Friend (Girl) Flaked - Any Next Steps?

[iqqi]

I do agree a male friends motives are often suspect. But I feel OP did a good job in explaining himself.

 

[chevelle]

No worries Latinoman, i actually enjoyed getting to know this girl. It was well worth my time, she was a cool chic to know--just not girlfriend worthy. Perhaps it was wasted time to some, but no sense in me living in the past. The past is gone forever and i can't change it!

 

[Latinoman]

No worries Latinoman, i actually enjoyed getting to know this girl. It was well worth my time, she was a cool chic to know--just not girlfriend worthy. Perhaps it was wasted time to some, but no sense in me living in the past. The past is gone forever and i can't change it!

Cool.

 

[penkitten]

i personally don't think i would want to hang out for the holidays or any days with someone that used to boink my man.
i prefer to pretend that before me, his boinking days were non- existent.

i also don't think i would want to hang out with my man and some guy i used to boink either.
could you imagine the random chance that they would say "remember that one time..." and automatically your mind remembers something that makes you blush?

no good comes of this....

 

[drmeathead]

Exactly.

i think you want to nail the **** out of her like these other guys do. if you have a serious gf as you say you do...why are on here posting and replying and replying about a different girl you used to **** back in the day.

i am pretty sure if your friend bob from college didnt show up for something you wouldnt be lamenting in posts on a ladysman forum. man, you need to be real with yourself here. i dont know you and am not judging you but if you want to truely be happy you have ask yourself some questions.

do you still have feelings for this friend

are you happy with ur current gf or are you settling...really

are you doing your current gf right by overanalyzing the actions of this former sexual partner

 

[Latinoman]

i think you want to nail the **** out of her like these other guys do. if you have a serious gf as you say you do...why are on here posting and replying and replying about a different girl you used to **** back in the day.

i am pretty sure if your friend bob from college didnt show up for something you wouldnt be lamenting in posts on a ladysman forum. man, you need to be real with yourself here. i dont know you and am not judging you but if you want to truely be happy you have ask yourself some questions.

do you still have feelings for this friend

are you happy with ur current gf or are you settling...really

are you doing your current gf right by overanalyzing the actions of this former sexual partner

Exactly.

 

[iqqi]

i think you want to nail the **** out of her like these other guys do. if you have a serious gf as you say you do...why are on here posting and replying and replying about a different girl you used to **** back in the day.

i am pretty sure if your friend bob from college didnt show up for something you wouldnt be lamenting in posts on a ladysman forum. man, you need to be real with yourself here. i dont know you and am not judging you but if you want to truely be happy you have ask yourself some questions.

do you still have feelings for this friend

are you happy with ur current gf or are you settling...really

are you doing your current gf right by overanalyzing the actions of this former sexual partner

I have to say this is something to consider.

 

[PhatE1vis]

If my friend Bob from college, borrowing your analogy, didn't show up for something we planned I would at least expect him to call and cancel. That's what friends do.

And this wasn't "spending the holidays with her"...this was a quick brunch.

The reason for my post and replies really isn't because I want to nail her anymore. If I'm being completely honest, it's because I'm PISSED OFF at being stood up. I'd feel the same regardless of who's doing the standing up. It's a little shot at my ego, and makes me think, "how dare they." It seemed like an appropriate post for sosuave since it's a girl I'm dealing with here.

So, say what you will about my motivations, but that's the truth.

I'm wondering if she didn't consider this a friendship like I did but something else, and when she got the new b/f it didn't seem appropriate to her anymore. If that's the case, then I guess I can understand, but common courtesy is still required.

 

[PhatE1vis]

Latinoman, I changed my mind about you. You do seem like a d!ck, but I can tell you're just keepin it real. Props.

 

[MacAvoy]

I'm definitely the giver here. No doubt about it. And actually, that really helps put this in perspective...I'm not really losing much.

This is where the thread should have ended. You realize she doesn't offer anything.

More importantly now that you have a g/f, and she has a b/f, why do you want to encourage branch swinging monkey behaviour because thats what you are to her, another branch, a safety net. Don't be that guy.

 

[STR8UP]

If my friend Bob from college, borrowing your analogy, didn't show up for something we planned I would at least expect him to call and cancel. That's what friends do.

And this wasn't "spending the holidays with her"...this was a quick brunch.

Elvis-

Everyone here means well, but it doesn't matter what you say, if you bring up something like this they will automatically assume that you have ulterior motives.

I understand perfectly where you are coming from. She made plans and didn't follow through. You have good reason to have an issue with that. Boyfriend or no boyfriend, it isn't cool. But everyone is gonna focus on that and that's why they are giving you sh!t.

I have learned to cut back on posting stuff like this because it's ALWAYS taken the wrong way.

