For all those who got dumped and hoping for a chance to get back.

[GS750]

I have to say this coz u muthafvxkers who go NC are secretly hoping she comes back!!!! Wtf??? Are you fvcking serious ? It's done. Pretend she died in a plane crash. Move forward and on!! Forget her . No second chance !!

I agree with that. No Contact should not be used as a ploy to get anyone back. That's lame as hell. NC is for you. If she thinks that you ignoring her is immature, rude, whateverthefvck...doesn't matter what she thinks. What I'm saying is not every situation is black or white. Maybe she will attempt to come back at some point...as a result of NC, or as a result of another guy fvcking up, or she regrets leaving you. If she does come back, you certainly have the option to consider taking her back. You have the option to keep walking and not give her the time of day. Every situation is different. But, as a result of NC, you won't care either way after a certain anount of time has passed if you never hear from her again. But yes, forgetting her and moving on with your life is the goal of NC.

My personal situation; I'm at 70+ days NC. I lost fvcking count. I do not care if she HATES me for ignoring her...though it's more likely that she doesn't. NC had to be implemented to cut those ties and for me to move on. Friends with exes, in my opinion, is total BS. Yeah it benefits her in many ways but doesn't benefit the guy at all. I'm at the point where if I never see or hear from her again I'm okay with that. She made the decision to end the relationship, though I do accept some of the blame. She made the decision to jump onto another guy's d*ck right away. But I made the decision to reject her idea that we could still be in contact and walked away. Not once did I think that using NC would bring her back. I did it for me.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

If you were with her for any significant (even just a few months) period of time and you could tell that her emotions were engaged with you, like she would gush and gush and just be obsessive about you, then she'll reach out eventually. Guaranteed. Women who are intimate with men who they were in love with for any period of time do not disappear forever.

When she gets in touch, just assume it's because she wants to see you and say, "Hey, great to hear from you. When are you free to get together?"

If she tells you when she's free, you invite her over to your place and tell her to bring wine. She's got work to do to win you over again. She's got to invest before you do. Make sure you seduce her and seal the deal. If she won't come over, say that it's been a long week and you'd just like to chill at home but if she doesn't want to, she should get back to you in a couple of weeks and maybe you'd be up for something more formal then (takeaway). Of course when she tries again, you give her the exact same routine (come over to your place). She has to be willing to make the effort.

If she won't make a date or makes excuses tell her to check her calendar and let her know when she's free and end the conversation. Ask her on 2 consecutive occasions and then never bring up getting together again until she brings it up first. She'll either stop contacting you or bring it up herself.

You've got the tools to reattract her, because at some point - if she is seeing another dude - he's going to screw up.

Good call. Just to reiterate your point too, I had this happen to me a few years ago with a girl I casually dated for 3 months. She just stopped getting in touch with me and I could sense she was drifting. I went no contact and moved on, and lo and behold she gchats me a month later saying she was sorry she went silent. She then was calling me every day, telling me how much she missed me, begging me to move out to DC with her (I live in the Midwest).

We both moved on but this does work. Maybe it will work in my present situation too, you never know the reason a girl goes into ghost mode. She could be with another guy, she may not want a relationship right then, or she may be making sure she wants to further invest in you. Girls are weird like that.

 

[GS750]

So you go No Initiated Contact instead (some call it ghost). If she reaches out, you reply at your convenience and keep it light. See where it goes, see if she makes some effort. NC is for when you want to cut someone out and likely never see them again. Ever.

 

[Stugots26]

People on this forum get hung up on the idea that "she dumped you" and get too prideful. The past does not have to equal the future. If a woman dumps you it's because of what she's feeling in the moment. It's an emotional response, typically.

If you don't react, and it's not because she's in another castle, then by all means her emotions can just as easily swing back in your favor if you go ghost and let her reach out to you and you make her work for it. It doesn't have to make you beta to entertain the idea of getting her back. You can grow and evolve in her absence and she'll remain exactly the same, and you can be that much stronger and in the frame upon her return.

It's not you winning her back or getting her back, you've got to think of it as her winning YOU back, and you being open to being convinced by her.

 

[GS750]

I agree. Not everything is black or white.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

People on this forum get hung up on the idea that "she dumped you" and get too prideful. The past does not have to equal the future. If a woman dumps you it's because of what she's feeling in the moment. It's an emotional response, typically.

If you don't react, and it's not because she's in another castle, then by all means her emotions can just as easily swing back in your favor if you go ghost and let her reach out to you and you make her work for it. It doesn't have to make you beta to entertain the idea of getting her back. You can grow and evolve in her absence and she'll remain exactly the same, and you can be that much stronger and in the frame upon her return.

It's not you winning her back or getting her back, you've got to think of it as her winning YOU back, and you being open to being convinced by her.

Thank you, beat me to it. A girl can have 101 different reasons for breaking up with you, none of them having anything to do with you. Lots of guys (including me in the past) take things too personally and just act too insecure and bitter after a girl dumps them. Now all situations are different, but there's no sense in letting a potential relationship or casual sex go to waste because of your pride.

Just grow up, don't take things too personally, and allow yourself to be happy. Life's too short to be angry.

 

[mikey2012]

I would never go back. Like you said life is too short . Plenty of options out there. Why have the baggage?

