For you VIRGINS! ;)

[Oxide]

Hey guys, if you a virgin you will understand this post a bit better, so read on.


I used to be a firm believer in "True love". I used to say to myself "No kissing till i fall in love". Then one night i french kissed a girl who i just...simply... Liked! After that came the "I will not have sex with a girl i dont love!". For the longest time i was passing up opportunities becuase i felt the girls were not "PERFECT" for me. I passed up a threesome, and a couple of more opportunities just becuase i felt i needed to look for that special girl.


At 19, and not going farther than a kiss, i was wondering "when will this perfect girl come along?" for some strange reason all the guys think this perfect girl, when she finally comes will suddenly falls in love with them! But what if she doesnt feel attracted?! what are you going to do then? Suicide is the dumbest thing in the world.

And so one night, after getting quite drunk i called a girl i knew, who had a nice body and a decent face but i didnt really feel anything for her. I called her up, the alcohol was kicking in, and i left the party with her and took her to my place.

I was laying on the bed, with her on top of me, as the thoughts were racing through my head : "Do i really want to have sex now and give up the perfect girl that might come? What am i waiting for? Is this the right thing?".

The girl looked at me and asked "What is stopping you?"... and at that moment of clearty i asked myself "Really, what is stopping me? Why am i afraid of going farther?" .

I took her shirt of, revelaing her beautiful breasts... and that was the moment i made my decision......


Listen fellas... life is really too short, remember when you were 12 and thinking "wow, 18 is so far away, i will be all grown up!" . Well now i am 19 and thinking "wow, 21 is so old, what in the world happened to the time!?"

I strongly recommend you stop looking for perfection, look for something you are happy with AT THE MOMENT! But know your own value. If a girl raises too many red flags, drop her. I dropped my first and i believe i made the right choice.

Remember, just becuase you have sex it doesnt mean you have to marry her or be her boyfriend!

Experimentation is a great thing, sex is a great thing, find someone you are connectng with, have fun and let that be an ADDITION to your life, instead of blindly believing that finding this perfect girl will fix all your problems.

Virgins tend to believe that this girl will be the light of his life. They build it up so much that when they get rejected it hurts beyond belief.

Please, dont hurt yourself, and enjoy all you can while you can.

Peace- Ox.

 

[SDBmania]

I see your point

However, I still would rather wait for the right girl. I know there is no such think as a perfect woman. I'm waiting till I fall in love, before I have sex. That is completely different then waiting for the "perfect woman." I want it to be special. I'm not saying what you are doing is meaningless, I'm saying that sex for me is something I'd do for emotional reasons.

 

[`Beren]

i also rather wait, cause im a believer of that sex is good, but sex when involving love is better. and if you go around and have sex and then claim to "have loved them all" then you just give love a bad name(im not speaking for you in person, just generally). in love i trust

 

[Oxide]

Heh, the romantic thoughts.. I am saying that when you meet that girl, you are going to be so infatuated and trying way too hard, that she will run for the hills the moment you say "lets have sex".

I do believe sex between two people who like each other is great, but casual sex is definately good also. You can grow on the person you are having sex with, and then your relationship can turn very well.

I never claim that i loved them all, im not giving love anything bad

 

[Island]

Arrgh

Waiting for love/ marriage.

The WORST idea to have befallen men, especially considering 90% of women don't even do that nowadays.

A dying breed. The servants of the enemy have planted a foul seed and now the strength of men is no more.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Re: I see your point

Originally posted by SDBmania
However, I still would rather wait for the right girl. I know there is no such think as a perfect woman. I'm waiting till I fall in love, before I have sex. That is completely different then waiting for the "perfect woman." I want it to be special. I'm not saying what you are doing is meaningless, I'm saying that sex for me is something I'd do for emotional reasons.

The right girl? WTF are you on about, if you are horny and feel attracted to a female, FVCK HER!

 

[squirrels]

Eh, there's nothing wrong with waiting for love to have sex. With all the diseases and crap floating around now, you're actually safer that way.

Just don't b!tch and whine about not being able to get with beautiful women if you're not willing to sex them when they want it, or get surprised when they go somewhere else to get it.

It's actually funny...you see all these born-again Christians who want to wait for marriage to have sex. I've heard stories about friends of mine who were born-again, and they were really just as horny and perverted as anyone, and the fact that it was repressed made it even worse...they looked forward to marriage because they'd finally get to f*ck.

There's nothing right or wrong about sex...it's just a natural body function, a way for two people to interface at the physical level. Decide for yourself whether it's right for you. But decide for YOURSELF...don't let other people/society tell you what's good for you.

