Friend Zone Jeopardy

[RickTheToad]

AMS said when your frame is shakey lay off women 30 days and focus on your purpose

Getting back on your purpose is always a good reset button.

That's a sh1t test

Could be. When ladies had said that to me, my retort was always, since when does one have to be nice or emotional to be right.

@RickTheToad
Please elaborate. Most of my girlfriends have told me that I don't show my feelings enough.

See above. Your # 1 priority in life, if you do not have kids, is you. You put you first. She comes second. You need to do what's good with you and don't give a f uck what anyone says. Goes back to the old saying, you do you, and who ever follows is down for whatever.

Example. You want to get something to eat, and she's hungry too. Do you A, say what do you want to eat? Or B, I'm hungry, so let's get a steak? The option is B. You shown leadership and follow through. You lead, the lady follows. Ladies do not like to make decisions. They are there for sex, female company/companionship and procreation; not much else.

And for the love of God, please, stop being their friend; unless they are ugly and you're trying to get with one of her good looking friends. The less attention you pay on the attractive ones, the more they question and want you. Make them come to you, not vice-versa. Or, new female in the group. Say, hey, how are you? Chat a bit, suggest we get drinks, exchange numbers, text her there and call or text a day or two later to set the date for drinks. No chit-chat. You are attracted to her, she may be attracted to you.

Nuff said.

 

[gettinit]

Please elaborate. Most of my girlfriends have told me that I don't show my feelings enough.

That's a sh1t test

Yes, I know. One reply that I can recall was a deadpan "See, now you have gone and hurt my feelings" followed by a little smirk.

Come on guys, I have already explained that we will be sharing space and I really can't recall anything in my interactions with her where she took the lead. This post has nothing to do with me ghosting her and has gone way off of my original question. Ghosting her would require that I deprive myself of a place that I prefer to go. My post has to do with preventing even minimal damage to my social status. Some say ignore her. Now how will that look with 5 people sitting together and I behave like a little, heartbroken, childish, b*itch by ignoring her. That reeks beta. I also said nothing about becoming her gay girlfriend.

How about some real life examples of how you navigate something like this? Something other than the previously mentioned laddering out of one-on-one interaction. I have to believe that someone here has been in at least one similar situation. Failed actions are just as important, so lets hear it.

Even with me slowly pulling back, eventually she is going to sh*t test me with something like "why don't we hang out anymore, don't you like me anymore". My reply will probably be something like "I like you just fine, but I never was one for being really close friends with women. I'm not built like that" and I hope that this occurs sooner than later. Its actually true, with the very odd exception of my Covid girlbuddy that I hang out with sometimes.

 

[redskinsfan92]

Yes, I know. One reply that I can recall was a deadpan "See, now you have gone and hurt my feelings" followed by a little smirk.

Come on guys, I have already explained that we will be sharing space and I really can't recall anything in my interactions with her where she took the lead. This post has nothing to do with me ghosting her and has gone way off of my original question. Ghosting her would require that I deprive myself of a place that I prefer to go. My post has to do with preventing even minimal damage to my social status. Some say ignore her. Now how will that look with 5 people sitting together and I behave like a little, heartbroken, childish, b*itch by ignoring her. That reeks beta. I also said nothing about becoming her gay girlfriend.

How about some real life examples of how you navigate something like this? Something other than the previously mentioned laddering out of one-on-one interaction. I have to believe that someone here has been in at least one similar situation. Failed actions are just as important, so lets hear it.

Even with me slowly pulling back, eventually she is going to sh*t test me with something like "why don't we hang out anymore, don't you like me anymore". My reply will probably be something like "I like you just fine, but I never was one for being really close friends with women. I'm not built like that" and I hope that this occurs sooner than later. Its actually true, with the very odd exception of my Covid girlbuddy that I hang out with sometimes.