 

[captain55]

If you were with her for any significant (even just a few months) period of time and you could tell that her emotions were engaged with you, like she would gush and gush and just be obsessive about you, then she'll reach out eventually. Guaranteed. Women who are intimate with men who they were in love with for any period of time do not disappear forever.

When she gets in touch, just assume it's because she wants to see you and say, "Hey, great to hear from you. When are you free to get together?"

If she tells you when she's free, you invite her over to your place and tell her to bring wine. She's got work to do to win you over again. She's got to invest before you do. Make sure you seduce her and seal the deal. If she won't come over, say that it's been a long week and you'd just like to chill at home but if she doesn't want to, she should get back to you in a couple of weeks and maybe you'd be up for something more formal then (takeaway). Of course when she tries again, you give her the exact same routine (come over to your place). She has to be willing to make the effort.

If she won't make a date or makes excuses tell her to check her calendar and let her know when she's free and end the conversation. Ask her on 2 consecutive occasions and then never bring up getting together again until she brings it up first. She'll either stop contacting you or bring it up herself.

You've got the tools to reattract her, because at some point - if she is seeing another dude - he's going to screw up.

I would say that the stronger the initial attraction was, the less likely she is to get feelings for you again if she was the one who initiated the breakup. Novelty is just a huge part of the sexual attraction and once it's done its usually done. I personally have never been able to turn an ex into friends with benefits unless I was the one who left her, or she left me for cheating.

 

[mikey2012]

I would say that the stronger the initial attraction was, the less likely she is to get feelings for you again if she was the one who initiated the breakup. Novelty is just a huge part of the sexual attraction and once it's done its usually done. I personally have never been able to turn an ex into friends with benefits unless I was the one who left her, or she left me for cheating.

Maybe she wasn't really into you .

Then that applies to everyone "she" meets . All are bound to have strong initial attraction otherwise she would not get with them in the first place. Girls don't just get with a guy they don't really like.

 

[captain55]

Maybe she wasn't really into you .

Then that applies to everyone "she" meets . All are bound to have strong initial attraction otherwise she would not get with them in the first place. Girls don't just get with a guy they don't really like.

Not into me?

- when i asked her why she waited three weeks to have sex with me she said she wanted to be sure it wasn't just physical
- i made out with her within the first 20 minutes of knowing her, so its not like she was never physically attracted to me and I grew on her. Nope i was in the parking lot with this chick within an hour of meeting her.
- used to get extremely wet around me the moment i even touched her leg haha, hell I think the smell of my shirt even got her off-
- wanted my babies and tried to get pregnant with me

-randomly lost feelings for me out of nowhere the last three weeks of the relationship. Saw me a month and a half later post breakup and texted me after saying there was nothing there.

I know she was a legitimate cluster b borderline, maybe that had something to do with it.

 

[GS750]

Borderlines are into you BIG TIME. Almost too much too quick. But they will find someone else that they are into just as much...just as fast.

 

[Tictac]

Last year, I dated a Brazilian chick - 6' tall, built like a brick house, horny as Hell and clearly borderline. Early in, she told me that she was worried about herself because her relationships never seems to last more than 4 months.

And we 'lasted' almost 4 months to the week.

But what a four months it was!

 

[captain55]

If you were with her for any significant (even just a few months) period of time and you could tell that her emotions were engaged with you, like she would gush and gush and just be obsessive about you, then she'll reach out eventually. Guaranteed. Women who are intimate with men who they were in love with for any period of time do not disappear forever.

When she gets in touch, just assume it's because she wants to see you and say, "Hey, great to hear from you. When are you free to get together?"

If she tells you when she's free, you invite her over to your place and tell her to bring wine. She's got work to do to win you over again. She's got to invest before you do. Make sure you seduce her and seal the deal. If she won't come over, say that it's been a long week and you'd just like to chill at home but if she doesn't want to, she should get back to you in a couple of weeks and maybe you'd be up for something more formal then (takeaway). Of course when she tries again, you give her the exact same routine (come over to your place). She has to be willing to make the effort.

If she won't make a date or makes excuses tell her to check her calendar and let her know when she's free and end the conversation. Ask her on 2 consecutive occasions and then never bring up getting together again until she brings it up first. She'll either stop contacting you or bring it up herself.

You've got the tools to reattract her, because at some point - if she is seeing another dude - he's going to screw up.

This does not work 90% of the time. Once a girl loses feelings/attraction to you and decides you were a mistake, she almost never gets the attraction back.

This is why I would never go meet an ex to simply "hang out", while I sit around hoping she feels that spark again. Its not going to come back.. been there done that

 

[captain55]

Last year, I dated a Brazilian chick - 6' tall, built like a brick house, horny as Hell and clearly borderline. Early in, she told me that she was worried about herself because her relationships never seems to last more than 4 months.

And we 'lasted' almost 4 months to the week.

But what a four months it was!

wierd...thats funny my BPD ex and I lasted 3 months and 25 days or something lol. Why did she break up with you just curious.

 

[Tictac]

wierd...thats funny my BPD ex and I lasted 3 months and 25 days or something lol. Why did she break up with you just curious.

_________

Cap,

She got all torqued that I still had my profile up on Match.com and 'called me out'. I told her it was no big deal.

From there, she went off.

From the beginning, it was clear that something would set her off. And while I miss her sometimes, trying to fix crazy is always a bad deal.