FR: The ho said no.

[Engetsu]

(Sorry if this is a bit long... But I really need advice on this)

I've been in a relationship for exactly a month with this girl, and we went downtown yesterday. We walked around and went to the movies.

I hadn't seen her for a week, even though we talk every day. It looked like she missed me a lot, because when we were in the movies, she couldn't keep her hands off me: grabbing my **** from on top of my pants while we were making out, grabbing my ass, etc.

We didn't make out a lot though , because I wanted to see the movie, and I was freaked out because there was two gay couples in the theatre: on in front of us and on in the back...

So to catch up on my action, I brought her in the car and started making out. While it was getting hot and heavy, I slipped my hand between her thighs, and started caressing her pvssy from on top of her clothes. After a while, I unbuttoned her pants slowly, like it has to be done, and slipped my hand in her panties. As soon as I got my hand in, she looked at me and said: "Not gonna happen."

I played it cool and said "Alright, whatever, it's your body."

She then said "It will happen, but not in a car."

Since I'm not good at hiding my feelings, I looked very out of it after that incident. I wasn't being aggressive, I just sat back and let her kiss me. Couple of minutes later, she was feeling my **** up again from on top of my pants. She seemed so happy, smiling, kissing me all over.

Right after that, she initiated the conversation about our feelings by asking me how I felt about her, and I turned the conversation around, and making her admit that she loved me. I made sure she was being honest. Then I said it back because I love her.

Half an hour later, I drove her home.

Her ex boyfriend, the one right before me, fingered her after two weeks, she even told me herself. It's pissing me off so much because I played my game so smoothly and got the girl crazy over me, and now she won't even let me touch her. This hurts, because I love her, and I can't express my love.

I am her first non-abusive boyfriend, and the first guy who actually treats her with respect. It's bad I didn't see it earlier. This is a red flag. I should have treated her more like ****, even though it's not my personality: as a DJ I always respect all girls.

This girl truly is madly in love with me, and keeps buying me things, drawing stuff for me, making me CD's, talking about me to her friends and family, says she always thinks of me, etc. She loves me so much it's crazy.

But I know I did something wrong, since I'm not getting sexual satisfaction, and that's very important to me.

Another thing that pisses me off is that we can't do stuff at my house or her house, unless she has no school or I have no school, since we don't go to the same schools (I'm in college, she's in HS) and both live with our parents, who are always home.

Today, she called me, and we talked for an hour about, as usual. At one point in the conversation, she said that I looked out of it in the car yesterday, not mentioning the incident. Then I made up some bs excuse that made sense, but wasn't the truth.

The truth is that this hurts a lot. And I'm kind of blinded by emotions, so I have no idea what to do. Why am I so weak?

What should I do? Here are the choices I can think of.

1. I will take a "break", telling her that I need some space to reevaluate the relationship. Since she's crazy about me, she will automatically correct her wrongs and never stop me from doing anything to her again.

2. Talk to her about it, and tell her that the fact that she didn't let me touch her is really compromising our relationship.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

I have bad news and I have good news

Bad news:
You've been dating for a month and never had sex. Even if she said it, its a bit premature for you to reciprocate the 'I love you'. Even moreso in this case because, what does she know of love? She's in high school. She knows domineering jerkovs who were probably coarse and immature enough to put the moves on her in a car. She's been hurt every time she's gone down that road and she's been trying very hard to escape it.

Good news:
There is a third option which is: Show her another way to love.

If you are dead set on talking to her, do not mention her sexual past. That would be a supreme error. I have an ex named Jessica and we remain friends to this day. She lost her virginity to this real piece of work with a heavy hand and an alchohol problem. Eventually, she broke up with him and after going through a succession of failed relationships I asked her what was the most irritating thing about going out with guys. She told me the worst thing about it all was hearing," What's the big deal, its not like you haven't done it before" all the time. We're talking immediate disqualification here. If you're going to tell her anything, tell her that you don't just want to have sex with her. You want to be with her and you want it to be special. You want to show her what real love is supposed to be like.

This might take some effort, but with patience you will be amply rewarded. Take some time alone with her if you can. A weekend would be ideal, but a half a day (or a night )is more than sufficient. During that time create an enrivonment where she feel like she is the only woman in the world. (this was Cassanova's secret by the way) Be ardent. Be romantic. When you look into her eyes look into them as if they held the secret of immortality. Tell her at the beginning that time and the world will keep going after this moment ends, but this moment belongs to the both of you and will be enshrined as a testiment to your love for all time and even the world cannot take that away. Then do everything in your power to endow your time together with the passion of that very sentiment.

