Frame Wars: the Alpha Woman

[anonymous12345]

I’ve noticed the HBs dominate their friend groups socially and that they have high confidence (at least outwards). Probably because they have high status because their looks are valued such by society, and they know that. Accordingly their frame is strong.

I’ve exchanged IOI with an HB at the school. I wanted to escalate, so I invited her to my room to look at some drawings. Her response were that I should add her on Facebook and send photos of the drawings, and said “start with that.” I complied. But it petered out, because what she basically did was filing me into her orbiter database. Well played, ma’m. Probably part of her routine.

I wonder what is the right way to handle such a situation; that is a confident, high value woman. I see it as a frame war. I guess I need to disqualify here in a ****y & Funny way until she accepts my frame. But it can also be said that she isn’t/wasn’t at that point very into me.

I gave it some thought and unfriended a couple of weeks later. In particular because she was a bit rude in the chat, I have no interest in signalling that is okay. No crazy bitches. An unfriending can be seen as absolutely not being indifferent (I’m obviously not), but I’d say this NEXTing is still a step better than giving the impression of accepting that orbiter status. Though she has so much attention she probably hasn’t noticed, and if she has, maybe she however is indifferent.

My frame crumbles subject to pressure. We all can be all witty while day dreaming, talking with that lady friend or an HB0. It’s upon that girl that is attractive or we have a thing for, that at least I automatically degenerate to a beta, puppy. That is the challenge for me.

Thoughts on this, frame wars or this particular case?

 

[Barrister]

In this instance she is simply low interest. It isn't really a "war" of frame so much as there is no frame to begin with. She doesn't even care.

Find different women that are of high interest is probably the best advice. If they seem like they are making you jump through too many hoops - they are. Don't waste your time - it is too valuable.

Your "frame crumbling subject to pressure" is actually the bigger issue. Why is that happening?

 

[darksprezzatura]

Hey man, your frame is just your set of beliefs about reality. If you believe you don't deserve hot chicks, you won't get hot chicks.

Women want us to win, they're desperately waiting for men to have the balls to go upto them and say hi.

They do wanna have fun.

They are humans who take a dump and puke and got all those nasty bodily functions.

Just treat them like humans and act accordingly. Either pull or step aside.

Don't waste your time

 

[The Duke]

Move onto the next if she doesn't comply. Women with low interest are famous for putting up road blocks. Better to invest with girls that can bring better returns.

 

[plumber]

no big deal. unless you had some indicators of attraction from her this is sort of business as usual. don't worry about it, the same thing happens often to everyone else. try the next one and if any invite you, go.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Ok. Lesson here is that this chick wasn’t going to give you a shot but was happy to add you as an adoring fan. Never comply with such a slick put down again.

The sub context of her communication with you was this: “Not interested (but you are welcome to drool from a distance like everyone else)”.

She gave you a crumb and you gobbled it up like a good puppy. But she doesn’t want a puppy. Better strategy would have been to challenge her on the spot when she suggested adding her on social media and send the photos. You would have been better off refusing her insulting brush off by smirking “Nevermind princess, I’m nobody’s lapdog”, then simply going on about your business as though she’s invisible. Hot women do not like to feel invisible.

OP doesn’t realize he got an insulting brush off.

The way you appeal to hot high caliber women is by being or becoming someone they see value in. I know it’s brutal but OP didn’t have enough value in this chick’s opinion.

Get better or get real.

 

[anonymous12345]

Guys, thanks for the advice.

Yeah, in a sense it is breadcrumbs, but I am not that occupied by that. I focus on the process not the result: this is primarily an opportunity for me to work on my own triggers and daemons and I use this HB for practice. She was somewhat a oneitis, but I'm pretty sure I got her at arms length. I'm spinning plates and in for the long run.

I think I sense that there is a (possibly subconscious) direction in me that appreciate the HB to the degree that I'd be glad for even being friends: a true beta/orbiter, hoping to get a bone at some point. But it's not that bad, maybe a tad of it. Essentially @BeExcellent touches on this. This falls naturally for me, possibly due to upbringing and had many female friends. Tomassi writes that after-sex is comfort (oxytocin) while pre-sex is unavoidably angst, stress, cognitive dissonance (don't remember exact wording), and I think I need to get stronger at holding that tension, instead of reverting down into indifferent, neutral, "comfortable" friendliness. (And that's my current take on crumbling frame, @Barrister).

I'm of course continuing the NEXTing, not approaching her in anyway, and I notice her in her degree of proximity of interaction. I may sound pathetic, but these micro interactions we have are relevant and lead to larger things, I think many of you would agree.

Breadcrumbs or not, the question still remains how to deal with these HBs. The one in this case is self-absorbed, talk loud (though in a feminine way) in groups. I recognise this, it's a sign of insecurity, the need for to entertain and external validation. I got the same and do the same (working on it, think I'll have it fixed it soon), and as @EyeOnThePrize writes in another thread, like attracts alike. Tomassi says the opposite, polarities attract, but I think nuances can be added to make both reasonings valid. Sure, I can spin plates and NEXT, but the problem still remains of how to deal with these self-absorbed HBs. I'd say ignorance is the best strategy, to revoke the currency they value the most: attention. To have a high SMV and let her approach and then be ready for it.

Maybe that is the best options there is, it doesn't get better than that; that's pretty much what (your) replies says.

This thread, Mind Games That Girls Play, is perhaps similar:

Mind Games That Girls Play

Hi gents. We often talk about our strategies/approach/games we play on women. My experience with some "gamey" women this year has made me curious as to the sorts of games they play on us. Would be cool to exchange some personal experience as to the mind games that girls play. So we will all be...

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