FR: Dinner date gone wrong

[NewMan]

Dating this chick for a couple of months.

background: this girl has always has issues around food. e.g. She invites me over, because she wants to cook dinner for me. I get there, and she's made dinner but doesn't eat anything, because she's not hungry. Other stuff has happened at resteraunts - she eats something then is 'full'

so tonight.

I get home from work late and speak to her. She's making herslef dinner. I tell her I have not eaten anything and does she want to get something. She says no, then calls me back and tells me OK.

We get to dinner, have a drink and order. usual chit chat, then the food arrives. I'm serious, maybe 3 bites of food, and she says she's full. I'm pretty pi##ed at this. I don't show any emotion, and just say, "let's get a couple of boxes". She tells me to "stop being an a55hole". After she say's that, I pretty tell her 'Do not call me an Ahole. I'm not going to dinner with you, in order for you to hurl insults at me".

Long story short - I was pi##ed - she told me that she had already eaten, and that she would have taken the food home. Also that She thought I was being a jerk. Well, I told her how I felt, and that was that. I drove home, she walked.

What a waste of my time and energy.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Obviously, you are upset, and I don't mean to pick on you when you are in a foul mood, but why does it matter that she doesn't eat? Why does that make you mad? I know what she did does not make sense, but women do all kinds of things that don't make sense. If every silly thing that a girl does makes you mad, then you are going to be mad a lot. As long as I get what I want, I do my best to ignore everything that does not affect me.

 

[NewMan]

Obviously, you are upset, and I don't mean to pick on you when you are in a foul mood, but why does it matter that she doesn't eat? Why does that make you mad? I know what she did does not make sense, but women do all kinds of things that don't make sense. If every silly thing that a girl does makes you mad, then you are going to be mad a lot. As long as I get what I want, I do my best to ignore everything that does not affect me.

your right.

I'm not mad - just amazed at how clueless some women are....

how easy it is for them to flip the script and blame the guy....

I just can't (and don't need to) put up with the BS.....

 

[betterthandead]

She sounds like a waste of time, don't even do anything more with her.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Newman,
This is typical attention seeking behaviour I have seen it often,amazing thing is these same girls having made such a fuss about being abstemious will go home and finish off a bag of cookies....So proud you have some fire in your belly,long time since I made a rude,disrespectful women walk,but I well remember that intensely satisfying feeling as I drove home

 

[Alexander the Great]

Ooh, passive-aggressiveness I sense here.

You said she was making dinner for herself when you suggested to go out. Then when you went out, she hardly ate because she said was full. Perhaps she had been, or was, eating that self-made dinner of hers already when you called? Maybe she called back to take you on for going out for dinner, because she was afraid to blow you off?

The "three bites and I'm full"-act smells like the latest misguided diet craze.

In any case, from the limited info you give, I feel an issue-ridden person is on your hands (duh... ). Plus a "little" lack of healthy assertiveness. Maybe a fear to lose you as well.

Don't know if this hits the spot (I could be way off, the info is very limited after all and I just love to analyze ), but this smells like a trap you might want to avoid, if you can't or don't feel like resolving it. If at all possible.

Have you talked about the why of these events? If she doesn't want to talk to you about it, you know what time it is. Attention time. Ten-to-one you'll be dealing with a lot of covert resistance, testing and the like in the future.

Tread. Carefully.

 

[MaddXMan]

I know how you feel, that would be annoying. I thought women only pick at their food during the first dinner date or 2, they don't want to come across as hogs, then once they are comfortable around you it's buffet time!!!!

 

[NewMan]

We did discuss it later that night when she called.

She said she hast eaten a bagel earlier on, and was cooking pasta for herself when I called because she was still hungry. She said she knew I had not eaten so therefore agreed to go to dinner - leaving the pasta in the pan. She didn't want to say she has eaten because then she may not have seen me.

I basically told her that she lacks the communication - she could have told me she had eaten, or even suggested we hit some coffee place instead.

I suggested her manners are off - you don't order a big ass meal in order to take it home....... and I don';t care about the money - because it's trvial - but it's just something you don't do - I wouldn't want to take someone on a business dinner and have them do that.....

Bottom line - I could have stayed home and been none the wiser.

long time since I made a rude,disrespectful women walk,but I well remember that intensely satisfying feeling as I drove home

To be honest, I followed in my car a ways behind her. She didn't know, but It was on my watch and all of that.

 

[Latinoman]

Dating this chick for a couple of months.

background: this girl has always has issues around food. e.g. She invites me over, because she wants to cook dinner for me. I get there, and she's made dinner but doesn't eat anything, because she's not hungry. Other stuff has happened at resteraunts - she eats something then is 'full'

so tonight.

