Friend zone fun

[Bsmith64]

I tried to make this short, but...

Worked with a girl a few years ago...she was way young (16 - I was 27...21/32 now) back then so there was nothing there obviously except her being my buddy at work. Fast fwd a few years...I moved away and she had just gotten out of a long relationship and we reconnected and after a lot of talking (phone/text) I could sense she was into me. Then I was an idiot, no game, no clue! (Still working on all of that but I've made great strides). So obviously I exhibited some less than desirable behavior. Anyway FF again and a few bumps (and a lot of needy behavior from me) in the road she finally FZ me and says I just can't see myself with you even admitted she strung me along for awhile (of course I obliged like the needy child I was...ugh). Odd part is, there was, and to an extent still (occasionally) seems to be attraction from her even though now she's seeing someone she seems happy with. 2 weeks ago I moved back to the town she lives in and she was over here drinking with me the first night. To the point where we were on the floor singing songs to each other in front of my stereo with my head in her lap. All the while she's texting her dude and eventually (and suddenly) leaves to go to him. I think he wasn't happy about her being there and told her to leave. Seeing as she couldn't wait to get here that night and hasn't been back since...I think he squashed that. She did tell me "he wants to meet you"...I happily obliged (in order to keep from looking butt hurt) knowing that she doesn't want me to meet him. It'll never happen...I'm not worried there.

Anyway I'm on the "happy go lucky we can hang but I'm not gonna react to your BS route" with her. Lying in wait for him to screw up (no I don't care)...but it's hard to do when feelings are involved. She rarely pulls away from contact, not even from a few drunk (yeah I know) gropes...she even joked about them or gave me a sexy smirk. She also seems to light up a bit around me. Not always, but def does the girlish nervous thing occasionally. The thing is, I don't want her to think I'm just gonna be her friend forever. She's important to me, but not so important that I won't walk away after being drug along like that, but I can't no contact her though I've tried several times. I'm usually pretty short with her even still. This has been going on for 3 mos now. She texts me or snapchats me several times a day and calls me out for not talking to her when I do see her. She won't let me go and despite her BS part of me doesn't want to, but I will.

I feel like I made some progress and got her interest super high about a month ago, but nothing came of it other than her going from not wanting to see me to coming to me every time I was in town (apt hunting - she had no clue I was moving...she found out when everyone else did). I feel like I'm forever on the cusp of making something happen but it doesn't. The one weird thing was her telling me (after a visit earlier that day) that if we got drunk together it would "probably end badly" when I asked why? "Because it's us". I took that as "ill probably bang you". Since the first night I moved back though...she's been much more distant and is getting in with him more. It's starting to take its toll and even with me being on tinder (and doing fairly well), etc...I'm not handling it well. She doesn't see it, bc Ive remained pretty steady with her, but it's kicking my butt. I've been FZ plenty of times...never had to question those. This is a whole different animal though.

I guess my question is, what can I do to make some sort of impact? I've given her nothing to wonder about other than why I'm so short with her. She continues to contact me even after I totally ignore her for a day or two at a time. I only reply when she sends me something worthy of a reply...not just a poke, but still. She cares about me, and shows it often, but obviously not in the way I want. I want her to fear losing me..otherwise I'm gonna be sitting here with my jimmy in my hands until he makes a mistake, and I'm not sure I'm patient enough for that. Also, pls spare the "drop Her" comments without some kind of detail.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

OP, in real life personal interactions with other people, are you the same as the way you write? The way you write is highly annoying. I've never read anything that had so much crap in parenthesees () than your post. I'm guessing this is in fact your personality. With that said, your personality is weak.

You want advice on how to deal with this younger chick from some of us on SS? But then you make a demand of us to not offer any sort of advice that suggests you need to drop her without a strong reason. You already admit you recognize that you're in the friendzone yet have made it your mission to bang her.

So let's see if I've got this summarized so far...

