Friend to Girlfriend!

MisterAl

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The real problem is that you're afraid of not having her in your life. This is one-itis and it's destroying your game.

During a particular and nasty infection of one-itis a few years ago I was afraid of making a move or doing anything I thought could scare the girl away. I decided that it was best that she be around as a friend than lose her completely. Well, it's BS. The girl wanted me in her pants but I turned her off by being a wuss and talking too much about feelings.

You don't get to find out whether you can have her without risking your "friendship." You'll never get her by obsessing and trying to preserve what little you've got.

You do not want to speak to her friend about this. She will not give you an honest answer and they _will_ talk. You're obsessing about this way too much to undo the LJBF.
 

NewMan

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Action not inaction.

Go for the kiss.

It;'s the only way your going to get this girl.

Listen you've answered yourself already in the post.

You said it would be to difficult to see her with someone else - well thats going to happen if you don't do something.

So pucker up and give ehr a kiss.

If she moves away, then end it there and then.

Don't spend time on someone who doesn't deserve it. Move on find another girl.
 

unknowntim3

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hmm well if i go in for the kiss when the time is right, should i just give her a quick kiss and smile.. or, should i move in nice and slowly and see what she does and make it a nice kiss?

like if we aer just sittin on the couch, long eye contact..should i just move in nice and smooth and see what happens?.

i think im willing to do this here, give me some quick advice so i dont F^ck up on this!

or... give something i can say to her that would be in a jking matter that she would see and UNDERSTAND that i do have feelings for her, but also where i can just play it off if she doesnt go for it

and it is goign to be true huh, if she doesnt feel that kiss it wont be the same hangin out with her...

=\
 

DJnomore

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Don't go for the kiss.....hear me out

You can't back away from a kiss.
Its a very typical afc move.

What you need is to gently raise the kino until she can't deny that you her bf. If you do it right she will be unsure the whole time.

Look into her eyes and give her the romantic vibe more. Move the kino closer to her face and watch watch watch how she reacts. If you kino her arm, shoulder then face she can't go to her friends and say he was all touching my face. Cause you can say well I started on her hand then her arm etc.

If you go to kiss her after you been touching her neck and face if she goes to her friends and says he kissed me you can say ya after I was touching your neck for 3 min.

I know it sounds really afc to worry about it but reducing the negative aspects of taking risks allows you to take risks all the freaking time.

If you go for the kiss and she decides tomorrow that she doesn't like you her memory of what happened can radically change. IE he tried to kiss me I wasn't really into him etc. If the friendship important to you you probably would rather skip this risk.

BTW nothing magic about the face its just more intimate. I think what I am saying is clear about increasing kino gently rather than in a big afc step that can backfire if you mis-reading things which is very common in that situation. Most DJ philosophy on this board is based on being able to 'next' someone, when that isn't easy to do you need to minimize the negative aspects of making your move.
 

unknowntim3

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hmm well thx guys, im probably going to go over there today, ill see what happens and update it tonight
 

NewMan

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In my opinion the kiss is the only way to go.

Kino and raising her interest is all very well - but since you have not made a move on her it pointless really, unless your willing to go for the kiss.

It's not like your just going to kiss her and nothing else. Thoughout the date/your time together - you should be touching her, being a little ****y and funny, wise cracking her - basically there should be some tension and sexual fire between you guys.

The key then, is not to wait to long before making your move.

Don't over complicate it, by thinking when, where and how.

Sometimes you've just got to go for it.

Say your sitting on the sofa, reach over, pull her towards you and kiss her.

Or if you are standing close to her, move in take her head in your hand and kiss her.

The point is, you should be building her interest - now you've got to go for it - or it will be to late. There is such a thing as waiting to long.

If she';s not interested, she will pull back and tell you so.

At least you know. Time to go to plan "B" - or just move on.


My opinion is that your fvcked.

Girls like guys of action - the longer you wait the worse it will be.

You shouldn't be asking us what to do - you should just do.
 

unknowntim3

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well i didnt go to her house today, we talked on the phone for a few and she said she would call later tonight

i know i shouldnt be like typing everything that happens and everything i do out here , but it seems to really help me get my **** straight and my thoughts out.

tomarrow im pretty sure we are going to do something - anyways.. Is there anything at all that i could do for V day for her, or SHOULD i even do anything? im not going to be buying or getting anything for her, but im takling about, is there anything i could say?
"V-day is coming up, you going to get me anything?" / what are you getting me for v-day?