I get home from work late and speak to her. She's making herslef dinner. I tell her I have not eaten anything and does she want to get something. She says no, then calls me back and tells me OK.

We get to dinner, have a drink and order. usual chit chat, then the food arrives. I'm serious, maybe 3 bites of food, and she says she's full. I'm pretty pi##ed at this. I don't show any emotion, and just say, "let's get a couple of boxes". She tells me to "stop being an a55hole". After she say's that, I pretty tell her 'Do not call me an Ahole. I'm not going to dinner with you, in order for you to hurl insults at me".

Long story short - I was pi##ed - she told me that she had already eaten, and that she would have taken the food home. Also that She thought I was being a jerk. Well, I told her how I felt, and that was that. I drove home, she walked.

What a waste of my time and energy.

If I was you…I would email her and tell her:

“If you are not hungry…that’s fine. But don’t go on throwing food out and then call me an aszhole. We have children in other parts of the world wishing food was available to them.

http://yanx.org/hunger.jpg

http://gen-e-sis.com/images/hunger.jpg

http://missions.blogsome.com/images/hunger.jpg “

(And instead of sharing the above links…simply save the above jpg and attach them to the email so she is “forced” to see them)

 

[Latinoman]

Obviously, you are upset, and I don't mean to pick on you when you are in a foul mood, but why does it matter that she doesn't eat? Why does that make you mad? I know what she did does not make sense, but women do all kinds of things that don't make sense. If every silly thing that a girl does makes you mad, then you are going to be mad a lot. As long as I get what I want, I do my best to ignore everything that does not affect me.

I personally don't care if somebody does not want to eat or order a big meal. But it upsets me when I take somebody to a restaurant...they order...and they have a bite or two and are happy to throw the food away...just because.

 

[jophil28]

I have learned the hard way that these displays of incongruent behavior are always just the tip of the iceberg.
You may be inclined to shrug this off as merely some 'quirk' that she has witrh food BUT it usually runs deeper that that.
MY guess is that this restaurant food episode is a 'snapshot' . Do you really want to be in this movie ?

 

[LoneSilver]

Wow! Let me give this a shot...

Maybe she was hoping you'd sit down and or comment on what she cooked.... like sweetheart, the food looks good the hell with going out for dinner I'd rather eat what you have made etc...,

The dinner she made this might have changed her behavior if you'd of showed interest in what she cooked maybe she's trying to tell you something by her actions...

How many times have you actually sat down and enjoyed a dinner she has made for you?

Have you ever showed appreciation for her cooking?

Just a hunch and I don't have all the info but suggesting going out all the time and shes the type of lady that likes to cook is a slap in her face that you don't like her cooking your avoiding it is how she is reading it.

She could be still a bit immature in expression her feelings in words and exhorts to the behaviors she showed while out..

There is a saying that goes... the way to a mans heart is through his stomach...she might be this type of girl..

A woman who puts the affort in cooking something should be afforded the kindnesss and consideration of her labors but if her cooking is bad a man should astutely inform her (if he cares about her) and make suggestions accordantly..

Also did you say grace before each meal?...Just kidding but not a bad idea though.


LoneSilver

Dating this chick for a couple of months.

background: this girl has always has issues around food. e.g. She invites me over, because she wants to cook dinner for me. I get there, and she's made dinner but doesn't eat anything, because she's not hungry.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Newman, you didn't really answer my questions. It appears that I am the oddball, and most guys here see not eating much as a sign of disrespect. So I guess I pose this question again to everyone here - why does it matter? If you two still fvck when you get home, why would you care how much she eats? But getting mad and fighting guarantees no sex.

I don't know your girl, but a lot of women are quirky about eating. Maybe it comes from society telling them they are fat all the time. Unless a girl is anorexic and about to die, missing a meal and losing a pound or two is not going to hurt anything. I pay no attention to what goes in a girl's mouth...at least until we leave the restaurant

 

[Mr.Positive]

It appears that I am the oddball, and most guys here see not eating much as a sign of disrespect. So I guess I pose this question again to everyone here - why does it matter? If you two still fvck when you get home, why would you care how much she eats? But getting mad and fighting guarantees no sex.

I agree. It sounds like to me, that she already had dinner plans (making dinner herself), you called, said you were starving so she changed her plans to join you.

I think this showed high interest personally. She didn't care about the dinner, she wanted to spend time with you. She wasn't hungry, knew you were, and showed flexibility. You lead, she followed. Perfect, until you jumped on her about not eating. She probably didn't want to offend you by not ordering something.

If you are paying for dinner all the time, and she doesn't eat hers, I could see that as getting old really quick. The solution to that is stop being a chump and paying for dinner all the time. She's probably using you for the food. Take her to a coffee shop. You lead, remember that.

