found out my girlfriend's past and im surprised

[georgetheman]

Im in the my late 20's and my girlfriend of a year and a half is 26. She is pretty much everything Im looking for. Smart, educated, funny, good looking and attentive to diet/fitness so she will probably stay that way, nice and not moody at all. I could find another woman but I do think shes the best Im going to get and shes marriage material.

However I recently found out through her twin brother that she was raped twice as a teen. I was a little shocked because I would never have guessed. Sex life is good. She didnt put out quickly but she didnt make me wait forever. She is affectionate and I wouldnt described her as detached or closed off. Like I said, she is not moody but Ive always seen that as a plus. I dont think she lied about it. Her family grew up in a bad part of a city where gangs were around. Her family moved away from that eventually but they have alot of stories of crazy inner city happenings from living there for awhile. I even got her twin brother to tell me one of the guys names and he is in jail (I found it by Googling it).

I asked her about it and she said she was sorry she never told me but would have eventually if it came up in convo which has never happened... or if we were getting married. She said alot of men judge her when they find out because there are many stereotypes of rape victims and that she isnt like that she has healed. She told me several guys ran for the hills once they found out about her past when she was younger or used it against her for things unrelated to the topic. I kind of feel she felt I am not trustworthy enough though but I dont know if I have been overreacting since there havent been any trust issues in our relationship. She hasnt given me hell about another woman ever and she doesnt care when I hang out with my friends and go out to a bar

Thoughts? I see alot of negativity on this forum. I was on this site alot several years ago when I was single and looking and come back from time to time. The attitude is generally when you find a flaw you bolt and next to the next woman but I do think sometimes past troubles can make a person stronger. She is a compassionate person and Im sure this has something to do with that and there arent any problems in the relationship

 

[Epimanes]

Well.. if she is just your GF really .. being in a relationship is a test for marriage. The fact she told you about it .. is great! I would be glad for the fact that she is healed from the experience. Girls that flaunt their "rape" are usually just expressing it for attention. Girls that have been truely raped whould most likely keep quiet about it. Why bring up old scary, horrible memories right? maybe she just wanted to move on.

Take it for what it is ... she told you the truth when you confronted her. I say ... keep her, thank her .. and be there for her..

 

[SXS]

The attitude is generally when you find a flaw you bolt and next to the next woman but I do think sometimes past troubles can make a person stronger.

I woudln't care about it, and I would have prefered to know from the beggining. This is not her fault and she appears to be a good girl. Even if you next this one, the next won't come perfect either, you know.

 

[Epimanes]

Also .. here is a link to an article on choosing the right one to marry. Maybe you'll find some useful info there to add to your arsenal.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5068a_qa.html

 

[Scars]

I think the only time it would be a huge red flag is if she was pulling the rape victim card upon very first meeting her.

Gauge her on her behavior and everything else she does. If she's crazy I think you would have noticed by now.

-Scars

 

[Pair A Dice]

I have a feeling you're in the clear. Keep on as you will. Be on the lookout for anything that might be different.

And watch yourself when you pull out a knife when cooking together. She might have flashbacks and go nuts.

 

[wait_out]

The key thing is whether she is going to start offloading any past trauma onto you, or considers it her problem to deal with (which does not preclude you supporting her). Selflessness vs. selfishness essentially.

The one thing I'd say is a year and a half is not that long (but I tend to be pretty cagey of women, I have my own biases). I can understand her keeping something like that under her hat, especially if she liked you -- don't take it too personally, some people are simply less trusting and she has good reasons not to be.

Hope it works out for you guys.

 

[LiveFreeX]

GTFO asap.

Im in the my late 20's and my girlfriend of a year and a half is 26. She is pretty much everything Im looking for. Smart, educated, funny, good looking and attentive to diet/fitness so she will probably stay that way, nice and not moody at all. I could find another woman but I do think shes the best Im going to get and shes marriage material.

However I recently found out through her twin brother that she was raped twice as a teen. I was a little shocked because I would never have guessed. Sex life is good. She didnt put out quickly but she didnt make me wait forever. She is affectionate and I wouldnt described her as detached or closed off. Like I said, she is not moody but Ive always seen that as a plus. I dont think she lied about it. Her family grew up in a bad part of a city where gangs were around. Her family moved away from that eventually but they have alot of stories of crazy inner city happenings from living there for awhile. I even got her twin brother to tell me one of the guys names and he is in jail (I found it by Googling it).

