(FR) From cold approach to a date that went strange

[crowolf]

Okay, so I approached this cute Ukrainian girl about 2 weeks ago. She was running around a park. I saw her first near the city center, then about an hour later in another location. I thought this was an interesting coincidence, and she looked good, so I had to meet her.

Soon we were on the sidewalks next to a bus stop and a traffic light. Had a quick chat, I was direct with my intentions, it was the first time someone cold approached her. She seemed interested but told me she was going on something like a date with a guy. But she didn't seem quite sure about his intent (I assume he probably was too friendly). So I got her Facebook, and went about my day.

Maybe the next day or so I texted her something playful about her running half the city to meet me. We exchanged messages for a while. Response time was slow - like 1 day in-between each message, except when I teased her successfully, and she responded fast.

But I knew my main objective was to get her out of the chat, so soon enough I directly asked her out. She had something health-wise going on, so the first time she had an excuse. I playfully challenged her about this, and she responded with laughter.

After this I planted the seeds for another type of meeting while challenging her if she is good at playing pool. She said that in the past she was a good player. It was around Wednesday and I gave her an opportunity to meet on Sunday. She seemed interested but said that she is going to see how her plans are going to work out. I told her to give me a decision before Saturday noon, so I can know how to arrange my stuff as well.

There is still about a whole day response time in-between the texts. She says okay (on Friday). Saturday she texts me that she is not sure if she is going to make it. I challenge her about it by saying something like: "girl, it's not even for today, you have had too much tequila. but whatever". She instantly responds positively with a laughter. Then tells me she would know tomorrow if she can make it, depending on when she is coming back in town.

At this point I am telling to myself: "either this girl is playing games with me, or she is just somewhat chaotic (you know, the feminine type of chaotic)", nonetheless I should play my cards right. So I sent a meme + playful/challenging message which also implied that If she prolongs so much I will be gone soon.

To which she replies that she rarely sees her parents, so it's important for her. Now, here I decided to turn the "game" off for a second, and just replied: "I understand, this is important, see your parents". She reacted with a heart to this message. The next day (Sunday) she texts me that we can meet during the week. I reply her on Monday: "tomorrow, X o'clock, place". Later the night she says "Okay".

-

Now finally. After this slippery texting phase, we met today.

The date went strange. In the beginning she offered me a handshake. I joked about if this is some kind of a "business meeting". But on the other side, it's somewhat normal, as we have only met for 10 minutes prior to that, and as you are going to find out soon, she is more of a shy and conservative girl (or at least that's what I got to see).

We went to grab a fresh juice. Then we walked to other places. Visited some archeologic thing and an ancient church (wow, why tf do I bring a girl to the church on the first date, hahaha; I teased her though that she is a sinner for entering in with short jeans and naked legs). Then we sit on a bench in the park. We talked on many subjects but she was somewhat dreamy and reserved. I detected some IOIs but at one point I realized that our talk is mostly platonic, and this is probably leading nowhere. My kino was weak af. I only got to tap her on the shoulder a couple of times, and once or twice on the knee. Perhaps If I hadn't broken my NoFap streak, I would have been more led by instinct and desire, and more courageous to touch and escalate. It was about an hour in, and I saw her looking at her watch a couple of times. I felt that it was time to move elsewhere or end the date.

So I told her "let's go somewhere else". Then it turns out we live in the same district, so we started walking towards my place. Or rather I started walking forward, and she just followed me. One thing I liked about this whole date is that she complied and let me lead her with no resistance. Only around the first 15 minutes she tried choosing where we go after grabbing the drink, but I had a somewhat spontaneous idea for another place, and we moved there.

Now on our walk home, I felt that she was more hooked. The night was coming, it was getting darker. We were walking and were more at ease with each other's presence. You could say there was some connection from all that comfort and rapport. At one point we were silent for a minute during the walk. I don't know if this built some sexual tension or it was more toward awkward but I reinitiated the conversation. Further down the road we talked about more adventurous things. I accidentally told somewhat of a DLV story. Then she said something about having worked at a beach hotel. I told her that this might have been "sexy" - as I wanted to imply some intent and break that platonic dynamic. Luckily, this shifted the whole conversation and vibe toward something better. She wasn't repulsed by it. In fact, at the nearby traffic light we even had some covert sexual innuendos. I teased her about being "an obedient girl".