1. You understand some red pill philosophies yet you appear to be unwilling to actually put them into practice.
2. You recognize you're in the friendzone with a younger girl.
3. You recognize that this younger girl has more options than you currently have
4. This girl is living in your head because you want to bang her.
5. You have not actually banged this girl in the entire time you two have known each other
6. You are living entirely in her frame
7. The language you use to describe the two of you suggests some type of relationship, but you only have a simple friendship. You are NOT in some LTR with her yet you seem to think you are.
8. You care more about her than she cares about you

 

[Aesthetix29]

YOURE HER GAY FRIEND - YOU NEED TO MAKE A MOVE QUICKLY ITS THE INLY WAY TO GET YOUR ANSWER ... TAKE WORDS AT FACE VALUE .. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

 

[dude99]

I tried to make this short, but...

Worked with a girl a few years ago...she was way young (16 - I was 27...21/32 now) back then so there was nothing there obviously except her being my buddy at work. Fast fwd a few years...I moved away and she had just gotten out of a long relationship and we reconnected and after a lot of talking (phone/text) I could sense she was into me. Then I was an idiot, no game, no clue! (Still working on all of that but I've made great strides). So obviously I exhibited some less than desirable behavior. Anyway FF again and a few bumps (and a lot of needy behavior from me) in the road she finally FZ me and says I just can't see myself with you even admitted she strung me along for awhile (of course I obliged like the needy child I was...ugh). Odd part is, there was, and to an extent still (occasionally) seems to be attraction from her even though now she's seeing someone she seems happy with. 2 weeks ago I moved back to the town she lives in and she was over here drinking with me the first night. To the point where we were on the floor singing songs to each other in front of my stereo with my head in her lap. All the while she's texting her dude and eventually (and suddenly) leaves to go to him. I think he wasn't happy about her being there and told her to leave. Seeing as she couldn't wait to get here that night and hasn't been back since...I think he squashed that. She did tell me "he wants to meet you"...I happily obliged (in order to keep from looking butt hurt) knowing that she doesn't want me to meet him. It'll never happen...I'm not worried there.

Anyway I'm on the "happy go lucky we can hang but I'm not gonna react to your BS route" with her. Lying in wait for him to screw up (no I don't care)...but it's hard to do when feelings are involved. She rarely pulls away from contact, not even from a few drunk (yeah I know) gropes...she even joked about them or gave me a sexy smirk. She also seems to light up a bit around me. Not always, but def does the girlish nervous thing occasionally. The thing is, I don't want her to think I'm just gonna be her friend forever. She's important to me, but not so important that I won't walk away after being drug along like that, but I can't no contact her though I've tried several times. I'm usually pretty short with her even still. This has been going on for 3 mos now. She texts me or snapchats me several times a day and calls me out for not talking to her when I do see her. She won't let me go and despite her BS part of me doesn't want to, but I will.

I feel like I made some progress and got her interest super high about a month ago, but nothing came of it other than her going from not wanting to see me to coming to me every time I was in town (apt hunting - she had no clue I was moving...she found out when everyone else did). I feel like I'm forever on the cusp of making something happen but it doesn't. The one weird thing was her telling me (after a visit earlier that day) that if we got drunk together it would "probably end badly" when I asked why? "Because it's us". I took that as "ill probably bang you". Since the first night I moved back though...she's been much more distant and is getting in with him more. It's starting to take its toll and even with me being on tinder (and doing fairly well), etc...I'm not handling it well. She doesn't see it, bc Ive remained pretty steady with her, but it's kicking my butt. I've been FZ plenty of times...never had to question those. This is a whole different animal though.

I guess my question is, what can I do to make some sort of impact? I've given her nothing to wonder about other than why I'm so short with her. She continues to contact me even after I totally ignore her for a day or two at a time. I only reply when she sends me something worthy of a reply...not just a poke, but still. She cares about me, and shows it often, but obviously not in the way I want. I want her to fear losing me..otherwise I'm gonna be sitting here with my jimmy in my hands until he makes a mistake, and I'm not sure I'm patient enough for that. Also, pls spare the "drop Her" comments without some kind of detail.

Sorry to say but you are her "girlfriend." You feed her ego and keep her confidence sky high knowing she has an orbiter (perhaps more than one,) in you.

Remember people here always always always telling you to pay attention to her actions.....not what she says? This business of her drinking with you and banging you is her lip service keeping you on a string. If she wanted to bag you you would have already banged.

You have to pay attention to the reality factor. She jumps when her bf texts her. She is dating him. Having sex with him but only talking about it with you.

