FR: Dinner date gone wrong

[Latinoman]

Being an "as$hole" get me laid more than being a "nice guy accepting" what I find unacceptable.

 

[Mr. Me]

Latinoman, you're saying that losing your composure over a woman's eating habits gets you laid more?

Or do you mean that you need to act like an immature jerk in order to get sex?

Or do you mean that you seek to have sex with women who do things that annoy you?

Of course not. Hope not. You probably mean that showing masculine qualities gets you laid more.

And you're confusing being a real assh@le with having masculine qualities.

When I say "assh@le", I'm talking about guys who show their temper and lose their composure and react on their angry emotions, usually over small matters. They're like loose wires.

Me, I find that being cool headed, fun to be with and very independent gets me laid often enough AND whenever a woman does something that ticks me off (by crossing a boundary of mine) I FEEL GREAT that I DON'T get into any heavy conversation OTHER THAN "Don't do that" AND I walk away if I wish - in any event, they're on probation.

I don't have to raise my blood pressure over every little perceived flaw that someone else has. Even my guy friends have flaws, man, and I accept them for who they are.

If I treat my friends in this principled manner, well then, I certainly can treat a LOVER with the same courtesy. Most people DON'T.

You pick your battles wisely. Have priorities. When it crosses boundaries or presents danger, then you go into battle. If you don't like that she didn't finish her meal because she came out to see you after eating dinner, if you don't like that she made like she also voted for your floor color... then, man, it's gonna be a LONG ROAD where many things in life are gonna make you upset if that's all it takes to do it.

The macho thing, you know, getting heated under the collar and acting like an assh@le, that repels women after a while (unless they have low self-esteem and take the abuse). They see a man who goes ape sh1t because they left half their meal on the plate and eventually, they'll want out, no matter how much they enjoy the sex.

"more than being a "nice guy accepting" what I find unacceptable"... that's not really what this is about. Not getting pissed off OUTWARDLY about a woman not eating her dinner doesn't mean you're a wuss. It could mean you know how to control yourself.

There is NO perfect woman, right? AND we're not control freaks, right? So, if a woman is doing little stuff that pisses you off, then maybe you're either with the wrong woman in the first place - or - you let little things get to you.

FWIW, when I'm called an assh@le by a woman, it's always (well, usually always...) accompanied with a playful smack on the arm, because when I act ****y, it's NOT about having a temper.

Me, the way I'd handle this, if it started to bother me, would be to pull a 180. That's the only way to get the other person to hopefully alter their behavior.

 

[Latinoman]

Latinoman, you're saying that losing your composure over a woman's eating habits gets you laid more?

Or do you mean that you need to act like an immature jerk in order to get sex?

Or do you mean that you seek to have sex with women who do things that annoy you?

Of course not. Hope not. You probably mean that showing masculine qualities gets you laid more.

And you're confusing being a real assh@le with having masculine qualities.

When I say "assh@le", I'm talking about guys who show their temper and lose their composure and react on their angry emotions, usually over small matters. They're like loose wires.

Me, I find that being cool headed, fun to be with and very independent gets me laid often enough AND whenever a woman does something that ticks me off (by crossing a boundary of mine) I FEEL GREAT that I DON'T get into any heavy conversation OTHER THAN "Don't do that" AND I walk away if I wish - in any event, they're on probation.

I don't have to raise my blood pressure over every little perceived flaw that someone else has. Even my guy friends have flaws, man, and I accept them for who they are.

If I treat my friends in this principled manner, well then, I certainly can treat a LOVER with the same courtesy. Most people DON'T.

You pick your battles wisely. Have priorities. When it crosses boundaries or presents danger, then you go into battle. If you don't like that she didn't finish her meal because she came out to see you after eating dinner, if you don't like that she made like she also voted for your floor color... then, man, it's gonna be a LONG ROAD where many things in life are gonna make you upset if that's all it takes to do it.

The macho thing, you know, getting heated under the collar and acting like an assh@le, that repels women after a while (unless they have low self-esteem and take the abuse). They see a man who goes ape sh1t because they left half their meal on the plate and eventually, they'll want out, no matter how much they enjoy the sex.

"more than being a "nice guy accepting" what I find unacceptable"... that's not really what this is about. Not getting pissed off OUTWARDLY about a woman not eating her dinner doesn't mean you're a wuss. It could mean you know how to control yourself.

There is NO perfect woman, right? AND we're not control freaks, right? So, if a woman is doing little stuff that pisses you off, then maybe you're either with the wrong woman in the first place - or - you let little things get to you.

FWIW, when I'm called an assh@le by a woman, it's always (well, usually always...) accompanied with a playful smack on the arm, because when I act ****y, it's NOT about having a temper.

Me, the way I'd handle this, if it started to bother me, would be to pull a 180. That's the only way to get the other person to hopefully alter their behavior.

