Friend Zoned in a relationship

FallenLeaves

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Hello internet, this is my first post here, and I am ready to tell a story. A story of how I met my girlfriend.

It was the first day of orientations at my university. I met her during a seminar, we talked a bit and on the second day I asked her for her phone number. I guess that is how it began, we texted each other a lot during the first week and on Friday of that week, we hung out ate and had a really good time. That sunday, we pretty much toured downtown while trying to buy her a printer. We had so much fun, shopping and just acting like tourists. The next week was pretty interesting, we would go to the library and study, the 5th floor, where it was just us, quiet and had a great view. Then that friday, less than 2 weeks after I have met her, i asked her out. Her response was that of "i dont know, sure... okay" I know now, i guess it was a bit fast. She was my first girlfriend and I was her first boyfriend, for both of us this was gonna be a brand new experience.

And that is where things began to go downhill, after we started "dating" we hung out less (we were in different faculties so we didn't have any classes together), we talked less and when we did go out ( to go grocery shopping) there would be awkward silences. I know she is very shy and is not very good at expressing her feelings, in fact for her even hugging me is a bit too much. She also doesnt like making this relationship very public, she didnt want to meet my friends and she only a few of her best friends about me. So after I realized her interest level was decreasing, I tried the ignore her method. I didnt text her for a day and on the evening of the second day, she text me first asking how my day was. Though I know I may be over thinking it, I feel as if i am being friendzoned. A few days ago I told her how we should spend more time together, yesterday she texted me asking me to go grocery shopping with her. However the way she talked made it feel as if she is doing me a huge favour by spending time with me, so again after careful review my friends all suggusted that i turn her down so it would not make it feel as if she had me in her hands.

And so this is where I am now, I feel so confused as to my feelings for her. I know at times, I am an attention ***** and I want her to make me feel special. But as of now I do now feel that she is treating me any differently than any of her guy friends. When ever I ask her to get food or hang out with me, she would always be busy. So tell me internet, what should I do? what is she thinking? have the leaves began to fall? :confused:
 

gpshields3

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If you're not having sex, it's not a relationship. You're old enough to know better.

Your "relationship" is one giant Friend Zone and it always has been. Shopping together and texting a lot? You can do that with your mom. This is silly.
 

DonJuanabe

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She isn't your girlfriend. She is a girl who is your friend until you realize that the only reason you are friends is you want to get into her pants (which isn't going to happen) and she 1) wants attention and 2) feels sorry for you.

Meast you know damn well they are not boyfriend-girlfriend.
 

Packers2010

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dude. i'm sorry to break it to you but take it from a guy who waited 8 years to sleep with my " oneitis" girl. it just doesn't work in the end.

your mindset is in the wrong place to get her. what you need to do is this. go talk to 1000 other girls then come back and see if she is so special.

after that you realize its your " neediness" not YOU who is in love with the girl. if you could get any girl in the world.. would you pick her? probably not

right now. all you see is HER being the BEST girl you can get. after i lost sight of my oneitis girl, i realized that she was like a 4 at best and if i work hard and keep on this path i can do better,

if you want some more help pm me. i know ALL about " liking my bestfriend" i did it for 8 years. at the end, all i did was call her a sloot and push her away. thats after i ****ed her ans she still said no.
 

The Gambler

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Having the FIRST relationship with a shy, conservative girl is a tough path to walk. Most often (and I think it applies here), the path doesn't lead very far.... Some of the guys here might think the two of you accomplished absolutely nothing. But in reality (her reality), she took huge steps outside of her comfort zone to even have a first boyfriend.

She's probably a great gal and all, but you're probably gonna have to move on from this one. Make yourself less available and let her come after you if she wants to. She may just need some time to figure a few things out.

My advice here is specific to THIS OP. This isn't the same cookie-cutter advice I would give if you were talking about the stripper who works at the club two blocks off campus. :D

The Gambler
 

Create self-fulfilling prophecies. Always assume the positive. Assume she likes you. Assume she wants to talk to you. Assume she wants to go out with you. When you think positive, positive things happen.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

nismo-4

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It's sex first, relationship second. If you do this backwards, you're a dumbass. You won't get laid, just led around. And if a woman makes you wait for sex, it's never worth the wait.

A sexless relationship is called the friendzone, and the fact that desire/ attraction in non-negotiable doesn't help men at all.

Judge nismo orders you to drop this girl and move on to another one. Because you are in the friendzone and your princess is in another castle.

Case closed.
 

Leporello

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This kind of thing seems to happen alot the first month of college.

Ask me, you were way too formal about it. Becoming gf/bf is something that out to develop over time; you demanded the title of a relationship when there wasn't a relationship to back it up.
 

Trump

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FallenLeaves said:
She was my first girlfriend and I was her first boyfriend, for both of us this was gonna be a brand new experience.
Hmm...you sure about that? Too many guys on here think every word out of a woman's mouth is true.

I didnt text her for a day and on the evening of the second day, she text me first asking how my day was. Though I know I may be over thinking it, I feel as if i am being friendzoned. A few days ago I told her how we should spend more time together,
Yikes...bro never tell a girl you guys should spend more time together. Shows you got no game and no other options.

yesterday she texted me asking me to go grocery shopping with her. However the way she talked made it feel as if she is doing me a huge favour by spending time with me, so again after careful review my friends all suggusted that i turn her down so it would not make it feel as if she had me in her hands.
What the hell are you doing telling all your friends about your love life? Do they tell you everything about theirs? Keep your mouth shut, they are rooting for you to fail.

And so this is where I am now, I feel so confused as to my feelings for her. I know at times, I am an attention ***** and I want her to make me feel special. But as of now I do now feel that she is treating me any differently than any of her guy friends. When ever I ask her to get food or hang out with me, she would always be busy. So tell me internet, what should I do? what is she thinking? have the leaves began to fall? :confused:
Think you are a little confused. You want her to make you feel special? Are you kidding? Dude you have to act and feel and behave like a brand, like Mercedes or McDonalds, if she doesn't your product, you don't care because you know there are countless others waiting to get it.
 

Purefilth

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Ask me, you were way too formal about it. Becoming gf/bf is something that out to develop over time; you demanded the title of a relationship when there wasn't a relationship to back it up.
^^this ^^

Fallenleaves, how old are you? (just to get this all in context)
But yeah, if you're not fvcking then you're a friend.

She also doesnt like making this relationship very public, she didnt want to meet my friends and she only a few of her best friends about me.
This right here means you need to sever ties with her. it hurts, but its for the best. Been there my friend, it wont get any better.
DJ bible is where you need to start - scroll down to the bottom of the page and click the link to it, start reading.

Bottom line here is - she's not your princess. Cut this unhealthy relationship out of your life.
 
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