But, based upon what you posted...it sounds like she just wanted to spend time with you.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Don't lecture women. It's completely pointless.

You may think that you played it cool when you suggested to get a couple of boxes, but it's pretty obvious she detected your anger.

Then, when she offered something of an apology over the phone, you insulted her by telling her she had bad communication skills and bad manners.

It doesn't matter whether or not you "won" the argument. You associate yourself with bad feelings and weaken the bond between the both of you when you argue over petty s#it like this.

She went to dinner with you to BE WITH YOU!! Why are you PUNISHING her for this?!?!?

If you want to keep this girl, stop trying to pick fights with her.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She didn't care about the dinner, she wanted to spend time with you.

She went to dinner with you to BE WITH YOU!! Why are you PUNISHING her for this?!?!?


Exactly, I agree with both of you guys.

 

[NewMan]

She didn't care about the dinner, she wanted to spend time with you.

She went to dinner with you to BE WITH YOU!! Why are you PUNISHING her for this?!?!?

I think a little more background is in order.

There is a history of her telling me what she thinks I want to hear, as opposed to what she rally believes/means/wants.

e.g. I installed wood flooring in my house. Asked her opinion on color etc. She agreed with my choice. After it was all said and done, a couple weeks later she told me she would have not picked that color. I asked her, why did she agree with me then, and she said because she though I liked that one the best.

My point is, she could have told me she had eaten and offered and alternative - coffee, drinks etc. or told me she's eaten but she'd come with me. I just think it's inappropriate behaviour - especially ordering a whole meal and then leaving 80% of it.

why does it matter? If you two still fvck when you get home, why would you care how much she eats? But getting mad and fighting guarantees no sex.

It's not all about fvcking and getting my d1ck wet. If I am going to continue to invest my time and energy with a woman, then I want to ensure we are on the same page - 10 yrs. ago I would have agreed, but I'm in a different stage of my life now.

You associate yourself with bad feelings and weaken the bond between the both of you when you argue over petty s#it like this.

She went to dinner with you to BE WITH YOU!! Why are you PUNISHING her for this?!?!?

If you want to keep this girl, stop trying to pick fights with her.

i'm not going to hold my tongue just to 'keep the peace'. If she doesn't like it, that's her problem - I'm not going to put up with Sh1t....

 

[Latinoman]

It appears that I am the oddball, and most guys here see not eating much as a sign of disrespect.

That's not true. She can eat as much or as little as she wants. But ordering a big meal and only eating two or three bites (while throwing the rest away) is a waste of food. She could have order an appetizer or even a dessert. But ordering a full meal and wasting 80-90% of it?

 

[wjh]

I'll take her. I have a higher threshold for this supposed "bs" - I'm so glad I have thicker skin than the OP.

 

[Mr. Me]

There is a history of her telling me what she thinks I want to hear, as opposed to what she rally believes/means/wants....

I asked her, why did she agree with me then, and she said because she though I liked that one the best.

Welcome to "How Women Think 101". She was supporting your decision about the floor color.

This is like when a woman asks you, "Should I wear the red dress or that brown dress?" And you KNOW she likes the red dress. So why is she asking you if she already knows what she'd prefer to wear? Not for your choice, but for you to validate and support her choice.

i'm not going to hold my tongue just to 'keep the peace'. If she doesn't like it, that's her problem - I'm not going to put up with Sh1t

To you, it's sh1t because you deem it so. You could change your perception about it or do something different in that situation and all of a sudden, in a blink, voila!: there will be no more sh1t.

But that she saw how it got to you enough that she could call you an "assh@le" about it, and that you do seem steamed under the collar about this - enough to post about it some - I'd say that the problem is more about you than about her.

It may technically be a waste of food and money, but on the other hand, whether she eats the entire meal or not, that's her choice. Do you want some one to come over and tell YOU that YOU must finish your meal? Then give her the same courtesy to do what she wishes to do. We're not our lovers' parent.

And the meal is paid for either way. it costs you the same whether she eats every bite or not.

Learning how to "hold your tongue" requires self-discipline and self-control.
Being as assh@le doesn't require any effort along those lines at all.
So you have to be stronger.

It's also about picking the right battles (mainly really big deals). And like the brother above said, lecturing women doesn't go anywhere fast.

If this is the worst thing about her, I'd consider you a lucky dude. She likes you. She cooks you dinner. She agrees to go out with you at the last moment to eat when she's already cooked dinner for herself and it's sitting all ready to gobble up right in front of her. And she didn't show up with curlers in her hair and unkempt, right?

All you have to do is work on your composure and in the meantime, stop insisting on taking her out to an impromptu dinner when she's already cooking for herself.