Frequent encounters with women

[Matt Rogers]

I meet most of the girls I know through societies and clubs, and work. So I see them on a regular basis. This creates a few problems that do not exist in one-off encounters.
Firstly, if I make a move and it is rejected I have to see that girl every week for a long time and that makes things awkward. As such I need a greater degree of certainty that she will say yes before I take a risk and ask her out.
Secondly, if I blow it with one girl all the other girls find out and I either get the reputation as a player if I hit on other girls, or worse they don't like being second choice and reject me on principle.
Thirdly, it is far easier to fall into the friends zone as you are doing things with them on a regular basis in a non-romantic setting so sparks cannot really fly.

I have been struggling to work out the best strategy for dealing with these situations. Is it best to focus on getting to know her quite well for the first month of the society, trying to establish whether she is hot for you before making a move. Or is it best to ask her out as soon as possible so they is no misinterpretation of your romantic interest?

Also I find it is hard to talk to them on a one to one basis and thus build rapport as since the society is a big group it is hard to isolate her and start to draw her out. Obviously the answer is to ask her out for a drink or coffee, but how do I build the rapport such that she will feel comfortable saying yes?

 

[Don_Marko]

You've been asking very good questions IMO... there is hope for you

I cannot give you advice just yet as I'm struggling with the similar challenges however I've been working on a strategy and if it proves successful I will post it on the board.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I'd use your co-workers and friends as training partners, of course you don't let them know that. Use them to build your confidence by initiating more conversations and even tossing in a flirt or two. It should be easier since you all are already friends. After several training sessions, go out and find a new face to try out your new skills.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

you have just given yourself some wonderful reasons why you should NOT date a co-worker! another is sexual harassment. all that it takes is an accusation.

what's more important? chicks or career?

as for these societys and clubs, how important are they to you? more or less than the chicks? if they're more important, don't date any of them. if they're less important, go ahead.

the only thing that is diffucult about this situation (for you) is that you're seeing all of these available chicks around regularly and you simply cannot resist tapping into the harem. most likely this is because you do not have many other prospects on the horizon in "real life". if you did, you wouldn't be asking these questions.

 

[Don_Marko]

The point of the thread was talking about women that you see on regular basis and that you have mutual friends with. Not coworkers/

Naturally the plan of attack is different under the circumstances.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by Don_Marko
The point of the thread was talking about women that you see on regular basis and that you have mutual friends with. Not coworkers/

Naturally the plan of attack is different under the circumstances.

re-read the first line of his original post.

as for the societys and clubs, he must first figure out if they are more or less important than picking up chicks (in these clubs).

 

[Don_Marko]

The theme remains the same... when there's social and group dynamics around you (most of the times it's cckblocking you)... weather it'd be work, school friends, club or whatever how do you proceed?

As him and I are both 20, any job we have is probabbly worth losing for banging a HB and IMO the whole point of those school clubs is for people to get hooked up.

However as most of the advice is written by older guys who naturally won't sacrifice their carrers for a chick and who have been out of college scene for a while. There is a lack of good game for these situations, however I will get to the bottom of it sooner or later!

 

[Matt Rogers]

Just to clarify I mean primarily girls you see regularly through clubs or in a social context in part-time work-obviously once I start a full time job I wouldn't dip my pen in the company ink!

As for choosing between a hobby and a girl, I am interested in meeting girls who have something in common with me, and if they share a hobby with me then great. So I want to have my cake and eat it, and was wondering how to best go about it.

I am not a party sort of guy so clubs and societies represent the best opportunities I have for meeting girls. The secret is how to do it in a way that does not make the girl feel too awkward and gives her a way out if she is not interested, and does not make me seem like the kind of guy who just goes to clubs to hit on girls. Another annoying thing I find is that if a girl rejects you she is usually so conceited that she thinks every time I talk to her after that I am trying to hit on her, and that her rejecting me has ruined my life. If only it was as simple as "Not interested, lets be friends"

 

[Don_Marko]

Originally posted by Matt Rogers
The secret is how to do it in a way that does not make the girl feel too awkward and gives her a way out if she is not interested

This is an error in your thinking rooted from your AFCness... You don't have to give her a way out, she'll make one if she doesn't want you. The whole 'giving her a choice' thinking to her looks like you're being insecure and unsure. You have to be assertive and when in doubt remember this saying "MAKE THE HO SAY NO", untill then don't stop.