Here is the situation. I ask the woman I am sleeping with if she wants to go to get something to eat with me in a restaurant. That I will pay. She agrees. And then orders a FULL meal...and as we sit there ready to enjoy our meal...she only eat two bites and put the plate away. I will do exactly what the OP did. Especially when I have noticed this is not an isolated situation.

I will tell the waitress to bag both dinners "to go". My face expression will show that I'm disappointed too. I don't take women to Burger King. I have travelled all over the world and gone to restaurants that what this woman did is literally an insult to the Chef and the establishment. She should have at the very minimum come with some lame excuse and ask the waitress to "bag" the dinner to go.

Most restaurants I frequent...the owners either know me by first name or already know what I order. It actually impresses my dates.

Here is the thing...I will never expect a woman to eat if she is not hungry. But if she is not hungry...she can order a damn soup or appetizer or just a drink. Ordering a full meal for the purpose of throwing it away is disrespectful. Unless she is sick.

You are right...maybe this is a cultural thing. As the Caucasian American culture is becoming a puzzified one. But I will never allow a date to embarrass me. And if I am dissapointed...I will show it. If she does not like it...she can pick another man. I personally don't care.

Going back to the OP situation. What make the situation bad is that she had the balls to call him "azzhole". If she would have not call him like that...he could have talked to her and tell her that he didn't like wasting food and if she was not hungry, they could have gone to a cafe or order an appetizer. But she called him "azzhole" too. LOL.

 

[##17]

That's not true. She can eat as much or as little as she wants. But ordering a big meal and only eating two or three bites (while throwing the rest away) is a waste of food. She could have order an appetizer or even a dessert. But ordering a full meal and wasting 80-90% of it?

I agree. The disrespect was not in the not being hungry, it is in ordering an entire dinnerr, knowing she wasn't going to eat it.

How have you been, my friend? Nice to see you around, man!

 

[NewMan]

I'm talking about guys who show their temper and lose their composure and react on their angry emotions, usually over small matters. They're like loose wires.

None of these things happened, and by the way, i wasn't an A hole. all i said was, let's get some box's to go. maybe it showed in my voice that I wasn't happy - but when she said 'stop being an A hole' - well, that was unacceptable on top of it, and I called her out on it.

The macho thing, you know, getting heated under the collar and acting like an assh@le, that repels women after a while (unless they have low self-esteem and take the abuse). They see a man who goes ape sh1t because they left half their meal on the plate and eventually, they'll want out, no matter how much they enjoy the sex.

This really is not about being macho - This is really about respect isn';t it? Would you go out to dinner with someone, order a full meal - take literally 3 bites and say your full - oh and that you'd already eaten?

I don't think so, and I'm not about to let her carry on like that, just because of a pvssy.

Nope, a pvssy doesn't give them a free pass on being disrespectfull.

Bu we can agree to disagree.

 

[jafyk]

Wow! Let me give this a shot...

Maybe she was hoping you'd sit down and or comment on what she cooked.... like sweetheart, the food looks good the hell with going out for dinner I'd rather eat what you have made etc...,

The dinner she made this might have changed her behavior if you'd of showed interest in what she cooked maybe she's trying to tell you something by her actions...

How many times have you actually sat down and enjoyed a dinner she has made for you?

Have you ever showed appreciation for her cooking?

Just a hunch and I don't have all the info but suggesting going out all the time and shes the type of lady that likes to cook is a slap in her face that you don't like her cooking your avoiding it is how she is reading it.

She could be still a bit immature in expression her feelings in words and exhorts to the behaviors she showed while out..

There is a saying that goes... the way to a mans heart is through his stomach...she might be this type of girl..

A woman who puts the affort in cooking something should be afforded the kindnesss and consideration of her labors but if her cooking is bad a man should astutely inform her (if he cares about her) and make suggestions accordantly..

Also did you say grace before each meal?...Just kidding but not a bad idea though.


LoneSilver

Dating this chick for a couple of months.

background: this girl has always has issues around food. e.g. She invites me over, because she wants to cook dinner for me. I get there, and she's made dinner but doesn't eat anything, because she's not hungry.

Lonesilver this type of comment you made above is one of the things I don't like about people on this site. They want to bash others or just show the writer of the thread how wrong they are. It seems to me that people are just eager to write responses so fast without taking the time to properly read the info they wish to respond to. First of all Newman gave the impression that the previous times she had invited him to over to eat food that she cooked. He showed up and ate the food but she had none. Seccondly, if she was being honest she wouldn't have come out to that dinner knowing she wasn't going to eat even though he was spending his money on that food. Thirdly, what was so wrong in him asking for boxes for the food to be put in since she wasn't gonna eat it there, he could've made a fuss about it but she provoked him by asking him not to be an Ahole even though he merely asked for take away boxes for the food. fourthly, he called her on bad behavior (her calling him an Ahole) and yet there you sit blaming Newman for calling her out. If he did nothing then you'd say he was an AFC and let the woman walk all over him. Your response to the initial thread doesn't seem to have anything to do with what actually transpired at the dinner.

