FR: Today was the end of our relationship.

[j8snx1]

Well guys, me and my girl just broke up.
Here's why:

She's been going through a lot of family issues and depression even before I met her, and ever since we got together, things became better for her...at least until recently.
Things became even more complicated with her and her family, so she called me today and admitted that lately she's been blocking everything out of her life, including me. So because she's having a hard time showing the love she had for me from the start, we decided to call it off because it won't be as good as it used to be.

If it wasn't for her family issues I think our relationship would've been real great.

Otherwise, I was a bit heartbroken, but you know, if it doesn't work out, then what else can a man do but rebound and move on again? I was hurt a while ago, but we're just...friends...ugh I hate that word when it comes to relationships...and we're still going to prom...

...but can any of you guys post me your experiences with heavy break-ups and how you managed to pick yourself up again? I could still use some inspirations to get my self back in the game.

 

[Mission]

Yeah man, don't sweat it, me and my girlfriend of over a year broke up at the beginning of last summer, this is when I realized I needed to work on my game, instead of having girlfriends all the time. It has been a long road, but my best advice for you is to put it into perspective. Look at failed marriages, long term (4-8 year) relationships that fall through, thats a long time investment for it to end. You say you are 18, and if so, just don't worry about it, you are young and so am I, there are so many girls out there, and they all want to sleep with you. I promise you that, in some time you will find other girls, but for now worry about doing things you enjoy, things you might have passed up when you were with her. She is not your life, just get rid of things that remind you of her, and go out and have a great time living life, in all my experience, it is just not worth it to mope around and feel sorry for yourself, because that will never bring the girl back, life goes on, so be happy because YOU are YOU, and your life is awesome with, or without her.

--Mission

 

[j8snx1]

Yeah I know what you mean bro.
However, it brings up another little issue: this might be just "taking a break" from our relationship.

I talked about this with her and it turns out she still has feelings for me, but she has too much things to sort out before she can actually function normally again. During this talk she was really being cold to me, and I wanted to give her a piece of my mind. Instead, I took the non-violent way..it's just how I roll. I told her something like:

"I admit I haven't been able to even be there for you during such critical times like these while we were together, but at least I can make up for what I've neglected by being here for you now."

***you DJ's may be choking over this right about now***
Her response was immediate; she slowly brought down her cold shoulder/shield and she talked normally as if we were still together (to a minor degree). After some talking, I figured I had nothing to lose so I said something like:

"Hey I know that things will be rockier for you from this point on in your life, but know that I'm here for you. And once the issues are sorted out, if you'd let me I'd like to get back with you."

and she responded with "i'll think about it."

I know I pretty much broke every rule in the DJ Bible, but this girl is really something to me fellas. I just put the ball in her court, and while she's sorting things out, I'll probably do some "hunting", hang out with the friends I've neglected, and if she takes me back then things will be for the better. If she still says NO to me, then I'll just call the "hunted" and start something new. It's going to take me some time to get over her if she says NO, but I'm still hoping for the best.

 

[Skilla_Staz]

Well, for everything AFC you've done. I'd probably do the same for a girl that meant a lot to me. Forgiven. The fact that you know what you're going to do in both situations (together or seperated) shows you're thinking. You still have that DJ mindset, even through all that lovey doviness.

 

[Porky]

Don't give her the benefit of the doubt. look at this situation from an outside point of view.

when it comes down to it, she was completely and utterly selfish by breaking up with you. pushing you away and acting cold towards you isn't going to help her solve her problems. she's making excuses for herself, and my bet is that she doesn't really want to solve her problems.

move on, don't get back together with her. you can do better than some nutcase with depression and family issues. are these problems her fault? no. does it sound like she's doing anything productive to help herself? no. don't be mean to her, but keep your distance.

 

[Skilla_Staz]

move on, don't get back together with her. you can do better than some nutcase with depression and family issues. are these problems her fault? no. does it sound like she's doing anything productive to help herself? no. don't be mean to her, but keep your distance.

Agreed. I always try to steer clear of girls with major issues. It always ends up bringin' me down.

 

[j8snx1]

well guys, today's the turning point again.

her friends (theyre my friends too) told me that lately she's been going on and on and on about this one sophomore guy while we were together, and that she became "bored" of our relationship. From what that broad told me, she said she's trying to sort out family problems and that she was emotionally detatching from everyone. I WAS SO PISSED WHEN I HEARD THIS TODAY

I told one of the friends that "she was emotionally detatching from everyone" but she immediately replied "That's bull****; she wouldn't stop talking to me." And to know that she said I still love you and i want to be with you but i want to sort the problems out first, my time with her has been such a lie. I don't like this one-itis ****, but it's gonna take me just a little bit of time to let go all the special things we did and all.

I'm going to try to talk to her somewhere today, and bring all this **** up about how she dumped me and she brought it upon herself when our relationship got "boring" because she constantly rejected date proposals, and everytime we had an opportunity she passed it on. For ex, last saturday we were supposed to go out but she insisted I study for my AP exams (took em all this week) and hang out next week. Heck, come next week she selfishly leaves the scene. I'm going to get this off of my chest and make sure I don't take her to prom. I knew she was going through hard times, and I wanted to be there for her every step of the way, but she just said no. I'm not taking this bull**** anymore. (Of course i wont become a jackass or anything, ill be friendly but ill keep my distance.)

ILL REPORT ASAP I DO THIS !

 

[Porky]

If this girl deserves for you to be a jerk to her, then by all means, be a jerk to her.

I'm sorry that she's having family problems, but oh well. everybody has issues in their lives, how you deal with them determines what kind of person you are, and it sounds like she's dealing with her problems in a bad way. don't take her to prom and don't give her the time of day.

