Four dates and I've only gotten to second base

[sosuave213]

I would like to thank everyone for their advice so far in helping me with reflecting upon my dating experience with this woman so far.

To be fair I've acted a little weak overpursuing in the beginning and making subtle mistakes, but it's not a lost cause. Her attraction exists for me as I was able to end the date rubbing her nipples over and under her shirt, and massaging her boobs. **** that left me wanting more for sure.

However, four dates and not getting some is indeed a bit farfetched if not ridiculous. I've come up with the following flow for the fifth date.

Thank you for your advice yesterday bro. I've considered it well and come up with the following flow:

-take her to the supermarket
We buy stuff, let her know we are cooking dinner at my place

If she resists and says "no" then let her know, "You're a sweet girl, [her name]... But if you don't feel comfortable enough to be alone where I live by this point I don't really see things progressing the way I would like.

Give me a call if you ever felt like opening up a little bit more.

(If she asks what you mean)
You're a nice girl and a nice person but I'm not really feeling it. I don't feel there's a spark...it's not really progressing and it's been a month but it still feels like I barely know you.

(If she objects with "It takes more time to get to know someone") Absolutely. So let's cook dinner at my place, enjoy each other's company and have a great night... if you are open enough.

(If she still resists or declines) [Nod in disapproval but also with a smile] OK. Let me drop you back off at your place. (If she objects to that) [with a smile and kind-heartedness] OK, bye.

(If she asks "Why do you want me so bad at your place?") I want two things: Enjoy your home cooking and you in my bed.

 

[Gamisch]

I would like to thank everyone for their advice so far in helping me with reflecting upon my dating experience with this woman so far.

To be fair I've acted a little weak overpursuing in the beginning and making subtle mistakes, but it's not a lost cause. Her attraction exists for me as I was able to end the date rubbing her nipples over and under her shirt, and massaging her boobs. **** that left me wanting more for sure.

However, four dates and not getting some is indeed a bit farfetched if not ridiculous. I've come up with the following flow for the fifth date.

Thank you for your advice yesterday bro. I've considered it well and come up with the following flow:

Although 4 dates no sex isn't the best place to be at, as long as there's progress it aint that bad...especially if we PRETEND like you got other women in your life..

-take her to the supermarket
We buy stuff, let her know we are cooking dinner at my place

If she resists and says "no" then let her know, "You're a sweet girl, [her name]... But if you don't feel comfortable enough to be alone where I live by this point I don't really see things progressing the way I would like.

I'd make sure I'd have all the groceries in my house before she shows up. Get her straight to the crib. Make sure you've covered every possible scenario. Make sure you havea clean bed and towels in case she wants to sleep over. Protecting, new extra toothbrush, TOILET PAPER!!!

You wanna eliminate every possible hurdle. I'd ask her what her favorite wine is. Why you ask me this? Because I'am (not WE) gonna cook something nice for you at my crib( ANNOUNCEMENT rather than a question or asking for her permission. LEAD her!!)

Give me a call if you ever felt like opening up a little bit more.

(If she asks what you mean)
You're a nice girl and a nice person but I'm not really feeling it. I don't feel there's a spark...it's not really progressing and it's been a month but it still feels like I barely know you.

(If she objects with "It takes more time to get to know someone") Absolutely. So let's cook dinner at my place, enjoy each other's company and have a great night... if you are open enough.

Feels kinda desperate. And like you are annoyed by her. Don't show her your cards like that yet! You gotta lay out and create a scenario (as uber DORK Corey Wayne used to say) where sex can happen. If she declines and pushes for another scenario that "safer " for her, then you should respond with an active move such as flaking on HER, cancelling the date ect. She'll get the message. But (imo) the last thing you wanna do is BEGG for the possiblity of getting sex.

(If she still resists or declines) [Nod in disapproval but also with a smile] OK. Let me drop you back off at your place. (If she objects to that) [with a smile and kind-heartedness] OK, bye.

(If she asks "Why do you want me so bad at your place?") I want two things: Enjoy your home cooking and you in my bed.

I kinda like this bold and blunt way of bringing it to her. But i do wonder; are you like this already? Are you talking dirty to her already ? How can she NOT be aware of your blue balls and how can she NOT care about your blue balls? Why are you" scared" she'll respond like this? Shouldn't she also be horny AF by now???

If you've been a AFC nice guy four dates in row its kinda odd to suddenly become a ruthless man. Still better than staying in this...almost friendship zone.

I always wonder what do men talk about with their women all the damn time? Your sexual needs should be a priority to the both of you.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I would have a limit of 10 dates but if 5 dates is your boundary, then stick to it. Good luck bro

 

[member160292]

If she has high interest in you and you are enjoying your company, I wouldn’t worry too much on sex after x amounts of dates. I would lead her by the hand to your bedroom on the next date, no awkward lingering trying to find the right moment to do it

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This sounds contrived on your part.

Invite her over to cook dinner with you. Are you scared she is going to say no?

What you are doing is basically trying to trick her into being alone with you.

Fvck that. She already knows if she wants to do that or not.

IMO, this invite should have happened on date 3 and you could have cut down your wasted time.

 

[Learning Curve]

What most dudes answered here is what you need to do.

Its common sense.

Don’t be to surprised why she has not went for sex after 4 dates. This is the new normal with women this days.

What i will suggest is firstly remove your eager to f3uck her as it shows up in the way you talk and behave.

Secondly, no groceries together. Invite her straight to your place. If she declines anything besides you and your place remove the offer and tell her “ok lets do it some other time”

You are done dating this chick. No more money to be spend.

If she comes to your place, walk in the house without shirt.

This shows confidence and indirect sexual escalation. This is some techniques i use.

