fresh start after being "unplugged"

[self-respect]

Has anyone else ever felt this way? And what did you do at that moment when you were just starting to change yourself? Here's a (long) recap:

The last couple months have been great for my development. I've spent time reading and applying changes from the manosphere, and my view of the world has changed radically. I feel happy for myself again for the first time in 2 years, I've started to build better relationships with my immediate family, and there's a girl I've been seeing for the past 6 weeks that I like and have a great time with.

The problem is every other social contact in my life. I hate being around almost all my old friends and they annoy me with their stupid problems and their opinion of me as still an AFC that they ignore. I live with 3 of them and others come to our house regularly and every single interaction feels like a stale rehash of the last few years. It's suffocating and I get turned off whenever one of them is around, not fun or exciting.

Like last night. We're all in grad school, and there was a school get-together. I went out with a couple roommates and another old friend. The car ride over they tried to "tease" me but I kept my frame and let them know I wasn't falling into theirs. They're pretty low-confidence and worry about the smallest things so when we had to park there was an entire conversation about the best spot. I told them blah blah blah was fine, I'd been there plenty of times with no problem and it would be where everyone was going, at which point not one person responded to what I said and they carried on like I wasn't there.

Then when we got there after a quiet walk, all my old "friends" that were at the place did their own thing and really couldn't care that I was around. This includes guys and girls. The guys have started acting like they're too alpha for me and want me to play along into their game, even one of my best friends who told me yesterday "I'm stronger, taller and more alpha than you" to which I responded that I'd gotten ***** 12 hours ago and he'd fumbled his last couple chances so bad that he's okay with being strung along by his two exes. He even asks me for advice on game all the time. The girls try to do the same thing to prove they're better but I have complete control of the interaction when it's just me and them. So when a guy's around, they'll piggyback off him and laugh and feel superior and then I'll just keep on taking on both of them at once (mostly the guy). I'm pretty good at staying unfazed, but I just don't want to deal with this crap anymore.

I had a blast with all the people outside of my old circle, people I used to occasionally see and just shoot the **** with. We joked around, made plans to hang out, and they were much more interested and friendly than my so-called actual "friends" that have written me off. Just like the girl I'm seeing, I want to start over and have fun with people I like again. I'm not interested in being ignored by ugly girls and AFC guys who think they're too good for me based on their social proof. I get vibes of strong dislike from them. My lease is up in 2 months and I'm looking for other options for roommates. I might even stay in a single for the next year.

For anyone that's tried this cut-off from their previous social circle, anything I should know or be concerned about? I have one best friend I like at this point. The other 2 are starting to become full of themselves. Any other tips?

 

[self-respect]

I can't be the only one that's gone through something like this.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Charge the losers to the game.

Some people are just bad influences and have no good for you. I recently had to charge my so called best friend and line brother to the game. He tryed to act tough and use my stuff and ended up getting his ass beat. Check this thread.

This dude was a bad influence on me anyway. I have not smoked weed for almost 2 years and every day this dude smokes weed and consistently tries to influence me to smoke weed. He also is a bum and tryes to get free rides out of me all the dame time. I would drive and roadtrip but he would never do none of that sh!t. He would try to get free rides and free liquor all the time. He also sat around alot in the living room and just bad talk people. This dude is 7 months older then me and won't be done with college for at least 2 years and we both came into college in 2008. I already graduated and am in the masters program. He is a typical hater and would even talk smack about our other roomates. After he I beat his a$s I heard he was talking sideways about me. So I just charged this dude to the game because he is just a fake dude.

Ever since I charged this dude my life has been 100x more productive. I get more work done. All the negative and hating energy is nowhere near me. That energy can rub up on you!

Sometimes it's just good to charge some of the homies to the game and just do you. Especially if it is holding you back brother. Get them squares out your circle.

You need to egocentric. If these people bring you down and bring no good you must cut them lose. Don't be afraid to ride solo.

 

[MisterD]

I'm kind of going through this now. I still have some friends, both men and women, who have known me since my afc days and fail to respond to my change of frame. It sucks because I have a history with these people, but if they don't give me the respect I deserve, I'll have to move on.

Once people form an opinion of you, that's pretty much it. It's very hard to change someone's perception of you.

It's pretty strange. My old friends still treat me like some afc nerd, but all the friends I've made in my new school where I made my fresh start treat me like I'm this cool, awesome dude.

Messes with your head a little bit, but I know deep down the way my new circle of friends treats me is the way i want to be treated.

With my old friends, i have the history, with my new friends, I have the respect. At this point in my life, I'd rather the respect

 

[zekko]

even one of my best friends who told me yesterday "I'm stronger, taller and more alpha than you"

Lol, who the heck talks like this? I almost never hear anyone use the term "alpha" in real life, unless they're using it in a joking manner.

It does sound like moving out would be best for you. You don't sound like you're even on a friendly basis with these guys. It sounds like all your interactions are defensive or confrontational. So either you are overreacting to them just yanking your chain, or you guys are just not getting along.