You are on her string. You are her orbiter.

The way to get out of her friendzone is to not be her friend.

Get busy. Spin plates don't be available for her all the time. Have options. When she calls be friendly but only give her 3 minutes. Then tell her you have to go. You are late for a date

 

[NSX-R]

Forget what you think about her now and start spinning plates. It's not worth it. Keep your interaction with her typical and move.

 

[RangerMIke]

First you have to realize she knows EXACTLY how you feel about her, women always know. So since she is keeping you around you are nothing more than a back-up plan used to make BF jealous.

Don't agree to this, just walk away. Others will give you advice that you should tell her why... nonsense, she will know why you have disappeared. Women are not stupid, if she calls to hang out, just tell her no... if she presses just tell her that you are not Option B or a gay male girlfriend, you are sick of blue balls and if she changes her mind to let you know, then walk away for good, delete the number, e-mail, un-friend her on Facebook... you are done, go after other women.

You have already wasted 5 years thinking about this chick, do not waste another day. Your chances of turning this around is practically zero. Sure there is a chance, but only if you are willing to walk away from her and never look back.

 

[Bsmith64]

OP, in real life personal interactions with other people, are you the same as the way you write? The way you write is highly annoying. I've never read anything that had so much crap in parenthesees () than your post. I'm guessing this is in fact your personality. With that said, your personality is weak.

You want advice on how to deal with this younger chick from some of us on SS? But then you make a demand of us to not offer any sort of advice that suggests you need to drop her without a strong reason. You already admit you recognize that you're in the friendzone yet have made it your mission to bang her.

Other than insulting my writing, which was just more of a collection of scattered thoughts, I appreciate you being straight. You're right. I am weak I know it, and I'm trying to improve it. Rome wasn't built in a day. Sad part is, I'm much much better off than I was a few months ago.

What's your take? Drop off, no explanation? Be friendly, but don't buy into her BS? I'd like to hear your advice like the others have. I've been doing the occasional reply, and I've done my best not to be the orbiter I was and really I'm not making much of a push to even see her. I mean I can't go a day without 3-4 msgs or snapchats or some sort of contact from her. I can ignore it, and have been mostly. I've only been replying when I'm actually addressed...like a question or something along those lines. Not just a random picture with no meaning. She only messages, never really calls. She doesn't even talk to her female friends or that dude on the phone. Thanks for being straight though.

 

[Skyline]

Just talk to other girls and don't always reply to her messages. Only message her when you want to, not because you feel the need to.

 

[Bsmith64]

You have already wasted 5 years thinking about this chick, do not waste another day. Your chances of turning this around is practically zero. Sure there is a chance, but only if you are willing to walk away from her and never look back.

Only one...known her that long but this didn't start till a year ago. Regardless, I see your point and I like the idea of cutting loose. Just kinda hard to do when several times a day something pops up from her. It's like she can't let me go. Like I said, I've been friend zoned plenty of times, which I'm sure you can tell, and never ever had someone come after me like this every time I try to walk. I blocked her from all contact for a month a few months ago, and when I finally let up, she didn't leave me allne for weeks.

Everyone is right though. I need to focus on actions not words. I just get all these signals mixed up and it's driving me nuts. Heck one of her friends even thinks there's something going on with us. At least that's what I've been told by her friend's bf. It's just insane. There was attraction, I blew it. I'm determined to get it back. I'm trying to focus on others, but it's taking some time to develop...so I just feel like I'm in limbo.

 

[Bsmith64]

Just talk to other girls and don't always reply to her messages. Only message her when you want to, not because you feel the need to.

That's pretty much what I've been doing. I was doing fine with it until about a week ago, and I don't know, but something just went sideways and I flipped right back into my old ways. She always gives me crap about not talking to her. I just tell her I've been busy. She usually balks at that too. She has no sense of urgency right now. I think she feels like I'll always be there. Which is really what I'm trying to break.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Only one...known her that long but this didn't start till a year ago. Regardless, I see your point and I like the idea of cutting loose. Just kinda hard to do when several times a day something pops up from her. It's like she can't let me go.

