Friend zone to more?

[Mr. England]

To get this out of the way: I'm an AFC and I'm in the friend zone with this girl, and want out. Sorry for the long post just wanna get you guys up to scratch.

Right, I got really drunk and went on a night out, waking up in the morning to find a text off some girl who I don't recall chatting up. So I check her out on facebook and I'd say she was an HB8.

So I decided we should meet up for some drinks locally. The date went well, we both talked a lot, exchanged questions, lots of eye contact etc. Ended the night with a hug, I didn't try to kiss close.

2nd date was just to the cinema, but having one drink beforehand so we could get to know each other a bit more. After the film I missed my chance to kiss her coz I'm too much of a *****. She kept saying 'It's so cold' even though she had a jacket in her bag. I should have took the hint.

Anyways, she suggested that she comes around to mine so I can cook for her and we watch a movie, but then 'forgot' on the night and was going out with friends instead, to which she invited me to. (Already into the friend zone here I think), but we danced together all night and more or less stayed away from her friends. We kissed on the dancefloor for a while so I decided to invite her back to mine. She said "Can I be really honest with you? I'm on my period", lovely. But instead she invited me back to hers. We didn't shag because of jam butty week but fooled about a bit, lots of grinding in our underwear and she asked me to stay with her the night.

So for the next week I'm thinking it's going well, but she cancels our thursday meet saying she had too much uni work, so we arrange something for in about 4 days. So the tuesday meet comes along and she cancels again saying her mate (guy) from york is coming up so she is going out with him and her flat mates for a night out, no invite for me. So i decide to go out with some mates, and get a couple of drunks texts from her, still quite early in the night, saying she wants to see me and if I'm out. Turns out we were in the same club. So I sit with her and her mates and this guy from York for a bit just making conversation, not necessarily all with her. I didn't ask if she wanted to come back to mine or anything because I assumed this guy from York would be staying at hers.

Anyway, I get a text the next day (we usually ring), saying something like 'Hey, I'm sorry for being a ***** and telling you this by text... I really do like you, but I realised last night that I only see you as a friend, I know that's not what you want so I'll let you decide from here'. (She had asked what I was looking for a while back and I said a relationship... that was clever).

Now I don't date often so didn't quite know what to say to this, because I had started to like her, and I don't think the same when I like someone. So I replied "Well I do like you, but if you just want to be friends then that your decision." To which she replied "I don't want you to hate me or anything, I'm just not looking for anything at all serious with anyone at the moment". So that gets me thinking, maybe she does still like me, and just wants a fling. I said "I'm not looking for anything serious either, because I don't know if I'm moving away for a year or not.", to which I got no reply.

Now I know you guys and probably her too are gonna be thinking, take a hint, next her. But can this be recovered after I already replied back. I seriously would like to recover it or at least just turn her into a **** buddy or something. Is she totally not interested or what? She definitely seemed to be at one stage, from my opinion.

P.s. I'm not looking for dating advice I know it's not that type of forum I've been looking at it for a while. Also I have read The Game, so I understand a lot of the lingo.

 

[TheSplat]

Sounds like she still likes the guy who came to visit her. It doesn't really sound like you're in the friend zone yet though. I mean, you guys have messed around sexually. Next time SHE brings it up (not you), respond with "no offense, but you're not really my type." Then hang out "as friends." Show her your social proof and DHV (you've read the game) and then have a couple drinks and let the magic happen.

TheSplat

 

[Mr. England]

Sounds like she still likes the guy who came to visit her. It doesn't really sound like you're in the friend zone yet though. I mean, you guys have messed around sexually. Next time SHE brings it up (not you), respond with "no offense, but you're not really my type." Then hang out "as friends." Show her your social proof and DHV (you've read the game) and then have a couple drinks and let the magic happen.

TheSplat

It's not something I can see her bringing up unless I mention something first. I've not spoke to her in a couple of days and haven't seen her since tuesday. Shall I just wait to see if she gets in contact with me. And how long shall I wait? OR shall I not wait. she DID say "i only see you as a friend", you sure I'm not in the friend zone?

 

[thecurtainfalls]

(She had asked what I was looking for a while back and I said a relationship... that was clever).

I've had this exact BS pulled on me before too, isn't it great how they twist your words?

I advise you to drop all direct contact immediately. Most importantly, do not INITIATE contact. This serves a twofold purpose: you are subtly "punishing" her for the text that she sent and her recent revelations about your dynamic together, and you are also allowing yourself to concentrate on new targets. If you don't understand what I mean by "punishing", research classical conditioning a bit.

It has the added bonus of likely driving her interest level back up because you showed that you weren't about to be disrespected or jerked around (this is what happened with the girl in my situation that was like yours). Her twisting your words to make it sound like you were trying to corral her into a relationship is manipulative, and unfair. Not to mention, it's a cheap power play to boost her ego and step on yours a bit. You let her know as much (non-verbally) when you pull way back.

