Hey DJs…
this may be my first post, but I’ve been browsing this site for quite a while. A lot of good stuff here. Now I have to ask for some feedback though. I have a rather complicated matter at my hands, but I’m keeping it as simple as possible. Just a few words about myself: I’m nearing my late thirties, I have been single for quite a while, and I got a beautiful girl with a bat-**** crazy ex-girlfriend. Oh, and I’m not a native speaker, so please don’t complain about this long-winded post, I’m doing my best.
So there is this woman I have known for a couple of years now. We met at the gym, exchanged numbers, and started hanging out casually with her friends and/or my friends. She is an attractive and incredibly nice person, and she was all over me right off the bat. Maybe a bit too much, I felt the need to hit the brakes. I thought we’d both be better off if she sorted out her problems first, because she wasn’t even divorced by that time. So essentially we became friends without the whole let’s-just-be-friends talk.
Time passed by, she got through her divorce, and we started hanging out pretty regularly. And then it just so happened that I poked her friend. Smooth, right? Not. She didn’t even want to give me a chance to explain things, she broke up contact completely. I missed her, but what could I do? I tell you what I did, magnificent me, I poked her friend again, and again, and again. You get the gist. After three months or so I ditched her friend, it just felt wrong. Then I ran into her sister. That’s when I realized how much I must have hurt her. Obviously she was really, really into me.
I feel deeply ashamed, believe me, and I have a hard time forgiving myself, but I can’t turn back time.
Anyway, almost a year later I finally could explain things to her. I mean, there’s no excuse for it, but I’m an up-front type of guy, so I told her how bad I felt about all of it. She said it was all good, no worries. But here’s the kicker: She also told me no matter how much she likes me, she would never ever hook up with me because of what I had done.
So I let her be. I had other women, and she must have had other men.
A couple of months ago we bumped into each other, and since that time we started hanging out again, roughly two or three times a month. She’s a single parent and started working full-time again, so if she’s free at all, most of the time she brings her son and we do child-oriented stuff together. That doesn’t bother me in the slightest, we get along great, it just makes things a little more complicated in terms of setting a sexual vibe.
We still have this playful, flirty vibe going on, and I’m sure she very much enjoys spending time with me, but it feels weird that we both act as if nothing happened. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. I’m almost scared to ask this question: Would talking be the right thing here? Asking for a second chance is lame, but wouldn’t making a move and going for it be somewhat disrespectful considering what happened and what she told me?
Re-reading my post, I’m probably over-thinking it: The longer I act as her friend complying with her statement about us never hooking up, the greater the chance she’ll friend-zone me into oblivion eventually, if only to get even. At least I can let it go then and stop bothering about what-ifs. I’d really like to hear how the more experienced men view my situation. Maybe you have some food for thought. Thanks.
this may be my first post, but I’ve been browsing this site for quite a while. A lot of good stuff here. Now I have to ask for some feedback though. I have a rather complicated matter at my hands, but I’m keeping it as simple as possible. Just a few words about myself: I’m nearing my late thirties, I have been single for quite a while, and I got a beautiful girl with a bat-**** crazy ex-girlfriend. Oh, and I’m not a native speaker, so please don’t complain about this long-winded post, I’m doing my best.
So there is this woman I have known for a couple of years now. We met at the gym, exchanged numbers, and started hanging out casually with her friends and/or my friends. She is an attractive and incredibly nice person, and she was all over me right off the bat. Maybe a bit too much, I felt the need to hit the brakes. I thought we’d both be better off if she sorted out her problems first, because she wasn’t even divorced by that time. So essentially we became friends without the whole let’s-just-be-friends talk.
Time passed by, she got through her divorce, and we started hanging out pretty regularly. And then it just so happened that I poked her friend. Smooth, right? Not. She didn’t even want to give me a chance to explain things, she broke up contact completely. I missed her, but what could I do? I tell you what I did, magnificent me, I poked her friend again, and again, and again. You get the gist. After three months or so I ditched her friend, it just felt wrong. Then I ran into her sister. That’s when I realized how much I must have hurt her. Obviously she was really, really into me.
I feel deeply ashamed, believe me, and I have a hard time forgiving myself, but I can’t turn back time.
Anyway, almost a year later I finally could explain things to her. I mean, there’s no excuse for it, but I’m an up-front type of guy, so I told her how bad I felt about all of it. She said it was all good, no worries. But here’s the kicker: She also told me no matter how much she likes me, she would never ever hook up with me because of what I had done.
So I let her be. I had other women, and she must have had other men.
A couple of months ago we bumped into each other, and since that time we started hanging out again, roughly two or three times a month. She’s a single parent and started working full-time again, so if she’s free at all, most of the time she brings her son and we do child-oriented stuff together. That doesn’t bother me in the slightest, we get along great, it just makes things a little more complicated in terms of setting a sexual vibe.
We still have this playful, flirty vibe going on, and I’m sure she very much enjoys spending time with me, but it feels weird that we both act as if nothing happened. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. I’m almost scared to ask this question: Would talking be the right thing here? Asking for a second chance is lame, but wouldn’t making a move and going for it be somewhat disrespectful considering what happened and what she told me?
Re-reading my post, I’m probably over-thinking it: The longer I act as her friend complying with her statement about us never hooking up, the greater the chance she’ll friend-zone me into oblivion eventually, if only to get even. At least I can let it go then and stop bothering about what-ifs. I’d really like to hear how the more experienced men view my situation. Maybe you have some food for thought. Thanks.