No, it has nothing to do with that. She messages you frequently because she knows at some point you'll respond and again satisfy that ego boost she's wanting. She's getting what she wants, are you? How damn difficult is this to understand? Ghost this chick, or even better, let her catch you out in public with a hot 7 or 8 with your tongue down her throat.

 

[Bsmith64]

No, it has nothing to do with that. She messages you frequently because she knows at some point you'll respond and again satisfy that ego boost she's wanting. She's getting what she wants, are you? How damn difficult is this to understand? Ghost this chick, or even better, let her catch you out in public with a hot 7 or 8 with your tongue down her throat.

Got it. Take all the attention away. Thanks dude.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Only one...known her that long but this didn't start till a year ago. Regardless, I see your point and I like the idea of cutting loose. Just kinda hard to do when several times a day something pops up from her. It's like she can't let me go. Like I said, I've been friend zoned plenty of times, which I'm sure you can tell, and never ever had someone come after me like this every time I try to walk. I blocked her from all contact for a month a few months ago, and when I finally let up, she didn't leave me allne for weeks.

Everyone is right though. I need to focus on actions not words. I just get all these signals mixed up and it's driving me nuts. Heck one of her friends even thinks there's something going on with us. At least that's what I've been told by her friend's bf. It's just insane. There was attraction, I blew it. I'm determined to get it back. I'm trying to focus on others, but it's taking some time to develop...so I just feel like I'm in limbo.

Her friendzoning you is for her convenience. The best thing you can do is not let her fill her attention banks with your responses and get on living your life. Become a successful dater and she may come sniffing around. THen run her thru the same rules that you apply with the other ladies. IE: she will not stretch you out for dates or string you along with no sex.

 

[dude99]

Other than insulting my writing, which was just more of a collection of scattered thoughts, I appreciate you being straight. You're right. I am weak I know it, and I'm trying to improve it. Rome wasn't built in a day. Sad part is, I'm much much better off than I was a few months ago.

What's your take? Drop off, no explanation? Be friendly, but don't buy into her BS? I'd like to hear your advice like the others have. I've been doing the occasional reply, and I've done my best not to be the orbiter I was and really I'm not making much of a push to even see her. I mean I can't go a day without 3-4 msgs or snapchats or some sort of contact from her. I can ignore it, and have been mostly. I've only been replying when I'm actually addressed...like a question or something along those lines. Not just a random picture with no meaning. She only messages, never really calls. She doesn't even talk to her female friends or that dude on the phone. Thanks for being straight though.

Spin plates. See other girls be busy. Date.

I would ignore probably all internet and stick to what you are doing and answer only what you are directly asked. Be friendly in person but be busy. Give her 3 minutes, smile be friendly but then say you have to run.

 

[Bsmith64]

Thank you all for the responses. I think I panicked a little because I felt her she wasn't seemingly interested and drawn in like she had been. It got to me. Like I said before, every time I was in town before the move she made the effort to come see me. Since the move, I've barely seen her despite me asking her a couple times. The night I moved was her idea, not mine. This thread has helped more than anything to get me heading back in the right frame of mind though.

She's reached out a couple times today via a fb comment and snapchat, which I've ignored. The last thing I said to her yesterday, because I got tired of being blown off, is "hit me up when you're ready to hang out. I'll talk to ya then. If I'm free we'll hang, if not maybe some other time". I was hoping it'd piss her off a little and give me a few days without her popping up...I was wrong. I won't initiate any contact and don't really want to respond at all until I get something directly talking about hanging out. I'm not sure if it's totally the right move, but I will do it if it is. I'm just trying to be more distant and not an orbiter...especially after reading this, but I still want what I want.

On the bright side, tinder dates tonight, Sunday, and Monday.

 

[Skyline]

If she's still with her boyfriend, and reaches out to you, you either need to escalate into a date or tell her that you can give 'us' a chance when we're both single.

If you're on a date with her, escalate. Physically and mentally. If she denies you, then there is your answer. If she denies you because she has a boyfriend, then put her on the back burner until she is single. Be sure to reach out to her once a blue moon. Women feel in the moment remember that.

I missed the 5 year of knowing each other part. Every woman in my book has 1 year max to make a move before I stop randomly reaching out/replying to them. The reason for this is because woman will often change their minds because they frequently think in the moment.