 

[Island]

Of course they don't let society or people influence their opinions.

They let their mothers do that, or are convinced by AFC song bombardment, or want to live up to their stupid repressed religions. Seeing all those articles about finding the one on MSN and the likes makes me beyond sick.

I have beheld the charred and broken souls of guys who have held out for the one.

It is all lies I tell you! Lies! The "one" is NOT the Messiah.

You do not wait for the Messiah. The Messiah waits for you!

 

[SDBmania]

Re: Re: I see your point

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
The right girl? WTF are you on about, if you are horny and feel attracted to a female, FVCK HER!

Hey, I didn't mean that was a bad thing nessisarily(immture yes) it's just not my style. It isn't me. If you don't have sex for the emotional reason, thats fine.

Anyway, I just have a different view of sex. I see it more a thing that involves emotional stuff. To "do it" just for physical attaction and not for emotional love, just seems un nessisary to me.

Hey I'm old school.

 

[Oxide]

Ah, but what do u do when your nature says "I FEEL HORNY" and you get hard? Do u not endluge yourself in some pleasure? You do not say "NO, you are not a perfect woman to your fist!" You do what you FEEL you want to do. So why is it so wrong to find a woman, who has exactly same NATURAL urges, and have fun together?

 

[LordBrian]

I have never loved a single girl in my life. Maybe Im just cold, but the only people I love are my family. To me, sex is just sex... not a whole lot more.

Women are like food. You have to taste lots of food before you can decide which is your favorite. What that happens, you can then decide if its "truely" for you.

I plan on getting married and settling down EVENTUALLY... but I like life the way it is.... "true love" can wait.

 

[Julian]

Im waiting for a virgin chick i fear disease more then anything in this world and losing my virginity to a chick and getting herpes or genital warts would suck so bad. I would seriously consider murder. Seriously.

 

[SDBmania]

Originally posted by Oxide
Ah, but what do u do when your nature says "I FEEL HORNY" and you get hard? Do u not endluge yourself in some pleasure? You do not say "NO, you are not a perfect woman to your fist!" You do what you FEEL you want to do. So why is it so wrong to find a woman, who has exactly same NATURAL urges, and have fun together?

That's not quite what I mean. I'm more emotional, so I'm looking for romance and a LTR. I don't need to endluge in physical pleasure. Plus, I don't feel horny all the time. I have control, a calming arua so to speak. Of course, I do have the occational "dream" and that's all I need. I guess it's sort of a zen thing.

I'm not saying what you do is wrong, it's just not who I am. I live my life according to my own morals and ethics, just as you live your life to your own morals and ethics. Niether way is better, it just depends on the person.

 

[Oxide]

i completely agree, but i am wondering what the hell do u do when u feel horny if not having sex/mastrubating?

 

[Hubris]

SDBmania ...

I hate to be brunt. But sex is for adults.

Being able to handle a sexually relationship with care and skill, being able to pleasure those we sleep with, being able to deal with the most intimate of human interaction is an adult thing.

There is nothing 'mature' about virginity.

Now, sex can be handled in an immature way. Which would be not caring about the woman. Or treating them like trash. But casual sex isn't neccessarily immature.

If two people want to get together for a night, or a weekend, or whatever, they have to be very mature emotionally inorder to make that decision.

Virginity is okay, I guess. I wouldn't advocate it to anyone. And I'd say when you think you're ready to join a world with more responsibility you should do that.

But there is *nothing* immature about casual sex.

 

[SDBmania]

Re: SDBmania ...

Originally posted by Hubris
There is nothing 'mature' about virginity.

But there is *nothing* immature about casual sex.

Alright, you got a point. But, what I ment was that thinking that you have to have sex is immature. It's ok to do all the things you mention and you are right. I'm just saying that there is more to life then sex and if you are like me(a mature adult) you don't need it. I just have old school values and though I did imply that I feel better because of that, for that I apologise. I don't think I'm better because of my choises. I like being a virgin and don't believe on giving myself to some one for a ONS. I want to wait for a comited relationship and love first. I don't think that's so wrong nither do I think it is wrong to just have sex with many people just for the pleasure. I just don't think that, for me, I want to treat my body like that. Yes I know it's sound gay and what not, but I don't care. My main point is that virginity is NOT a bad thing, nor is losing it. Just make sure your doing it for the right reasons and NOT because of social preassure from your peers.

I would also like to add that I am quite the responsible person in my own right.

Also, Oxide, I don't need the "release" I let that happen naturally which is enough for health reasons. I have mental ways of controling urges. Sort of like meditation.

