Ok fellows I am new to the board. I have a kind of unique situation that I have not been able to find addressed elsewhere on the site/boards. Here's the deal. There is a woman that I don't want to rule out completely if the opportunity ever presents itself again. I was in a relationship with her once before, but did a lot of stupid things. Of course, she had her contributions as well. The good thing when we split was that we maintained some kind of contact. However, I got anxious and played the wuss and told her how I still felt. She shot me down, but we still had some contact. Well stupid me played the wuss again several months later and this time not only got shot down, but she claimed she was seeing someone else and that it might be good if I only speak to her when we pass at church. Well, I realize now the needy thing didn't help my cause. I don't email her, call her, or stop by anymore, and have come to the realization it may never be. I also started dating lots of women. However, I still think this woman might would be a good catch if the opportunity ever came for another fling. My question is. I only see her at church (I never see this "other guy" and don't know if he really exists.) and when I pass her or whatever, I obviously don't want to be a wuss, but I don't want to be thought of as a jerk. Should I speak first? Or make her speak? After all, after all the things I did do well, she had the gall to be pretty harsh about the contact thing. I don't plan to be a wuss again, but don't want her to feel afraid to contact me if she has a change of heart. I bring women to church with me sometimes and competition doesn't seem to work. Did I just turn her off completely? You experienced Don Juaners please reply.
Former wuss wants advice.
- Thread starter brertiger
- Start date
NewMan
Master Don Juan
you like giving yourself pain?
This woman has told you straight up what the deal is and you continue to pine for her.
You will never achive what you desire if you continue to fret about this b#tch and wonder how/if you will get her back.
?Why would you do this to yourself?
Ignore her and move on.
This woman has told you straight up what the deal is and you continue to pine for her.
You will never achive what you desire if you continue to fret about this b#tch and wonder how/if you will get her back.
?Why would you do this to yourself?
Ignore her and move on.
WestCoaster
Master Don Juan
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- May 8, 2003
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God, we get 10 of these a week
IF by some bad fate you got back together with her, guess who would hold ALL the power in the relationship? You got it, the person wearing the dress. (You're not wearing a dress are you cause it's not you.)
Rollo's theory on relationships: The one with the lower interest level has all the power.
We get 10 of these "how-do-I-get-back-with-my-ex" or "eventually-she'll-like-me" posts every freaking weak.
What have your uncle Juans told you about nexting, moving on, and walking away?! Are you not reading here ... and are you not reading the DJ Bible?
Develop your own hobbies, interests, and career. Don't worry about women or their actions or inactions towards you. Good luck!
IF by some bad fate you got back together with her, guess who would hold ALL the power in the relationship? You got it, the person wearing the dress. (You're not wearing a dress are you cause it's not you.)
Rollo's theory on relationships: The one with the lower interest level has all the power.
We get 10 of these "how-do-I-get-back-with-my-ex" or "eventually-she'll-like-me" posts every freaking weak.
What have your uncle Juans told you about nexting, moving on, and walking away?! Are you not reading here ... and are you not reading the DJ Bible?
Develop your own hobbies, interests, and career. Don't worry about women or their actions or inactions towards you. Good luck!
Last edited:
The Anti Dr Phil
Don Juan
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Abandon ship, jump in your life boat, and paddle feverishly to a safe haven. The writing is on the wall my friend, so if I were you I'd move on while you still have a shred of pride.
Desdinova
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2004
- Messages
- 11,638
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- 4,716
Short answer: You have one-itis.
Long answer: Why are you wasting your time and emotions on this woman? She has turned you down more than once. Are you going to waste your life hoping that this woman will someday come back to you? You could be more productive by focussing your energy on other things and people.
Don't waste years upon years on hope.
Long answer: Why are you wasting your time and emotions on this woman? She has turned you down more than once. Are you going to waste your life hoping that this woman will someday come back to you? You could be more productive by focussing your energy on other things and people.