I know it sounds sappy, but this sentiment will render a woman breatheless and cause her to prostrate her will before you. It has worked for me many times, and it is the reason Cassanova is still known to be the world's greatest lover. A wounded bird takes a bit more patience, time and love, but they are always the most grateful as they become whole again.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[Trance]

No no dude, forget your 2 options. What you should do is start taking control of that relation. Here is the trick to reverse the situation.


When a girls says like this: "If you love me, you will respect me for not wanting sex so soon"

And you tell her something like: "I want to have sex with you, for me it is a fundamental part in a relationship. I really wanna make love with you, if you dont understand how important this is for me, then you dont care enough about me".


And the ball is on your side. You must first say that sex is fundamental in a relationship, and that you need it to have a fullfilled relation, and in the final of your speech, you talk of it as making love and not sex, and repeat again you want it, and that its important. Now make it happen on your own words.

If she still doesnt want, you start calling her less, leave soon that day and go home instead of being more time with her, make her see that if its not going to happen soon, you might fly away.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Dementia is right on about this one. It's actually painfully obvious, and was the first thing I thought of when I read the post. Most girls I know are like this... they may have sex with you in the car... eventually. And the reason many of them like to do it in a car later on is precisely because it's so trashy... it makes them feel naughty.

Ultimatums, b*tching, et cetera are exactly the wrong way to go. Trance's bullsh*t line -- essentially, "If you loved me you would" -- is tired, overplayed, and not likely to get you anywhere but out the door.

 

[Paid Laid & Made]

My current GF did the same thing.

She loved to shock me with those "Not gonna happen moments" ... yes, she did it like 5 times to me. I never let it get the best of me, I also said I LOVED HER, cause I did and believe it or not with a little patience she came around and we are now dating for 2 months and I get sex regularly and we are talking freaky in the car "TITANIC" style sex. She loves to say No and mention only *****s doing stuff like that, but with a little eye contact and alone time she eventually does it cause she knows I care about her and wont just use her.

 

[LikRetsam]

It's hard for me to say this but... When she told you " Not here, but you will get it somewhere else." did you not get it?

Why are you even posting. See the freaking light. you don't need a degree in rocket sience to see this.

Get a nice place and it's yours jesus.

 

[Engetsu]

Some people say advice has gone to **** here, but this proves it hasn't. I've never seen a situation such as this on the boards even though I used the search feature, and I'm sure someone someday will benefit from this.

I guess I am trying to go too fast with a girl that's been abused in the past... Her ex-boyfriend broke up with her, the one before that was playing her for 4 months, I guess it's her right to decide how long she has to wait and to be sure it's the right guy.

Cyrano, enlightening advice bro. This is gold, I'll try it for sure, since patience seems to be the key with girls who want to play it safe. I'll beat her at her own game and make HER beg me for it. Thank you so much.

Paid, Laid & Made, glad to know I'm not alone, and glad to know there's hope.

Trance, you showed me I'm not being bold enough. I just need to find a time and place now.

Gio. Casanova, dementia and LikRetsam: usually I tell myself the same thing when I see posts who kind of answer their own question. Now I'm laughing at myself... lol I guess it's the way she said it that pissed me off, and not the fact that she wants to make me wait, and the emotion clouded my mind. Thanks for the eye-openers.

I feel better about this now.

 

[Ice Cold]

RMAO

Funny title

 

[NewMan]

I think you are rushing ahead of yourself.

True sex is important - but wait a moment - your living with your parents.

Hmmm....

Your running a little ahead of yourself there.

Your treating this chick like a ho really - expecting to fvck in a car... thats pretty tacky

Take responsibility - and provide an environment where you guys can have sex - thats the least you can so - if you like her.

Now if you just interested in fvcking - which is how your acting - then dump her and move on.

What you've said about her however - the fact that she's good to you - is a sign that this girl is a keeper.

One other thing to comment on. You see how a woman opening up about her sexual past (the fingering part) has now hurt you.

That's something women do - not realising how this effects their current guy.

The question is - if you did not know about this would you feel the same?

You can't beat her up about the past - since we all learn and grow.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

First of all - never tell a hor you love her! Well ok, but only to appease her -- but you really really shouldn't love her!

Quit making excuses for her about the cause being her past abusive b/f's - she, by being a hor, was abusive to herself and she loved it! The only thing you did wrong was to tell her that you loved her!!

Why are you letting her get to you? She is half-ass backwards - she plays with your "ding-a-ling" and rubs it like a magic 'jeanie' bottle and then only later, after the fact, does she ask you "Do you love me" - as if she is not a slut and will not do this with guys that didn't love her. She already has!!!!! This ho is playing a game and trying to be 'proper'. It is too late to be 'proper' - she can never be that again!