At this point we are 2 minutes away from my place. She didn't know that. She was just following my lead. Crossing the roads, and then coming near the end point, I ask her if she likes red wine. She says "yes". Then we arrive in front of my place, and I tell her "I enjoy your company, we can have a glass". Then I calibrated based on her incoming reaction: "but just that, don't expect else". She says "no" with some shy/nervous body language and expression. But she stays there, locked in, hooked. I had a confident posture, my hands were behind my back, and I looked her in the eyes for a while. Had a slight smile (perhaps a little uncomfortable from the situation, but not so much). I told her "okay, I respect your boundaries". Then I tease her (or rather point out) about the fact that she is young (only about 2 years younger than me but acts a lot younger) and shy. She got a little defensive about being called shy, and qualified herself that she is "wild", even If her actions were nowhere near yet. (I am not sure about the chronological order of this last thing here but anyway, It was said somewhere here)

Soon I proceeded to give her a hug for goodbye but she puts her hand for a handshake. I touched her shoulder with 2-3 fingers, like giving a little massage there with the same hand that I used to reach out and hug her (left one, as I have heard right one is for friendship). She tells me something among the lines of "not on a first date . . . maybe on a second" (I believe that was said in regards to the hug). Between her two sentences I said something with a noticeable tone of disappointment (maybe being reactive wasn't cool but whatever) - "when - on the 10th date". Then I said "You disappoint me" - not even as a neg or IOD, this was the truth. She says "sorry" but then quickly corrects herself: "actually I am not obliged to be liked" or something along those lines. I think I said "right" or something giving her some comfort about her insecurity. Then I asked if she is going to figure out her way home from there, and she responded positively. I said "all right", gave her a high five, and told her good night.

-

I don't know if I really fkd things up at the end with my attempt to close the deal (or rather just invite her home). She is definitely not a hoe, and I didn't spot any red flags yet but I am not sure If/how this can continue. Maybe I will wait her to contact me or give me a sign that she wants to meet again. At least now she knows that I have some intent, and am not just a friendly guy with no balls.

One thing is for sure - I gotta improve my kino game. . . And I really do feel weird for experiencing these teenager type of dating issues at my mid 20s, but let's say life had other plans for me earlier.

I know I have a lot to learn but that's why I am here, after all. If anyone had read this novel, feel free to share advice or opinion.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like you did a lot of things right and ultimately she just wasn't into you.

Not much you can do when that happens.

 

[The Duke]

This is what happens when you try to attract low interest girls. Sure it can be done, but In the end you are left confused and end up over analyzing everything. I learned a long time ago to only go after girls that leave little doubt they are interested from the start.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Keep it up. I am glad you were able to get her out from the phone screen to the real world. You have done more than the rest of some women haters in here.

What was the ratio of how much she spoke and you spoke on the date? Try aiming for the 70/30 ratio, and to do this try answering here sentences with monosyllabic words; it is a trick psychologist use to get their patients talking.

Anyways, can’t do much but wait until she reaches out.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Keep it up. I am glad you were able to get her out from the phone screen to the real world. You have done more than the rest of some women haters in here.

What was the ratio of how much she spoke and you spoke on the date? Try aiming for the 70/30 ratio, and to do this try answering here sentences with monosyllabic words; it is a trick psychologist use to get their patients talking.

Anyways, can’t do much but wait until she reaches out.

She is not going to reach out...classic case of the girl not being interested.

Probably didn't have anything better to do and thought she would at least be entertained and on the off chance she felt something it would surprise her.

OP did a lot of good things, but not much you can do when it's already a "No" before the date started.

 

[Don Jax]

Okay, so I approached this cute Ukrainian girl about 2 weeks ago. She was running around a park. I saw her first near the city center, then about an hour later in another location. I thought this was an interesting coincidence, and she looked good, so I had to meet her.

Soon we were on the sidewalks next to a bus stop and a traffic light. Had a quick chat, I was direct with my intentions, it was the first time someone cold approached her. She seemed interested but told me she was going on something like a date with a guy. But she didn't seem quite sure about his intent (I assume he probably was too friendly). So I got her Facebook, and went about my day.

Maybe the next day or so I texted her something playful about her running half the city to meet me. We exchanged messages for a while. Response time was slow - like 1 day in-between each message, except when I teased her successfully, and she responded fast.

But I knew my main objective was to get her out of the chat, so soon enough I directly asked her out. She had something health-wise going on, so the first time she had an excuse. I playfully challenged her about this, and she responded with laughter.

