FOR THE SAKE OF MY SON....please help!!...

[whir]

Sirs i really respect you guys...but i have a great need of your help and expertise..ive been to broken family myself and i know its great suck to live in a broken family and i dont want my son to go through with that... please spare me... i dont deserver to be a dj..im just an average guy who desperately need some help from the ones who knows.. i know im being an afc..but at least im just being afc in front of you guys who i can trust and not being afc in front of a girl....im not begging in front of a girl but im begging to you guys for help..i know its againt to your honorable rule what im asking you.. actually its againts all mans pride... but for the sake of my son..please...spare me.... i dont deserve to be like you all i want want is a help for the sake of my son..from the guys whom i greatly respect and honored..

THE PAST STORY
my 2yr ltr broke up w\me recently and have a new guy and usuall i loose my focus and be came an afc for a while i beg and cry and stuff..she brushes me off everytime i called.then began study fellow dj's advices and damn it really work...(We have a loving 8year old son were not married,,,we have good times together but its bcoz of the stress of the financial problems that dastroy us apart..ive been a loving father and bf/husbund to her...)


so after ten days of not calling her(in that ten days my impression to her is still a wuss because that is the last impression she sees in me before i stopped calling her)..i called her and just be polite and indifferent..i said "i just called to have my dvd back that she borrowed from me...i said "im alright now no hard feelings and give my best wishes to her new relationship and project that i was really recovered and told her that im very busy with my friends and im doing ok with my life...she still dont want to hang the phone but i insist that..im going to office and stuff so i can't stay for long chat then i said bye.. i show to her my last impression is indifferent , idont give a fck anymore but never forget to be polite..


so 5 days after that she called(her voice is very sad)...she will give my dvd be back and she wants to meet somplace...i chnged her plans and said i have no time to meet somwhere elese..i told her she can live it to our house....or if Im not in there she just can give it to my brother...and she said ok..
when she arrived to our house i became polite give her drink and stuff and let her rest for a few minutes..i became infifferent with her ..and project that there is no grudges and no hard feelings... she asks how i am and told her that im going out with my friends... and everything is cool.. i can see her eyes are very near to crying and i said i shoould go...we went together in the gate and seperated...

2 days after that she called and she is crying...and her initial words to me..."I miss you"...she keep crying and stuff..and i showed to her that im poloite still cares and try not to be mean to her...try to make her laugh ..but always i always act indifferent.. and give her signs that my time is not for her..because... im going to my friends and stuff..i attempted many times to cut the calls but she refused... and try to be compassionate to her but always try to show to her taht im indifferent..and after a 20minute talk i said i have to leave..she waited me first to hang up..and i said you could called anytime she wants its no prob.. then i hang up..

now this this tis the catch.. i know i should not break down on that call bcoz it will be not challenging for her and i know maybe if i accept her in her initial... whimmpering she could go againts the realtionship in afew days...
bcoz im so easy and i did not imput much trauma to her... and by the way she just said she missed me..and said that how she regret that this happened to us...but she never mentioned that we should try it again or beg for forgiveness..she just dont talk much keep saying how he miss me all and that and cry and cry for the last 20minutes..she is not saying much...

so i think..she is not yet ripe... so i still avoid her and act indifferent bcoz she never mentioned that she wants to try or give another shot for the relationship..or beg for forgiveness.. but she is crying damn hell.. then i cut the call..
its been 5 days since that last call..and she never called me back..and im just waiting for her to do somthing more than just crying... i mean do somthing like begging or begging for forgiveness and beg for give her another chance..

CHAPTER2

any way i called her up on the six day and asking to give my book who has neil gaiman authograph on it...(but my real intentions are to show to her that im alright and been having fun without her)..bcoz i think i became too polite on that last phonecall and because since i tell her that i miss her too ..i think it gives her satifaction..so i want to take the power back again by showing to her that (i dont give a fck if i loose her)..well she agreed to meet up..

and this is that moment that really gives on how to get back ur ex back but i screw up( i think)..
we meet up and hang on the park we used to hang... i continue to talk about ive been so busy with my friends (and gladly find a new job)... i tell her all the fun times i have with my friends and all the carzy happy things.. i really show to her that im surviving and no hard feelings to what ever happend to us.. and man...she suddenly hug me in my back i told her(hey you shouldnt doing that you have a bf already)..but she just continue hugging on me..i sit beside her and she hugs me continuesly while her head is in my shoulder... well im trying to be polite and all i treat her like a friend so allow her tocontinue hugging me and i continue talking to her like a friend telling her stories like a friend..and all of sudden..she said...
you know what whir....
I'M STILL VERY VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH YOU ...and she burst out crying..and i play it cool and still drunk my beer...i let her cry on my shoulder and tell her...
WELL IF YOURE VERY VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH ME...HOW MANY "VERY's" DO YOU HAVE TO THIS GUY? 3 VERY's? and she laugh and slowly transform to heavy crying...and damn i made the most horroble mistake that tipsy guy could have..

