Friend to Girlfriend!

[unknowntim3]

ok, ive posted this awhile back before, had some replys and just relized to move on, i stoped calling her and trying to DJ her and stuff for awhile, but now.. shes calling me and talking and what not...

We hung out the other day and i really enjoyed it and again now I want to be more then just friends with her! =\

I know there is not much to do, I wish i could just tell her and see if she feels the same because i get so many mixed signals from her! - but i know telling her will just scare her away and **** everything up... so thats out of the question..

But is there some way to get the point to her that i want to be more than just friends? cause we are pretty good friends right now, but just thinking, if she got a b/f or something, i would be pretty hurt for awhile cause im starting to really like her... =\

well any advice would be helpful, to either to get her has my g/f or to get over it...

I am trying to keep away from messing up the friendship if things dont work out how I want them..


Any advice would be nice.. thx

Ive really been stressin over this =\

 

[Ice Cold]

Change your mindset. She's either gonna fukk you, or she won't.

If she won't, you want her out of your life and be sexing other chicks. If she will, she will.

Just come onto her. Do the kino, touching etc. Kiss her on the cheek, "as a friend" when you're saying bye...

Bring another girl over when you chill to make her jelous...

Valentine's day is coming...

Once you get her thinking sexually, isolate and plant a wet one. Then fukk her.

The bad part - if she rejects you, you won't get sex.

The good part - you will get sex if you play along correctly. If you fail, she'll stop hanging out with you cause she's not comfortable with your come-ons.

Questions?

 

[DJnomore]

Communication with women is easy if you listen...

The trick to telling friends you like them is to do it in stages.

OK senario 1.

Jack says to Jill "I love you please love me, do you?"
Here you went from 0 to 10 as far as your expressed interest.

Senario 2

Jack moves from 0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9 in small steps so that the rejection from any given step is very small and can be glossed over. Each step needs to be re-enforced so that she is clear she is there. She can't tell her friends that she is shocked that you have level 3 interest in her if she has been doing level 2 stuff with you etc. DJs often do this very fast but if you value her friendship you can do it slow as long as you insist on increasing the IL and when she pulls back you pull back.

If you give each other back rubs, give hugs etc then all you need to do is to increase the frequency and intensity slowly and you set. Be sure and keep the sexual element to these things. Flirt the whole time so that she can't pull the I thought we were just friends thing. If she says just friends then leave her alone.

One of the things people don't talk about much is that a friend who you respect becomes a lover when you increase the sexual thermostat.

If you have a friend who respects you and you increase the sexual thermostate you build emotions/attraction. Not necessarily enough to sustain a LTR but its automatic.

Think about someone you not sexual toward but you really respect like your sisters friends. If they gave you great sex every night don't you think you would get attached? Women are the same way.

 

[Alonso]

If you were "pretty good friends," don't you think you'd know whether she had a boyfriend or not?

She knows, beyond a doubt, that you want to be more than friends because you were chasing her before. I can guarantee you she isn't under the impression that your previous strong interest has gone away and the you now want to be just friends. You don't need to worry about your getting the point to her; you've already communicated more than enough. If you're going to do anything more than give up, you have to put the ball in her court to make her clarify her feelings toward you.

Girls love[i/i] leaving you in ambiguous, anomalous situations (both when you first meet, and when they're dumping you) -- it maximizes their ability to keep you hanging and available for whatever purpose they may have for you as long as they like, to rewrite history, and to put the blame squarely on you when you "ruin the friendship" (or, in some cases, "don't show enough interest in me," if they've gotten huffy that you were too respectful and not supplicating enough). This is not accidental (though it may be inbred). For all that women talk about communication, they are deadly foes of being made to make clear and accurate statements and live with the consequences.

So . . . your options:

1. Decide you really do just want to be friends (and that her "friendship" for you amounts to something more than using you as a member of her entourage or an ego boost because she knows you still want her). Then, you treat her like any male friend, no better, no worse, and (unless you're a bit funny), if you're treating her like your guy friends, you won't be obsessed with romantic thoughts.

2. Decide you want to go out with her (past snafus notwithstanding) and force the issue. How to force it? That's a tough question; women really do have an advantage here because too forceful an approach seems desperate or rude, too wimpy an approach ("let's hang out and eventually she'll get the message I like her and then over a five year plan she will become my girlfriend.") rarely, rarely evokes anything but awkward contempt or pity (no, she won't date you out of pity -- that's another lie, that women are compassionate and "give too much" of themselves.).