I asked her about it and she said she was sorry she never told me but would have eventually if it came up in convo which has never happened... or if we were getting married. She said alot of men judge her when they find out because there are many stereotypes of rape victims and that she isnt like that she has healed. She told me several guys ran for the hills once they found out about her past when she was younger or used it against her for things unrelated to the topic. I kind of feel she felt I am not trustworthy enough though but I dont know if I have been overreacting since there havent been any trust issues in our relationship. She hasnt given me hell about another woman ever and she doesnt care when I hang out with my friends and go out to a bar

Thoughts? I see alot of negativity on this forum. I was on this site alot several years ago when I was single and looking and come back from time to time. The attitude is generally when you find a flaw you bolt and next to the next woman but I do think sometimes past troubles can make a person stronger. She is a compassionate person and Im sure this has something to do with that and there arent any problems in the relationship

'Healed', are you serious? Do military men ever 'heal' from all the bad sh1t they witnessed at war? NO. You never heal from that kind of damage. Second she was raped twice and is from a bad part of town... something doesn't jive there brother. Girls who are from the bad ends are usually streetwise to that kind of stuff. As soon as you hear the word RAPE, you should be bolting... think about it man, the girls 'rape guy' is IN JAIL, what happened to the 'other guy'.. if there was only one guy, why wasn't he in jail after the first rape... too many unanswered questions here.. is this the type of family you want to marry into? Where I live, women don't have sex until they are marriage-age (about 25). Why not pick a woman with NO previous sexual history or baggage??? Oh thats right, because you are taking whatever you can get as indicated. This is not PUA style, you should be the chooser, instead you are settling for the LOSER. Don't scrape the bottom of the barrel just yet, there are tons of countries around the world with good quality women. Think about it from a business standpoint, would this be a person or group of people you would want to run a business with/associate with? If the answer is ever NO, then back away slowly. Those other guys were not stupid, they ran away as fast as their feet could carry them... ask yourself WHY? Bet she has all sorts of personality problems she's not letting you in on. I dated a BPD like this before, watch out! Women with problems have always had some sort of sexual or family trauma in the past, you are setting yourself up for disaster, let some other idiot take care of her.

Never take a woman's word as law...

Smart/Educated/Funny? Is that what young men look for in women nowadays? How about Cooking/Cleaning/Child rearing.. funny and educated won't help you run a family.



Slow motion trainwreck.

 

[georgetheman]

GTFO asap.


'Healed', are you serious? Do military men ever 'heal' from all the bad sh1t they witnessed at war? NO. You never heal from that kind of damage. Second she was raped twice and is from a bad part of town... something doesn't jive there brother. Girls who are from the bad ends are usually streetwise to that kind of stuff. As soon as you hear the word RAPE, you should be bolting... think about it man, the girls 'rape guy' is IN JAIL, what happened to the 'other guy'.. if there was only one guy, why wasn't he in jail after the first rape... too many unanswered questions here.. is this the type of family you want to marry into? Where I live, women don't have sex until they are marriage-age (about 25). Why not pick a woman with NO previous sexual history or baggage??? Oh thats right, because you are taking whatever you can get as indicated. This is not PUA style, you should be the chooser, instead you are settling for the LOSER. Don't scrape the bottom of the barrel just yet, there are tons of countries around the world with good quality women. Think about it from a business standpoint, would this be a person or group of people you would want to run a business with/associate with? If the answer is ever NO, then back away slowly. Those other guys were not stupid, they ran away as fast as their feet could carry them... ask yourself WHY? Bet she has all sorts of personality problems she's not letting you in on. I dated a BPD like this before, watch out! Women with problems have always had some sort of sexual or family trauma in the past, you are setting yourself up for disaster, let some other idiot take care of her.

Never take a woman's word as law...

Smart/Educated/Funny? Is that what young men look for in women nowadays? How about Cooking/Cleaning/Child rearing.. funny and educated won't help you run a family.



Slow motion trainwreck.

This is pointless. Our values are different. I take some things from PUA but I dont think women were put on earth to be slaves to men. Funny makes ME happier thats why I prefer it. I dont like dull women and if I was stuck with one Id be miserable. Educated women can be higher quality- maybe open your mind a bit and stop seeing the world in black and white.

Women who are virgins at 25 usually are not good at sex and are conservative...have fun with a crappy sex life.

Yes some rape victims have issues but Im confused because I havent seen any. I highly doubt after a year and a half, where I have spent alot of time with her and I was friends with her beforehand, she is going to manifest with all of these problems.

Since we are on the subject of personality disorders...perhaps you should google Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Based on what you wrote you seem to have that. Let some idiot women be miserable with you for the rest of her life

 

[Atom Smasher]

Smart/Educated/Funny? Is that what young men look for in women nowadays? How about Cooking/Cleaning/Child rearing.. funny and educated won't help you run a family.

Yeah man, I often think about this. It seems our feminized educational system had caused men to value these MASCULINE traits in women, and Cooking/Cleaning/Childrearing aren't even in the equation. Good post.

 

[georgetheman]

Yeah man, I often think about this. It seems our feminized educational system had caused men to value these MASCULINE traits in women, and Cooking/Cleaning/Childrearing aren't even in the equation. Good post.