Ghosting her is the solution. If she shows up where you go, so be it. It will come to an end. Patience. Don't worry about her sh1t testing at this point. She rejectes. Not worth any effort

I had a group of friends where we had a text group going daily. I was bluepill at the time and had a huge crush on a girl in this group. She started inviting me here and there, but she had a long distance boyfriend. She would pull crap like inviting me to her house for breakfast, then backtrack saying it wouldn't be right. Eventually I realized she jist wanted attention. During all this the social group kind of fell apart. I ended up completely ghosting her without issue. I still have my friends.

Another time I liked a girl when I worked at Amazon warehouse. Talked to her a few times. Asked her out one day and got, "I have a boyfriend." Then I found out she had a kid too. A month later I'm sitting in a classroom for a day of training to become an "Ambassador"(training new hires). Guess who walks in, looks around the 80% empty room, then sits right next to me? Her. So, I was friendly when she talked to me, but I did not initiating. Had to work with from time to time, but I kept everything work related. Had zero issues.

 

[gettinit]

An update to provide some follow up as this progresses:
I haven't seen her, but she has been initiating texts with me and we hadn't texted much at all in the past. I had ignored some texts before without any grief from her and it wouldn't be taken as unusual.

She keeps initiating texts, asking me to call her (said it wasn't anything pressing so no call) and now she says that she has something for me. She has initiated multiple texts to me 5 days in a row. Example- asking if I'm out or still working, a few hours later: "Sigh" and the 12:45 am: "Just took a baby hit of a new strain. Holy chit, I choked. Bed time. Good night."

The next days a similar series or pointless stuff, with the last series where she said that she has something for me (no I don't think it's the puzz) and wanted to get together last night. I had declined and said I might be free on Monday.
I have replied to about a third of the messages. Closed answers. The last one from last night around 11:30 being: "We are missing you at thisplace". Not a place I frequent and I have no idea who the we was.

I'm continuing to fade out of the picture and no social fallout as far as I can tell. For some reason, she doesn't seem to want to let go. Maybe trying to pull me into orbit, who knows.

 

[BeExcellent]

I don't see what the big deal is with friendzoning. You took a shot and she turned you down, and you seem fine with it.

As for her being upset for you running out, just tell her, "we're buddies. A good friend should understand." She can't have it both ways. If she wants to be a friend she should be one. You can tell her about your dating adventures and have her introduce you to cute chicks.

This ^ 100%.

A gal pal will wing for you. I wing for my “posse” all the time. And nobody in my group of buddies is an orbiter of mine. If I’m out with a buddy and he pulls, he will leave or do his thing. I only need to know, in the event that I drove, whether or not he’s expecting a ride. If he hooks up and Ubers? Cool. If he vanished? I’ll text & then if no response I’ll do my thing, leave, whatever.

I’m in a big social circle. Sometimes people will wonder if I’m seeing one of my buddies. It is what it is. Either he or I will laugh that off if asked and drive on.

There are people who cannot wrap their brain around male/female friendships and that gets hotly debated around here too. It requires a certain maturity and outcome independence. I’m happy to see my buddies enjoying themselves and happy to facilitate them meeting women. It’s fun...and they return the favor.

If I’m dating someone I tend to naturally gravitate toward the dating situation as primary and vast majority of time spent with a man, and my buddies know this...just as Im cool with whoever they are seeing, dating, meeting...whatever.

But some people do get weird if there is underlying attraction. In which case you need to withdraw (if you remain attracted and wouldn’t wing for her...)

 

[gettinit]

And nobody in my group of buddies is an orbiter of mine

All good as long as all parties are on the same page and you aren't the type of woman who lives for attention in any form and/or dangles the carrot.

Sometimes people will wonder if I’m seeing one of my buddies. It is what it is. Either he or I will laugh that off if asked and drive on.

Don't kid yourself, those buddies probably wouldn't hesitate if you came on to them. Unless you are hideous or have an absolutely abhorrent personality, there is always that little voice in a mans head. From what I've read and if that's your pic, you are neither.

But some people do get weird if there is underlying attraction. In which case you need to withdraw (if you remain attracted and wouldn’t wing for her...)