i kissed her lips..she responded so pationately and damn it was a damn hot kiss that last for about 15 minutes on that park... so i thought it was a "go" signal for having her back ..but damn nooooo...
after we kissed... i told her could u look in my eye again and say i love you again...
and she did not do anything and just look to the ground and her face is sad (at this time i realized she is not into "getting us backtogether again" she just realized she still loves me and miss me so much but not into getting back or quiting the guy).. i was bit tipsy and loose my focus... and next thing i know i was pushing her to come back..and she was ignoring me and continue walking ... well i said "why r u so angry?... we meet up coz i want to end this relationship with no hard feelings and your suddenly became rude...she kept her silent and continue walking...
and i said "i was moving on! and letting go ! till you start that i really really love you so much whir crap!"and she was like: well move on! dont ever ever call me i will not speak to you for now on!and FORGET THAT I SAID ANYTHING!(im still very very in love with you whir)
and she ride the taxi and went...

CHAPTER3

its been almost a month since we last see each other.....
its been o month since we last met and its been 2 weeks sonce we spoke....and one day when i log in to my ym ,she is there..at first i ignore here..then she suddenly im me..asking how i am..ive been polite and all..try to avoid the break up matters deep relationship talk and try to push the coneversation to other things like the dogs that i give to her or about work and stuff...and she suddenly ask if i have som1 new..i said lets not talk about those kind of stuff..
HER:what is wrong? its not a bad thing to talk about it.
ME:there is no such thing as bad to talk about..
(suddenly my boss calls me so i have to say bye)

ME:ey got to go my boss is calling me
ME:take care
HER:take care too
HER:I miss you soooooooooo much
(i log off,but i dont think she received the message that i log off so she continue typing...and her last message became offline messages)
HER:I feel so ashamed to what ive done to you...

So i just want to ask what is in her mind right now?..
is she thinking to getting back again?
or she miss me and starting to see my value and want us to get back togeether but still doubtful to me because it might gamble her new realtionship to that guy when she is unsure to me?
IS SHE CONFUCED? i hope girls can reflect on this and translate to me what is she thinking and going through right now...

guys i hope i did not piss you off to this tread..you can punch me kick me or struck a knife in my head and spit on my face..and i will still take it like a man...and my respect for you will still never be change... please i need your help..thanx...

god bless

 

[everywomanshero]

HOLY SHYT MAN!!!!!!

The very fact that you bothered to type that out is oneitis!!!
HEre's the deal man: Forget this broad. If you let her back into
your life, the exact same sequence will likely repeat itself over and over and she'll have less respect for you than ever.You'll be miserable for even longer.

What you need to be concerned with ispaying child support. Try to find some reason that will keep her from pursuing child support. As far as the relationship, it's already doomed. Unfortunately, once all that lovy dovy crap is over what most women really want is your $$$$$. And Yes she's going to go on fancy vacations with her new lover, not buy lil johhny tennis shoes with it. Protect yourself bro. Stop thinking about her, and start thinking about yourself. You're going to need that cash for exotic vacations, a new car, and stuff that will make *you* happy so you don't worry about her anymore. It's time to move on, what she's thinking outside of how to get your $$$ is no longer relevant.

 

[whir]

ill already edit it..

 

[Nighthawk]

Neil Gaiman is cool. This girl is just fvcking you about because she doesn't like that you aren't interested anymore. As you say, if she was she'd apologize (for what?) and ask you to have her back. She is not 'unsure' about you - she knows you pretty well after two years. And what's this 'usualli I beg' stuff? How often does she dump you?

Btw, how do you have an 8 year old son out of a 2 yr ltr?

 

[amoka]

All this thesis is all about your personal gain, really. I did not see any benefits to your son in the posting. How about you try making your son happy although you and your ex are not staying together. Oh yeah, find someone else to fvck.

 

[donpepot]

she is in emtional spilling right now..her ego is bruised by your refusal to cave in to your basket xase when she tramples you... she said she misses you it means she is realizing your value..
but she is still in the state of my"i may change my mind later"..keep doing what your doing... let her beg or do the things for chance of getting her back..