After this I planted the seeds for another type of meeting while challenging her if she is good at playing pool. She said that in the past she was a good player. It was around Wednesday and I gave her an opportunity to meet on Sunday. She seemed interested but said that she is going to see how her plans are going to work out. I told her to give me a decision before Saturday noon, so I can know how to arrange my stuff as well.

There is still about a whole day response time in-between the texts. She says okay (on Friday). Saturday she texts me that she is not sure if she is going to make it. I challenge her about it by saying something like: "girl, it's not even for today, you have had too much tequila. but whatever". She instantly responds positively with a laughter. Then tells me she would know tomorrow if she can make it, depending on when she is coming back in town.

At this point I am telling to myself: "either this girl is playing games with me, or she is just somewhat chaotic (you know, the feminine type of chaotic)", nonetheless I should play my cards right. So I sent a meme + playful/challenging message which also implied that If she prolongs so much I will be gone soon.

To which she replies that she rarely sees her parents, so it's important for her. Now, here I decided to turn the "game" off for a second, and just replied: "I understand, this is important, see your parents". She reacted with a heart to this message. The next day (Sunday) she texts me that we can meet during the week. I reply her on Monday: "tomorrow, X o'clock, place". Later the night she says "Okay".

-

Now finally. After this slippery texting phase, we met today.

The date went strange. In the beginning she offered me a handshake. I joked about if this is some kind of a "business meeting". But on the other side, it's somewhat normal, as we have only met for 10 minutes prior to that, and as you are going to find out soon, she is more of a shy and conservative girl (or at least that's what I got to see).

We went to grab a fresh juice. Then we walked to other places. Visited some archeologic thing and an ancient church (wow, why tf do I bring a girl to the church on the first date, hahaha; I teased her though that she is a sinner for entering in with short jeans and naked legs). Then we sit on a bench in the park. We talked on many subjects but she was somewhat dreamy and reserved. I detected some IOIs but at one point I realized that our talk is mostly platonic, and this is probably leading nowhere. My kino was weak af. I only got to tap her on the shoulder a couple of times, and once or twice on the knee. Perhaps If I hadn't broken my NoFap streak, I would have been more led by instinct and desire, and more courageous to touch and escalate. It was about an hour in, and I saw her looking at her watch a couple of times. I felt that it was time to move elsewhere or end the date.

So I told her "let's go somewhere else". Then it turns out we live in the same district, so we started walking towards my place. Or rather I started walking forward, and she just followed me. One thing I liked about this whole date is that she complied and let me lead her with no resistance. Only around the first 15 minutes she tried choosing where we go after grabbing the drink, but I had a somewhat spontaneous idea for another place, and we moved there.

Now on our walk home, I felt that she was more hooked. The night was coming, it was getting darker. We were walking and were more at ease with each other's presence. You could say there was some connection from all that comfort and rapport. At one point we were silent for a minute during the walk. I don't know if this built some sexual tension or it was more toward awkward but I reinitiated the conversation. Further down the road we talked about more adventurous things. I accidentally told somewhat of a DLV story. Then she said something about having worked at a beach hotel. I told her that this might have been "sexy" - as I wanted to imply some intent and break that platonic dynamic. Luckily, this shifted the whole conversation and vibe toward something better. She wasn't repulsed by it. In fact, at the nearby traffic light we even had some covert sexual innuendos. I teased her about being "an obedient girl".

At this point we are 2 minutes away from my place. She didn't know that. She was just following my lead. Crossing the roads, and then coming near the end point, I ask her if she likes red wine. She says "yes". Then we arrive in front of my place, and I tell her "I enjoy your company, we can have a glass". Then I calibrated based on her incoming reaction: "but just that, don't expect else". She says "no" with some shy/nervous body language and expression. But she stays there, locked in, hooked. I had a confident posture, my hands were behind my back, and I looked her in the eyes for a while. Had a slight smile (perhaps a little uncomfortable from the situation, but not so much). I told her "okay, I respect your boundaries". Then I tease her (or rather point out) about the fact that she is young (only about 2 years younger than me but acts a lot younger) and shy. She got a little defensive about being called shy, and qualified herself that she is "wild", even If her actions were nowhere near yet. (I am not sure about the chronological order of this last thing here but anyway, It was said somewhere here)

Soon I proceeded to give her a hug for goodbye but she puts her hand for a handshake. I touched her shoulder with 2-3 fingers, like giving a little massage there with the same hand that I used to reach out and hug her (left one, as I have heard right one is for friendship). She tells me something among the lines of "not on a first date . . . maybe on a second" (I believe that was said in regards to the hug). Between her two sentences I said something with a noticeable tone of disappointment (maybe being reactive wasn't cool but whatever) - "when - on the 10th date". Then I said "You disappoint me" - not even as a neg or IOD, this was the truth. She says "sorry" but then quickly corrects herself: "actually I am not obliged to be liked" or something along those lines. I think I said "right" or something giving her some comfort about her insecurity. Then I asked if she is going to figure out her way home from there, and she responded positively. I said "all right", gave her a high five, and told her good night.