Yes, it might be a little weird for me in this case. Aside from attraction, its probably just a combination of ego and my competitive nature. I'm sure that will fade soon enough.

I AM attempting to quietly withdraw, but it seems that she just isn't on board with it.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

This ^ 100%.

A gal pal will wing for you. I wing for my “posse” all the time. And nobody in my group of buddies is an orbiter of mine. If I’m out with a buddy and he pulls, he will leave or do his thing. I only need to know, in the event that I drove, whether or not he’s expecting a ride. If he hooks up and Ubers? Cool. If he vanished? I’ll text & then if no response I’ll do my thing, leave, whatever.

I’m in a big social circle. Sometimes people will wonder if I’m seeing one of my buddies. It is what it is. Either he or I will laugh that off if asked and drive on.

There are people who cannot wrap their brain around male/female friendships and that gets hotly debated around here too. It requires a certain maturity and outcome independence. I’m happy to see my buddies enjoying themselves and happy to facilitate them meeting women. It’s fun...and they return the favor.

If I’m dating someone I tend to naturally gravitate toward the dating situation as primary and vast majority of time spent with a man, and my buddies know this...just as Im cool with whoever they are seeing, dating, meeting...whatever.

But some people do get weird if there is underlying attraction. In which case you need to withdraw (if you remain attracted and wouldn’t wing for her...)

I wonder if this is an evolved concept that I just haven't reached.
I don't think men and women can be friends. Maybe acquaintances only.

Would I look at it differently if I needed to socialise/network with more men because I'm an entrepreneur? Probably. Then I would be viewing them transactionally....strictly transactionally.

I might not be grown up enough yet(mentally)

 

[redskinsfan92]

This ^ 100%.

A gal pal will wing for you. I wing for my “posse” all the time. And nobody in my group of buddies is an orbiter of mine. If I’m out with a buddy and he pulls, he will leave or do his thing. I only need to know, in the event that I drove, whether or not he’s expecting a ride. If he hooks up and Ubers? Cool. If he vanished? I’ll text & then if no response I’ll do my thing, leave, whatever.

I’m in a big social circle. Sometimes people will wonder if I’m seeing one of my buddies. It is what it is. Either he or I will laugh that off if asked and drive on.

There are people who cannot wrap their brain around male/female friendships and that gets hotly debated around here too. It requires a certain maturity and outcome independence. I’m happy to see my buddies enjoying themselves and happy to facilitate them meeting women. It’s fun...and they return the favor.

If I’m dating someone I tend to naturally gravitate toward the dating situation as primary and vast majority of time spent with a man, and my buddies know this...just as Im cool with whoever they are seeing, dating, meeting...whatever.

But some people do get weird if there is underlying attraction. In which case you need to withdraw (if you remain attracted and wouldn’t wing for her...)

Time to burst your bubble. Once a man is attracted to a woman he will never not be attracted unless her smv significantly decreases like weight gain or disfigurement. Your "buddies" are orbiting in hopes of one day. How do I know this? Well, I am a man. I know exactly how we think.

 

[redskinsfan92]

I wonder if this is an evolved concept that I just haven't reached.
I don't think men and women can be friends. Maybe acquaintances only.

Would I look at it differently if I needed to socialise/network with more men because I'm an entrepreneur? Probably. Then I would be viewing them transactionally....strictly transactionally.

I might not be grown up enough yet(mentally)

Friendships between men and women are short lived. Sure, everyone wants to picture the cool platonic long lasting frienship between a man and woman depicted in movies where she plays wingman. I have yet to see that in the real world.
I know firsthand friendships amongst men can last decades without issue.

My conclusion is a man and woman can be friends, but never on the level of friendship they can have with a member of their own gender.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Friendships between men and women are short lived. Sure, everyone wants to picture the cool platonic long lasting frienship between a man and woman depicted in movies where she plays wingman. I have yet to see that in the real world.
I know firsthand friendships amongst men can last decades without issue.