One final note, I do not think that "self gradifaction" is bad. It's perfectly normal and health. I however do not require to do such an act. But, again nothing wrong with it.

 

[Oxide]

SDBmania you got some interesting views, i'd like to meet you and see what you are like in RL.

 

[SDBmania]

Originally posted by Oxide
SDBmania you got some interesting views, i'd like to meet you and see what you are like in RL.

Why thank you. I do concider myself to be sort of like the Paladin. Honor is more important to me than anything. Oh, and of course, what is right. I try to do what I believe is right, no matter how unpopular. I like to remain objective and have a limited bias. I want to look at both sides of an issue, not just my own. Though religious, I am not owned by extreem unweilding faith. I am open minded and I hate no one. Some of my values are concidered "old school," but I do believe in what I concider to be good values. Honesty, integrity, and I suppose I could go on. I'm a mixture of the conservitive and liberal views. I am a balanced person, both with talents and personality as well as emotionally. I have feelings and can be very emotional and compassionate. I am an intellectual, I use logic and am a good problem solver. I am also a true romantic, former "hopless romantic," didn't like the hopless label. So, you can see that I use spiritual, emotional, and intellectual decition making meathods. Thus, I am unique, which also makes it difficult for people to understand who I am. That makes me feel alone at times, for no one really knows me. That is also why I have a great longing to share my life and who I am with someone. That is why I want emotional love more then physical(though both would be just fine). I tell you this why? Because, I feel like you all deserve to have an idea why I have my opinions. You have to know that I respect your opinions. I see this world turning more and more liberal and that is fine. But, there still is room for morals and ethics. I know there is alot of questions on this board like, "How can I get women to sleep with me." I feel this to be slightly immature. Some of us, in this world, care too much for the physical pleassures. True, these are nice and are good, but there is more to life then these simple pleasures. I want to show you how deep I really am and that I am a credible person. I know I tend to be condescending at times, but I get tired of the materialistic society that we live in. Ah, there I go again. I search for true meaning to my life and I choose non-physical means to find this truth. Does that make me a better person? No. I can only be better then the person I once was. I should only compete with myself. Why should I be better then other people? It is true that I may have talets that surpass others, but there will always be people with talents that surpass me as well. So, I want to show you that I do not care about being better then others. I want to show you my value and you can take it or leave it, I do not care!

I love being a virgin. I draw power and confidence from it. I do not feel chained due to sexual hunger. I believe that my body should not be givin freely to any woman. This is an old way of thinking, but I believe that I respect myself too much to give my body away so easily. I understand why men have casual sex. It is the need for sex that causes men to stray from their wives and to cheat. Of course, there are always other factors. I know why men can not control their hunger and I do not fault them for that. However, I do not want to be bound my those instincts, those addictions. I am not saying that it is a bad thing for one to give in to temptation. I just don't like to live with out control of my own life. I know that I won't be a virgin for ever. But, I will not let animal instincts rule my life. I am human and I do not concider myself as an animal, even if science says we are.

I know there are those of you who question what I have to say. Who think of me as weak or perhaps you think there is something wrong with me? I know my ways are no longer popular, that I am a rare kind. This is good I think. It has been rare for me to ever follow the pack. We talk about alpha and beta males. I concider to be niether. I do not want to rule the pack nor be a follower. I go my own way, alone. Such is how I learned to survive and how I continue to live. This is why it has been so difficult for me to get a LTR and why I sometimes try to convince myself not to date again(I have dated a little bit). I intend to date again. As we speak, I am working on rebuliding my social life. It is only a matter of time.

I do not see myself as ever being a true DJ, or what many concider one to be. I am a romantic, which is always what I thought a DJ to be. If I am wrong, then so be it.

Well, I have written far too much for one night. I would like to thank those of you who have helped me. I do think the DJ bible is a good referance(though I don't like to lie, even if it is harmless). I read most of it and it does give good ideas, though I wouldn't read it relgiously(heh little pun there). I think that this site is intended to be useful and I think most of us will agree that it is. I just wish that people would mature abit(not saying any of you need to) and stop focusing only on physical pleasures(which are just fine, but better when that mean more then just physical acts).

Anyway, I am finished. Thank you all once again.

 

[sscarpen]

that was quite possibly the gayest thing i have ever heard.

like a paladin. cracks me up. you're in your mid 20's, lay off the dungeons and dragons man.

the other guy mentions that you are interesting in one sentence, and you take half an hour of your personal time to write out every detail of your soul. you are not interesting, you spend too much time on the computer, and you need to stop acting like a princess.

thanks for the laughs toots.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

I do concider myself to be sort of like the Paladin

I'm an elf wizard with a giant staff.