Originally posted by Matt Rogers
and does not make me seem like the kind of guy who just goes to clubs to hit on girls. Another annoying thing I find is that if a girl rejects you she is usually so conceited that she thinks every time I talk to her after that I am trying to hit on her, and that her rejecting me has ruined my life. If only it was as simple as "Not interested, lets be friends"

Look once you start knocking on more doors, more will open for you. Therefore you will always have girls around you and she will naturally feel jealous and curious about ya, so do not deny the fact you like women and that you love hitting on them... in fact the guy who goes to clubs to hit on girls always has a girl around him while the other AFCs have their right hand busy.
And do not talk to her just so that she knows you're OK after her rejection... if you feel like shooting the sh!t wiht her it's cool, but talking just to let her know you're fine is lame and she'll catch on it.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Matt Rogers
Firstly, if I make a move and it is rejected I have to see that girl every week for a long time and that makes things awkward. As such I need a greater degree of certainty that she will say yes before I take a risk and ask her out.

It's only awkward if you LET it be. It's not like once you get rejected by a girl it's a faux pas to be seen around her again...and as long as you didn't approach her in a sniveling AFC way, I'm sure she won't feel uncomfortable if you ask, she rejects, and you continue hanging out together in a platonic sense. And if you keep up the "DJ attitude", even without actually "asking her out", it gives you time to grow on her and make her reconsider. Especially when she sees all the OTHER girls falling all over you.

Originally posted by Matt Rogers

Secondly, if I blow it with one girl all the other girls find out and I either get the reputation as a player if I hit on other girls, or worse they don't like being second choice and reject me on principle.

Read that last line from the first answer again.

It sounds like the approach you're thinking of using is something along the lines of:

"Will you go out with me?" "No." (move to next girl)
"Will YOU go out with me?" "No." (move to next girl)
"How 'bout you?" "No." (move to next girl)
"YOU??" "No." (move to next girl)

Generate some rapport with ALL the girls..give them ALL "the treatment." Then when something happens, it just HAPPENS. It's not like you MEAN to be hooking up with all these girls, they're just all over you and you're only human. And f**k being known as a "player." All girls claim to have a hang-up about "players" because they don't want to get their hearts broken, blah blah blah...but look at how they react when some rock/rap star snaps their fingers. Guys who openly play every woman they can. If you make her p*ssy wet enough, she just won't care. Plus if you can end up inspiring that competitive instinct...

Bottom line: if you want to play, don't let some girl's negative opinion of "being a player" stop you from what YOU enjoy doing.

Originally posted by Matt Rogers
Thirdly, it is far easier to fall into the friends zone as you are doing things with them on a regular basis in a non-romantic setting so sparks cannot really fly.

Not if you don't ACT as a friend toward her. A girl can get rid of you any time she wants, but she can only "friendzone" you if you let her. If you don't behave in a manner that says, "let's just be friends," no matter HOW much time you spend with her, she won't see you as "just a friend." And if she tries to, you just don't accept it. You keep playing the sexualized male role even if you're not actually "making any moves". (see the first response: keeping the DJ attitude without actually "asking her out")

Don't make this into more than it is. Seriously...that's how we ALL get burned. Lose all the drama. Your world doesn't end if you get rejected and "people find out." That's a chick-attitude and unbecoming of a real man. Carry your rejections like battle scars. Chicks dig scars.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Some great advice on this thread. Thanks guys.

So would this be the best way to approach the situation:

1) Make a point of talking to all the girls drawing them out and asking them about themselves for the first three or four meetings.This allows them all to start talking about the charming guy,

2) If I feel a spark with any of them and a bit of returned interest, then ask her out directly, perhaps for a drink after the meeting or a coffee midweek.

3) If I get rejected pretend nothing happened and move onto the next girl.

I suspect something I do is act too friendly, in that if I like a girl I will try and draw her out and get her to talk about herself. How can I come across as more sexualised in our exchanges? Obviously asking her out earlier is one answer, but does anyone have any others?