My conclusion is a man and woman can be friends, but never on the level of friendship they can have with gender.

nicely put and I like your conclusion.
I think there must always be at least a third party or fourth party to keep arm's length autonomy to avoid attraction. If one doesn't exist then it won't be long until a third party is brought in to avoid "isolate and escalate".

interesting. sucks when you're female living in gynocracy that doesn't want to befriend entitled girls....they're everywhere.

 

[BeExcellent]

Friendships between men and women are short lived. Sure, everyone wants to picture the cool platonic long lasting frienship between a man and woman depicted in movies where she plays wingman. I have yet to see that in the real world.
I know firsthand friendships amongst men can last decades without issue.

My conclusion is a man and woman can be friends, but never on the level of friendship they can have with a member of their own gender.

I disagree. I have male friends who I am very close with who I have known for decades. For 35 years in one case and 28 years in the other. To be fair I did date the 28 year tenured friend for a year when I was 22-23 years old...but we’ve been friends now for over 25 years and there is no romantic interest between us. He has been married and divorced twice now, is a huge player and dates women half his age (he’s 51), which is cool. The 35 year tenured friendship is a brother to me. Was a huge playboy in the day, epic. We’ve never had romantic notions between us. Both these men are trusted and will be friends the rest of my life.

The guys that are my buddies that I mention are all very good looking, can pull women without issue and are anything but orbiters. They all have enough abundance that they aren’t macking on me. They aren’t thirsty AT ALL. That’s WHY we hang out. There’s no weirdness, no unrequited feelings, no hoping for a hook up. Whether or not you believe me doesn’t matter. All is good and no I’m not delusional.

I’m not dumping loyal friends of many years over some new dating situation. Both my ex husband & my (extremely jealous) recent ex BF know these guys. Not threatened at all. My friends are welcoming and cool to the men who have been serious relationships and I have been welcoming and cool to their spouses and girlfriends as well.

It’s unusual perhaps but I’m perfectly up front about it and it’s never created any issue whatsoever in my dating life or relationships.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There is a girl in my social circle that caught my interest. One of those girls that seems to get it in how a man just is, or maybe just how I am.
Known for seven or so months, unavailable for 5 of them. Over the last few weeks, she ends up with me, one on one, pretty much every time we see each other and its not my doing. I have been asked if we had a thing going.

So, one night, I decide that i may actually want to start something with her. I asked her out and I got shot down. She told me that although she feels strongly connected to me, that she couldn't get involved with me because she though that my situation was too complicated..bla, bla, bla (what is complicated isn't really relevant here) and added that all connections don't need to be romantic. I simply said OK, that's life and maybe we shouldn't hang out so much since other women will think that we are a couple. I then changed the subject. Obviously, I'm freindzoned, but honestly not looking to get out since its not ever worth trying.


There are limited places to hang out right now and my group frequents the one place with a large, open outdoor space that stays open later than 8. So a couple of nights ago (just a few days after my shoot down), I go there and sit with a couple of my buds to watch a game and had no idea that she was there until she popped up next to me. I just said hi, kept it short and she went back to the girls. Later she comes and sits at the table right next to me. I needed to leave and she happened to be in the bathroom, so I said "tell her I said see you later" and left. I get a text: "Seriously? You got a drink a few minutes before I sat down" with a frown emoji. I didn't reply, but that's not uncommon. So the next night, at the same place, my friends had just left and I'm sitting and finishing my beer, when she appears with a fresh beer for me and asks "can we talk about last night", sits down and tells me that me leaving without saying goodbye was weird and then not replying to her text from last night "all day" had caused her a lot of anxiety. She found out that I left because she was told that I said "see you later", just as I would for any friend. I told her that I had to get to a store before it closed (true). I thought that was the end of it, but she brought it up twice more over the next ten minutes, right down to checking how close the time I said the store closed to the time of her text regarding my exit. It was like she thought that i was lying. WTF should she even care?