"V-day is saturday (or /we day it is), you going to be my valintine" ?

hmm but w/e, i know i shouldnt think all this **** out, i think to much, i need to just act and not think, thats my problem, i do alot more thinking then i do acting. and i need to just start doing things and not think about it...
 
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You have "analysis parlysis"!!!
 

MisterAl

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No. Forget Valentine's Day. Don't even bring it up.

In fact, forget about this girl. There is an "eeww" moment coming up where she realizes she has to let you down easy.

You made yourself way too available to this girl and you have no control of what's happening. Instead she has complete control of you and knows it. You're pretty sure you're doing something tomorrow? What does that mean?

What did you talk about on the telephone before she said she'd call you back? I bet she doesn't call you back tonight. She regulates the distance between you and pace that you see her, and it frustrates you and makes you feel butterflies and anxiety. Meanwhile you await her telephone call nervously and you want her even more. You can make a girl want you too if you regulate the pace that she sees you, make _her_ feel the butterflies and anxiety instead! Understand?

You should not be on the telephone with her unless you are setting a future date with her. You should not be hanging around with her unless you are on a date. Your goal is to share infrequent quality time, not day after day of low-quality hanging out without purpose. Seeing her every day and rambling on the telephone is the express train into Friend-Land.

It will be difficult but you must now distance yourself. See other girls; that's the best one-itis cure. Don't call her, don't hang with her. If she gets back in touch with you, hey that's great. But you'll be busy enough with other girls that you'll have to pencil her in for next week and make _her_ feel unsettled.
 

unknowntim3

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yeah im just gonna distance her for a bit, "suppost to do something tomarrow" ment, suppost to be hangin out, but im just going to tell her i have other stuff to do (which i actually do) - im going to the casino with some friends

and yeah... she didnt call back last night, ha =\ but, she said she had to do alot of stuff for school or some crap and would call back if she finishes, usually she alawys calls me back but i guess she didnt finish

but yeah, im going to distance myself from her for a bit, i see her everyday at lunch and after school, usually hangs out with me and my friends, which she is all friends with as well, today, she didnt stand near me or really even say anything to me other then just smile, but yeah, im just gonna lay back for awhile and see what happens, the way she acted today, not saying anything, doesnt really hurt me at all, cause there is no mixed signals on that one...

its just when seh gives me all these mixed signals is what f*cks me up

but yeah... any other replys would be nice, but until then - wish me luck at the casino
 

NewMan

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When you hang out with your friends - socially - and she is there - which it sounds like she will be - the key is to act like she's not there.

In fact block her out of your mind all together.

Do your thing - don't exclude her or ignore her, but don't go out of your way to talk or be with her.

Let her approach and talk to you.

Meanwhile be yourself - it's hard - but as I say don't let this sh#t get to you.

The key is not to act like her little puppy dog.
 

Speed Demond

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One lil story...I use to hang out with this one girl alot...we Became BEST FRIENDS!!!!!! she's talk to me about guys..what not..i found this site...and after 6 months i started trying ****t and guess waht.. I BANGED THE ****T OUTTA HER..aND SHE LOVED IT!

Just don't Rush into it..don't be her buddie!

Keep touching her...try give her a massage..but touch her breasts...litely kiss her neck..she'll love it !! and you'll Reach your goal!
 

unknowntim3

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yeah i guess, imma just chill then and see if she comes to me... shes been hangin out with this other guy latly, and if they hook up... =\ sucks to be me then...

but yeah, i also lost $60 at the casino - but looks like imma just lay off her and the casino for a bit -

ahh =\ hurts when i think about it
 

unknowntim3

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well yeah.. i talked to her for like 5 minutes today cause she anwsered her friends phone when i was calling this other girl, said hi, how is it going, la la, and she said here is "girl 2"

Other than this 5 min., I havnt called her for awhile now and she has made no effort to call me, she did randomly call this other guy tonite tho that i was out with.. so i know she can call me if she wants.. nothing holds her back from randomly calling.. (called him TWICE actually) ......!

tomarrow is v-day, should i call and talk to her at all and see if she wants to do anything, or just still not call her, see if she calls me, or wait longer, then call her or what.. cause i think the IL is really low... and this is wasting my time

suggestions?