 

[rocky_mtn]

For the sake of your son, learn how to write.

 

[MacDiddy]

Dude, your Ex has a better chance of finding stability with this new guy, and hence happiness... You need to move on. Getting her back will lead to more headaches... She will not treat you like when you first meet.

She's confused, because she is feeling guilt and a sense of what might have been... but believe me, she's not gonna give the new guy up, because with him, there is less painful memories than there are with you...

 

[donpepot]

She sounds like she doesnt know what she wants. The only thing you can do is leave her to it. She may want to come back in the future, but you want to do that of her own accord. Completely of her own accord. She isnt going to forget someone she was with for two years. A relationship that long carries memories with it for the rest of our lives.There really is a fundamental truth when people say dont contact her, she will come back if its right. It happens. You have NO CHOICE but to get on with your life like you have been doing.There really is nothing you can "do" because this is her choice.

Look who cares what she is thinking

Be nice when she talks to you, dont elude to how you are feeling just change the question. This drives women mental.

Figure out a way to segue way into going out for food or a movie..

Ex: hey are you going to see SUPERMAN? her: I was thinking about it.. You: why dont you grab us some tickets?

whatever im sure you know how tp ask her out.

Dont say anything let her show her cards.. if she asks..

1) do you love me still-- A: I care about you
2) Do you want to get back with me A; Im not sure right now

etc etc
if you can get her back to your place and bang her brains out you have probably got her back.

Ive actually used this before to get back with someone. And it worked..

 

[whir]

She sounds like she doesnt know what she wants. The only thing you can do is leave her to it. She may want to come back in the future, but you want to do that of her own accord. Completely of her own accord. She isnt going to forget someone she was with for two years. A relationship that long carries memories with it for the rest of our lives.There really is a fundamental truth when people say dont contact her, she will come back if its right. It happens. You have NO CHOICE but to get on with your life like you have been doing.There really is nothing you can "do" because this is her choice.

Look who cares what she is thinking

Be nice when she talks to you, dont elude to how you are feeling just change the question. This drives women mental.

Figure out a way to segue way into going out for food or a movie..

Ex: hey are you going to see SUPERMAN? her: I was thinking about it.. You: why dont you grab us some tickets?

whatever im sure you know how tp ask her out.

Dont say anything let her show her cards.. if she asks..

1) do you love me still-- A: I care about you
2) Do you want to get back with me A; Im not sure right now

etc etc
if you can get her back to your place and bang her brains out you have probably got her back.

Ive actually used this before to get back with someone. And it worked..

sir thank you very much to your advice..so what do you mean?should i call her?

 

[Embrace]

Btw, how do you have an 8 year old son out of a 2 yr ltr?

:crackup:

 

[DonJuanForever]

whir, very funny post, I'm sorry. But no.......

There's a lot of things wrong with this relationship. Number one, you have no life and thus, are not whole and clingy. And number two, she's knows you are clingy and have no life, that's why she left you.

You don't think you can get other women, you don't think you are attractive, I can tell by the way you handle this situation. See whir, what makes a man attractive is how his mind is set. How his mind is set, determines his behaviors, how he behaves, determines his attraction level.

After you understand this problem, reply, and I will tell you how to set your mind so you can start thinking like an attractive guy, and begin doing the behaviors they do naturally, which will make you a natural.

Here's what's currently happening.

You don't have a social life outside of her, honestly. After you guys broke it off and you were playing her for a while, she came back to you to SEE IF IT WAS TRUE. She wanted to see your behaviors, your attitude, etc. You see whir, if you REALLY HAD a social life with all these women and what not, your behavior with her would have been different. She kept on coming back at you during that time to TEST YOU, to see if it was true. When you became clingy again in the park, she knew that you were lying about the whole thing, that's why she walked off. Dishonesty is a woman's most hated trait.

If you want to know what started this, and why she left you in the first place, welllll.....it's because of your behavior. I bet at first, you thought similar to how an attractive guy would think, so you behaved differently. Then you slowly began thinking other things, so your behavior changed.

All that a man is......is what and how he thinks, because how he thinks, is how he behaves. Women are attracted to a guy because of his behavior, not his don juan skills (wtf is that anyway but some guy's religion?)

Whir, reply to this post. Tell me do you understand why this happened and is happening, and I will give you a solution.