 

[jophil28]

This really is not about being macho - This is really about respect isn';t it? Would you go out to dinner with someone, order a full meal - take literally 3 bites and say your full - oh and that you'd already eaten?

I don't think so, and I'm not about to let her carry on like that, just because of a pvssy.

Nope, a pvssy doesn't give them a free pass on being disrespectfull.

.

Indeed this is about respect and consideration . It is unacceptable to order a large meal (on his dollar especially) and eat just a morsel. In many cultures it would be regarded as a slap in the face to the host . IF a man is paying for a woman's dinner, or cooks for her HE is the host.

Her behavior is crap. It is analogous to him giftshopping for a pair of hipsters for her after she told him that she likes tight jeans . Then she wears them once and lets the gather dust in her closet because she already had ten other pairs..

 

[Nighthawk]

Stop paying for her food.

 

[RedPill]

This is the type of behavior one could expect from a 13 year-old girl, not a mature, adult woman.

Regardless of Newman's tone of voice or whether he may or may not have escalated the situation, it's this chick's inability to recognize the childishness of her behavior here which should put her viability as a plate into question.

A good formula for drama minimization is to avoid women who haven't yet matured into adults with grown-up social skills.

 

[iqqi]

I agree with what Mr. Me wrote out, however in this situation, the girl was offensive. She should have compromised and took the food to go, even if she wasn't going to eat it. Also, if she wasn't going to eat she should have ordered a smaller portion. Or said "Im not really that hungry", or something.

However, her not eating COULD = nerves. Keep that in mind.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I'm serious, maybe 3 bites of food, and she says she's full. I'm pretty pi##ed at this. I don't show any emotion, and just say, "let's get a couple of boxes". She tells me to "stop being an a55hole". After she say's that, I pretty tell her 'Do not call me an Ahole. I'm not going to dinner with you, in order for you to hurl insults at me".

All I can see is you getting mad over small stuff. Hell, I ordered a bunch of food I didn't eat yesterday and no one got mad. My girlfriend and I took it home and ate it last night. I'm kind of glad you weren't there, you might have yelled at me.

You are clearly frustrated with the manner in which women communicate differently than men. You might as well be angry at the sky for being blue. It's not your woman's fault for acting like a woman. You will be a lot happier when you can just accept the female condition instead of fighting it.

 

[hithard]

I personally don't care if somebody does not want to eat or order a big meal. But it upsets me when I take somebody to a restaurant...they order...and they have a bite or two and are happy to throw the food away...just because.

To me its the perfect woman.I can eat her meal as well without feeling guilty

 

[NewMan]

All I can see is you getting mad over small stuff. Hell, I ordered a bunch of food I didn't eat yesterday and no one got mad. My girlfriend and I took it home and ate it last night. I'm kind of glad you weren't there, you might have yelled at me.

LOL - ok that was funny.

But seriously, there was no yelling, and I know how to control myself.

Stop paying for her food.

If I invite someone out, I pay. But the result is, stop taking her to dinner.

You are clearly frustrated with the manner in which women communicate differently than men. You might as well be angry at the sky for being blue. It's not your woman's fault for acting like a woman. You will be a lot happier when you can just accept the female condition instead of fighting it.

Nope, I'm just not a pvssy about these things. As Redpil said:

This is the type of behavior one could expect from a 13 year-old girl, not a mature, adult woman.

it's a complete lack of social skills.

I ordered a bunch of food I didn't eat yesterday and no one got mad

But I'm sure you ate - did you not?

I often times have dinner with so-cowrkers - and we 'couple up'. I wouldn't expect my date to order food, eat 3 bites then take it to go. That's a complete lack of class. Going out to dinner isn't a que singal for someone to plan their future meals. Sure, if we order an appitizer, entre and desert and we take some to go, then good - but ordering a full meal and not even attempting to eat it BS..

 

[mrRuckus]

Did anyone even ask her why she ordered food and didn't want to eat it?

 

[MaddXMan]

Something very similar happened to me just Friday nite. My gf had a couple chicken breasts in her fridge, and I told her I was coming over after work to cook them. I stopped by a grocery store and bought some pasta salad. Then to her place, I cooked up the chicken and dug in. She barely touched her plate. She said baby I'm sorry but I wasn't really that hungry (turned out she got some Churches on her way home & didn't tell me, and she knew I was gonna cook.

I said why didn't you say you weren't hungry, I would have gone thru a drive thru and not cooked this...

She said "because you hardly ever cook and it was cute!"

Me: "So me wasting my time is 'cute'?"

Her: "baby c'mon, blah blah"

But I got over it quick, I was irritated, sure, but I was also hungry as hell and ate everything she didn't finish on her own plate lol.

But in my case this was not any kind of planned date, more like hanging out at my ltr gf's house, so I couldn't get too offended. Just an example strange female communication.