for you hardcore AFC's... change may be gradual!

[realsmoothie]

Yo Realsmoothie,


Long before I found this site, I used to have trouble approaching women. I didn't know what to say to them once I got their attention. I used to take a prop with me wherever I went, like a shopping bag from a particular store at the mall.

I would always stop the women and say something like:
"Excuse me, I was wondering do you know where the "The Gap" is in THIS mall? A friend of mine bought me a gift, but it's wack, and I won't to exchange it. The only thing is---the same friend who gave me the gift actually WORKS at The Gap at the OTHER mall, so that's why I'm exchanging it at THIS one. lol" Then, whenever a girl would be helpful enough to give me the time of day, I would MACK her.

Well that was then and this is now. Since coming to this site, I have been inspired to MAN UP and approach women anytime anywhere.

Now, after approaching probably 60+ women over the past 10 months, I can say in all honesty that I have absolutely NO FEAR of approaching ANY woman. This change in me has been SWIFT, not slow,though.

And I think the reason WHY is because I had made up in my mind last year that I HAD to change. I MUST change. So change I did...

March on!

The reason your change was so quick was because you didn't really have to change. The problem with most AFC's, myself included, is that we can't "mack" in the first place. I can go up and talk to a girl just fine. It's the close that's difficult.

And the only way to make this any easier is gradual, as per my original post. You're not going to go from a guy scared to ask out a girl to a full-on DJ in a few weeks. It might take five years.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Good point, Realsmoothie.


Maybe what I accomplished was not so much a "change" as it was a "graduation". Or maybe it was more like experiencing a growth spurt. I DID used to have fear when I approached the women with my "prop". The props I used were like my security blanket, my training wheels, as it were.

When I threw away the props and started being more aggressive in my sarging, it was still a growth process FOR ME. I realized that I didn't NEED to have a prop to hide behind. I realized that I could fly by the seat of my pants and I would be okay. I realized that I could take off my training wheels and put the pedal to the metal and reach my goal in record time.

This moment WAS somewhat of a change for me because it represented a milestone in my life. This was the day when I realized that my fear of approaching women AND getting their numbers WAS irrational. This was the moment where I faced my fears and watched them flee.

I've had no fear in this area ever since.

So, although it may not have necessarily been a MASSIVE change in my behavior, it WAS a massive change in my thought processes and my general atttitude toward approaching women.

Yes, in the end, I guess what I have accomplished in this area is really better defined as a gain of the inner strength necessary to smash through the barriers of my self-imposed limitations.




Peace...one day.

 

[NorPacWolf]

Hey bro,

Props on this quality thread. I'll post something more detailed when I have time, but right now, I can just say your original post answers some important questions about development, progress and patience that I've had for a long time.

A pickup coach once told me that learning pickup is like going to college, meaning becoming a confident man overall, and with women in particular, is a MINIMUM four year process. I'm beginning to believe him now; but the positive is that you needn't pressure yourself to produce immediate results.

On the other hand, don't bungle around and pass up free rides on the carousel because you *expect* learning pickup to take a long time.

Awesome man!

Wolfie

The reason your change was so quick was because you didn't really have to change. The problem with most AFC's, myself included, is that we can't "mack" in the first place. I can go up and talk to a girl just fine. It's the close that's difficult.

And the only way to make this any easier is gradual, as per my original post. You're not going to go from a guy scared to ask out a girl to a full-on DJ in a few weeks. It might take five years.

 

[realsmoothie]

On the other hand, don't bungle around and pass up free rides on the carousel because you *expect* learning pickup to take a long time.

Wolfie

That's funny, but to be honest, this is currently a big problem for me.

A year or so ago I was going nowhere with women. Then I started getting some succes... very little in terms of cold approaches, mostly taking advantages of friends' friends and the like.

What I've noticed lately is that I've become complacent. If I get ANY success, I wuss out and tell myself "well, that was cool. At least I know I got that far".

It's now imperative to take the next steps. Instead of meeting a new girl, successfully chatting her up, then telling myself "I'll ask her out next time", I should ask her out right that time.

It is coming, I can feel it. It just takes a little drive, and the ability to realize when you're making progress!

 

[NorPacWolf]

Got Frame?

^^^
One thing that needs to be emphasized is to have an ista-date and seduction location set up before you leave the house. This is so critical. I once read an interesting tip on how to write essays: write your conclusion FIRST. The benefit of this is that you know EXACTLY where you are going, and you write with a sense of purpose. The danger otherwise is to ramble.

Same thing with pickup. Have a few insta-dates/isolations in mind whenever you go out. Have a proper seduction location already in mind. Then, if you get ANY signs of attraction, you move the interaction in the direction you want.

Second thing: instead of being "surprised" that a girl is into you, just assume she is. That way, you can close on every hot interaction. If she seems cold, just assume she's shy, and attempt to escalate anyway, until you get a 'no.'

I am convinced a lot of the AFC's problems are rooted in:
1. not assuming attraction and hence being 'surprised' when a girl demonstrates attraction
2. as a result, being dumbfounded about the next step: what to say, what to do.
3. the correct mindset is to assume she digs you and leading her towards the desired end.

Wolfie

 

[realsmoothie]

^^^
One thing that needs to be emphasized is to have an ista-date and seduction location set up before you leave the house. This is so critical. I once read an interesting tip on how to write essays: write your conclusion FIRST. The benefit of this is that you know EXACTLY where you are going, and you write with a sense of purpose. The danger otherwise is to ramble.

Same thing with pickup. Have a few insta-dates/isolations in mind whenever you go out. Have a proper seduction location already in mind. Then, if you get ANY signs of attraction, you move the interaction in the direction you want.

Second thing: instead of being "surprised" that a girl is into you, just assume she is. That way, you can close on every hot interaction. If she seems cold, just assume she's shy, and attempt to escalate anyway, until you get a 'no.'

I am convinced a lot of the AFC's problems are rooted in:
1. not assuming attraction and hence being 'surprised' when a girl demonstrates attraction
2. as a result, being dumbfounded about the next step: what to say, what to do.
3. the correct mindset is to assume she digs you and leading her towards the desired end.

Wolfie

All good stuff, particularly the "assuming she digs you" part... but I think for the guys I'm addressing, cold-approaches are a little out of the question at this part. I'm talking to the poor dudes who start to stiffen up (the bad way!) in the presence of a girl even in a non-sexual situation. Like me, circa a year or so ago...