So here i am now with a pretty large social circle of people and I need to shut her down without coming across as a d**k and in a way that she can't spin it that I was. I just want some separation and it appears that, by accident, I found out that she isn't going to take it well. The last thing I want people to think is that I'm butthurt from her shooting me down and am sure that whatever occurs is going to become girly gossip.

Any insight or ideas?

I know, long read. I trimmed it the best that i could

You should have never explained yourself when she asked you about it. You should have laughed when she called you weird and been like "Oh but having anxiety all day over a person not saying goodbye is TOTAAALLLY normal....gotcha!"

With a devilish smirk on your face...you are totally in her frame OP. You had a chance to bring her into yours but kind of blew it.

 

[gettinit]

Update:
This could get long (again), so I'm going to try and summarize.
I have not been initiating any contact, but she has been. My answers again were friendly, closed and short, but she wanted to meet to give me something, so I figured that I would just get that out of the way. Two days ago we set something up, but I cancelled. Last night we did get together at the place that we normally see each other. I had said that I would be there if time allows and got there about a half hour before close. She had sent me a few texts in the mean time, letting me know that she was getting ready, when she would get there and it was a couple hours before I arrived. She definitely had taken some time to primp. It was a small group and I went to pay my tab, was told she had already covered it. Hmm..

I ended up at her place and she gave me a nice bottle of whiskey as a gift and poured me a glass.
We talked as we used to, but there was certainly a different tone.
She commented that I hadn't noticed that she had curled her hair and she never does that.
She soon began hitting me with qualifying questions, but I kept my cool and think that I deflected pretty well. I'm not going to cover all of those. I turned a number of them back on her as well.
The conversation shifted to relationships and she began qualifying herself without any prodding from me.
As a"friend", I told her generally what I had going on recently, dating wise.
Referencing a pretty old conversation, she asked why I had been on dating sites before I was officially divorced and how could anyone be sure that you wouldn't do that to them in a relationship. Yeah, "anyone" being her. I get it with the last guy cheating.
Somewhere in there, she topped off my drink.
Then the questions regarding me not being around so much started.
I just told her that I had other things to do. On top of that I thought it best that we cool it a bit, and that I had almost declined coming over to her place. I also said that she was nice enough to buy me the whiskey and I didn't want to be rude.
She asked if me blowing hot and cold was part of cooling it. I said that the cool part was, but what's the big deal anyway?

Then, out it comes: She complimented me for being honest, said that it sort of bothered her that I was dating other women and she had found herself missing me.

Me "But we are friends"
Her "More than regular friends"
Me "Friends are friends"
Her "Maybe we are more than friends"
Me "I don't know, you were pretty clear with saying that all connections don't need to be romantic"
Her, after a flustered pause "maybe that was a bit harsh"
Me "Whatever. Your words"

I stood up, took my last swig of whiskey and said that I had to get going. As she walked me to the door, she told me about an outdoor, unplugged, live music, house party where people just show up and play. Her friend (girl) was going to be playing. It is this weekend and she asked me to go with her. As I stepped out the door, I told her to text me the times and I'll check if I'm free, but we should be cooling it.
She replied "Your words not mine" with a very sexy, head ****ed to the side smile. You know the look.

There was a whole lot of other ground covered that I could never detail here and its still a bit early to think that this has turned around. I'm going to play this out.

 

[redskinsfan92]

Unexpected and interesting

 

[dude99]

There is a girl in my social circle that caught my interest. One of those girls that seems to get it in how a man just is, or maybe just how I am.
Known for seven or so months, unavailable for 5 of them. Over the last few weeks, she ends up with me, one on one, pretty much every time we see each other and its not my doing. I have been asked if we had a thing going.

So, one night, I decide that i may actually want to start something with her. I asked her out and I got shot down. She told me that although she feels strongly connected to me, that she couldn't get involved with me because she though that my situation was too complicated..bla, bla, bla (what is complicated isn't really relevant here) and added that all connections don't need to be romantic. I simply said OK, that's life and maybe we shouldn't hang out so much since other women will think that we are a couple. I then changed the subject. Obviously, I'm freindzoned, but honestly not looking to get out since its not ever worth trying.