 

[PhatE1vis]

Thanks, STR8UP. I feel like I have to keep restating my position about this chick in this thread, which just makes me sound defensive and unbelieveable. That being said, I did get some good food for thought in the responses.

 

[Latinoman]

I'm wondering if she didn't consider this a friendship like I did but something else, and when she got the new b/f it didn't seem appropriate to her anymore. If that's the case, then I guess I can understand, but common courtesy is still required.

HAHAHAHA!

You just want us to tell you that she has the hots for you.

Here is my answer...no...she does NOT have the hots for you. But you certainly have the hots for her.

Friend? Yeah right...VERY AFC maneuver, I might ask.

 

[Latinoman]

Latinoman, I changed my mind about you. You do seem like a d!ck, but I can tell you're just keepin it real. Props.

I just care. If I didn't care about you or some of the posters...I would have ignored your posts long time ago. But my style is "tough love". It allows you to think (even if you get upset) from the "outsider" perspective. And it is ALWAYS up to you to choose the direction you want to take.

 

[Latinoman]

Thanks, STR8UP. I feel like I have to keep restating my position about this chick in this thread, which just makes me sound defensive and unbelieveable. That being said, I did get some good food for thought in the responses.

You don't really have to restate anything. Just point out the obvious...clarify some points...and debate the points.

IF you are honest about your replies (and there is no shame about having certain feelings for people)...we can help either by providing advice on how to avoid those kind of experiences or simply by giving you tough love.

The issue with STR8UP (I like him by the way), is that he is ALWAYS in a sea of drama.

 

[##17]

I have a friend, a girl, who recently flaked on me. We had plans to do something over the holidays - the day came and went, I gave her a call that day and texted the next, and never heard from her.

The backstory: we've been friends for about 3 years. We started as friends, went through a very brief period where we hooked up, and then went back to being friends. I have a gf and she just got a new bf. Also, we don't run in the same circles so it's unlikely that I'll see her out anywhere.

I know she's not dead through other sources. Seems a shame to lose someone I was close to most likely because she has a new bf now, but that may just be the way it is. Is there any recourse left here, or do I just chalk up my loses?

She probably flaked on you because of the boyfriend, which was the right thing to do.

However, I am a big fan of keeping my word. I personally think that she owed you at least a text that the plans were off. But many women flake.

The thing with friendship is that it is there until either person throws it away. As far as your 'friendship' with her, she was the one who either threw it away, or made the mistake. It's really up to her to do something about it.

I'm also wondering if she is really just a friend to you. You wouldn't have written this thread if a MALE friend bailed on you instead, would you?

 

[Latinoman]

She probably flaked on you because of the boyfriend, which was the right thing to do.

However, I am a big fan of keeping my word. I personally think that she owed you at least a text that the plans were off.

I agree with this and I find it reasonable.

 

[PhatE1vis]

HAHAHAHA!

You just want us to tell you that she has the hots for you.

Here is my answer...no...she does NOT have the hots for you. But you certainly have the hots for her.

Friend? Yeah right...VERY AFC maneuver, I might ask.

OK, so let me ask you this. In your opinion, is it ever OK to be friends with a chick you had something more with at one time without being, as you say, AFC? I guess I'm too sentimental...once I've felt something for someone, I have a hard time just chucking them, esp if it didn't end on bad terms. The sex thing I had with this chick was fun while it lasted, but she wanted more of a relationship at the time than I did, so I ended the sex part of it for my mental health.

 

[PhatE1vis]

I'm also wondering if she is really just a friend to you. You wouldn't have written this thread if a MALE friend bailed on you instead, would you?

True, most likely I wouldn't have written the thread if it was a male friend, although I still would have been pissed. I think the fact that she's a female made it more of an ego shot for me. That STILL doesn't mean I want to nail her, but I will admit that my feelings were hurt. And rather than contact her to vent and lose all pride, I'm venting here.

 

[PhatE1vis]

Update

So, I thought I'd update this old thread of mine.

RECAP: A female friend flaked on plans that we had. I cut off contact with her.

UPDATE: She tried to contact me a few times this year since the flaking incident. (I have never been the one to contact her.) I've been polite when she reached out, but generally have just blown her off after saying hi since the flaking really annoyed me.

TODAY: She reaches out to me again via IM, and the first line is "how are you, we need to get together soon." And follows with "let's start up our friendship again." She then goes on to apologize for not being in touch. I told her no big deal, I wasn't really worried about it. She then offered a specific date to get together. I told her I wasn't sure since flaking is a deal breaker for me, and she plays dumb about the flaking incident until I remind her.

She pushed the issue and wants to get together (as friends, since she has a bf and I have a woman in my life). Feels like I'm setting myself up to be pissed off again, so I haven't committed to anything with her - just told her "we'll see".

Thoughts?