I am really about to give this guy and this chick a really big **** slap and be on my way - just hard to get over it cause i was startin to really like her! ahh
 
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JustDoItAlways

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Okay, this is a pretty common story.

I would say every guy on this forum has been through something exactly the same or, at least, had a best friend who went through something exactly the same.

History repeats itself. Stories like this repeat themselves. If you listen to what has happened before, you will know which way to go in your particular situation.

First, you do care about her more than as a friend which puts some bounds around how it goes. Here are the odds on how the rest of the story goes.

Odds:

1. 30% of the time the guy never puts a single move on the girl.

a. 80% of those situations, the guy ends up heart-broken, maybe for years at a time. The girl and the friends-thing slowly breaks down his psyche. He loses respect from everyone that sees what is going on, especially the women. She rubs every guy she fvcks in his face. Sometimes it seems that the woman is getting some kind of perverse pleasure in stringing him along, breaking down a man. He eventually moves on, a broken man for a time.

b. 10% of the time, the girl puts the moves on the guy but the guy backs off because he is still too scared of "ruining" the friendship even though he wants her bad. Nothing ever happens and he ends up at 1a.

c. 10% of those situations, the girl puts the moves on the guy and the guy goes for it and they live happily ever after.

2. 70% of the time, the guy eventually puts a move on the girl (maybe months and months after the friendship started.) Sometimes he escalates his moves 1 step at a time. End-results are the same however.

a. 60% of those times, the chick expresses total shock (in the best spin-doctor spin-ese possible - someone noted chicks are really good spin-doctors - I like that way of putting it.) She knows full well she was leading him on the whole time. She says "But we are just friends." Then she throws him a life-line by saying "maybe we can get together after I get to know you better, after we keep going shopping and stuff for the next 2 or 3 months / some definitive date well into the future like graduation." The guy thinks he finally has a chance and waits obediently for her to make up her mind. She, of course, thinks "Damn I'm good. I just bought myself another few months of leading a puppy dog around. It worked again, just like it worked 10 times before." The cycle repeats itself quite a few times and he ends up at 1a.

b. 10% of those times, the chick expresses total shock. "But we are just friends" she says. She is so disgusted, that she ignores him for a long time after. But at least he knows.

c. 10% of those times, the chick expresses total shock. "But we are just friends" she says. She is surprised and quits leading him on now and they end up being actual friends afterward. The guy gets over it fairly easily.

d. 10% of those times, the chick expresses total shock. "But we are just friends" she says. She thinks about it for a few days and realises she actually likes "Unknown". She comes back to him a few days later hoping to tell him how she feels. He totally blows her off, however, before she has had a chance to say anything. He is just so pissed off at her. Nothing happens after, they won't be friends anymore.

e. 10% of those times, the chick expresses total shock. "But we are just friends" she says. She thinks about it for a few days and realises she actually likes "Unknown". She comes back to him a few days later hoping to tell him how she feels. It takes her awhile for her to build up the courage but she finally blurts it out. They live happily ever after.

Going by the odds, unknown, there is little chance of this working out.

There is much higher chance that you will continue to be lead around like a little puppy dog until you are broken man. Don't let this happen.

The only chances you've got, is:

- Wait till she puts a move on you (odds 30% times 10% or 3%)

- Make a real definitive move on her leaving no doubt about what your intentions are. Stop now and wait a few days till she can make up her mind and re-slot you from friend to lover (Chicks don't change their slots on the spot. They take a few days to think about it, talk to their friends about it.) Wait till she comes to you now (give her a chance to build up the courage to say something.) When she says she wants you too, go full bore and don't pansy out. Major passion and sex is called for (odds 70% times 10% or 7%)

Those odds sound low don't they? 3% and 7%. Actually those a probably a little high.

Move on as soon as you find out if you are actually in the other 90% of history in this situation. And find out soon.
 

Ice Cold

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1) Friends coming up to kiss her = flirting on her part
2) You're too afraid of rejection
3) If you're gonna distance yourself any further, you're not gonna get it
4) You're a dumbass. You should've been fukkin her for a week now.
 
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