I do know what doesn't work: Asking her to "be your girlfriend." Asking her if she "could ever be interested in you as more than a friend." Telling her you "have really strong feelings for her."

You need to change the ground rules and let her know that (a) floating along as ambiguous hang-out buddies; and (b) being platonic friends is not what you want. All I can say is force the action -- dozens of guys here would say something along the lines of "just kiss her," or "just ask her out on a "date," explicitly" or "just tell her you're interested in her as a woman, not as an androgynous friend," and I can't think of a much better approach. Note that I am not saying this will definitely work in the sense of making her your gf; there's a chance (maybe a strong one) that it will evoke just more LJBF (to which the stock response, again probably the only one, is "I sought you out as a girl, not as just a friend" -- implying that it's either/or. But this approach will put an end to the ambiguity she's been purposely cultivating/allowing.

3. Forcing the issue isn't risk free. Yes, if she isn't interested, she'll make you look/feel like the bad guy for "ruining" the friendship. But if you've already decided that mere "friendship" is not enough for you, what's the harm of a little female spin-doctoring to make you feel like the clumsy oaf? Worse happens every day. You could also skip directly to this mentality and kind of allow contact with her to fade away without even forcing the issue, if you suspect as I do that she will definitely blow you off.

I've had, I think, one instance of turning a friend into a gf, and it wasn't a case when I had already been blown off by her after showing interest, and then came back and was successful the second time (rather, we met and became voluntarily-platonic friends when we both had other stuff going on, and then later figured out that we liked each other). I've had a lot of other times when I'd have like to transform (involuntarily)-platonic relationships to more, and it just doesn't seem to happen often.

 

[unknowntim3]

hey - to clear a few things up.

"If you were "pretty good friends," don't you think you'd know whether she had a boyfriend or not?"

what i ment was "If she GETS a b/f" cause NO she does not have one right now...

but anyways, i get what your saying on how i came on to her b4 and then coming back on to her...

and we have had some situations before...
like, when i first met her.. she used to really like me and it was very much noticable.. but i was not into her at all, i was kinda of attracted to her friend (girl#2) :x , i ended up talkin to her friend about things cause i got pissed when i thought she(girl2) was attracted to my friend so we just became good friends and let that whole thing go, and most the time when i hang out with this girl i have feelings for, its usually with her friend(girl2) too, ...who i used to be attracted too at the time SHE liked me.. (they are best friends) =\ wish i could go back in time...

but yeah...just a bunch of mixed signals from her, just gonna play it by ear i guess and see what happens

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Maybe she is upset because she showed interest in you but you wanted her friend and now since that didn't pan out with her friend, you come back to her as second choice and she will not give you the satisfaction!

 

[unknowntim3]

hmm - this was a couple months ago tho.. we have been just "friends" since then i guess, but i would really want more, its stressing me out everytime i think about it!

Make me a time machine. Will be greatly appreciated.

Until its made tho, i guess i will step up the kino a bit

 

[dentalfloss]

kino isnt gonna save your ass, especially with this mindset, you'll probably come off as a creep just trying to touch her

if anything, begin distancing yourself, start hanging out with other girls, hopefully she will begin to feel ousted and jealous...however this is a long shot, but much better than being the little b!tch you sound like

i was where you are once too, so when i call you a b!tch, understand that i was one too

 

[madgame]

Let me tell u something. Ive been there too...its been quite a while but Ive been in one of those stupid "just friends" situations too..and honestly I didnt wanna loser her "as a friend" even if I couldnt hook up with her (most ppl who say that are fooling themselves and I thought i might be just doing that too, but in this case it was true). So first I cut contact..a few months later I was pretty much over it..cause of other girls and stuff..then I met her again and had to spend an afternoon with her (i really had to..not just an "afc"-excuse) and i felt pretty sad again afterwards..like 2 days or so later i was over her again..but i still did have some interest in her somehow. After a year though (messing with other chicks and stuff) we kinda made friends again and now are really nothing but friends...to me its like this all never happened now..i coudlnt care less and its been just a little over a year all in all. Im kinoing her every now and then, etc. and take little steps to practice my DJ styles...but all in all I dont feel like hooking up with her anymore, cause there are hotter girls ;-).

So my advice is: It seems its unlikely that u 2 guys will hook up, but cutting contact with her once and for all might really hurt you as **** in the beginning, so I suggest u try to find someone (or maybe more than just one) else, while u still have that little hope, that it "might work out", even though u think it never will. If u find somebody else u mess around with and dont focus on your current crush ull probably not care about not being able to be with her anyways. You can still try to kino her, make intense eye contact, etc. those baby steps that somebody just suggested, but your main goal has to be meeting other women. You probably wont even have to "get her out your life" if you find somebody else.

