9.08 AM. I'm still quite drunk, and i've just come home, after a train and a taxi, nailed a bowl of oats, and read the sports. Heres my report, while its as fresh as it'll be, but beleive me, the details are sketchy.
We enter the local club, myself and two friends. Its VERY early, 9.15PM-9.30PM. I'm dressed in an Elwood navy polo shirt, with thickish horizontal grey stripes which have thinner purple and white stripes on either side. Light Grey LEE jeans and an old pair of diesel shoes. -looking pimp.
As its early, sarging is strictly off limits for a while. Upon entry to the club, i'd had 1 Bottle Smirnoff Black, and 6 Bottles of Steinlager (a fine beer from New Zealand). I was feeling the affects of those to say the least.
We go straight to the bar where i know the bar tender, social proof i aquired, no, my little brothers ex girlfriend who coincidently became a bar tender. Social Proof, i think, is over-rated, comfort is the most important thing in club Pick Ups.
We take our beers and we sit on a long couch. We're drinking and making jokes, having fun, its early and we're amped for a big night.
Two girls come and sit next to us, not as if to start a conversation, but close enough that we could, as it turned out, i was on the side closest to them.
My Best Mate, and Wingman says to me, "Do you think they'd just sit next to anyone? Make a move." An adaption of a quote from A Night On The Roxbury (Will Ferrell/Chris Kattan - and a great movie to boot) "Do you think she'd pull over anyone? Make a move." as Will Ferrell is pulled over by a Police Woman, the orignal MILF.
As it turns out, I don't make a move. It was VERY early and I'm not a fan of approaching right infront of my mates.
But I do say to my friend, "There's Brutus" while pointing at a BIG, FAT Girl, I don't know her name, but we call her "Brutus" a guy we know used to bang her.
So the girl next who sat next to me, we'll name her "HBshort" says "Oh My God! Did you just call her Grimmace?" (Grimmace being the purple guy from McDonalds.) "No, That would be rude, I called her Brutus." pause. "Thats her name."
"really?"
"no, i don't know her name, but my friend used to 'know' her, and we call her brutus."
"oh i thought you said grimmace"
took that from there to where do you live?/what do you do? type questions, open ended and kept them flowing. Got my first bit of social proof going, Again, I think its vastly over-rated but for you keyboard jockeys who want techniques.
"We're from ....suburb...."
"oh, you don't happen to know these girls, 'Tanya, Bec, Lavinia'" Three good looking girls i know from that suburb.
"Yea I know of them, they were in the year above me at school."
Now, at this stage, I'm talking to HBshort alot more then her friend, and my eventual target, "HBblonde".
I needed to releive myself of a little beer, if you know what I'm saying. So I said, "I'm going to have a dance, I might see you girls later on."
They were nice girls and I felt that they were digging me, but it was early and I actually had 1 girl DEFINENTLY coming to meet me there, and possibly another.
-turns out they both came, and i kissed them both, but thats a different story, and one I won't regail you with.
So the night progressed, and the beers flowed and the time was ticking, what it had ticked to, I have no idea.
But I bumped into these girls a little later on, and HBblonde mentioned in conversation there was a breath testing machine in the entrace to the club "Oh! We have to try it out, come on!"
HBblonde checks with security "Is it ok to go out and use the breath testing machine, we're allowed back in right?"
security: "Yea, thats fine, but you are not allowed to have a drink for 10 minutes before using it, or it won't work properly."
So I sit with HBblonde, killing some time. It was now clear to her, and her friend that she was my target, and her friend was nice, she left us alone for a few minutes. So I told HBblonde about my trip to Paris and how romantic that City is. No, i talked sh*t for 10 minutes because I was drunk, I have no idea what we spoke about. But Kino was applied, arm around her, hand rubbing her shoulder. Kino, I rate.
We went to the breath testing machine, HBblond went first and blew .025ish, She was driving, so that was a pretty big effort. I went next and blew a fairly impressive .179, this is still early in the night, before 12. HBshort blew something, but no one was paying attention to her, DO YOU KNOW WHAT A THIRD WHEEL IS B*TCH! F*CK OFF ALREADY!
So we're doing whatever, for however long. I don't remember the boring unimportant things. But I was as certain as I could be that she wanted to kiss me, and I told her "You want to kiss me don't you?" -not something i'd normally say, but alcohol and circumstance can make you do things you wouldn't normally do.
"Maybe" she smiled.
Pulled her in and planted one on her.
I was kissing her for a little while, but i had other business to attend to. So I grabbed her number and said we'll catch up a bit later on, but if not, "i'll call you"
She asked for my number, thats something I don't often get. So I must have done a very good Pick Up, because she was keener then most girls I kiss.
Now Next thing I remember is somehow knowing that she was next door having a coffee and winding down for the night, I'm assuming she rang me, but i don't remember. So I went next door, had a coffee, and next thing I know i'm going home with her.
Unfortunantly, we didn't screw. I passed out, she had work.
When her alarm went off in the morning I was kissing her neck/ear, and massaging her breats. What a way to wake up before work!