So get new room-mates if you must. I'm an introvert, so the idea of room-mates actually makes me sick. Room-mates would cramp my style. But I know you're in college, so you gotta do what you gotta do.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Once you have unplugged, your old relationships will be forever altered. First there comes a cognitive dissonance among your friends, where they are trying to relate to the old "you" and striving to maintain the stasus of the old.

At first they are blind to the changes and can only sense them, and therefore what they say and do with you is designed to normalize things to get rid of the tension.

Gradually it dawns on them that you have drastically changed and the old dynamic and power structure no longer works. The structure of the group has become disrupted. Once that happens, you become ostracised from the group because the group strives toward self-preservation just as an individual does.

Now you are at enmity with them because they innately sense thay you have advanced beyond their league and therefore they project onto you the (false) perception that you think you are better than them. In reality, they themselves subconsciousely sense that you have improved and surpassed them, and hence the struggle to either strike you down to their level or to ostracise you. Else, their world would collapse in a sense.

The ones who are verbalizing "alphaness" are the ones who have fake alphaness and are insecure because they are recognizing the real in you, even if your own alphaness is still in its infancy.

Once the eyes are opened there is no going back. You don't fit in with the old anymore and you never will. I think you already know or at least sense most of this but I'm writing more for the noobs who might happen upon this.

I would just say don't do a pre-emptive strike with your friends by telling them off, etc. If you do they will react EXACTLY like a girl who would say, "Boy, I was right.. he is such a loser". Rather, transition into new friendships with purpose but naturally and over time.

In your own group, it is still possible to garner respect by assuming authority and leadership in a subtle way. This is done mostly by taking initiative to take care of the group. I'm talking about small, subtle initiatives which (without words) demonstrate you're looking out for your pack, even if they're no yours yet.

Remember, true, lasting leadership is never seized, but only granted by those who are being led.

 

[Demonpenz]

Sounds like you are really trying to stay in a strong frame. I would try to keep a strong professional frame until you can get the people around you that you deserve.

 

[self-respect]

Thanks guys for the great responses. Basically it was a consensus "make the best choices for you" which is how I'm looking at it.

At first they are blind to the changes and can only sense them, and therefore what they say and do with you is designed to normalize things to get rid of the tension.

Gradually it dawns on them that you have drastically changed and the old dynamic and power structure no longer works. The structure of the group has become disrupted. Once that happens, you become ostracised from the group because the group strives toward self-preservation just as an individual does.

I'm exactly in the transition between these two paragraphs.

Once the eyes are opened there is no going back. You don't fit in with the old anymore and you never will.

This was a thought of mine a few weeks ago, as I'm sure is the case with many others. It would have been nice to return to the old, comfortable, simple and easy ignorance, kind of like staying in a kid's world. But my eyes have been opened. I would never supplicate or be an emotional tampon WK like I used to, and I would always go through the world knowing what's been hammered out on sites like this and others. And it already eats me up being treated like an AFC by others.

Once people form an opinion of you, that's pretty much it. It's very hard to change someone's perception of you.

It's pretty strange. My old friends still treat me like some afc nerd, but all the friends I've made in my new school where I made my fresh start treat me like I'm this cool, awesome dude.

Messes with your head a little bit, but I know deep down the way my new circle of friends treats me is the way i want to be treated.

With my old friends, i have the history, with my new friends, I have the respect. At this point in my life, I'd rather the respect

Exact same situation. 100% agree on the opinions. First impressions are huge, and then you have 3-4 chances after that to tweak how you're seen for the rest of your time with that person.

The only thing that gets to me is this girl that I'm seeing, what do I tell her when she asks where my good friends are and how come I don't hang out with them for fun? I can't explain to her that I'm at a transition point in my life right now. And after 3 years in a place, it's expected that you have some social proof to show that you're not crazy, especially when she's got a close group of friends herself. So even though I wouldn't miss the people, it would suck to throw away the comfort zone of having stories and a group to drink with and just hang out on the weekends. I might have committed to this path already.

Then again I should probably not give a fvck what she thinks, do what's best for my life and screw the rest. It's tough cause I do really like my time with her, but can't be worried about trying to keep her. Stay positive, have fun with other people I know and move forward.

 

[Packers2010]

i was just like you man. i had friends that used to bring me down all the time. play pranks on me (these guys was 20 at the time, they also kept prank calling so i had to change my number) and one guy even hacked me. yes that right. because i was an idiot a used the same password for everything, I got hacked. on a multiple level.

i got so pissed off, i just DROPPED them. blocked them on facebook, never talked to them again was the best thing i ever done! i took it one step further and moved to wales where i have NO friends. the friends i had back home thought i was some stupid gambler who they didn't respect, so i left, and became a better person. now i am going to come back and they are going to get a shock!

 

[georgie24]

i just started my life over from scratch not to long ago, the thought of my prior friends , aquaintances and how i let people treat me makes me sick

i literally fell off the face of the earth, at the moment im rebuiding myself and thoughts, redemption is so motivating