 

[DJnomore]

Originally posted by unknowntim3
hmm - this was a couple months ago tho.. we have been just "friends" since then i guess, but i would really want more, its stressing me out everytime i think about it!

Make me a time machine. Will be greatly appreciated.

Until its made tho, i guess i will step up the kino a bit

Mindset it key.

Let me give you an extream example of what I am talking about.

Suppose every time you said hi (literally) to this girl she ran shreeking away and hid under her bed and told all her friends that you were hitting on her. This continued even if you only saw her once every 6 months and only said hi.

What would your reaction be? You would rapidly lose interest casue you don't think you deserve this kind of treatment from mentally unbalanced women. You would change how you treat her and probably call her on her mentally unbalanced behavior. If you didn't all her friends would think maybe it was your fault and treat you in a similiar manner.

OK now bringing this back to something more familiar. When you hit on her and she doesn't respond she is doing a lesser version of shreeking and running away.

BUT YOU ARE TELLING HER ITS OK. You are enforcing her treatment of you. When she shows lack of appreciation for you you need to show a similiar amount of appreciation for her. Otherwise you are telling her that you are used to this. That this is your role in the sexual food chain.

You need to communicate to her that you are a man and when you touch a woman (in a very low level at first don't be some pervert) if she reacts by shreeking and running and hiding that its on her. You have to convey that you are desirable to other women so that you are shocked at her treating you in such an immasculating way. Problem is you can't just say you are sexy, you have to believe you are sexy cause 90% of communication is non-verbal.

If you show that you respect yourself it is much harder for her to justify to herself why she disrespects you. And most women who LBJF guys do so out of either existing love comittments or a lack of respect. Attraction==respect. The women who respect you but are not attracted to you just don't truely respect your abilities as sex partner/parent.

 

[unknowntim3]

thx alot guys for the advice, i will be taking all this into consideration and seeing what happens, ill reply here if i get any updates

But keep posting and helpin me out here, its really appreciated, thx

Wish me luck

 

[unknowntim3]

hmm news update ..

the other day, me and her went out, had a real fun time, alot of kino, alot of everything, my intrest level was high and it seemed to be hers was as well .. i go home and everything is fine

the next day, she calls me that night, and wants to hang out with some friends of ours, so we go out to eat and stuff, but she doesnt sit anywhere near me and like gives me the cold shoulder the whole time...

so i go home bumbed and hopeless here again... hmm wtf should i do any advice??��

 

[DJ_Dork]

Originally posted by unknowntim3
hmm news update ..

the other day, me and her went out, had a real fun time, alot of kino, alot of everything, my intrest level was high and it seemed to be hers was as well .. i go home and everything is fine

the next day, she calls me that night, and wants to hang out with some friends of ours, so we go out to eat and stuff, but she doesnt sit anywhere near me and like gives me the cold shoulder the whole time...

so i go home bumbed and hopeless here again... hmm wtf should i do any advice??��

Dude. this is normal... she did the let's hang out with your friends to make it seem innocent.. even though she's messing up on her part (not your fault, think she wanted to hang out with you but her suggestion with 'friends' kinda messed up) - ask her 1-2 days after this (like tell her let's do something tonight or tomorrow night) later after this and do something fun together in a more intimate setting. Don't follow the DJ rule as in giving the girl 2-3 days notice. Show your aggressive side , be confident and ask to see her immediately. This is not seen as desperate - if she declines hanging out tonight or the next day afterwards - cut contact and try again a week later.

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by unknowntim3
hmm news update ..

the other day, me and her went out, had a real fun time, alot of kino, alot of everything, my intrest level was high and it seemed to be hers was as well .. i go home and everything is fine

the next day, she calls me that night, and wants to hang out with some friends of ours, so we go out to eat and stuff, but she doesnt sit anywhere near me and like gives me the cold shoulder the whole time...

so i go home bumbed and hopeless here again... hmm wtf should i do any advice??��

Cool - a guy who acts! And he's not only reads this stuff, he actually kinoed her! You're ahead of 50% of the guys here already. Congrats.

Let's analyze:

Fact => consequence

She accepted your kino and lots of touching = she's bangable
She called you = high IL and you're ok to hang out with

She sits away and gives cold shoulder bit confuses you.

