My boyhood was totally not like that and nor was I...that would explain a new things and I became 'sad' at about 8 years old... In any case it's an interesting way to look at it..
-Knew that it was improper to be girlish. You would (and ought to) get beaten up on the playground.
Older people get an error in the brain called PHILOSOPHY that speaks bubble swelled words like 'relativity', 'revolution', freedom' and pop with the scent of rotten eggs of pious moralizations, bumper sticker arguments, and rambling dissertations. You knew, at an early age that YOU CANNOT FREE YOURSELF FROM GENDER.
In my case I knew of the ‘improperness’ when I was young, but it was what I most identified with and I hated my gender and wanted to be a girl.
-Girls were not to be taken seriously. After all, they are girls.
Total opposite – all important figures in my life were female – mother, sister, teachers – female opinion was far more significant.
It is the nice guy that takes the woman seriously in every and all things AND CANNOT SAY NO TO HER!)
True for me at a young age.
-Girls were to be guided, teased, because, after all, they were girls and, as such, tended to mess things up. You pulled their hair, made fun of their clothes...
I hardly teased anyone, especially girls, knowing that it generally elicited a more negative reaction and would upset the positive balance in a friendship.
...not because an internet guy named DeAngelo told you to do so, but because you knew instinctively that it was right and proper for you to do.
-As a boy, you would never leave the plans up to the woman. Oh, that would be awful! As a kid, you had to say WHAT you two were going to do, WHEN, WHERE, and sometimes WHY. You had to be direct.
I used to feel directness and assertiveness were offensive and overbearing when I was young.
-You did not get into serious talks with a girl. You did not turn her into Oprah. You did not try to impress her with how 'intellectual' you are. You probably hit her, cried "Tag!", ran off, and she would chase after you. You would get on the swings. You would push her off the slides. On the see-saw, you would try to fall as fast as possible to catapult her away.
I used to prefer the company of girls due to the fact that I could have meaningful conversations with them, although sometimes I would indulge in the sort of play described above.
Everything you did with a girl was ACTION dates. Nice Guys try to cook the lady dinner. YOU wouldn't even DARE do such a thing when you were young. Now I know why some of my best dates are ones as simple as taking the girl to the park and run around like little kids. Action! Action! Action!
I never dated.
-As a kid you loved to sing. You loved to laugh.
What do you do now? You are so uptight that you wouldn’t catch yourself dead singing outside your home. And what happened to that happy laughter that marked your childhood? Why are you taking everything so seriously now!?
I was always timid, in fact I am more expressive now than then.
-You had toys and loved to play with them. When the girls entered your sphere, you insisted on playing with YOUR toys. You would ride your bike at death defying speeds. You played with cranes and Tonka dump trucks. You LOVED firetrucks.
When you grow up, your Hot Wheels cars turn into super fast sport cars (which you still drive at death defying speeds). Your cranes and dump trucks turn into the big ones and you still love the firetrucks. Compare this to the Nice Guy who does not understand the beauty of construction or get scared at the idea of firetrucks. There is a reason why women LOVE firemen
I liked toys of both genders.
-You embraced your imagination. If you played with a girl, it was to be on your terms. You will not find a boy that says to a girl, "Whatever YOU want to do." I remember flicking caterpillars on girls (and they loved it!). You would point to the girl and go, "You are the detective and I am the cop." And then you pointed to others and go, "Look at these villains! Come, we must round them up!" And the girls joyfully played the part.
What do you do NOW? "Let's go get dinner." BORING.
Normally I would negotiate and it would be a compromise for both of us, I felt that taking charge was unfair for the other person.
-Even at your young age, you were aware of fashion. Your mother was perplexed at why you couldn't wear THAT shirt or put on THOSE shoes. You knew the importance clothes and appearance had.
Nice Guys and chumps try to say nothing for appearance and say, "she will like me for who I am", and, with the same breath, ignore the chicks who do nothing appearance wise (big whale chicks, pimply chicks, and such) while getting shot down at the real women.
I hated being hemmed in by fashion conventions and still do now, especially as there are only like four different types of clothes that men can wear to look good.
-When you were young, your father was a DEMI-GOD. You both feared and loved him. He could be playful when he wanted to. But, always, he was a SOURCE of STRENGTH, always confidant, and always seemed to know the solution to any problem you came across. This feeling of awe you thought of your father is the perfect definition of a MAN.
When you strive to be that same towering figure, which seemed to have solutions to all problems, confidence for all troubles, know how for all messes, stability for all storms, women will react to you in the same way. It is said, "Women want to marry their fathers." But this phrase has been taken completely out of context. Women want to marry THAT guy, that MAN they knew when they were a little girl. You can only understand and become that man through the eyes of the young boy.
My father was hardly ever around due to divorce, but when he was, he was not this type of figure – he was too different for me to relate to, and I never had this type of male figure with which I could relate or wish to be.
Thankyou for this post as it has allowed me to explore some deep roots of my lack of (i.e. no) success - I agree that natural gender roles between children are perfect for development at a young age but are corrupted by media stereotypes, hormones and restriction to societal conventions.
