For my own good I'm writing her a goodbye email

[Ricky]

Sometimes I feel like the AFC at the end of Swingers.

Yeah I've tried to call her but only a few times.

I'm writing her a goodbye email tomorrow and I want to get in as many of my thoughts as possible. I did this once in the past and I felt pretty damn good about it actually. I can still laugh about it (it is actually on this site somewhere). I felt like I was dropping a bomb when I hit send.

I haven't formulated it perfectly but it will go like this. I want to keep an element of class in it, but also allow for closure for me.

Dear (insert her name)

I am writing this to say that our experiment with friendship after our breakup isn't good for me. For some reason I created an ideal of you that you simply couldn't live up to. To me the way you ended it so abruptly was just an example of the flakiness that is common among women who are spoiled and expect a guy to put them on a pedestal. You are lucky todays man is so feminized, but you will hate yourself if you spend time with a guy who idealizes you where you know in your heart you don't deserve it.

Your friends say you are a control freak or overbearing. I disagree. I see alot of potential in you, but you are afraid of change. On one hand I can't blame you, moving across the country would have been a big move for you. In the end you will stay in your small corner of the universe. Time will tell if that was the correct choice or not.

For your professional development I think you should expand your borders and embrace change. So few people do nowadays.

You expressed insecurity to me sometimes, I hope you can overcome this. One day if you once again meet a guy who has his **** together, maybe you won't feel like he is "out of your league" like the impression you gave me.

It was great knowing you. This is the end. If we see each other again one day, please smile. I'll be happy and when you see me with someone, don't feel scared to say hello.

Until we meet again,

Ricky

 

[ApocalypseCow2]

I've written similar emails in the past, and have always regretted it. It's really just a passive agressive way of lashing out at the girl, and it definitely makes you look pathetic since you're still spending time on a girl that is no longer interested in you.

My advice: skip the email and move on.

 

[Slickster]

No offense Rick but as I read that letter I was cringing. You sound bitter, condesending, and immature. She'll see right thru it and know that you are hurt and still hopelessly AFC over her.

Why give her the satisfaction of contacting her again. You want closure? Then close the F-ing Door and never talk to her again.

You have closure with her.

You need closure with yourself.

Sending that letter won't help.

Don't send that letter. Just let go man.

 

[DJDamage]

You are prolonging the breakup Ricky by sending her this email. Once its over, it should be done with. Everything that ever needed to be said should have been said the day the breakup actually occured.

Sending her this email just validates to her that you still want to be with her. Your email contains alot of logical wise thoughts that cover up your still hurtful emotions. Deep down you are in denial that its over and you are trying to put a front of acceptence. But in reality you are hoping that something might happen that will change her mind towards you. Deep down you hope that she will contact you and say something nice and positive as well. This will lead you to the path of more frustrations and dissapointments because you are putting this breakup on life support instead of burying it forever.

Let this one go Ricky and find another one.

 

[Chrispy]

Sounding like part of the herd, I agree with what everyone has to say. How about write the email but send it to your self and delete it. IT does no good sending it to her. It's already ended so there's no need to say more. You'll be stronger if you just leave it as it was and move on.

 

[Paratrooper51]

Dont do it

Dont send that crap man, seriously. It takes more of a man to just say screw it and walk away. Just leave man. There are over 2 billion more women on this planet, and she's just one. Do whatever it takes to get your mind off and eventually she'll just be another ***** that you used to be interested in. Walking away will be embarrassing to her, TRUST me. my 2

 

[penkitten]

NO
RICKY DONT SEND IT !@@!!


its not worth it.

 

[So Many Ways]

I've never written a letter like that to a chick but I had one written to me by a female I abruptly broke up with a few years back.

I read the letter, laughed, then I showed it to my boys and we all got a laugh at it.

It sounds cruel and in hindsight it was, but don't be suprised if she reacts that way to your letter.

My recommendation would be not to send it.

 

[Bonhomme]

Don't Do It

Just .... forget .... her.

Do not contact her. Period.

If she calls you, let it go to voice mail.

I was thinking to tell her matter-of-factly you just don't want to keep in touch, but even that shows too much concern. Not replying at all may likewise.

