FR: The unexplainable happened

[The LadyKiller]

Tonight, I went out with a few friends, including a HB8 I am interested in and know pretty well. We have great chemistry and there are a lot of IOI's. However, I recently learned through a friend that, according to Facebook, she is dating some guy in a LTR. To make a long story short, she has never mentioned the bf to me, even in situations where a girl clearly would. In fact, she removed her relationship status last week.

Fast-forward to tonight. I tell her I'm going out with a few friends, she's welcome to come. She eagerly says she wants to join. She mentions to me that her friend is coming as well. As I was driving to the spot, she was hitting me up the whole way about where we were going, etc. After I get to the spot and meet up with my buddies, she shows up with her friend. When we see the friend, one of my buddies and I look down, we know the bomb is about to drop. It's the same guy who was the boyfriend on Facebook. I figured it had to happen eventually. She brings him over and introduces him to us as her......

......FRIEND. Not boyfriend. Friend. The night itself was fine, though felt strange. She and I hit it off big time, the "friend" hung out in the back and was rather quiet. I'd even bring him into the conversation because my friends and I felt bad, but he didn't initiate anything. It was a lot of fun, HB8 was great. We really flirted/hit it off, she didn't even look at him! We all went our separate ways at the end of the night.

The clear question: What the f***? I mean, supposedly they dated (or date?), the guy obviously stayed over since he lives 1000 miles away (leaving very early the next day), and she introduced him to me as just a friend? She and I talked a lot, she didn't talk to him at all. He sat in the back and was quiet. I spoke to my buddy afterwards, he said if someone stopped by, they'd think HB and I were dating and the other guy was an acquaintance. All I know is, if I was dating a girl and she: a.) Told others in front of me that I'm just a friend, b.) Paid me no attention while talking to another guy, and c.) Removed our relationship status, I would be unhappy.

What am I supposed to do? The best idea I have is, when I see her next, say tonight was a lot of fun and then say it was nice to meet her "boyfriend." I met the guy, so I feel it's a fair comment to make. Only way I'll get my answer.

 

[YAboi]

she has no respect. I would look for some one else

 

[The LadyKiller]

i dont understand the problem here. why exactly are you worried about this?

I will pursue HB8 if she is available/single, we get along very well. However, if she is taken, I have other options - I don't go after girls already in formidable relationships (no love triangles for me).

 

[altec]

Well, they obviously aren't bf/GF.. Feel free to pursue it

 

[Renegade357]

Group dates = failure.

 

[Groverz]

Ask her about him, maybe they worked something out and figured they were better as friends. I feel bad for the dude, he sounds super beta. If a girl did that to me and too me to a bar to meet her new love interest it would not be a fun night for that guy. Unless I had someone else already and we mutually agreed. I have done that before, I setup one of my exs with one of my childhood friends at a party I had, no bad feelings at all I was glad they were together, this was of course years after we called it off not weeks.

But I still say talk to her about it, you don't want to be a rebound or to get in the way of some drama.

 

[denverfan110]

people are in a relationship on facebook all the time without actually being in a relationship

pursue

 

[Darth Sol]

Here is what I think.

1. She is looking to swing branches. This much is obvious.
2. What you really want to know, is why did she bring the dude..what does it mean? Most likely, she is **** testing the guy. And he failed - all of his behavior last night was AFC. Remember there is always a margin for error in LTRs - had he stepped up last night and went ALPHA - he might have been able to overcome his losses - this is NOT a reflection on you - he just has a lot of momentum with the LTR. Trust me, after they went home, he spent a lot of time whining to her.
3. By also bringing the guy, she is **** testing you. Were you acting preoccupied and insecure or did you maintain: calm, cool, and assertive? Sounds like you did. Result: You and her hit it off.

Is this wrong or disrespectful? I don't know. I've been in very similar situations and whoever plays it cool, usually wins.

I think it's important to note that if she was still into this guy, she would have never brought him into this scenario OR more importantly, you wouldn't be talking to her in the first place.

