FR: Girl making dinner. A "special one"

[amoka]

I went salsa dancing on Monday and met this girl who I found interesting. Well, she is new at salsa ( mind you, I have not dance salsa in over 26 months) so I was a bit rusty myself. Anyway, she is a nursing student at one of the universities in my area. She happens to have a professor who is from the country I am from. She told me how the professor's wife tough her how to make food from my country and that she know how to make them. Then she offered to make me some food. Definitely.

So on tuesday, I texted her to make the food on thursday, forgetting that there will be another salsa class that we both will be attending on thursday. She responded and said "sure, she will make the food and bring it to the class on thursday", I was hoping to eat at her place but oh well.

Anyway, she will be bringing the food to the dance class today. Any suggestions how to end up at her place to enjoy the meal or bring her to my place? Or I can just take the food home, eat it and ask her to come get the plates. Just want to see how you all will handle this situation.

 

[amoka]

No worries. HB bailed out on cooking. She texted me saying she was at the hospital all day today because she had to take her brother to the hospital. She will be coming to the dance though so I can reschedule for it to be at her place.

 

[Jean Valjean]

if it happens again brought wine but left it at your place and say you also need wine glasses so lets go eat at your place

 

[Mr. Me]

>> She texted me saying she was at the hospital all day today because she had to take her brother to the hospital. She will be coming to the dance though >>

You're not at all wondering how if her brother's condition/treatment required her being at the hospital **all day long**, that she can be motivated to go out dancing later the same night?

 

[ChumpNoMore]

>> She texted me saying she was at the hospital all day today because she had to take her brother to the hospital. She will be coming to the dance though >>

You're not at all wondering how if her brother's condition/treatment required her being at the hospital **all day long**, that she can be motivated to go out dancing later the same night?

Good catch Mr. Me. I often wonder if i should vet my field reports here. While I think i catch on to the small details and inconsistencies, an objective eye is always value added. with chicks today, there is often some "crisis" of the day that they always claim to pre-empt/excuse their flaking. I'm learning to simply next.

I'd be intersted in Amoka's take.

 

[Vlad the Impaler]

Good catch Mr. Me. I often wonder if i should vet my field reports here. While I think i catch on to the small details and inconsistencies, an objective eye is always value added. with chicks today, there is often some "crisis" of the day that they always claim to pre-empt/excuse their flaking. I'm learning to simply next.

I'd be intersted in Amoka's take.

One time a couple years ago, I posted about a situation with a girl and Mr. Me warned me not to go through with my plans.

I didn't listen, and it turned out to be the worse night of my life and I almost got killed.

Mr. Me should be promoted to forum psychic.

 

[amoka]

Yeah, it worries me also but the problem is I was not so thrilled of her bringing the dish to the class in the first place anyway. The reason why I want to give her the benefit of the doubt at the time is that she was the one that offered to cook for me so I have no reason at this to doubt that she no longer want to do it. I will try to reschedule and if the flakes again, I vaporize her number, lol.

 

[Vlad the Impaler]

Yeah, it worries me also but the problem is I was not so thrilled of her bringing the dish to the class in the first place anyway. The reason why I want to give her the benefit of the doubt at the time is that she was the one that offered to cook for me so I have no reason at this to doubt that she no longer want to do it. I will try to reschedule and if the flakes again, I vaporize her number, lol.

Call her up and talk to her. Tell her to bring the food to your place. What is up with the texting?

 

[Mr. Me]

>> the problem is I was not so thrilled of her bringing the dish to the class in the first place anyway.>>

The thing is, that's what she offered, and she offered to bring it to class, she didn't offer to have you come over for dinner. You have to think on why that's so. If she was interested in you, she'd likely have used that opportunity to invite you offer for dinner. She didn't.

Now, you wish to give her the benefit of a doubt, as you put it, because she had offered to cook, though she's now not followed through on it and gave you a dubious excuse as to why it didn't happen. I think the problem here is that your desire to give her the benefit of a doubt is more about your desire to nail her, then it is in realistically evaluating her actions.