DJF

 

[DonJuanForever]

And whir, night hawk asked a great question. An 8 year old out of a 2 year ltr? Explain that........

 

[whir]

sorry with that..i mean 8mo...sorry to my english

 

[whir]

and i dont cling on her

 

[superchristx]

I will assume that it is important to you to be an active part of your son's life. The most important thing you can do for him is to be a positive MASCULINE role model in his life. Don't insult his mom behind her back, show negativity, sadness or weakness. Don't try to change or mould him, just live YOUR life the way you would want him to live HIS. It's his natural job to imitate you. His mom will teach him to be emotionally volatile and dependant, you need to show him stability and how not to care what anyone thinks.

If you must live with this woman and your son, establish total dominance. Never take her sh!t, never get angry, never raise your voice, never let her inspire negative emotion in you. ALWAYS be ready, in your heart, to leave and never come back to her, if she crosses the line. She can look into your eyes and see it when this is true. You have an obligation to show your son what it means to be a man, without pressuring him or manipulating him, or trying to turn him against his own mother.

Because basically you are choosing to take a devil, a vicious dog into your house. You can only keep a vicious dog as a pet, NEVER as a cohabitant or equal.

 

[whir]

A meesage for donjuanforever..

whir, very funny post, I'm sorry. But no.......

There's a lot of things wrong with this relationship. Number one, you have no life and thus, are not whole and clingy. And number two, she's knows you are clingy and have no life, that's why she left you.

You don't think you can get other women, you don't think you are attractive, I can tell by the way you handle this situation. See whir, what makes a man attractive is how his mind is set. How his mind is set, determines his behaviors, how he behaves, determines his attraction level.

After you understand this problem, reply, and I will tell you how to set your mind so you can start thinking like an attractive guy, and begin doing the behaviors they do naturally, which will make you a natural.

Here's what's currently happening.

You don't have a social life outside of her, honestly. After you guys broke it off and you were playing her for a while, she came back to you to SEE IF IT WAS TRUE. She wanted to see your behaviors, your attitude, etc. You see whir, if you REALLY HAD a social life with all these women and what not, your behavior with her would have been different. She kept on coming back at you during that time to TEST YOU, to see if it was true. When you became clingy again in the park, she knew that you were lying about the whole thing, that's why she walked off. Dishonesty is a woman's most hated trait.

If you want to know what started this, and why she left you in the first place, welllll.....it's because of your behavior. I bet at first, you thought similar to how an attractive guy would think, so you behaved differently. Then you slowly began thinking other things, so your behavior changed.

All that a man is......is what and how he thinks, because how he thinks, is how he behaves. Women are attracted to a guy because of his behavior, not his don juan skills (wtf is that anyway but some guy's religion?)

Whir, reply to this post. Tell me do you understand why this happened and is happening, and I will give you a solution.

DJF

sir yes i understand it now...sorry if i did not absorb much what you said at first..maybe bcoz im too emotionally upset... but when i read it on the second time...i really get it...yah i admit when she found out that i she still has the string on me at the park when i break down i looose her respect to me...actually i read jariels post about "how to handle being dump stood or rejected" so i play games for a while and it work...
Sir i really appreciate your time..and i truely understand what your saying by now... so what should i do now sir?...

thank you very much donjuanforever...its an honor for me that your assisting me on this...

 

[grinder]

DonJuanForever nailed it: You have GOT to get a life outside of her. Otherwise she owns you and believe me she knows it. The most important thing in all of this is what to do about the kid? If you choose to stay involved in his life then you will have to deal with her for 20 freaking years! Can you handle that? I don't advocate ditching responsibility for kids, but hey, she left you and her kid now has a new father figure. Are you using the kid as an excuse to capitulate to her?

Get a social life, figure out what you want to really do about the kid, THEN make some decisions. Talking to her now will only cloud your thinking. Dealing with her in ANY way will screw with your head right now. Take your time deciding this as the decisions you make now will last a LONG LONG time.

 

[whir]

still no sign of donjuanforver...

 

[d9930380]

In a roundabout way donjuanforver is basically saying that you should get a life. Have friends, go out, do stuff. I bet you got comfortable after a year or so and started staying in etc and playing "happy" families. You got comfortable, she probably got freaked out and realised that the REST of her life would be like that and got scared that her life was over.

Go back to being the guy she fancied in the first place. The kid will keep you in contact and DON'T look/think to get back with her for at least 6 months (although watch the guy situation carefully so she doesn't move on - that's a tough one). She will be back. Then when she is back, DON'T get comfortable.