Well,that just seems how things have ended up. I mean, I don't know how to put it into words. It's like I almost enjoy beating myself up like this. Or maybe not enjoy, but that's all I know how to feel. Or, I am so blinded by this, I can't even see opportunities. I feel,although I did go to school for a semester,that in my own personal/social life, very little has been accomplished. I mean seriously, I realize what I do, in that I come on here and complain, but I guess that's cause I don't know, perhaps I am trying to find some way around it. Or it is some sort of inner confliction.
I feel I should be more experienced, should know this much, should have dated more,had more sex, been more experienced, or at least gotten a roll on things sooner,like around 18,19,20. Or is there even a set age? Am I just listening to the wrong things in life? Have I just not put in enough. All the questions.
See, as for the proposed challenge,I do it all the time. I go up to people, and talk to them. Sure, it's work, but for some reason, I can't transfer that into other aspects of my life. This stem's from a fear. It was at one point a fear of someone finding out I was a virgin, I am not, but it has been a long time since I have had sex. This has become something else. A constant emptiness.
I mean, I am worried I have a masculinity problem. This goes to something other than just not getting laid. Like this emotional problem has given way to a darker,angrier,uglier side to me where I just can't seemingly put anything together.