So the next point is what is your goal?

If you just want to hit it, make a move now. No point in further analysis. As a matter of fact, the more thought you put into this - the more emotions come into play - you don't really want that right now.

If she has LTR potential, and you don't want the love triangle thing, then deeper question her VERY nonchalantly: "Hey last night was great..etc. etc. etc." oh wait... very indifferently, "what does your friend do again? he seemed like a nice guy"...bait her into talking about him..if she doesn't offer more details..feign a little confusion "wait didn't you used to date him or something like that?" Once she gets it out - remain indifferent and then change the subject and DO NOT bring it up again. If the answers are satisfactory - move forward.

Hopefully this helps...

 

[Renegade357]

LOL, I can't believe you guys are even bothering to analyze this. He hasn't even asked her out on a date yet. No attempt to isolate her. It's like he has all these expectations from her when he's done nothing to make a move yet. He's on the fast track to the friend zone and this whole thing will end up being nothing more than a big waste of time. Ask the girl out on a one on one date for crying out loud. Then you can be mad when she brings a guy with her.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Here's what I've learned in the course of dating when these situations arise: it's better to NOT listen to what your friends have to say about a girl as it pertains to other guys she "might" be dating and proceed accordingly.

In other words: up to this point she hadn't brought this dude up or mentioned him as being her boyfriend. If a girl is really into a guy, both you and I know that if she is REALLY unavailable she'll bring up said boyfriend at some point in the conversation. They ALWAYS manage to bring it up - like, you'll be talking to her about sports and she'll say "Oh yeah, my boyfriend loves the Colts!" or something like that. The point is, they make it a point to bring him up. So, if she didn't, it either means that:

(a) he wasn't really the boyfriend after all;
(b) they used to date but she ended it; or
(c) he's the guy she's using as the "replacement boyfriend" until she gets with the guy she really wants

However, it doesn't matter which of these it is. All that matters is that SHE DIDN'T BRING HIM UP, WHICH MEANS THERE'S A REASON FOR IT.

So, your "friend" felt as though he had "solid" info on this other guy, but he really didn't. And that's my point: until you actually talk to a girl about her situation or hear from her personally that she's seeing another guy, YOU PROCEED AS IF YOU DIDN'T HEAR THE INFORMATION. Plus, you don't know if maybe your friend is into this girl and is trying to stop you from going after her so that HE can do it. Just remember: you have nothing to lose by going after this girl. Worst-case scenario, you find out she IS dating this guy and you back off; Best-case scenario, she's not and you get to date her. Either way, at least you will have tried vs. assuming that what your friend said is true.

 

[The LadyKiller]

LOL, I can't believe you guys are even bothering to analyze this. He hasn't even asked her out on a date yet. No attempt to isolate her. It's like he has all these expectations from her when he's done nothing to make a move yet. He's on the fast track to the friend zone and this whole thing will end up being nothing more than a big waste of time. Ask the girl out on a one on one date for crying out loud. Then you can be mad when she brings a guy with her.

This wasn't a date of any sort. I was going out with my friends regardless, invited her to tag along.

people are in a relationship on facebook all the time without actually being in a relationship

pursue

Interesting...

 

[The LadyKiller]

Appreciate the insight.

Harry - you're right about how girls act. They ALWAYS bring up the bf, in that fashion (one actually said "my bf loves the Colts! :crackup:"). I trust my friend in this case. He's one of my close buddies and he has no reason to lie (he's not interested in her). I was also able to confirm what he had told me as being valid.

Groverz - I agree, it had to be potentially awkward for him. It was a strange spot to be in. The fact he was so Beta was more surprising. I even picked up his part of the tab (it wasn't much). I felt that was a good move on my part.

Darth Sol - If this was one big sh*t test, then she is very smart. The guy flew in the area for about 1-2 days, and she was working mostly the entire time. I've learned to not react to sh*t tests and maintain the same frame I always have. Was stunned at how beta he was acting. She has LTR potential, so bringing it up as you said should work.