I would casually/briefly answer any texts or calls but convey an overall disinterested air from here on out unless her buying temperature skyrockets. After all, you shouldn't be too interested or invested in this one girl after that text that she sent.

 

[legolas]

My guess is you still want her for a relationship and EVEN if you think you want to "recover" this to a FB relationship. My advice to you?

First take some time off from contacting her. Give it 2-3 weeks. Date some other women in the meanwhile even if it doesn't lead anywhere. Then call her up or text her and tell her that you're looking for some advice on women. The idea is to give her the impression that you have other women and she has nothing to worry about if she hooks up with you but doesn't call you afterwards. You have to also accept the idea that she will hook up with you only occasionally at her own convenience. You can't control her or make her decisions for her. That's why the dating of other women and the desire to just be a FB with no strings attached has to be genuine coming from you

 

[averagechan]

make her chase you, don't apologize and move on with your life. if she really wants you, she will come. otherwise you are wasting time with her.

 

[Mr. England]

I've had this exact BS pulled on me before too, isn't it great how they twist your words?

I honestly have no idea what the best answer to the question "Where is this going?" without it going tits up, because every girl seems to want the exact opposite of what I offer.

I advise you to drop all direct contact immediately. Most importantly, do not INITIATE contact. This serves a twofold purpose: you are subtly "punishing" her for the text that she sent and her recent revelations about your dynamic together, and you are also allowing yourself to concentrate on new targets. If you don't understand what I mean by "punishing", research classical conditioning a bit.

It has the added bonus of likely driving her interest level back up because you showed that you weren't about to be disrespected or jerked around (this is what happened with the girl in my situation that was like yours). Her twisting your words to make it sound like you were trying to corral her into a relationship is manipulative, and unfair. Not to mention, it's a cheap power play to boost her ego and step on yours a bit. You let her know as much (non-verbally) when you pull way back.

I would casually/briefly answer any texts or calls but convey an overall disinterested air from here on out unless her buying temperature skyrockets. After all, you shouldn't be too interested or invested in this one girl after that text that she sent.

True, and that's the plan. It's just bloody difficult because I was actually interested in someone for once. I can't see this ever developing into more but she is quite unpredicatble so I have no idea. She has tagged me in some facebook pictures today but not tagged herself, what the hell is that all about? She doesn't want to be seen with me or something?

 

[Mr. England]

My guess is you still want her for a relationship and EVEN if you think you want to "recover" this to a FB relationship. My advice to you?

First take some time off from contacting her. Give it 2-3 weeks. Date some other women in the meanwhile even if it doesn't lead anywhere. Then call her up or text her and tell her that you're looking for some advice on women. The idea is to give her the impression that you have other women and she has nothing to worry about if she hooks up with you but doesn't call you afterwards. You have to also accept the idea that she will hook up with you only occasionally at her own convenience. You can't control her or make her decisions for her. That's why the dating of other women and the desire to just be a FB with no strings attached has to be genuine coming from you

Yeh I would like a relationship with her but like you say she will be the one pulling the strings, which makes me think twice, coz I'm not having someone control me. I think becoming FB's is the best I could hope for, and I don't wanna think I dated this chick for a few weeks and didn't get laid because Aunt Flo intervened.

 

[katatonia]

Anyway, I get a text the next day (we usually ring), saying something like 'Hey, I'm sorry for being a ***** and telling you this by text... I really do like you, but I realised last night that I only see you as a friend, I know that's not what you want so I'll let you decide from here'. (She had asked what I was looking for a while back and I said a relationship... that was clever).

Vital mistake in bold.

Now I don't date often so didn't quite know what to say to this, because I had started to like her, and I don't think the same when I like someone. So I replied "Well I do like you, but if you just want to be friends then that your decision." To which she replied "I don't want you to hate me or anything, I'm just not looking for anything at all serious with anyone at the moment". So that gets me thinking, maybe she does still like me, and just wants a fling. I said "I'm not looking for anything serious either, because I don't know if I'm moving away for a year or not.", to which I got no reply.

You should not have replied to her message at all. You are in her frame now, you lose.

Now I know you guys and probably her too are gonna be thinking, take a hint, next her. But can this be recovered after I already replied back. I seriously would like to recover it or at least just turn her into a **** buddy or something. Is she totally not interested or what? She definitely seemed to be at one stage, from my opinion.

P.s. I'm not looking for dating advice I know it's not that type of forum I've been looking at it for a while. Also I have read The Game, so I understand a lot of the lingo.

The best idea would be to next and move on, but if you insist... the only way to recover from this situation is to go no contact and completely stop chasing her for a while. You might need to be seen with/gossiped about with a new preferably hotter woman. You have to stoke those jealousy fires and you will have a good chance if you don't **** up and go AFC. Wait until she is begging for you to come back into her life then **** her good.

 

[Mr. England]

Vital mistake in bold.

What should I say to anyone in the future if they ask that ****? When I said it to her I merely meant that is what I was looking for, but not necessarily with her.

You should not have replied to her message at all. You are in her frame now, you lose.