Don't waste years upon years on hope.
wheelin&dealin
Master Don Juan
When you start dating other women, you shouldn't really give a sh*t about your ex. Instead of thinking about her, think about these other girls you are going out with. This will distract your mind away from your ex and you will be free from this horrible disease in no time.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
Rather than go into some long, chastising post about the nuts and bolts of your obvious ONEitis, let me ask you this; what do you suppose your idealized (fantasy) relationship with this woman would be? If all your dreams could come true and she actually did "come around" to being attracted to you, how would that look?
The reason I ask this is because most guys afflicted with ONEitis are almost exclusively focused on the 'getting' of the woman (or the 'changing' if in an LTR) rather than the 'having' of the woman. Rarely do they have the foresight to consider that a woman that would LJBF them or put them off in some other way wouldn't make them happy in the long term. Why would any guy be so eager to accept the liabilities and accountabilities from a woman who expressed less than 100% positive interest in him? Why would you think she'd have any more respect for you in a relationship that she didn't when she rebuffed you?
The reason I ask this is because most guys afflicted with ONEitis are almost exclusively focused on the 'getting' of the woman (or the 'changing' if in an LTR) rather than the 'having' of the woman. Rarely do they have the foresight to consider that a woman that would LJBF them or put them off in some other way wouldn't make them happy in the long term. Why would any guy be so eager to accept the liabilities and accountabilities from a woman who expressed less than 100% positive interest in him? Why would you think she'd have any more respect for you in a relationship that she didn't when she rebuffed you?
Well "Mr. Stoner"...
I am going to go on the assumption that you are trying to use humiliation to give me the advice that has all ready been given. Then again, maybe your just an ass. Either way, your lack of grammar skills hints that, although you might be an accomplished DJ, you are playing all the teens that live in your trailer court. I imagine you drive a Honda Escort with a rear spoiler and glass packs, and aspire to be the next Kid Rock or Eminem. Of course, forgive me if my earlier assumption was correct.
I am going to go on the assumption that you are trying to use humiliation to give me the advice that has all ready been given. Then again, maybe your just an ass. Either way, your lack of grammar skills hints that, although you might be an accomplished DJ, you are playing all the teens that live in your trailer court. I imagine you drive a Honda Escort with a rear spoiler and glass packs, and aspire to be the next Kid Rock or Eminem. Of course, forgive me if my earlier assumption was correct.
Kind of unique situation ?
Your words "Kind of unique situation". Unfortunately, not at all unique. Common garden variety would be more accurate. I'm sorry but I always feel a bit disturbed by the concept of using other "dates" to evoke jealousy in a religious setting (you said in a church).
Actually as a general rule, religion and hot sex don't seem to go together (unless you both are members of some weird cult).
Usually Anti Dr Phil would have offered some very sage advice but he has decided to opt for the frivolous. By the way, the fact that you have brought other wenches to church, probably has made her regard you as a womaniser, which means you have blown it with the button downed one.
Your words "Kind of unique situation". Unfortunately, not at all unique. Common garden variety would be more accurate. I'm sorry but I always feel a bit disturbed by the concept of using other "dates" to evoke jealousy in a religious setting (you said in a church).
Actually as a general rule, religion and hot sex don't seem to go together (unless you both are members of some weird cult).
Usually Anti Dr Phil would have offered some very sage advice but he has decided to opt for the frivolous. By the way, the fact that you have brought other wenches to church, probably has made her regard you as a womaniser, which means you have blown it with the button downed one.
wheelin&dealin
Master Don Juan
Honestly, do this.
first of all "Honda escort?????????????"
getting to your post, everyone here has given you advice you should probably read, and yes your situation is as someone else mentioned "garden variety".
Anyways if you really want to try next time you see her cooly say,
"I want to try again, if you want to try again you know how to get a hold of me",
after that walk away, you have done all you can, if she doesn't take you up on it nothing else you can say will change her mind.
getting to your post, everyone here has given you advice you should probably read, and yes your situation is as someone else mentioned "garden variety".
Anyways if you really want to try next time you see her cooly say,
"I want to try again, if you want to try again you know how to get a hold of me",
after that walk away, you have done all you can, if she doesn't take you up on it nothing else you can say will change her mind.