Actually she is a great cook and is a clean person. She has traits of a good mother such as being compassionate and caring about others.

Again this is pointless, I dont care if my girlfriend has feminine qualities and a few masculine qualities that dont irk me...close minded men like you led to all sorts of human atrocities so anything you say bounces right off of me. And now I suddenly remember why I grew tired of this site...

 

[( . )( . )]

Smart/Educated/Funny? Is that what young men look for in women nowadays? How about Cooking/Cleaning/Child rearing.. funny and educated won't help you run a family.

This. wtf is it with young men now parroting back what a feminists idea of the perfect woman would be. Gay

close minded men like you led to all sorts of human atrocities so anything you say bounces right off of me.

:crackup: @ this George dude losing it and flying off on an unrelated tangent in every thread. My neighbour has a poodle who's less highly strung.

 

[georgetheman]

This. wtf is it with young men now parroting back what a feminists idea of the perfect woman would be. Gay





:crackup: @ this George dude losing it and flying off on an unrelated tangent in every thread. My neighbour has a poodle who's less highly strung.

Narrow mindedness has lead to all sorts of terrible human maltreatments. If you dont think this or at least see this as being partially true...all your blood flow is going to your **** and not your brain.

This site used to be about improving yourself and getting high quality women. It is not this way anymore. Its a bunch of dumb, low quality men complaining about the low quality women they attain and then talking about how they can become a more selfish and worse human being. No wonder you all cant attain a high quality woman and are so bitter and hostile all the time.

Im sorry you're unevolved and are incapable of having some morals and decency. Men who act like this are LOSERS.

 

[user43770]

georgetheman, I also like women who are attractive, smart and funny. Who would have thought there would be two of us on the same forum?!

You pretty much nailed it about the negativity around here. Don't take it personally.

As for your girl's past, I can tell it's bothering you a bit. I would certainly be concerned if I were you. That doesn't mean I would hit eject immediately. You have to weigh your options.

You're obviously happy with her, and ultimately one's happiness is what matters most. If she doesn't start acting psycho, I see no reason to end something that's going great.

I also wouldn't go rushing to marry her. Take your time and be deliberate.

Good luck, bud. And if it doesn't work out, fvck it.

 

[Boilermaker]

This is pointless. Our values are different. I take some things from PUA but I dont think women were put on earth to be slaves to men. Funny makes ME happier thats why I prefer it. I dont like dull women and if I was stuck with one Id be miserable. Educated women can be higher quality- maybe open your mind a bit and stop seeing the world in black and white.

Women who are virgins at 25 usually are not good at sex and are conservative...have fun with a crappy sex life.

Yes some rape victims have issues but Im confused because I havent seen any. I highly doubt after a year and a half, where I have spent alot of time with her and I was friends with her beforehand, she is going to manifest with all of these problems.

Since we are on the subject of personality disorders...perhaps you should google Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Based on what you wrote you seem to have that. Let some idiot women be miserable with you for the rest of her life

Nobody is going to babysit you because of your hurt feelings. This is a MEN's forum not kindergarden cabaret.

You came here asking for help. If this place is so full of negativity, why the fvck are you coming here to ask advice on such a deeply personal issue?

Your girlfriend is raped and you came here asking random guys before talking to her?

Stop whining and trying to take the moral ground.

Get over it, or GTFO.

 

[Black Widow Void]

georgetheman,

Wish I had more time to respond to your question. At the moment, here’s my take on some of your responses.

There’s this thing called “displaced aggression.” Surely, we’ve witnessed this same tactic applied while growing up … ie; if the bully does not feel good about themselves, they’ll find someone at a disadvantage (either in size or for instance here in the forums when a person is feeling confused or low) .

Suffice to say… if someone isn’t very successful within their non-internet life, or in some way feels inadequate, you’ll typically see (as witnessed here) an aggressive display of behavior (aka "displaced aggression") .
Do not mistake this for an “Alpha” trait.

 

[Colossus]

^^Repped.

Despite the flames George, you are being pretty reactive here. You DID come here asking for anonymous opinions on what is clearly a very personal issue, so dont get too defensive if some poster touches a nerve.

Regarding your issue, that has to be your call. Rape is no joke, but as another poster mentioned it wasn't her fault, and you've had a good relationship thus far. Be wary of putting her in a box based on some preconceived notions of rape victims. Bad sh!t happens to people, and some DO get over it and grow beyond a tragedy.

 

[JulieWatson31]

From what you have said she seems a good girl.

Remember that she was a victim of crime and at no fault.

No is No and rape is rape!

 

[jammer]

if there's nothing wrong in the relationship then just keep dating her till you can't take any more. Why are you even posting this non-problem? And criticizing guys here for taking the time to give you their opinion? like wtf