There are limited places to hang out right now and my group frequents the one place with a large, open outdoor space that stays open later than 8. So a couple of nights ago (just a few days after my shoot down), I go there and sit with a couple of my buds to watch a game and had no idea that she was there until she popped up next to me. I just said hi, kept it short and she went back to the girls. Later she comes and sits at the table right next to me. I needed to leave and she happened to be in the bathroom, so I said "tell her I said see you later" and left. I get a text: "Seriously? You got a drink a few minutes before I sat down" with a frown emoji. I didn't reply, but that's not uncommon. So the next night, at the same place, my friends had just left and I'm sitting and finishing my beer, when she appears with a fresh beer for me and asks "can we talk about last night", sits down and tells me that me leaving without saying goodbye was weird and then not replying to her text from last night "all day" had caused her a lot of anxiety. She found out that I left because she was told that I said "see you later", just as I would for any friend. I told her that I had to get to a store before it closed (true). I thought that was the end of it, but she brought it up twice more over the next ten minutes, right down to checking how close the time I said the store closed to the time of her text regarding my exit. It was like she thought that i was lying. WTF should she even care?

So here i am now with a pretty large social circle of people and I need to shut her down without coming across as a d**k and in a way that she can't spin it that I was. I just want some separation and it appears that, by accident, I found out that she isn't going to take it well. The last thing I want people to think is that I'm butthurt from her shooting me down and am sure that whatever occurs is going to become girly gossip.

Any insight or ideas?

I know, long read. I trimmed it the best that i could

She doesnt want to date you but still expects you to chase and validate her. You did the right thing by backing off. You did what most guys don't do. You didnt chase. Bravo.

She has entitlement issues. That is her problem. Not yours. Remember you owe her nothing. If she brings up you bouncing without saying good bye again or when the store closes and your timing again i'd just reply with " what are you my mother? Stop acting weird."

Watch her back track. You dont owe her anything. Not even an explanation. You needed to leave and where and why is none of her business.

keep doing your thing. Ignore her texts ignore her phone calls, delete her on all social media, go date other women. If she shows up at places you are, you politely say hello and leave it at that.

She doesnt want to date. Good enough. You moved on.Chicks who dont want to date shouldn't expect boyfriend treatment from.a guy she rejects.

And they should learn how to be mature when the guy rejects their 'friendzone offer too.' He didnt get what he wanted. Why should she?

 

[dude99]

Update:
This could get long (again), so I'm going to try and summarize.
I have not been initiating any contact, but she has been. My answers again were friendly, closed and short, but she wanted to meet to give me something, so I figured that I would just get that out of the way. Two days ago we set something up, but I cancelled. Last night we did get together at the place that we normally see each other. I had said that I would be there if time allows and got there about a half hour before close. She had sent me a few texts in the mean time, letting me know that she was getting ready, when she would get there and it was a couple hours before I arrived. She definitely had taken some time to primp. It was a small group and I went to pay my tab, was told she had already covered it. Hmm..

I ended up at her place and she gave me a nice bottle of whiskey as a gift and poured me a glass.
We talked as we used to, but there was certainly a different tone.
She commented that I hadn't noticed that she had curled her hair and she never does that.
She soon began hitting me with qualifying questions, but I kept my cool and think that I deflected pretty well. I'm not going to cover all of those. I turned a number of them back on her as well.
The conversation shifted to relationships and she began qualifying herself without any prodding from me.
As a"friend", I told her generally what I had going on recently, dating wise.
Referencing a pretty old conversation, she asked why I had been on dating sites before I was officially divorced and how could anyone be sure that you wouldn't do that to them in a relationship. Yeah, "anyone" being her. I get it with the last guy cheating.
Somewhere in there, she topped off my drink.
Then the questions regarding me not being around so much started.
I just told her that I had other things to do. On top of that I thought it best that we cool it a bit, and that I had almost declined coming over to her place. I also said that she was nice enough to buy me the whiskey and I didn't want to be rude.
She asked if me blowing hot and cold was part of cooling it. I said that the cool part was, but what's the big deal anyway?

