Friend or WTF?

[Ars Amoris]

Hi guys, new to this forum and looking for advice. I'm living in an "open" relationship and I've known this other girl for a long while now (2 years) She recently (3 weeks ago) broke up with her long time BF. We haven't really dated just met for lunch, coffee. Anyway when we talk it can get really sexual, i.e she likes to hear about what I've been doing, in detail! I like her and would really like to "land" this fish. I haven't made any direct moves but there's been plenty of Kino (mainly from me I have to admit), eye contact etc,.. We recently went out, not a real date, just to an art gallery (daytime) (she likes art) and spent most of the day together talking and looking at art. I had to change the time at short notice but she went for it anyway, if that means anything. Like I said she knows I've seen other women and doesn't seem to have a prob, in fact encourages it almost. The thing is am I in LJBF ville here? Or does she need time to get over the ex? How should I play this or should I bother at all? The perfect solution for me would be to be **** friends but again how do you guys think I should play it?

 

[Tboner]

The thing is am I in LJBF ville here?

I don't know, but the more time you spend with her and not escalating, the more chance you'll be there.

Or does she need time to get over the ex?

This "needing time" is usually a delay tactic, used on LJBF's to keep a shred of hope available for the future. Most women I know are intimate with their future BF, before they announce the breakup to their former BF. They back rationalize this to convince themselves that their former relationship was already over before they said a word to the former BF. Former BF was "convicted in absentia".

If she says she needs time, it should be with you absent. This will amplify the attraction, if it exists and eliminate her using you for an emotional tampon, which will kill any attraction.

How should I play this or should I bother at all?

Only you know if it's worth the bother. If you want to pursue this, you need to make the moves soon to test her feelings. And don't discuss your feelings toward her.

 

[Squid]

This "needing time" is usually a delay tactic, used on LJBF's to keep a shred of hope available for the future. Most women I know are intimate with their future BF, before they announce the breakup to their former BF. They back rationalize this to convince themselves that their former relationship was already over before they said a word to the former BF. Former BF was "convicted in absentia".


[/B]

Dude, tell me about it, I was just presented with this last night. I told her outright that if I was the guy for her then we wouldn't be having this conversation and ended it at that. I'm still pi$$ed that I let her suck me in as far as she did, but I'll get over it.

 

[Ars Amoris]

Thanks for the advice T-Boner re the BF she claims she still has feelings for him. Pretty sure she has no idea of my agenda but then who knows with women right? Am certain she has not been with anyone else yet. Just to clarify whats the best move here chill her for a while or make a move? To be honest if it works out great if not **** it there are a lot more corruptible fish, especially in the Danish sea where I live.

 

[NewMan]

To be honest if it works out great if not **** it

In that case, don't waste your time, energy and money. Make your move and be done with it.

Don't read to much into what she says - read into what she does.

 

[Ars Amoris]

Update.

Okay guys further developments here. I was going to meet her for coffee but decided to cancel and meet another girl instead. Then she sms's me to cancel, I reply that its ok I have to meet someone else anyway. She knew about this other chick so later I get an sms from her asking if I met this other girl. Said yes then I remembered reading in here that I should try and give some details to get her reaction so that is what I did, just a few to start. She replies hinting that i am shallow. I tell her that on the contrary I was deep with this girl, VERY deep. She replies that was horrible and for guys ears only. Now I'm enjoying myself so I decide, **** it, and give even more detail. She replies saying no more stop please. I tell her she's uptight and she replies innocent (as if). I text that maybe she should introduce me to some of her friends and she replies she has no single ones. I say thats no problem and she replies that I am despicable (in a friendly way). I reply despicable guys are more fun and she texts back that she is sure my "lady friend" thought so then signs off. Okay that was that she is away for the weekend now but I'll be seeing her at a party next week, anyone care to give their opinion?

P.S. Right now I'm really enjoying the game in all of this, the cat and mouse thing as well as trying out stuff to see if it works or not so any suggestions would be welcome!

 

[NewMan]

I feel that you are holding out hope for this one....

One word of warning - women love playing this game - even if they have not interest in doing anything more with you.

Her actions are worth far more than her words - and if she's interested in you, she will surely want to hook up with you.

I think your are on the right track though - keep doing what you are doing, keep persuing other women and let this one land where she may.