Too late for that haha. I knew as soon as I replied that I shouldn't have done. I left it for about a day before I replied though.

The best idea would be to next and move on, but if you insist... the only way to recover from this situation is to go no contact and completely stop chasing her for a while. You might need to be seen with/gossiped about with a new preferably hotter woman. You have to stoke those jealousy fires and you will have a good chance if you don't **** up and go AFC. Wait until she is begging for you to come back into her life then **** her good.

Good advice. Well I'll be going out a lot this week with my newly single mate, so plenty of opportunity to pull. Shame my approach work is crap, after that I'm fine but just the appraoching.

 

[tafakna]

Agree with Legolas.

It's classical women psychology. She tested your emotional independence and you got a D- for stating you wanted a relationship.

You should call her gamble. Act like you have no problem keeping things at a friend level (even if you have second intentions).

She seems to be worried that you're too interested, and that by accepting your company she will have to surrender her freedom.

Keep hanging out, keep talking to her, let her share her life with you... and you will be closer and closer to have a true relationship with this girl...

 

[Mr. England]

Agree with Legolas.

It's classical women psychology. She tested your emotional independence and you got a D- for stating you wanted a relationship.

What should I say in the future?

You should call her gamble. Act like you have no problem keeping things at a friend level (even if you have second intentions).

She seems to be worried that you're too interested, and that by accepting your company she will have to surrender her freedom.

I totally agree and felt I was showing too much interest from about a couple weeks in, after that it went tits up. She just gained this choke hold on me were I was thinking about her all the time but I had no idea why. She is two years older then me though so maybe she has just played more guys and is just very manipulative.

Keep hanging out, keep talking to her, let her share her life with you... and you will be closer and closer to have a true relationship with this girl...

What talk to her now or leave it 3 weeks? I've got some serious one-itis at the moment. Shall I just talk as a friend, e.g. how are you? hows your day been? up to much this weekend?... that sort of thing?

 

[legolas]

What should I say in the future?

Just state what you want not what package you want it in

 

[Mr. England]

Finding it really difficult not to ring her or anything. It's only been 3 days. Should I just ask her out on another date or would that be suicide?

 

[katatonia]

What should I say to anyone in the future if they ask that ****? When I said it to her I merely meant that is what I was looking for, but not necessarily with her.

Evade her question, perhaps with C&F. Doesn't really matter how actually, just don't give away that you are looking for a relationship, as you shouldn't be at your age anyway.

Good advice. Well I'll be going out a lot this week with my newly single mate, so plenty of opportunity to pull. Shame my approach work is crap, after that I'm fine but just the appraoching.

Good luck.

 

[SchoolBoy]

Finding it really difficult not to ring her or anything. It's only been 3 days. Should I just ask her out on another date or would that be suicide?

Pay attention to what everyone has been saying, CUT CONTACT and keep it cut until at least a week and have her chase you. If she doesn't come back, then there wasn't much IL to begin with and it's time to move on.

If she does contact you again after a week AT LEAST. Then it's game on.

 

[tafakna]

What should I say in the future?

She is two years older then me though so maybe she has just played more guys and is just very manipulative.

It's not just about saying, it's about the way you act around her. But women do like to 'test the waters', check where the relationship is. If she came to you saying 'I think of you as a friend', it's usually because she's starting to feel responsible for your feelings. You fell for her too quickly and she's worried about letting you down.

As Katatonia said, evade this type of question. If she starts emphasizing your friendship all the time, go along with it, it will make her not worry about leading you on (btw it doesn't mean that you're blowing your chances). She'll just not feel threatened by your presence.

I ABSOLUTELY despise the notion that all women are cold-blooded manipulative twisted maniacs. The cynical approach of going NC, getting even, and moving one everytime you find someone you're interest in is all too popular on internet boards, but pretty pointless IMHO (what's the point in learning how to get women that you don't want and drop the ones you do?).

You have to learn how things work and get better with time. No need to become a cynical and trash women at every possible chance.

What talk to her now or leave it 3 weeks? I've got some serious one-itis at the moment. Shall I just talk as a friend, e.g. how are you? hows your day been? up to much this weekend?... that sort of thing?

No. Right now, as it impossible as it may appear when you're facing dopamine withdrawal, you must give her a break from you (about 2-3 weeks).

You'll rationalize in every possible way, how it makes sense for you to contact her sooner. IT DOESN'T.

It's pretty much like waiting in line to go to the toilet. In line, a minute seems like an eternity. When you're in, time flies by. 2-3 Weeks will be like months to you, but for her it will be just the time for her to starting notice that she misses you.

SHE'LL NOT BUY your sudden change. Wait 3 weeks and THEN act like you're cool as friends.

But DO help yourself. Go out. Meet new girls (even the ones you don't think you're interested in). It will boost your self confidence, make you wiser and more experienced.

You may not get it right this time, but the secret is to keep improving and keep learning.

 

[Mr. England]

Great advice tafakna thanks. Hopefully things will go well after a 3 week absence . And your right about whats the point in giving up on girls you do like. thanks a lot.