Now, I could be wrong, but if I am, she'll cook that dinner for you without you having to ask. So, did she at least come up to you in class and offer, of her own volition and not because you asked, to make that dinner up for you? Or is it now officially a cold case? Or is she still coming up with stalls or excuses?

Hey Vlad, it was an easy call to see how New Year's Psycho-Chick was likely going to work out. When you've been around girl after girl for 50 something years, you start getting the hang of how they act.

 

[Mr. Me]

>> there is often some "crisis" of the day that they always claim to pre-empt/excuse their flaking. I'm learning to simply next.>>

Exactly. Guys give the benefit of a doubt when the excuse sounds plausible and they rationalize it when it's not plausible. I take the position that if the girl's interested, she says, "yes" without hesitation and shows up as planned. If something truly interferes with her keeping a date or fulfilling what she said she'd do, I take the position that SHE will worry about losing MY interest and will in no uncertain terms make up for it, speedily. Women are human too, and when they want a guy, they don't want to f@ck it up just as much as a guy wouldn't want to inadvertently f@ck things up with a girl he wants, plain and simple.

So when women flake, they will make excuses up rather then be blunt, more often then not. This way they let the guy down "gently". They also don't have to deal with a guy who'll try to argue with them over it, if they were to tell him the truth. Or worse, end up with a stalker guy. So they make up excuses.

The quality of their excuses goes from nonsensical to plausible, and it works because guys will either cling on to their hope that things will work out, refuse to accept that the chick isn't interested in them, and rationalize the girl's excuses. Since guys react that way, the girl gets off the hook and her behavior is reinforced. So she does it again and again because it worked so well last time on the last guy.

Like I had a chick who was supposed to meet me once, and emails me one hour before we're supposed to meet, to tell me that she FORGOT that her cat was at the vet's for an operation and had to be picked up. You got that? Her PET was having an OPERATION - and she claims to have FORGOTTEN that little fact. When you think about it, you realize that's pretty absurd... and then thinking further you have to wonder, "WHY does she think that poor excuse works?" The probable answer is, "because it has worked before".

So, you, like me, have learned to simply say "Next" instead of hanging in there and being idiots going after disinterested girls who would treat us like chumps feeding us bullshyte.

Not only is life simpler now, it's amazingly clear, isn't it?

 

[jophil28]

Yes, thats what they do. Making an excuse is the "soft" way for them to retreat from keeping a date which they do not want to go on.

Why do they eagerly want to go out with you when you first meet and then flake ?
Many reasons. The simple explanation, and most common is that their IL is not high enough, or has tanked since you got her digits. However it may not be that simple.

Most women are 'catastrophisers' (is that a legit word?) the day after you meet them. By that I mean that a lot of them will allow their mind to wander onto thoughts that you are "too smooth", or you may be a 'playa' or you are on the witness protection program or you are 'probably married' or you are probably a drug dealer or ...blah blah.
If they also have a girlfriend whio is currently single you have an extra layer of shyte to burrow through. G/fr may not like the idea that your girl has met a new guy.That leaves her all alone.
Then there are her sisters and her mother chirping away in the background.

We men usually do not even mention to our buds that we met a new woman last night, BUT a woman will call every female friend and family member and discuss and dissect your initial meeting with with her in minute detail.

You have a big advantage in meeting girls at dance class Vs meeting in clubs and bars.. YOu know that she will probably be at class - same time, same place next week.You can build rapport easily with someone like that.
I have been in the dance scene for a lot of years and it is the best place to meet women.

Good luck with this chica, but I kind of agree with Mr ME that her excuse sounds contrived and false. Maybe not. Just remember that "the greatest truth is in their behavior".

 

[Mr. Me]

Happens in business too when you're dealing with women. Earlier today had a business appointment with a prospect cancel. She claimed her mother was on the way to the hospital and needed her. Sound familiar?