She went and showered, I slept some more.
She dropped me at the station.
I'll keep you posted.
We enter the local club, myself and two friends. Its VERY early, 9.15PM-9.30PM. I'm dressed in an Elwood navy polo shirt, with thickish horizontal grey stripes which have thinner purple and white stripes on either side. Light Grey LEE jeans and an old pair of diesel shoes. -looking pimp.
As its early, sarging is strictly off limits for a while. Upon entry to the club, i'd had 1 Bottle Smirnoff Black, and 6 Bottles of Steinlager (a fine beer from New Zealand). I was feeling the affects of those to say the least.
We go straight to the bar where i know the bar tender, social proof i aquired, no, my little brothers ex girlfriend who coincidently became a bar tender. Social Proof, i think, is over-rated, comfort is the most important thing in club Pick Ups.
We take our beers and we sit on a long couch. We're drinking and making jokes, having fun, its early and we're amped for a big night.
Two girls come and sit next to us, not as if to start a conversation, but close enough that we could, as it turned out, i was on the side closest to them.
My Best Mate, and Wingman says to me, "Do you think they'd just sit next to anyone? Make a move." An adaption of a quote from A Night On The Roxbury (Will Ferrell/Chris Kattan - and a great movie to boot) "Do you think she'd pull over anyone? Make a move." as Will Ferrell is pulled over by a Police Woman, the orignal MILF.
As it turns out, I don't make a move. It was VERY early and I'm not a fan of approaching right infront of my mates.
But I do say to my friend, "There's Brutus" while pointing at a BIG, FAT Girl, I don't know her name, but we call her "Brutus" a guy we know used to bang her.
So the girl next who sat next to me, we'll name her "HBshort" says "Oh My God! Did you just call her Grimmace?" (Grimmace being the purple guy from McDonalds.) "No, That would be rude, I called her Brutus." pause. "Thats her name."
"really?"
"no, i don't know her name, but my friend used to 'know' her, and we call her brutus."
"oh i thought you said grimmace"
took that from there to where do you live?/what do you do? type questions, open ended and kept them flowing. Got my first bit of social proof going, Again, I think its vastly over-rated but for you keyboard jockeys who want techniques.
"We're from ....suburb...."
"oh, you don't happen to know these girls, 'Tanya, Bec, Lavinia'" Three good looking girls i know from that suburb.
"Yea I know of them, they were in the year above me at school."
Now, at this stage, I'm talking to HBshort alot more then her friend, and my eventual target, "HBblonde".
I needed to releive myself of a little beer, if you know what I'm saying. So I said, "I'm going to have a dance, I might see you girls later on."
They were nice girls and I felt that they were digging me, but it was early and I actually had 1 girl DEFINENTLY coming to meet me there, and possibly another.
-turns out they both came, and i kissed them both, but thats a different story, and one I won't regail you with.
So the night progressed, and the beers flowed and the time was ticking, what it had ticked to, I have no idea.
But I bumped into these girls a little later on, and HBblonde mentioned in conversation there was a breath testing machine in the entrace to the club "Oh! We have to try it out, come on!"
HBblonde checks with security "Is it ok to go out and use the breath testing machine, we're allowed back in right?"
security: "Yea, thats fine, but you are not allowed to have a drink for 10 minutes before using it, or it won't work properly."
So I sit with HBblonde, killing some time. It was now clear to her, and her friend that she was my target, and her friend was nice, she left us alone for a few minutes. So I told HBblonde about my trip to Paris and how romantic that City is. No, i talked sh*t for 10 minutes because I was drunk, I have no idea what we spoke about. But Kino was applied, arm around her, hand rubbing her shoulder. Kino, I rate.
We went to the breath testing machine, HBblond went first and blew .025ish, She was driving, so that was a pretty big effort. I went next and blew a fairly impressive .179, this is still early in the night, before 12. HBshort blew something, but no one was paying attention to her, DO YOU KNOW WHAT A THIRD WHEEL IS B*TCH! F*CK OFF ALREADY!
So we're doing whatever, for however long. I don't remember the boring unimportant things. But I was as certain as I could be that she wanted to kiss me, and I told her "You want to kiss me don't you?" -not something i'd normally say, but alcohol and circumstance can make you do things you wouldn't normally do.
"Maybe" she smiled.
Pulled her in and planted one on her.
I was kissing her for a little while, but i had other business to attend to. So I grabbed her number and said we'll catch up a bit later on, but if not, "i'll call you"
She asked for my number, thats something I don't often get. So I must have done a very good Pick Up, because she was keener then most girls I kiss.
Now Next thing I remember is somehow knowing that she was next door having a coffee and winding down for the night, I'm assuming she rang me, but i don't remember. So I went next door, had a coffee, and next thing I know i'm going home with her.
Unfortunantly, we didn't screw. I passed out, she had work.
When her alarm went off in the morning I was kissing her neck/ear, and massaging her breats. What a way to wake up before work!
She went and showered, I slept some more.
She dropped me at the station.
I'll keep you posted.