 

[j8snx1]

hahahah hell no will i give her satisfaction.
im gonna say what's on my mind and just blow her off in a friendly manner. i wouldnt want to end something on a bad note.

i am, however, going to make sure that she regrets doing the things she did to me, esp. playing me for a fool. i even admired her straight-forwardness and honesty and she does this behind my back. oooh boy this is going to be satisfying.

once again, ill report back asap

 

[Skilla_Staz]

Take the high road. It's alway more attractive. Making her regret stuff is a good idea, just make her regret losing you. Don't make her regret being with you in the first place.

 

[DasaniWater]

Omfg!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOLY **** DUDE!!!

STOP DOING WHAT YOUR DOING. STOP!!!!!!!!!

this happened to me 2 days ago. EXACT SAME ****ING THING. im not joking. except for the family problems. it was another reason. but same thing man. she broke thinsg off with me cus she liked another guy..

stop doing what ur doing, trust me it wont work. chasing after someone that doesnt want to be with you will only push her even further. no matter waht you say or do for her it wont do **** i promise you that..

heres what you do, u gotta believe in this, because i doubted it at first, but it truely does work.

cut her off completely. ignore her. start having fun. start flirting with other women. do so many things in front of her, and act like u dont have a grudge with her either. u can be playful and all with her, ONLY IF SHE APPROACHES YOU, besides that dont talk to her.

when i say ignore her, ignore her when she calls you 20 times later that day after u do all this.

she will want you back. I PROMISE.

same.........thing..... happend to me, this is crazy. i just had to help.

i thought it was bad to do this , cus then it woudl show u movedo n so easily and they will think udidnt love them and she will move on too. WRONG

this is all about games. girls are all about games man. they want what they cant have. act like your enjoying your life, and you have a life. let her come back to you, she will...... dont go begging to her anymore. it wont ****in work. mark my words. u better do what isaid. otherwise shes gone for good

 

[DasaniWater]

P.S,

i was still taking my gf to the prom as "friends"..

until we got back together and now its as a couple

im telling you man. u better listen. because i asked a lot of women about this subject, i live in Las Vegas, they know what they are talking about. and they enlightened me greatly.

 

[08aisaac]

Dude, don't listen to the friends. I read that you did that, and they usually don't help your game. It's not about what there friend wants, it's about what you want. Oh well, live and move on.

 

[Zerotwoonenine]

ok, i been in this situation before.
Firstly you must know that she cannot be happy unless she picks her self up and make her life better, and she cannot make her self better unless she leave her house(trust me my parents are worst than hers so i know), i am going to leave home next year and already i am much happier.
You could try to help her, but i dont think that wiill work, but you could try to make her life happier by giving her support, but if you still want a relationship later, dont become her friend who listens to all her crying and complaining, that way you will fall in the friendship zone trap, you will become more miserable.
So the best option for you right now is try to find another girl,but dont abandon her-yet.

 

[Zerotwoonenine]

ok just read about what you said in other posts, forget about my last line, next her.

 

[LikRetsam]

Be happy that you are now free of someone that does not have the courage to tell you the truth.

And I assure you, being indifferent towards her is going to hurt her so much more than telling her off.

 

[j8snx1]

hahaha i love the advice guys; it's a good reminder that what i'm doing lately is good!!

yes, i have been flirty with other girls, whether she's there or not, and today during 6th period which I have with her, I had fun playing cards with the guys, laughing yelling etc, talked with some of the girls, you know: pretty much following up on what you guys suggested. i also do my own thing during lunch and nutrition and i have fun with it you know? just because i dont spend my lunch with her like we used to, it only gave me more opportunities to catch up on my friends and clubs. whenever she does talk to me or come up to me, i usually behave in my ****y/funny or playful behavior, but i dont say much to her on my own.

however, i don't know if the DJ thing im doing is helping me. of course, i cant tell if its making her come back to me or anything, and shes been talking more with her best guy friend, who is also my friend, who she claims that she only sees him as a close brother, even during our relationship. but honestly, i could care less; although it sucks that she doesnt talk to me as much anymore, i let it go and just have fun on my own.

ill see how things turn out over the next few days. im not calling her, im not IMing her, im not talking to her in person, unless she decides to take the liberty of doing it on her own. otherwise, im good to go.

PS: do you think she'll make up her mind and let this start over again by next saturday? i know its something that's not easily predictable, but prom is next saturday, and i really hoped to spend it as a special night with her when we were together. if we go as friends, i know i wont have as much fun. what do u guys think? if i keep up the dj methods, will she realize that she'll miss out on the fun that i can bring

 

[Porky]

it would be a bad idea for you to get back together with her

 

[penkitten]

leave the little girl alone and get out there and have fun.
if she lied to you and was getting the hots for someone else, then you are better off without her.

you deserve to be with someone who respects you and loves you and wont leave you. until you find the right one, dont settle for less.

 

[j8snx1]

going back to one of the entries that DasaniWater posted,

the method of ignoring her completely, enjoying my life, letting her come back to me, is very plausible; it's the DJ way and i'm sure it has worked plenty of times.

i am doing what dasani suggested and it's working just fine. i havent called her, im doing more productive activities, but as for her coming back to me, i'm a bit confused on.

so it seems like i moved on, im acting as a challenge/threat that she will lose me if she doesn't act, i can understand. but as for how she comes back to me i'm a wee bit skeptical guys. This idea won't affect how I behave normally, because even before i met my girl, i was a playful/flirty guy.

someone plz explain to me how that concept of her coming back to me that Dasani explained works??