 

[Solomon]

she has no respect. I would look for some one else

This

I wouldn't bother with a chick who has an ex in the "background" it shows poor etiquette on her part to bring him around, hell any other guy period. It would drop my interest in her sharply.

How would she have responded if you bring another girl around?

But that's me I wouldn't pursue and if I did just smashNdash

 

[gravityeyelids]

maybe the "friend" is gay? or bi?

 

[TheCWord]

Less talky talky. More touchy touchy.

Guys on here (and I was guilty of the same prior to and in the early stages of my red pill journey) get these questions stuck in their heads... by the time they post about it on SoSuave, they're already obsessed... they analyze and analyze... go to bed and turn it over in their head, trying to crack this great mystery...

...when all they really need to do is touch her boob. The left one or right one, doesn't matter. It's like hitting a button that instantly gives you the answer to a question that would have otherwise consumed your mind - providing you with room in your brain to think about other things. Like boobs.

 

[The LadyKiller]

TheCWord lol.

I saw HB8 today. When I said last night was fun and it was nice meeting her friend/boyfriend, she immediately made it clear the guy is "just a friend." She added that he told her afterwards that I was "a great guy."

So that's that. Once our schedules with work, etc. match up (my hours are extreme, hers are too at her job), we're going out for drinks, so looks like we're good.

 

[TheCWord]

TheCWord lol.

I saw HB8 today. When I said last night was fun and it was nice meeting her friend/boyfriend, she immediately made it clear the guy is "just a friend." She added that he told her afterwards that I was "a great guy."

So that's that. Once our schedules with work, etc. match up (my hours are extreme, hers are too at her job), we're going out for drinks, so looks like we're good.

Sounds good, man. But, I swear to god, if you don't kiss her within the first 90 minutes of your date I'm going to be very upset with you. Can you live with disappointing a stranger on the internet? I don't think so. You guys have talked a lot, you have all the green lights in the world - now do something!

In all honesty, if I were you, I would kiss her the moment she shows up to the date. There's been enough foreplay already and you know you're good to go. :rock:

 

[Lotus Effect]

I just feel sorry for the "friend".

Most def she broke up with him and he asked if they still could be friends in a sad attempt to get back together.

The sad part is how low can girls go sometimes. So much disrespect for the dude. Devilish to the core.

Bang her as you like then ditch her. Someone who does stuff like that is not LTR material at all.

 

[The LadyKiller]

Sounds good, man. But, I swear to god, if you don't kiss her within the first 90 minutes of your date I'm going to be very upset with you. Can you live with disappointing a stranger on the internet? I don't think so. You guys have talked a lot, you have all the green lights in the world - now do something!

In all honesty, if I were you, I would kiss her the moment she shows up to the date. There's been enough foreplay already and you know you're good to go. :rock:

I like it. Will not disappoint! Haha.

I just feel sorry for the "friend".

Most def she broke up with him and he asked if they still could be friends in a sad attempt to get back together.

The sad part is how low can girls go sometimes. So much disrespect for the dude. Devilish to the core.

Bang her as you like then ditch her. Someone who does stuff like that is not LTR material at all.

You might be right. I was given another juicy nugget of information by one of my girl friends (who is friendly HB8). The night before the outing we had, HB8 texted the girl friend that she was with her boyfriend that night (the guy). She showed me the text. My reaction was :crazy: :crazy:. This is really starting to get unexplainable.

She referred to him as her "boyfriend" Friday, but introduced him to me/my buddies as her "friend" Saturday, then on Sunday made it clear to me that he's "just a friend" (and presumably I'd have the green light). My girl friend theorizes that the guy flew up to see her because they were fighting/on the rocks, and she dumped him sometime between Friday and Saturday. She has no evidence, only a guess. Girl friend is following up on it (HB8 doesn't know we're teaming up).

It might be time to explore another plate. This is getting too weird.