First of all, she's understood that you wanna be bf/gf and now's thinking about it night and day. To kiss him or not to kiss him. The more she thinks about you romantically, the more chances there's for you to bang her, because that's what love is.

Second, had she sat beside you, you'd start groping her all over just like you did on the other day. She may have been embarassed about it and ASD acted up. Therefore the cold shoulder. (or about a million other reasons, which are unimportant) The important part is that she's thinking of you as a ponetial date and:

Third: Evaluates you. Whether consciously or unconsciously.

You wanted to kiss her and grope her in front of your friends. Well all do But you must consider her reality too. But it was pointless by that time. The purpose of kino is to convey your intentions without words. You've done that already.

Now, the next stage is to SHOW, not tell her that you're desirable and a great catch. How do you do that?

Hit on/kino other girls in front of her
Be the alpha male of your group
Play hard to get. Don't notice her/act cold one day and then all nicely the next day.

After a week or two of that crap above she'll be very confused and you could easily manipulate her into spreading the legs.

For that - isolate her. No friends or relatives of any kind. Do the date. Kiss her and get her to your place where you're gonna struggle to get her clothes off

Go - act it out!

Questions?

 

[unknowntim3]

-update-

ok ive been hangin out with this girl like every other day for this last week, everything has been good, intrest levels seem high.. but one problem...

sometimes after awhile of hangin out some of her guy friends stop by, but the way she acts to some of them.. all flirty and stuff, the same way she acts to me, makes me seem to think shes just that type of girl and doenst really have anymore intrest in me other then just as a friend... kinda dissapointing :\
so hmm, comments, discuss, w/e, post your thoughts

we are going snowboarding together tomarrow, so we will see if i can make it happen on the slopes

 

[E-Z Rider]

Maybe you should try isolating her...kinoing...and...going for a kiss?

Just a gander.

**I know it seems almost too simple. People tell you to do all this stuff- play hard to get, hit on other girls in front of her, etc.

And their advice is not bad- but I think your chances are better in your case if you just drop the bullsh!t and kiss her already.

Some of the advice here can be poison in the hands of the inexperienced. You get too caught up playing 'games' that she ends up growing disinterested or some other guy steps in. It's happened to me.

When you feel that connection, build that attraction, and go for it- and you *feel* it- usually she is too. And if you go for the kiss, you won't get turned down. (and hell, if you do get turned down, it's really not that bad. And you wasted less time).

Hope this helps- -E-Z

 

[unknowntim3]

hmm nothign seems to be working, ive been doing everything other then just GOING for it, everything still is the same, and i just get more and more frustrated, im really good friends with her bestfriend, do you think it would be a bad idea to try to talk to her about it and see if she can not make it a big deal?

 

[MisterAl]

It is possible under some circumstances to turn the LJBF into a GF, and you are about to pass the point of no return on this one.

I have a former LJBF who now wants substantially more from me. Tough for her, she's been LJBFed by me because I got a much better girl. Point is, you can do this.

You must evaluate whether she is a friend you can live without. That is, can you risk destroying your friendship? If so, notch up the sexual tension now. You've realized that doing everything but going for it isn't working at all. Meanwhile her IL drops. What more convincing do you need?

Stay away from group dates. Stay away from her friends. You're hanging around with her too much. Don't talk with her or her friend about this!

Activity dates like snowboarding are a great idea. It's time to close with a kiss on the lips and see where it goes. This whole thread is packed with excellent advice and contains the info you need to succeed here. If you wait, this will become obsession and one-itis and you'll be LJBFed again for sure.

 

[unknowntim3]

yes that the problem, i really dont want to **** up the friendship if shes not intrested, because before i even had intrest in her as more then i friend we used to hang out and i always had a blast with her... thats why i need to find out without ****ing up the friendship! ive tried like everything i could to see without destroying everything... it just bugs me when her guy friends come over sometimes and im over there, because they like have to make themself the center of attension so then i end up just sitting there, pisses me off!

and it would hurt me to much to see her with another guy right now

thats why I think i should just talk to her friend, who is a really good friend of mine and i believe i could trust her...

argggg! i dont know! =

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Quit doing things with this girl as a 'friend' and go for more than that by going for a kiss. So what if she slaps you or turns away, at least you'll know where you stamd!

You are too concerned about losing her as a 'friend', you should be more concerned with losing her as a 'lover'.

The 'guy friends' shyt is not good - this chick loves the attention apparently and feels a need to be around guys that are screwing her...dion't believe otherwise.