Then, out it comes: She complimented me for being honest, said that it sort of bothered her that I was dating other women and she had found herself missing me.

Me "But we are friends"
Her "More than regular friends"
Me "Friends are friends"
Her "Maybe we are more than friends"
Me "I don't know, you were pretty clear with saying that all connections don't need to be romantic"
Her, after a flustered pause "maybe that was a bit harsh"
Me "Whatever. Your words"

I stood up, took my last swig of whiskey and said that I had to get going. As she walked me to the door, she told me about an outdoor, unplugged, live music, house party where people just show up and play. Her friend (girl) was going to be playing. It is this weekend and she asked me to go with her. As I stepped out the door, I told her to text me the times and I'll check if I'm free, but we should be cooling it.
She replied "Your words not mine" with a very sexy, head ****ed to the side smile. You know the look.

There was a whole lot of other ground covered that I could never detail here and its still a bit early to think that this has turned around. I'm going to play this out.

She wants what she can't have. Things became real when you started seeing other women. She realized she is not a priority.

Make her chase. Everything is on your terms. She has entered your frame. Keep it that way.

She f_cked things up. It is 100% up to her to fix things. Keep seeing other women. Make her chase.

 

[Clamslammer]

I actually like what you did. You asked her out, she rejected you and said she only wants to be friends and you said no amd that you shouldn't hang out much since girls will think you are an item thus showing her you have options. She got confused because you didnt chase her thus became attracted to you.

You are in the drivers seat now buddy and you can get some if you play it right. Keep going on about your life and being indifferent but cordial around her. Eventually she will likely come around to ask you to hang out or she will reach out to you and ask what you are doing. If she does this invite her back to your place...do not go on a date with her just invite her to your place for drinks and food she either comes over or doesnt. You are not going to go out of your way to go out on an actual date with her because she lost option when she rejected you initially.

Whatever you do don't reach out to her first she has to come to you.

 

[redskinsfan92]

I actually like what you did. You asked her out, she rejected you and said she only wants to be friends and you said no amd that you shouldn't hang out much since girls will think you are an item thus showing her you have options. She got confused because you didnt chase her thus became attracted to you.

You are in the drivers seat now buddy and you can get some if you play it right. Keep going on about your life and being indifferent but cordial around her. Eventually she will likely come around to ask you to hang out or she will reach out to you and ask what you are doing. If she does this invite her back to your place...do not go on a date with her just invite her to your place for drinks and food she either comes over or doesnt. You are not going to go out of your way to go out on an actual date with her because she lost option when she rejected you initially.

Whatever you do don't reach out to her first she has to come to you.

Going to agree. No need for a date. You already know each other. If she wants more, she needs to come over and f

 

[gettinit]

You talk all that stuff AFTER. I am amazed sometimes. All this goofy crap on here. LMAO

In a perfect world, sure, that would be the case, but not every interaction goes like a page from a PUA book. Its always good to share and learn. That's why I share "goofy crap" on here.
Yes, fukking her could end this pretty quick, but she does, after all, have to be a willing participant.

 

[gettinit]

As far as the original intent, I was only there to get what she wanted to give me. Basically, get it out of the way and continue to distance myself. I didn't expect her tell me that she missed me or back pedal on her earlier statements. On top of that, it was late and I was beat. Not a good time to try and make moves. I'm not in any hurry. If she misses me now and this is worth my time, she will still miss me and act accordingly. A flat rejection is not a situation where I think its a good idea to to be a pushover and give her an express pass into my world again. Its her turn to rebuild a bridge if she wants to be more than friends. If she doesn't make the effort, I'll just stay on the route that I'm on. I'm not desperate. If its just games, I should know, soon enough. I actually had to decline her invite as I did already have something going on. Oh well.