I've gotten at least 3 lays off of this 1 year max limit from women who had shown disinterest earlier within that year. The key here is to spin plates. This doesn't work when it's only one girl.

You need to either tell her that:

'it's obvious that we like each other more than friends but we're both in a weird situation right now.'

And then move on, It's been 5 years man. If she is interested, she will come back when she is single.

 

[Bsmith64]

If she's still with her boyfriend, and reaches out to you, you either need to escalate into a date or tell her that you can give 'us' a chance when we're both single.

If you're on a date with her, escalate. Physically and mentally. If she denies you, then there is your answer. If she denies you because she has a boyfriend, then put her on the back burner until she is single. Be sure to reach out to her once a blue moon. Women feel in the moment remember that.

I missed the 5 year of knowing each other part. Every woman in my book has 1 year max to make a move before I stop randomly reaching out/replying to them. The reason for this is because woman will often change their minds because they frequently think in the moment.

I've gotten at least 3 lays off of this 1 year max limit from women who had shown disinterest earlier within that year. The key here is to spin plates. This doesn't work when it's only one girl.

You need to either tell her that:

'it's obvious that we like each other more than friends but we're both in a weird situation right now.'

And then move on, It's been 5 years man. If she is interested, she will come back when she is single.

That's what I was telling a friend of mine. He's basically given me a lot of the same advice you guys have, I just wanted other opinions, but I know she'll come to me as soon as he screws up or when she's single again. There's no doubt about that. Just like an ex of mine always came back.

I've tried to hang out with her twice in the last two weeks and have been bailed on. Which is what I was saying about her lying. I know she stayed with him the other night instead of "going to bed" like she told me. So I've pushed for hanging out and that's why I told her yesterday to hit me up when she's ready to hang out...if I'm free we will, if not we won't. I don't want to go back on my word for fear of looking wishy washy or begging to hang out with her again. When she does hit me up, I could take her back to a cool spot I know she loves. For dinner and drinks...try to escalate and follow your advice from there. If she declines, I'll say something along the lines of what you just said and cut her off.

There's something about her body language that gives me the idea there's attraction still there. I mean, I know it was there initially, but me being an idiot ruined it. I just hope it can be salvaged. The actions don't match my optimism, but body language and the way she occasionally looks at me gives me some hope. Otherwise, I wouldn't waste my time...or any more of yours haha.

 

[Bsmith64]

Listen mate. I'll tell you a top tip.

All game advice is intended for you to pretend that you are a high value man.

"Don't give her too much attention, tell her you are on other dates, hang up the phone on her, etc."

Start actually being one instead. That begins with you getting rid of this friendzone nightmare.

A friendzone woman is like an albatross around your neck. She is an indication of lower-value for as long as you entertain her.

Be short with this woman. It should be a case of "sh*t, or get off the pot". Escalate it to something meaningful (sexual), or move on to other women.

There is nothing complicated about it.

On the upside, being in a oneitis is pretty much the same as having social-proof. You exhibit all the same qualities. Now is the time to approach other women.

Approach, approach, approach.

You will soon forget about this waster.

I'm trying to build confidence via meeting and going out with as many girls as possible. Starting on tinder, and once I get a little more comfortable and learn a little more, I plan on applying to approaching. I live in a college town...it's a gold mine. Meanwhile I'm soaking up every bit of dating and being a better man information I can get my hands on.

I guessI've kinda been hanging out, waiting on an opportunity to slap me in the face, and when I think back on it, I feel like I've missed 2 or 3 chances to escalate, but the fear of rejection pretty much stops me dead in my tracks. My buddy says I'm not ready to close her yet and has encouraged basically the same as you guys. He's pushing me down this path that I've been petrified to go down for so long. I'll get there. Just learning how to keep my insecurities in check until I can kill them completely.

The crush on her will likely never go away totally. She's important to me, always has been. It's not all physical. I care about her. Doesn't mean I need her, but I still care. She'll come around eventually, but hopefully I'm past the point of giving her the time of day by then.

 

[ubercat]

Absolutely Cut the line. Remember we have huge debates here on if u should persist past 3 dates with no puss. 5 years WTF?

 

[Bsmith64]

...and now I'm getting pictures of a tattoo she just got. Never. Ends.