FR: IOI there, still a crash and burn...

[golf299]

before winter break i got together with this girl. we went out to dinner and she paid for me. the next day i left for home. she called and we talked a couple times over break. i got back from break and knew that i wanted to act on my gut feeling of asking her out-- your gut is nearly never wrong, correct?

so i tried to set something up for last weekend but she was busy. however, after she got out of class yesterday she called me up. she asked me if i wanted to come over to her place that night and watch tv with her... and she also offered to cook me dinner. sounds interested to me.

we ate dinner and watched some tv...good convo throughout, both laughing a lot, solid EC. basically having a good time. so i finally got to the point where i needed to ask her out.

i told her that i thought we should go out on a date, and asked her what she was doing this weekend. her immediate reaction told all. she got quiet, no more EC and the excuses started mounting. "this weekend?? well i was supposed to do xxx with xxx."--silence.

me: it will be fun, i promise.

her: i know, well, i'll have to call xxx to see what's up and i'll let you know.--still no EC.

it was painfully obvious that nothing good was about to come out of it. shortly after i decided it was time to leave. she kept her distance as we parted and that was it.

what the he11 went wrong? more importantly: how does a girl call up a guy and invite him to her place and cook him dinner if she feels nothing for him?

should i even bring up going out with her again, or just let it fall to the wayside, unless she brings it up?

thanks for the replies!

 

[Desdinova]

we ate dinner and watched some tv...good convo throughout, both laughing a lot, solid EC. basically having a good time. so i finally got to the point where i needed to ask her out.

Why did you need to ask her out on an official date when you were basically on one? She was giving you all the right signals that you were pretty much on a date. All you needed to do was keep the ball rolling. She got offended because you were clueless as to what was going on. Women have no clue about how men work, so we gotta figure them out.

Also, asking her out on a date when you're already on one doesn't work very well. After you were done at her place, you should have left and given very little indication that you intend to continue. Then call her up in a couple of days. It gives her time to think about you. Use the phone for setting up dates. Also, avoid using the word "date" unless she brings it up. Women seem to hate that word unless they've been on more than three dates with you. I know it's fvcked up, but that's the way it works the best.

 

[dearsappho]

You shouldnt have asked her for a date - you should have told her. Take the lead...


Damn man! Have you read the Bible?! *repeats phrase infinitely*

 

[Don Juanabbe]

I don't know, there's something weird about that chick in my mind.

 

[Interpol]

Originally posted by dearsappho
You shouldnt have asked her for a date - you should have told her. Take the lead...


Damn man! Have you read the Bible?! *repeats phrase infinitely*

Do you really think that if had simply rephrased his statement as "We're going on a date this weekend" then she would've been all cool with it? It doesn't matter what he said, she didn't wanna do it.

 

[quest]

Originally posted by Interpol
Do you really think that if had simply rephrased his statement as "We're going on a date this weekend" then she would've been all cool with it? It doesn't matter what he said, she didn't wanna do it.

how true.
i think its the guys who are constantly saying "read the bible" who are the keyboard jockeys.

lets go on a date. vs want to go on a date?
are so similar that it just doesnt matter.
saying "where do you want to go?" is a problem. because the girl will not take the lead in that situation.

dude u ****ed up by saying saying anything about a date, what happened to growing some balls, taking her to her bedroom, and banging that hoe?

 

[golf299]

i had to sort of ask her out because the problem was this: i had talked to her before about another girl i was interested in. she even periodically asks me about any progress that i've made with the other girl.

she actually asked me that day about the other girl. when i asked her out i said this: "there are no updates on girl X, sorry. but i have a good reason for it... i want to take you on a date."

i mean i can't believe that if she was interested before i made that statement that after the statement she would do a complete 180 and not want to even look at me. if she was interested, it wouldn't have mattered and she would have been happy to accept a date...

where am i wrong?

 

[Surfboard]

what the he11 went wrong? more importantly: how does a girl call up a guy and invite him to her place and cook him dinner if she feels nothing for him?

She must've just seen you as a harmless friend. It's the only thing that makes any sense.

Did you kiss her after that first dinner?

Good job on asking her out on a date. That's the best way to find out if she wants to get romantically involved with you or not.

 

[golf299]

no i didn't kiss her after the first dinner.

what bugs me so much is that everything that i know told me that she was interested... my gut should not lie to me like that, i made sure i wasn't acting with just my head/heart.

frankly i was shocked at how stunned she appeared after i asked her out...

should i bring up going out together again or just let it go unless she mentions it?

 

[golf299]

anyone??

 

[blue17]

why would you mention it again when she clearly rejected the idea? Any attempts you make now will just make you come across as desperate. Just play it cool....the ball is in her court now.

 

[tsi1234]

yeah

play it cool.. best case--ignore her for months, until she starts looking for you again, *****es gotta know what they're losin when they dont appreciate your company

if u see her in school or anythin, dont be mean or anything, just give her minimal attention.. she will start being like 'wat the hell'?? and even better, talk to other girls/ppl about interestin topics in front of her

stop giving her ANY attention of sorts, and eventually she'll come back to you for more

 

[golf299]

UPDATE

well, i was wrong. she does want to go out on a date, as she brought it up again.

are her actions reminicent of a shy girl?

she's not normally shy, but maybe on this subject she coils up a bit... i don't know.

 

[Strctlypltnc]

O.K. look I've been reading some of the posts from you younger guys and I'm assuming maybe your trying too hard ? I'm also getting the vibe that some of you are trying way too hard to act disinterested?
So lemme share one of my own personal rules with you all.
When a woman invites you over. Never, ever, ever.... show up empty handed. I know some of you guys are in school and money is an issue but you have to come up with something. I'm not sayin drop a whole bill on a bottle of Dom. here. But if this woman is cooking you a meal you gotta make her feel like you appreciate her taking the time.
Give her a call before you leave for her place ask if there's anything she needs. Find out whats in the oven and stop at the store and pick up an appropriate bottle of wine. 7, 8 bucks.
Even a 3 dollar carnation ( Avoid Roses, roses are for real G/F's)