 

[sosuave213]

If she has high interest in you and you are enjoying your company, I wouldn’t worry too much on sex after x amounts of dates. I would lead her by the hand to your bedroom on the next date, no awkward lingering trying to find the right moment to do it

She keeps rejecting my advances to be alone with her. I've asked her "let's get a room", "let's go back to my place", "I want to be alone with you."

She says "we are so far away from that."

That's so vague I'm gonna set boundaries. I have needs too...

 

[sosuave213]

What most dudes answered here is what you need to do.

Its common sense.

Don’t be to surprised why she has not went for sex after 4 dates. This is the new normal with women this days.

What i will suggest is firstly remove your eager to f3uck her as it shows up in the way you talk and behave.

Secondly, no groceries together. Invite her straight to your place. If she declines anything besides you and your place remove the offer and tell her “ok lets do it some other time”

You are done dating this chick. No more money to be spend.

If she comes to your place, walk in the house without shirt.

This shows confidence and indirect sexual escalation. This is some techniques i use.

This sounds great. I'll give this a shot but she doesn't drive so I'd have to pick her up. She lives 25 minutes from me. She can take an Uber but I'm not gonna make her do that...

 

[sosuave213]

This sounds contrived on your part.

Invite her over to cook dinner with you. Are you scared she is going to say no?

What you are doing is basically trying to trick her into being alone with you.

Fvck that. She already knows if she wants to do that or not.

IMO, this invite should have happened on date 3 and you could have cut down your wasted time.

Thanks man. I'll invite her over next time she reaches out. I understand I wasted time being weak but it stops now.

 

[member160292]

She keeps rejecting my advances to be alone with her. I've asked her "let's get a room", "let's go back to my place", "I want to be alone with you."

She says "we are so far away from that."

That's so vague I'm gonna set boundaries. I have needs too...

Be direct and ask her where she sees dating you going.

"let's get a room", "let's go back to my place", "I want to be alone with you."

Stop doing that - intimacy happens naturally, communicate it subtly. If you want her to come over, just say I just got xyz at my place, let's check it out.

 

[Murk]

I like your template OP, she either wants to cook dinner at your place (in which case sex is likely) or she doesn't (in which case you move on).

There's really nothing more to this, agree with @BackInTheGame78 this could have been arranged for date 2 or 3 rather than 5. She's let you touch up her tits, so probably DTF but you would know her more than I can advise.

Keep us posted on how it goes.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thanks man. I'll invite her over next time she reaches out. I understand I wasted time being weak but it stops now.

Make sure she knows it's you both cooking together not that you are cooking for her. And make sure she brings something...wine or drinks, etc.

Almost 100% of the time they will offer to bring something or ask what do I need them to pick up. If I haven't gone shopping yet, I give them a few ingredients for whatever I am making, if I have I just tell them to bring some wine or dessert.

This makes them invest in it and by extension, you.

 

[sosuave213]

Damn man. Freaking love this forum filling in my knowledge gaps. Thank you all so much.

I think it's going to go smooth. I like how @Chowdah said that intimacy should happen naturally. It's much better that way and I was just being too direct or strong. It's way smoother this way as well and shows I'm not rushing things; I genuinely want to taste her home cooking which she has talked about multiple times (on multiple dates) already!

How could I be so oblivious...

 

[BadBoy89]

She is not a virgin and knows the game.

I don’t see an issue with being direct and to the point. If she was young, OK, but late 20s? No, she has no time to expect to be seduced. You are not a virgin hon.

 

[sosuave213]

It's actually pretty normal for a girl to say "no sex" when you invite her to your room.

That's what they say so they don't feel like such a slut when you make it happen.

 

[member160292]

It's actually pretty normal for a girl to say "no sex" when you invite her to your room.

That's what they say so they don't feel like such a slut when you make it happen.

Just say we're going to cuddle when they mention no sex when you take them to the room and immediately escalate.

One thing just led to another and we had sex! OMG!

 

[inquisitor]

I would like to thank everyone for their advice so far in helping me with reflecting upon my dating experience with this woman so far.

To be fair I've acted a little weak overpursuing in the beginning and making subtle mistakes, but it's not a lost cause. Her attraction exists for me as I was able to end the date rubbing her nipples over and under her shirt, and massaging her boobs. **** that left me wanting more for sure.

However, four dates and not getting some is indeed a bit farfetched if not ridiculous. I've come up with the following flow for the fifth date.

Thank you for your advice yesterday bro. I've considered it well and come up with the following flow:

-take her to the supermarket
We buy stuff, let her know we are cooking dinner at my place

If she resists and says "no" then let her know, "You're a sweet girl, [her name]... But if you don't feel comfortable enough to be alone where I live by this point I don't really see things progressing the way I would like.

Give me a call if you ever felt like opening up a little bit more.

(If she asks what you mean)
You're a nice girl and a nice person but I'm not really feeling it. I don't feel there's a spark...it's not really progressing and it's been a month but it still feels like I barely know you.

(If she objects with "It takes more time to get to know someone") Absolutely. So let's cook dinner at my place, enjoy each other's company and have a great night... if you are open enough.

(If she still resists or declines) [Nod in disapproval but also with a smile] OK. Let me drop you back off at your place. (If she objects to that) [with a smile and kind-heartedness] OK, bye.

(If she asks "Why do you want me so bad at your place?") I want two things: Enjoy your home cooking and you in my bed.

Some girls have weird criteria about sex with a potential LTR - sometimes, a girl would really gatekeep sex with you because of the belief that she wants to go traditional with you, appearing all chaste and pure as possible, with the assumption that you'd love her more if she appeared less promiscuous. She's seeing the long-term; hence, no sex until marriage for you (maybe).