If you reply to any attempt of hers to contact you, the best thing to do is wait at least 3 days, and send her a very, dull, commonplace email telling her very briefly what you've been up to. Just like you lose touch with any other acquaintance you would reply to just out of a sense of common courtesy. To quote Mike Tyson, just let her just fade into Bolivian....

 

[The DomMega]

There's no way in hell I'd ever send something like that. No words, no communication, just a clean break is what you should do. Your putting too much of your feelings and emotion on your sleeve for her to see. In the longrun its going to make you appear soft and weak. If she means this little to you, then just kill it abruptly. Nothing needs to be said anyway. What do you care if she knows why you two don't speak anymore?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I vomited after reading the second paragraph!!!! Do not send - she is expecting this from you!!! Don't give her the satisfaction!!!


It's over kid, face it!!!! She doesn't need your letter to tell her this!!!! Never become friends with a girl you want romantically!!!

This is your fault for being in limbo of nothingness!!!!!!!

 

[Ricky]

Well good news I didn't send it.

Bad news is I thought of it.

If I had a crystal ball last December when I had 3 girls I was dating and had seen that I would end up like this over 1 girl of the 3 I would have freaked out.

If I had only gone with my gut instinct. Instead during the seduction of her I seduced myself. It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever done. It was fun though actually great fun.

I realize I get pretty damn needy after a while in a relationship. I'm good at the beginning probably more so because Im really busy.

 

[scordate]

ouch ouch ouch I feel for and with you

however - sending that email / letter is a big no-no and a sincere mistake IMHO

i agree with every comments made so far

Like the Godfather: "YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN !"

I think you should get her face to face and say;
"listen this is obviously not working for neither of us, and i think its time to move on, and no; there is nothing you can say or do that can change my mind", then raise your glass of nice cool chablais and say "here's looking at you kid", empty the glass, leave the room, not looking back, no touching, no hugging

whenever you meet again, treat her with polite distance; you dont need a reputation for not being able to meet past GF's without a grand scene

and for gawds sake; get out there dating, if not with your heart, then just to get back on the horse

/ scordate

 

[BigDawg]

Yeah, Ricky, don't send it. It's not worth it. It really sounds like getting her out of your system is going to take longer than you'd hoped. No surprise there, because she meant so much to you. But doing something like this is just going to prolong your suffering, and may generate some bad blood in the process. The hard part of this for you is just learning to let go. But it does get easier over time. In a couple of months, you'll realize that you spend less and less time thinking about her, and the pain and frustration will just be memories.


Sorry, I only realized just now that I posted here after you said you weren't going to send it. Ah well. This is unsolicited advice, so it doesn't cost anything. Cheers

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Forget the email and go out and get laid.

 

[Gravyboat]

Glad you didn't send it.

I have to agree with Chrispy here--write it but don't send it. You'll feel better simply by getting your thoughts down, and uncluttering your brain.

I did the same thing once when I was 20. I E-mailed a "closure" letter to my girlfriend after she broke up with me. But instead of closure, I got an angry reply telling me it wasn't fair for ME to get to have a final letter without her getting to respond.

So it continued back and forth, and nothing I had originally envisioned was accomplished--it just prolonged the memory and the awkward dialogue.

Consider your written, unsent E-mail part of your journal as a means to vent, and move on. It actually works pretty well.

 

[Ricky]

Fransico I do need to go out and get laid.

Just so much easier to get laid on the side when you already have one gf. Crazy.

 

[Vince]

Maybe it would be better just to write the letter, put it in an envelope and don't mail it--keep it for yourself. Then, months later open it up, read it, throw it away, and be happy that you didn't send it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Ricky
Fransico I do need to go out and get laid.

Just so much easier to get laid on the side when you already have one gf. Crazy.

This is because your attitude is difference when you are dating someone. You havef more confidence and less desperation (if any). Have that attitude when you are single and you will have more success in finding part time partners.

 

[Ricky]

Is there a good NLP technique for feeling as good and confident with women as you do when you already have a girlfriend.,

I think the way I'll do it is to visualize past triumphs and think of a group of smiling women around me.