine friendship and not in using you as a springboard to some other goal? It's actually pretty simple:
1. Keep an open heart and an open mind- It does little good to walk through life expecting to get hurt. You'll put up barriers, and maybe avoid a few bad experiences, but you'll also keep yourself from any good relationships that could form. You shouldn't be naive about others behavior, as I'll explain in a bit, but the expectation of negative experiences tends to be self-fulfilling
2.Don't be the self-centered one- Believe it or not, YOU are going to have to put some effort into your friendships. Have YOU ever broken plans or blown off one of your friends for the simple chance to get laid? Did YOU ever tell your buddy you can't give him a ride to work because you were a little low on gas or just didn't feel like getting up off your couch? Did YOU continue staring at the video game you were playing while your friend tried to tell you about the problems he was having with his girl, his job, at school? We need to seek to understand, as well as to be understood. Friendhips take effort, and, just as you can't get laid if you never ask a woman out, you can't have good friends unless you do your part
3.Communication- Let your buddy know you appreciate when he gets you out of a jam or buys you dinner. You don't need to spout off some mushy BS about how much his friendship means, but let him know just the same. Tell the smartass you didn't appreciate the comment he just made. Let him know your not going to put up with him standing you up for another friend or a girl Don't be like your typical woman and expect him to read your mind, tell him unequivocally what you think. Women don't like unassertive guys, and neither do other men.
4.Why SHOULD you trust this person?-Does he keep his commitments? How does he treat his other friends? Does he have a "Get what you can, while you can" attitude toward others? Most of the time, you want to trust people you consider your friends. It's important to be open, but most trust has to be earned, and you should make some judgements about whether this person has given you any reason to trust him--or not to trust him.
5.One-on-One Time is Important--Is this person eager to ask you to do something with him (or accept your offer) or do you tend to spend most or all of your time together in a group of friends? If it's the former and you have a good time together, you've probably got yourself a friend. If it's the latter, you're probably more like good acquaintances and instead share mutual friends or interests, no matter how often you may see each other. It's hard to get to know someone in a group, and hangign out in a group suggests little more than tolerance for each others presence.
I know, we spend a great deal of time figuring out how to deal with women at various stages of relationships, it would seem that male friends would be much easier and less time consuming to maintain--and they are. But you can't expect to take for granted that your homeboy will always be there for, or that he is worthy of your trust and friendship if you don't invest any time and thought into thjose relationships either,
