Friend putting me down.

[Scars]

How should I deal with this? I have one friend (male) who acts completely different when he's around other people. LIke when it's just me and him, he is like my best bro.. but when other people is around he like tries to show off and make himself look "cool" at my expense. I've gotten into a lot of fights with this kid, not physical but verbally. The kid could easily kick my ass, and I know it. But I've never really made size an issue when I get pissed.. anyway. Like today we're messing around insulting each other, goofing off.. doing what guys do. He calls me a fag (jokingly), and I'm like "we'll see who's gay when my **** is down your throat" we say **** like that all the time. Then he's like "shut up dumbass, i get more ***** than you. and you know it". It's the truth, that's the sad thing. It brought me down a little bit, but I played it off like it didn't bother me. Then after that happened, I was a little pissed off. They were going to the movies (him and another friend of mine) they both had "dates" or "*****es" to go with. I didn't even know or planned on going to the movies, so I was completely unprepared. I was barely even well dressed.. I just through on some shirt after I got off work... anyway. I didn't feel like hanging out with them. Partly because they were disrespecting me and I didnt feel like surrounding myself with that kind of attitude, and part because I didn't have anyone to go with (date-wise) plus no money.. fealt "unclean". Then they're like "one of the chicks friends is coming, go with her. stop being a *****". And I turned them down. The blind date/third wheel type **** never works out. I knew it was gonna be gay and I told them that. And he was like "stop being a *****? what are you gonna do tonight then? we're the only friends you have". The only friends part really ****ing pissed me off.. that was kinda the last straw. I'm pretty pissed at them. I have other male friends.. but I'm hardly as tight with them as these two guys. I thought these guys were my best friends but they keep putting me down and ****. I don't even feel like hanging out with them anymore because of it. Any advice? I know this has nothing to do with pick-up.. or woman. But I thought this would be the best place for a decent response..

 

[KontrollerX]

A possible solution is just hang out with them when you're not in social situations with them.

If you can't do that then get them out of your life.

They're only dragging you down and thats not what a true friend would do.

 

[Roulette]

Basically what KX said. These jackasses don't sound like friends. Real friends play each other up. If one looks good, the other looks good by association. It sounds like they try to raise their social value by lowering yours. Deff NOT COOL.

Next them.

Kudos,
Matt

 

[Monkey]

Get some new friends, these guys are using you for their own amusement.

 

[Skel]

Learn to use paragraphs.

 

[Lust]

Learn to use paragraphs.

I agree.

Also, addressing your problem:

You need to dominate them more. You may be verbal and diss them and sh!t, but anyone can do that. You have to dominate them and be in control more often, using body language, tonality etc...

Handling things differently.

Sometimes, the best way to deal with an insult is to agree with it and act as if you don't care.

You have to be the leader of your group, at the moment all I see is two close mates and you as a tag along.

They also play you down because they feel they are much higher value than you. DHV yourself, get a job, make friends with other people, buy some new clothes, take up a new sport, things that make you seem interesting and valuable.

Also, I would have gone on that date they set you up with.

 

[Lust]

they're not your friends. real friends woudn't act like fags to you no matter what their perceived value of you is. ditch them

I hear this all the time, so let's take a look at this.

Humans, are HARDWIRED to align with higher value people, therefore, even though they are being more of a cvnt than most others, it is still HARDWIRED into them. It's how their brain tells them to function.

I have had some friends who used to be like that, the key is to raise your value and use this hardwiring to your advantage. Become perceived as high value, and your social circles shall grow.

Rather than ditching them, which most people told me to do, I actually worked on myself and now am one of the leaders of my peer group. Remember that as much as society wants to fvck around with our heads and lead us away from our ancient emotional systems, designed to BENEFIT us, it's still there. People will still act like cvnts to you, all you have to do is understand social dynamics and use it all to your advantage so that, instead of throwing the problem away, or running away, you come out even stronger than before.

 

[Scars]

I went off on him. I was like "Don't try and put me down and stop acting like your ****ing better than me. You're not being a friend, you're being a jackass." I made it really clear I wasn't gonna put up with his bull****. He thought I was on the rag (because I'm a smoker) but he I was just like "oh". Hopefully he treats me with more respect, because if he doesn't.. we're going to have some problems.

 

[Roulette]

Standing up for your integrity was awesome.

Next time, try to keep your cool. Be the bigger man.

Kudos,
Matt

 

[Frenchconnection]

Tell him you love him.. haha j.k

Good job, tell him sincerely that you don't appreciate him putting you down and that it's old and definitely not funny.

Alot of times people put others down because of their own insecurities.

 

[Lust]

I agree that he should improve himself. But these kids still sound like a bunch of d1cks. One thing I've learned through this whole self improvement thing is that you have to be living in your own reality. So when someone mistreats you, by all means improve what it is about you that made you an easy target but realize that the fact that they're acting like azzholes means not only that you need to work on yourself but also that they are azzholes. Sometimes it really is their fault. You can't let everyone who mistreats you make you question your own strength and personality. No matter who you are, throughout your life some people are going to act like d1cks to you and this doesn't always mean you're a puzzy sometimes they're just azzholes. The way people treat you should determine your image of THEM, not of YOURSELF. It does sound like the man needs to imiprove his confidence and value, but he also needs to d1tch these azzholes.

Agreed.

You must balance out improvement upon oneself without giving up too easily or running away from the problem, but at the same time have a strong sense of self worth, live in your own reality and not let others affect you.

Just be careful. I have been too aggressive and dominating with my reality, and tend to push people away when I take it too far. So understand that even though you live by your rules, don't be too much of a cvnt, a mistake I have made many times.

 

[Norisman]

Personally, I only hang around people who make me feel good. Your friends sound really immature and you are not enjoying their company. Expand your social circle, it's your only way out!

 

[bigshot]

-Pick up some new hobbies
-Socialise with other friends
-LIFT WEIGHTS!