-

I don't know if I really fkd things up at the end with my attempt to close the deal (or rather just invite her home). She is definitely not a hoe, and I didn't spot any red flags yet but I am not sure If/how this can continue. Maybe I will wait her to contact me or give me a sign that she wants to meet again. At least now she knows that I have some intent, and am not just a friendly guy with no balls.

One thing is for sure - I gotta improve my kino game. . . And I really do feel weird for experiencing these teenager type of dating issues at my mid 20s, but let's say life had other plans for me earlier.

I know I have a lot to learn but that's why I am here, after all. If anyone had read this novel, feel free to share advice or opinion.

Good move, OP.

I don't think she would accept to walk around with you if she was not interested.

Wait and see what happens. In the worst-case scenario, you did a cold approach.

Cheers.

 

[BaronOfHair]

One thing is for sure - I gotta improve my kino game. . .

It'll be a far more intelligent decision to leave all the PUA/Manosphere jargon* back in The 10s, where it belongs, in favor keeping your thoughts and life more generally as lucid as possible. Any chick that hesitates to accept your invitation as much as this broad did/concocts multiple excuses for not doing so, ain't a worthy investment

They're similar to women who, when a man vets them, by playing the following clip

0:00-0:53

Then asks: "What are your thoughts on his words? Not asking how you FEEL about about Gekko as a human being... Do you more or less concur with what he says there?", start rambling about Late Stage Capitalisism, how The System needs to be overhauled, Toxic Masculinity, etc etc. Instead of simply replying: "It's true", "I more or less agree", or some variation there of



*Example: Say outright "I want to touch a woman in sensual, arousing ways", rather than invoking empty buzz phrases like "I need to improve my kino game". Peppering one's speech with gibberish like that makes a man sound less like a vigorous, engaging lover, and far more akin to the sort of corporate drone who's long been an easy target for skewering

 

[The Duke]

Keep it up. I am glad you were able to get her out from the phone screen to the real world. You have done more than the rest of some women haters in here.

What was the ratio of how much she spoke and you spoke on the date? Try aiming for the 70/30 ratio, and to do this try answering here sentences with monosyllabic words; it is a trick psychologist use to get their patients talking.

Anyways, can’t do much but wait until she reaches out.

Guys, This above is what someone that has little experience and/or doesn't understand, or thinks persistence gets girls. Has nothing to do about being a woman hater either. You can use all the mental tricks in the world, I've done it. The end result is always wasted time. Mental games work best on girls with low interest and crazy brains.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Guys, This above is what someone that has little experience and/or doesn't understand, or thinks persistence gets girls. Has nothing to do about being a woman hater either. You can use all the mental tricks in the world, I've done it. The end result is always wasted time. Mental games work best on girls with low interest and crazy brains.

Instead of women haters I was going to write Incels who just sit at home and complain about how women behave but I digress.

It doesn't take a lot of brain power to know the difference between a high and low interest woman and that you should action their interest levels with high or low effort respectably. There is also the aspect that women look for commitment while men look for sex.

A high interested woman would text/call you all the time "looking" for you, write paragraphs to your one-word replies, be devoted to you, and constantly try to qualify herself in exchange for your commitment.

A low interested woman is much more challenging and frustrating, and they are best to be engaged hoping for the best but knowing the success rate is extremely low. The best way to proceed with them is to become an attractor, engaging their heads until their romantic interest level raises and they begin to give buying signals. These seductions take a long time because there may be a boyfriend, husbands, or careers in the background. You must likely do it with all the married ladies you wrote on your other post by not becoming an aggressor. It might never happen well.

I also agree that, once you experience a high interest woman and see how night and day it is, you’ll never waste time on low interest women ever again. However, the opportunity cost of just sending a 1-minute text is extremely low.

Either way, I congratulated OP for taking the girl out instead of becoming a pen pal. He plaid the odds, and not knowing his parameters of how many women he has in the pipeline, at least he had the balls to talk to someone and put himself out there. I empowered him to keep trying until he finds a HI girl out there and try not to discourage him.