I ask you to consider: How is it that these emergencies coincidentally occur at the same time your plans are supposed to happen? What are the odds of that? How many times has your mom been taken to the hospital in your lifetime? If you're like most people, the answer is commonly: rarely, if any. And when it does happen, how many of those times was it when it affected plans with a potential date? Nil to none. Yet it happens SO OFTEN with women and plans, no?

These are universal excuses.

 

[ChumpNoMore]

Solid again Mr. Me. :thumbup:

Now, realizing that an excuse, no matter how much weight, urgency or importance they try to embellish upon it, is still an excuse to not be with you, I have been nexting and going radio silent.

Often, I will get a call or text as to why I didn't (initiate) a re-scheduling of a date: in some cases they even hint that I am not reacting as expected; "like a normal guy"... LOL

I think you are on to something that previous flaky excuses have be rationalized away by dudes, and thus the behaviour, and often outrageous or statistically improbable excuses for bailing have become reinforced, rewarded and fully internalized by some (most) chicks.

 

[amoka]

Sweet! This chick flaked. She never showed up at the dance class. I called her the following day, she did not pickup. Texted her three days later, no respond. Two days later, her number got vaporized.

 

[Mr. Me]

>> Often, I will get a call or text as to why I didn't (initiate) a re-scheduling of a date: in some cases they even hint that I am not reacting as expected; "like a normal guy"... LOL >>

That's interesting, isn't it, that they come around trying to sniff out why you're different. It's not unusual that by not acting like all the other guys (what they call the "normal guys") you'll attract their attention. If Fred and Harry and Charlie are all reperatedly calling a chick who's been stalling them, amusing herself with their continued attention, she starts to think about ChumpNoMore and wonders why he isn't calling like all the others. It's called "being a challenge". And yeah, they will mention it to you. I don't know know why, but they do. It's almost like they've discovered something and have to verbalize it.

But I'll tell you, if they call asking why you haven't called for another date, flip it on them.

YOU: "Why? Do you want a date?"

If she says yes, you say "Okay. When do you have in mind?" This way you're putting the gun to her head, know what I mean? If she stammers and stalls at that point ("Ummmm, maybe next week...), then you have your answer. If she spits out a specific time and day ("I'm good Wednesday night, around 8?") - and keeps the date, you have your answer. If you ask her ""Why? Do you want a date?" and she stammers and stalls ("I'm just asking"), you have your answer.

Anyhow, amoka... you see how to read the outcome before it happens now?

 

[Jitterbug]

These are universal excuses.

My personal favourite is "My grandmother died".

 

[amoka]

Sure, the thing was that I was not really into this chick until she offered to make a dish from my country. Even then, I was not into her so it is all good she flaked.

 

[Mr. Me]

>> I was not into her so it is all good she flaked.>>

I didn't get that impression from your posts:

"I called her the following day, she did not pickup. Texted her three days later, no respond. Two days later..."

But it's good thing you're not that into the outcome, bro, for contacting her three times in a week not that I care. As long as you're OK, that's all I care about.

>> My personal favourite is "My grandmother died". >>

Hee, hee. You know, this whole board could be boiled down to a few sticky notes on how women operate and then we would never need to post again.

Here's a few more:

"My [name a friend or relative] is coming in fromm [name a foreign place] and I have to pick them up at the airport."
"I have to [name any other activity]"
"I don't know what my schedule is like."
"I'm going to my parents that day"
"I DO want to see you, just give me a call FIRST"
"I'm studying for a [name any kind] test then"
"I just started a new job"

 

[acw]

LOL...Looks like your game is about as Rusty as your Salsa....

Bro...this is an easy one to Read.

How old did you say you were?

Sure, the thing was that I was not really into this chick until she offered to make a dish from my country. Even then, I was not into her so it is all good she flaked.

 

[amoka]

Lol... here is a good one. I received a text message today "Just got ur message! I hadn't had my phone until now." I suspected this must be her but I wanted a confirmation so I asked " who are you?". Yup, it was her. Did not even bothered responding back to her.